The Silver Lining Isn’t Gold-Pressed Latinum

If you haven’t visited the forum you should. If you think you can just coast in your marriage or cheat and get away with it, this thread will set you straight.  Lots of reality impacting and several people sharing both sides of being proximal to the really bad stuff. Some of my stuff is in there too, and I’m emotionally raw enough for today I can’t bring myself to cut and paste it all and re-write it to a coherent post. If you wanna know, go read the forum.

That being said, MMSL is a good side effect of me having been a bad person. I’ve spent a lot of time today wondering about the roads not taken, and how life would be different now. If I could rewind the clock and choose again, where would I be now? How many marriages need to be saved by MMSL, to justify having gotten myself mired in an EA that propelled me into making MMSL? If I turned back the clock, what would I choose to do?

It takes a little while to get there, but watch anyway…

So anyway, in the show Picard side steps the incident with the Nausicaan. But as time skips ahead showing him in his career as a Junior Grade Lieutenant… four ranks below Captain.

So in the end, that foolish mistake turns out to be the making of Picard.

So anyway, part of me is completely down with the logic that alls well that ends well and everything is doubleplusgood for my side trip mapping the dark side. It would be logical to not mess with the timeline. So very very logical…

Jennifer:  You are so hard on yourself…we both made mistakes, and we both learned from them.  In a strange way we wouldn’t be where we are now if we had not gone through both the good and bad times.  We win as a team, we lose as a team.  And it’s hard to read comments from people who alternately slam you for having too perfect of a marriage (therefore how can you give advice to those who don’t have fabulous marriages?) and slam you for making mistakes in your marriage and not having a perfect marriage. Oy. You can’t have it both ways, people. (Am I allowed to rant at your readers? I’m usually so mild-mannered…)


  1. Good decisions come from experience…experience comes from making bad decisions.

  2. Athol: Jennifer is right, stop being so hard on yourself. But easier said than done, eh? Thank you for this website and your book. You solved 7 years of a puzzle for us. I’m not sure if we could have continued the way we were going.

    Jennifer: Thank you, too. Athol is a ridiculously lucky guy. I’m glad you commented in this one, we’ve missed your commentary lately. A rant is probably well deserved by some, lol.

  3. enlightened1 says:

    I am what I have overcome.

  4. There are too few men like Athol. It seems that they are both fortunate to have each other. To only say that Athol is lucky to have her is imbalanced at best.

  5. @Alpha Mission: Indeed, I stand corrected, they both are.

  6. We win as a team, we lose as a team.
    This is so true! Smart woman.

  7. I’m sorry that posting the details of your experience “near the edge” left you so raw.
    I can only imagine, because I feel too vulnerable to post my story of how things almost went very wrong.

    I thought highly of you and Jennifer before, but now even more so. I didn’t know people slam you for having a too-perfect marriage as well as an imperfect one! The best advice-givers have all been on the edge or in the pit themselves. Duh, people.
    Dave Ramsey had lost everything in bankruptcy. That’s why he has such a heart for people who are there.
    Who would you rather take diet advice from: someone who’s been naturally thin and perfect their whole lives or someone who let themselves go and pulled themselves back up to fitness?

  8. Just read that forum post. That just hurts to read. I hope he appreciates life in a whole new way, because he and the adulterous woman deserved death for that, and in another place and time would have gotten it. I also hope the husband of the cheating wife finds the red pill. Better late than never.

  9. @Jennifer “(Am I allowed to rant at your readers? I’m usually so mild-mannered…)”

    whoa… calm down Jennifer, it is going to be ok… you’re scaring us.

  10. Your past has enabled you to be the man who is helping so many others. JLP’s story is a good parable: attend to it. Stop worrying about your past. You can’t change it, and even if you could, it would change who you are now, and I don’t think any of us want that, least of all Jennifer. The knowledge of your dark side likely gives her some tingles that would be lessened or absent had you not gone through those times the way you did.

  11. Real learning comes from making mistakes, recognizing it, and then correcting yourself for the better.

    I’d say you’ve done that in spades.

    Now keep it up, make a mint from your seminars, get the rest of those books written and pay off the damn house.

  12. Ok so since he was in a full blown affair what would have made him stop as far as something his wife could of done? Would her getting into shape have stopped it? Considering that would have taken time on her part what else could she have done? Anything? He said the other womans husband could have beat him up and threatened to kick her out and he *probably* would have stopped.What could his own wife have done to make him put a stop to it and return to being faithful to her alone?

  13. Jack LaLanne was a fitness guru because he felt like a failure for not doing more to help his dad’s failing health. He was one of the best motivators around because of what he lost.

  14. I’ve often said that we are the sum of all our past experiences, good or bad; they make us who we are in the present. Athol and Jennifer both have contributed to the mending of many relationships because of what they endured together. I believe that speaks volumes. Thank you.

  15. I shouldn’t had read that thread I was lucky enough that my father never cheated on my mother and unlucky enough that almost everyone else I knew from 6 till 30 did. All sorts of ugly outcomes I could write a book about. Many good friend’s lives destroyed from the children to the wife, so much pain and destruction…I can’t believe some people still don’t get it, is never worth it. Lizard brain is a powerful bitch.

  16. All I’m going to say is thank God you made the mistakes you did. If you hadn’t you would not have created MMSL and my life would still be a total sh!thole right now. I would probably be divorced or even worse still married and enduring what was a hellish relationship. Because of MMSL and your and Jennifer’s mistakes my marriage, life and family is on a serious upswing and getting better every day. Athiest or not, you my friend are a Godsend!

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