Why I Bought My Wife Pots And Pans For Her 40th Birthday

Jennifer’s birthday is about here and she’s about to turn 40, forty, FOUR-TEE. So obviously I have to get her some awesome gift in celebration of her stellar achievement of breathing in and out for so long.


I got her some nice new pots and pans.

Now before half my female readers rage-quit on me, let me explain…

Jennifer has adopted my birthday present protocol that I’ve been running with for the last couple of years. You see three years ago I asked for a toaster. Not just any toaster, but a fairly nice toaster that we wouldn’t otherwise have purchased. I love my toaster. It’s great. Two years ago I asked for and got a really nice laundry hamper. Last birthday I got an amazingly squishy magic foam bathmat and I love it. The cat finds it disturbing to walk on for some reason and acts like it’s a spike filled fire pit, which isn’t all that funny until you watch it try and jump over it from the floor to the bath and fail badly. If Jennifer would let me I’d get the cat drunk and when it fell asleep I’d gently lay it on the bathmat just to watch it freak out as it woke up.

Anyway… we buy functional and beautiful items that we wouldn’t otherwise have.

So when I say Jennifer wanted a really good non-stick fry-pan, she really wanted a good non-stick fry-pan.

Jump in the car and off to Bed Bath and Beyond together. Looking looking looking and she finds what she wants and it’s not even crazy expensive plus we have a coupon. Whereupon I hunt around a little further and discover for twice the price, the same pan comes in a box of ten non-stick pots and pans of awesome. Admittedly four of those items are lids, so we’re really only talking about six pots and pans of awesome, but x2 price for x6 stuff is great. Into the cart with you. Jennifer complained it’s a little much, but I overruled her with my Male Dominance(TM). It’s after all a surprise and how would she know what she was getting anyway. Crap I left my wallet at home… honey…

Oh relax, it’s a joint checking account.

Anyway, we check out and start chatting back and forth about how when I write a post about it, someone is going to be mortified that I actually had the nerve to buy pots and pans of awesome for my wife’s fortieth birthday present. I’m expecting angry email about it even though I’ve just written a post explaining how we’ve started doing presents for each other. I mean I got a toaster for my fortieth birthday and her pots and pans of awesome cost three times my toaster. But you can bet some clam is going to read “POTS AND PANS THE A$$HOLE!!” fifty words into the post and just stop reading to go poleaxe her chump husband for not keeping the litterbox freshly scooped.

Besides, it’s not the pots and pans that should piss the women off. I also got her a bathroom scale.

Jennifer:  OMG LMAO…he laughed waaaaayyy too much while writing this so I knew it was going to be good!  Hey, I just cooked a fabulous omelette on my ceramic non-stick pans of loveliness…and he used a coupon…sigh…




  1. i saw the title and went… “there had better be a good reason for this purchase.”

  2. My parents gave me my grandmother’s pots and pans, that still have the warranty on them, for a housewarming gift. And let me know that, as soon as the next piece in the set comes out, they’ll get that for me, too. They are closely guarded and much beloved. I bought myself the expensive vacuum for my 30th. I’d earned it.

    Seriously, I love practical gifts. If my hubby got me the non-stick pans I’ve been eyeing for Christmas, it’d be a major step in the right direction. It would show that, after 10+ years, he knows me. Yeah, I’m betting I get the bath and body works gift set that I’m allergic to and a sweater.

    Yep, totally jealous of Jennifer. And to all the haters: there is nothing wrong with getting a good set of pots and pans for a major birthday!

  3. “But you can bet some clam is going to read”
    Is clam a nicer version of the infamous “c” word? Damn, I can’t keep up!

    We’ve usually gone the practical route also; foot massager, kitchen ware, woodworking tools, etc. How much can you really do with a piece of jewelry? At least you still put in the effort to do the gift exchange thing; we’ve slacked off the past few years.

