What Your Partner Reading MMSL Really Means

So you either found your husband or wife reading MMSL, or they told you about it. If you’re mad as hell, or freaking out about it, this post is for you.


(1)  It’s okay to be mad. Being mad about finding my material in your spouse’s possession is a completely normal reaction. What you’re experiencing though is more properly called the “flight or fight” response, meaning you’re not so much angry, as you’re feeling threatened. MMSL covers some happy stuff and some very dark topics, so your first few glances at MMSL might truly freak you out as to what your partner is reading and planning to do.

(2)  Your partner came to MMSL with a serious relationship concern. I don’t have some massive advertising campaign dragging in people off the street, your partner found me by sitting down in front of the computer and starting to search for an answer to their relationship concern. That problem pre-existed them looking for MMSL. If your partner came to MMSL, don’t kid yourself, you have a serious relationship issue happening right now.

(3)  Good news. Your partner went looking for a solution to the problem online. Often the problem is sexual in nature and they went looking online, instead of simply searching out a more practical and immediate sexual experience with someone else. Your partner came here to research a solution and not to cheat or end things.

(4)  If you’ve noticed recent positive improvements in your relationship, that may very well be related to your partner finding MMSL and applying the advice here. Your partner might also be acting more confident and self-assured. They also have probably started working out and are looking better too.

(5)  Very often when people come looking for a solution to their relationship problem, the problem has existed for a while, but it’s the existence of a potential affair partner that brings it into a crisis point. MMSL has a very strong anti-cheating approach to working on your marriage. An affair just needlessly complicates recovering a marriage, and an affair typically implodes anyway during a divorce process. Very often MMSL readers detach themselves from potential affairs in favor of working on the marriage.

(6)  The other thing that pushes relationships to a crisis point is one partner starting to give up on the marriage and start actively thinking about divorce. MMSL gives a plan of action to correct things. Likewise running the MAP slows the rush to divorce down and creates a plan of action to hopefully fix the relationship issue before divorce is seriously considered.

(7)  Wives in particular tell their husbands about MMSL as a fair warning of impending doom. If you are such a husband you need to take her telling you about MMSL as the first, best and potentially last warning you will ever get from her that your marriage is in serious trouble. Often husbands are totally shocked when what they thought was a happy marriage is cut off at the kness by divorce paperwork, or discovery of her deep involvement with another man. Maybe 10-15% of wives give a seriously blunt statement of unhappiness to their husbands before taking dramatic action. If your wife tells you about MMSL, she’s giving you a gift.

So what to do now…

(1)  You can read the blog in it’s entirety, starting back in January 2010, or the better option is to buy the MMSL Primer on Amazon and get all caught up in a day or so.

(2)  Start talking with your partner about how bad, the “bad” really is.

(3)  Join the forum. Hundreds of helpful people are there turning things around too.

(4)  Start working out. If you’re in bad physical shape, fitness is going to be a major thing you need to work on over the coming months.

(5)  If there is any hint of your partner having an inappropriate involvement, demand that they break off all contact with the other person. That’s absolutely critical to you fixing things for yourself.

A final warning…

MMSL is powerful. I know that sounds like I’m tooting my own horn, but it really is genuinely powerful. I’ve seen some remarkable turnarounds in relationships, so there is hope. I have also seen some relationships end as well. However, MMSL tends to be a polarizing influence, relationships get a lot better, or head toward resolution. So consider that you have a time limit to get yourself in motion.

We do better on the win column than the loss column though. A lot better.

And seriously, buy the book. It’s well worth it.


  1. I stumbled on Athol’s site about 20 months ago after my wife started using the divorce word way too much. Sex had become non-existent and the fighting was almost continuous at that point. I was seriously having thoughts about leaving when she announced feelings for another man. I dug into it and put a quick end to that almost affair but that was just the beginning. After much therapy and reading and researching MMSL we’ve turned things around.

    When she saw me reading this blog in the midst of our problems, she was very open to it. First she said that Athol’s full of crap! Then she started agreeing with much of what was said here and now we are both avid readers and followers. This stuff works! Buy the book!

  2. Count me as one who found my husband reading the book/blog, gave it a look, and said “That Athol guy is a total asshole!”

    Never been happier….

  3. Thanks guys… I keep forgeting that I’m offensive :-D

  4. Only to women, until they figure out it’s just a disguise.

  5. Wow, what an inspirational post, Athol!

    You should make it a stick, better yet put a Read This First button at the top of the page.

