As you get older, you change. In some ways for the better, in some ways for the worse. Typically it’s a physical decline vs. a mental and resources gain.
I actually look back at myself in an odd sort of awe. How did I not know I was as good looking as I was? Oh I wasn’t like crazy hot guy, but certainly far better than I thought I was. How was I not simply asking girls out frequently? Holy crap that would have been so easy to have gotten not just a few more dates, but a ton of dates and all that could have come with that. Once you learn Game you’re always going to look back into the past and realize how often you missed an opportunity with a girl. Maybe not just any girl either… you totally messed up with the girl. The one you really wanted.
You realize you could’ve. You realize you should’ve.
But that’s all gone and here you are now. Older. Slower. It’s not as easy as it was. Everything comes with extra little price in pain or energy compared to how it was twenty years ago. What you have though, is a lot more experience, skill and stuff piled up. Young guys have potential for future power, that’s what attracts women to them, older guys are judged on whether or not they actually achieved power. Whether or not that’s personal power, social power, physical power, financial power or whatever power doesn’t matter. It’s potential power vs actual power. That’s why as an older guy writing about Game I’ve increasingly started talking about structural attraction issues, rather than how to order drinks in the bar so girls think you’re the hot catch of the evening.
Older guys don’t have any time to create the impression of power, we actually have to have it. That’s why younger guys can turn their dating life around as fast as it takes to hit the gym for a couple months and buy some proper clothes, and older guys can have a 1-2 year program of development ahead of them. Got to fix the structural stuff. I have readers who have made deeply serious goals like doubling their income inside two years, or getting an advanced degree in their forties, or losing 100 pounds. Big heavy projects that just have to get done for the success they want. Not to mention stalled marriages and kids to consider.
The good news is that actual power, is more attractive than the potential for power, because not all potential is reached. That’s why a woman in her twenties can find a guy in his forties attractive. But he’ll always have some degree of actual power and have kept his physical decline under good control.
The fantasy match up is young you vs. you now.
So let’s say me at age 24 facing off against me at age 42 for Jennifer at age 22. Imagining that we’re both meeting Jennifer for the first time at those ages. How would it play out?
Well I think some of the early play would have gone to #24. Better looking, funny, smart and I would have made a move on her… a very respectful move though. #24 would have asked her out on dates, though to be honest, some quite modest dates in a crappy car for transportation. He’d try and get her back to his itsy-bitsy-teenie-weenie apartment… and prove what a nice respectful guy he was. He’d make some real progress, but minus all that nutty long distance stuff creating an Alpha illusion, I just don’t know how fast things would have gone.
#42 though would have a whole different level of play. At first he wouldn’t even be interested in Jennifer… too young to be bothered with, but ultimately she’s going to start showing her positive values and she is kinda cute. So #42 makes a move… he calls her up and tells her he’s taking her out to dinner, doesn’t say it’s a date or ask for one, just say’s he’s taking her out… and she just complies. Then it’s a proper car to a proper restaurant, hand on her lower back guiding her into her seat. It’s that same funny, smart guy, but with some greater range and some wisdom. #42 lays his hand down on the table palm up and she puts her hand in his as they talk and the wine bottle gets emptier and emptier.
The transition is back to #42’s place… an actual house, not an amazingly amazing house, but definitely a house with a backyard, near a brand new K-8 school and extra rooms for imagined children. His move is somewhat more assertive on her. A slow but firm pull into him and deep passionate kissing and an escalation to a hand on her breast. Once it gets to trying to remove pieces of clothing though, she tenses up. “I would like you to stay.” Stay. The most perfect word to use. It implies sex, but doesn’t explicitly state it. “But if you aren’t ready yet, we can take you home and continue this another night.” #42 gets up to go to the bathroom, “I’ll be right back.” Time for her to think, to not feel pressured to stay, time to change her mind. Five minutes later he’s back and she still asks to go home, “Good for you.” says #42. As he drops her off he says, “I’ll never make you do anything you don’t want, but when you want it, I’ll make sure you like it.”
The next morning #42 texts her, “I know what you did when I dropped you off last night.” “Oh? What’s that?” “You masturbated thinking about what would have happened if you stayed the night with me.” “OMG how did you know?” “LOL your secrets are safe with me.” “You”re a bad, bad man.” “You’re welcome. “
About this time #24 and #42 discover the other is interested in Jennifer. There’s not a fist fight or anything stupid, just an awkward meeting where #42 stares #24 down and into stepping out of the way as they pass in the hall.
Time passes. #24 ups the ante with flowers, poetry and a few too many calls and texts about his interest in her. #42 texts her, “Wanna go to DisneyWorld this weekend?” “That’s in Florida, I can’t afford that.” “I’ve got enough frequent flyer miles for two tickets.” “Let me think.” “You know you wanna.” “Um… rooms?” “Room.” “This is kinda quick” “I know what I like.” “What happens after that?” “That’s up to you.”
Three hours of radio silence later…
“I’m still thinking.”
“Tickets are booked, I’m going to go have fun either way. Flight is 650pm on Friday.”
#24 asks her out again for a Saturday date. Sunday? Friday? “What are you doing all weekend?” “I might be going on a short vacation trip with a friend.” “It’s him isn’t it.”
After that comes a line of intense questioning along the lines of what-exactly-are-you-thinking and what-has-this-guy-really-offered-you. But there’s this genuine tone of concern in there, not just about what he’s going to be losing if she goes, but that she’s truly understanding what she’s getting into and whether she’s going to be okay. It’s actually quite touching. He really cares. He’s protective.
“So what are you offering then?”
“Marriage.” One word. The big one. Spoken with clarity and conviction. An amazing weekend and possibly more, or the whole package of potential?
So who wins?
Jennifer: LOL you’re an ass making me do this! For the record I’ve NEVER dated two people at once. This is a question I’ve never thought about. In reality, 22-year-old me would have been far too intimidated by 42-year-old you, just on principle. Both “guys” have their advantages, but you’re right that the 42-year-old shows what he’s capable of more than the 24-year-old, just by virtue of life experience and accumulated working years leading to more “stuff”. And really, when you’re 22, 42 seems ancient lol.
Athol: Somehow I feel rejected lol.
Jennifer: Well that depends on whether or not you take me to Disney