  4. Does writing about them make ‘em tax deductible? Better check with your accountant!

  5. For one of my wife’s birthday, I bought an expensive mixer. I mean, 300 dollar range. She’d been pining over it for months, so I got it for her.

    I let slip that I bought it at work, and the ladies were horrified. But now that I think of it, it may have been of my surety that should would regard it as a great gift, or that she did.

    They all asked how she liked it, I just grinned.

  6. Happy Birthday, Jennifer!

  7. Oh I love kitchen tools! Totally good presents in my book :)

  8. @Mike43
    I totally want one of those mixers! Lucky. (said in Napoleon Dynamite’s voice)
    Anyone who would be horrified at that or the pans Jennifer got couldn’t be my friend.
    OH and I just got a scale for my bday, too! It tells me bodyfat, muscle, BMI. I love it.
    Actually if someone buys you a scale that must mean you’re NOT fat. Because if you WERE fat and they bought you a scale, that’s just rude, right?

    Love the ceramic pans! I mean- who wants to die of Dupont Teflon poisoning? (ok. I admit it. I don’t know what’s really wrong with the old style pans and I just made up Teflon poisoning.) But I like my new pans, too.

    Anywho, I’m getting hubs a chainsaw for his bday. But not a weird leather mask to go with it.
    That’s where I draw the line.

    I believe the Teflon is linked to cancer.

  9. OH and happy birthday, Jennifer!

  10. Just think of the message it sends!

    Toaster – “That’s it hubby, yer over the hill and you’re toast”

    Pots and Pans – “You should talk Dear, I think you’ve gone to pot since this marriage started – here, at least have a nice one for me to look at”

    Oh yes, this marriage is doomed. Doomed! DOOMED! ™ *hack* *hack* *cough*

  11. Hubby got me a nice set of stainless steel pots and pans the Xmas before we got married (we don’t do non-stick b/c we’re dirty hippies). I loved it!

  12. Happy Birthday! I always want practical presents, too. I think I’m the only girl in America that would cry if I got jewelry. But I do a happy dance over appliances, knives, etc. And my favorite present ever was my all-clad pots and pans.

  13. Oh, and I just got a new scale, too. I weigh a pound less on it than on my old one. Kindest scale ever!

  14. Beeping Slooty says:

    The best holiday gift I ever got was a Kitchenaid mixer. I hope this Christmas I finally get that sexy Dyson vacuum cleaner. (I have an internet nerd crush on the Dyson vacuum guy.)

  15. Twenty years ago I was read the riot act by a woman we’d just met and struck up a conversation with in the mall. I mentioned that we were there shopping for a stainless steel collander I’d asked for as a gift from my husband. She tried to make me feel pretty rotten for wanting something practical instead of jewelry or flowers and such, in front of my husband; and went on and on about how if her man got her something practical like that she’d make him wear it. We both remembered that incident recently in our red pill awakening and just had to chuckle. Glad to be here and know we’re not the only ones who think like this.
    Happy Birthday Jennifer! Enjoy the wonderful gift.

  16. PS
    Happy Birthday Jennifer :)

  17. Happy Birthday Jennifer! Clearly not all women are created equal. With my wife we buy practical stuff when we need it. Xmas and birthdays you buy non practical gifts like jewelry and gadgets. If I ever gave my wife a pot or pan for a birthday, it would be off to divorce court!

  18. I wasn’t jealous until I read that they are ceramic. Score! Happy Birthday Jennifer.

  19. My wife wants a power washer for her birthday. And she’s serious.

  20. Happy Birthday Jennifer! I would say this goes into the practical, team-player sort of character basket. Which is a good thing! The scale wouldn’t go over so big around my place though.

  21. Two words: Anodized Aluminum.

    It’s the only way to go.