    And to anyone new to MMSL who is reading this: BUY THE DAMN BOOK! It’s well worth the money! (Better yet, buy the Kindle version,this is a good book to be able to search thru.)

  6. I’m not married…but I was getting tired of doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. The biggest issue I had was that I knew there was a problem but I had no clue what the solution was.

    Turns out in blue pill land…I did everything to kill a woman’s initial attraction in me. Being indecisive, putting them on a pedestal, having no control of frame, terrible mindset and body language…you name it, I had it. It’s not easy to almost completely overhaul your personality…but I’m starting to see the results.

  7. Charlotte Allen says:

    I read MMSL for pure entertainment, as I’ve been married for 24 years to a man I adore. He’s a natural alpha who had a string of gorgeous girlfriends before he picked me for some reason (I was a greater beta at best, although thanks to excellent genes, I’m an alpha for an old lady). So, alas, neither he nor I need the handbook. But I sure do enjoy the blog!

  8. Trimegistus says:

    I’m in about the same position as Dude, above. The marriage was stable, I do love my wife, but I was feeling dissatisfied. Cheated — I was doing everything the world told me I was supposed to do, but there wasn’t enough sex and my wife seemed passive. I doubt it would have gone to divorce — my wife and I are both too stubborn to quit — but without what I’ve learned here I would undoubtedly be turning steadily more bitter and disappointed.

  9. So, Trimegistu- DID you cheat?

    And is your marriage getting better?

    How long have you been working at it?

  10. I was one of the wives that found MMSL first and showed my husband. I’d have to say similar to Trimegistus in that I don’t know if our marriage would have gone to divorce; we were more friends than lovers and dissatisfied to the point something needed to change. Our second copy of the book just arrived as my husband wants to read through it again and we gave our copy to our son. Our daughter also got a copy for her and her man on our recommendation as prevention more than fixing. It’s something we are passing down and sharing with our adult children. As soon as money permits we plan to keep a couple of copies on hand to give to anyone we feel needs it. Can’t say enough about MMSL and how much our lives and relationship have changed.

  11. I would hate it if my SO found out I was reading this site. I believe she thinks the changes I am making are coming from me and my own enlightenment, not from a book. I’m not bagging the primer at all, it’s great, but I think my wife knowing about it would possibly undo all the work I’ve done. Plus her being aware about what I’m doing and why would probably lower the effect it was having. Just my opinion of course.

  12. Joe_Commenter says:

    MMSL is so awesome. It revolutionized my marriage. Married for 24 years. Love my wife / she loves me. The sex was decent/adequate/boring. And my wife seemed to resent having to give it up periodically. We didn’t argue very much. But still, something was missing.

    Read the blog, which lead to buying the book. The book is well worth the money.

    Now, after 6 months, I am captain, my wife is first officer, the sex is great and frequent, with the F/O doing 25% of the initiating. Wife is really digging the submissive role, even tho she is a highly paid career woman. She is as happy as I have ever seen her. I am becoming more confident, bordering on arrogant sometimes. But now I know how to use my inner beta skills deliberately and at the right time to balance out the asshole side of me so that my wife understands how important she is to me.

    An unintended side effect of MMSL is that the confidence has bled over into my work persona. My female colleagues treat me much better and seem eager to defer to me now. This in turn garners me more respect from the men.

    Life is good. The funny thing is, I didn’t come to MMSL feeling desperate, or sad at all. I didn’t think we had a problem. There was no real conflict in our marriage. But now things are going really well. I am so glad I found this stuff. Thanks Athol!!!

  13. Metasteve says:

    Don’t think #2 is an ironclad rule.

    Found you by links from other game sites, and stayed for the excellent common sense postings.

    Marriage not in any trouble, but the advice here can easily improve an already good marriage.

    Bought the book, so as to pay my fair share.

    I want to give it to several adult children/nephews/friends that I think could use it, but I hate to meddle in other folks relationships…

  14. I found it through HUS, while dating and now that we are getting married I want to give the book(s) to the fiance! He’s a great guy, does so much of this naturally, but IMO these are lessons every man should know! I figure if he has the right information from the get go it makes it more likely that he won’t mess up (and we have a healthy marriage!)

    I’ve lost count how many times as a woman I’ve agreed with you Athol. Any woman that comes on here and bashes your words of wisdom is just fooling herself really. Keep up the awesome work!

  15. Um, I found the blog while searching for dirty stories to read, so I’m not sure what that says about search patterns and such! Been happily married for several years but was intrigued by the blog and bought the book. It’s already having positive affects in our marriage! Thanks, Athol!

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