Jennifer’s birthday is about here and she’s about to turn 40, forty, FOUR-TEE. So obviously I have to get her some awesome gift in celebration of her stellar achievement of breathing in and out for so long.
I got her some nice new pots and pans.
Now before half my female readers rage-quit on me, let me explain…
Jennifer has adopted my birthday present protocol that I’ve been running with for the last couple of years. You see three years ago I asked for a toaster. Not just any toaster, but a fairly nice toaster that we wouldn’t otherwise have purchased. I love my toaster. It’s great. Two years ago I asked for and got a really nice laundry hamper. Last birthday I got an amazingly squishy magic foam bathmat and I love it. The cat finds it disturbing to walk on for some reason and acts like it’s a spike filled fire pit, which isn’t all that funny until you watch it try and jump over it from the floor to the bath and fail badly. If Jennifer would let me I’d get the cat drunk and when it fell asleep I’d gently lay it on the bathmat just to watch it freak out as it woke up.
Anyway… we buy functional and beautiful items that we wouldn’t otherwise have.
So when I say Jennifer wanted a really good non-stick fry-pan, she really wanted a good non-stick fry-pan.
Jump in the car and off to Bed Bath and Beyond together. Looking looking looking and she finds what she wants and it’s not even crazy expensive plus we have a coupon. Whereupon I hunt around a little further and discover for twice the price, the same pan comes in a box of ten non-stick pots and pans of awesome. Admittedly four of those items are lids, so we’re really only talking about six pots and pans of awesome, but x2 price for x6 stuff is great. Into the cart with you. Jennifer complained it’s a little much, but I overruled her with my Male Dominance(TM). It’s after all a surprise and how would she know what she was getting anyway. Crap I left my wallet at home… honey…
Oh relax, it’s a joint checking account.
Anyway, we check out and start chatting back and forth about how when I write a post about it, someone is going to be mortified that I actually had the nerve to buy pots and pans of awesome for my wife’s fortieth birthday present. I’m expecting angry email about it even though I’ve just written a post explaining how we’ve started doing presents for each other. I mean I got a toaster for my fortieth birthday and her pots and pans of awesome cost three times my toaster. But you can bet some clam is going to read “POTS AND PANS THE A$$HOLE!!” fifty words into the post and just stop reading to go poleaxe her chump husband for not keeping the litterbox freshly scooped.
Besides, it’s not the pots and pans that should piss the women off. I also got her a bathroom scale.
Jennifer: OMG LMAO…he laughed waaaaayyy too much while writing this so I knew it was going to be good! Hey, I just cooked a fabulous omelette on my ceramic non-stick pans of loveliness…and he used a coupon…sigh…