  22. HeSedSheSed says:

    Ha. I got a Dyson Vacuum for Valentine’s Day….and I LOVED IT! :)

  23. anonymouse says:

    At least I’m not alone in my desire for housewares as gifts ;) Happy birthday Jennifer :)

  24. This is awesome. My husband bought a new carpet cleaner from a neighbor once that he decided he didn’t want after he brought it home. We just bought it from him since he was just going to take it back. My husband told him it was going to be my Valentine’s day present (which we don’t celebrate) and this guy nearly choked to death. “You’re giving it to her for what?!?!?!?!” It was hysterical. And it was a wonderful present.

    Practical presents like this are wonderful, especially if they are something you would never spend the money on otherwise or buy ones that are as high quality. It is such a nice surprise to open the box and see something in there you have really wanted around the house, that you have been doing without because it’s not really necessary, but would be oh-so-useful. Those are my very favorite gifts.

  25. Great birthday gift in my mind! Ya know what my husband got me for my last birthday? A lovely apron and new dish towels!!!! He got them because that is what I asked for! They were from Williams-Sonoma and not cheap. I love kitchen items for gifts because I LOVE to cook and bake for my man and my kids. I don’t care what anyone else thinks-fabulous gifts for me! I actually don’t want jewelry as with two little boys I am constantly cleaning up messes, changing dirty diapers, wiping up spills, being puked on, etc. Not practical for this stage in my life.

  26. RedPillNewb says:

    My wife can’t stand frivolous things like flowers or jewelry. I get great mileage out of intentionally outraging other women with stories of my gifts (or lack of gifts). I can’t understand why they think they should be outraged on behalf of a woman they hardly know if that woman doesn’t get something they would want.

  27. Nothing wrong with practical. Happy birthday Jennifer!

  28. Milf_in_Training says:

    There’s only one rule of gift giving — will the receiver like it?

    If you don’t know, find out. If you can’t be troubled to find out, you deserve what you get.
    And if she wants you to surprise her, you still ned to find out what she will love to get. You just have to be sneakier.

  29. LOL @ the bathroom scale!

    But psst, it’s thirty-ten! ;)

  30. LOVE practical gifts! I got a couple of Le Creuset pieces for my 40th, Christmas will hopefully be a Thermo Hauser rolling pin. DH wants a $60 pair of socks. We bought each other a fridge and freezer one Christmas…and yes everyone does laugh at us.

    Happy 40th Jennifer! Enjoy your pots and pans!

  31. My wife is spoiled. Two of the kitchenaid mixers, and endless le cruset. . .the French oven cost as much as the mixer! Also encouraged her to get the best appliances our homebuilder offered, French door fridge, double-oven, convection oven/microwave. Spoiling is how you show love, just look at what grandparents do to your kids!

  32. FeralFelis says:

    My best birthday/Christmas gifts of all time, given to me by my beloved ex-husband:
    Delta Unisaw with a Unifence, a hand-written (cartridge pen) love letter AND a night of monkey sex
    Set of British gardening tools (shovel, spade, rake), a hand-written love poem, AND a night of slow teasing sex
    A Winchester .375 H&H Model 70 Classic Super Express + Leupold variable scope AND a long week of crazy sex while I hunted elk in New Mexico!! (no love letter that year)

  33. I think practical gifts can be wonderful, thrown into the mix. And, pots and pans are no longer just pots and pans in the basic sense of the word; there are fancy-smancy high performance brands, Emeril and Martha battling it out for the title of newest and greatest. For the culinary set, I think it’s a wonderful gift. I don’t share the same view about a gift as mechanical as a vacuum cleaner, just my opinion. Sweeping the carpet is a chore, whipping up a delectable meal is not.

  34. I never want practical presents, but I don’t buy them for my husband either. i always try to find something that he will enjoy. The really specialist stuff for his metalwork and his boat I leave to him to get for himself, but there are othee things he enjoys, and he knows I like bath stuff from Lush, so he always has that to fall back on if need be. However, if there really are people who are thrilled by pots and pans, good luck to them.


  1. […] Sometimes even I get surprised. I was expecting that I was going to get a at least some negative to guarded reaction to buying Jennifer pots and pans (of her choice) for her birthday in yesterday’s post. […]

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