Miss Communication and Sexy Girl Game Initiation

Oh this one would be hysterically funny if it wasn’t so painful for the two of them. He thinks Initiation = X, she thinks Initation = Y. Read her side of the story and I’ll bold where he thinks he’s actually initating sex…. every single night…

 

Purple: I know this has been discussed before for women – the whole, “what counts as initiation from your wife?” thing. But I’m asking for men.

What counts as actual initiation for a man?

Right now I feel like I’m doing MOST of the initiation. A typical night of sex plays out like this:

– Go to bed.

– Lay in bed. Husband will cuddle up to me and slip hand under shirt and fondle boobs/play with nipples for a couple seconds.

After a couple of minutes of this, he backs off and will either lay on his back and wait for me to start pushing towards sex, or will just roll away from me completely and go to sleep. Every few days, I make sure that I grind my ass into him to make it clear that I’m down for sex, or jump at him and start playing with his dick, or take my pants off, or WHATEVER, to push towards getting sex. If I don’t escalate it quickly and directly, half of the time… all I end up with at night is a boob fondle and then falling to sleep frustrated.

Occasionally he’ll skip fondling my chest and do some ass slapping, or something – but again, if I don’t turn to him and escalate quickly, it doesn’t go anywhere.

Every once in a while, he’ll go straight to fingering me – which DOES count as initiation IMO – but its also not very pleasant, because … um… going directly to the clit when I’m basically dry as a bone and not even remotely turned on … it just hurts.

What do most of the Captains do to initiate? I don’t even really know which way I want to lead my husband in this department, because I’m just not really sure what I’m looking for. Its nice – on the uber rare occasion – that he strokes my sides, rubs my back, boob-grabs, kisses my neck, etc – but I feel like initiation doesn’t have to start right as we’re getting into bed. Is that right? Like last night – about an hour before bed, I was on my hands and knees picking up some toys from the floor. He said, “Ooh… I think you’ll be doing that again later tonight.” THAT works for me, because then I knew when I was getting into bed that we were going for doggie.

Basically – his foreplay sucks. He doesn’t initiate – he drops a hint and then leaves it to me. My plan right now is to stop initiating completely. He can fondle boobs all he wants, but if that’s all he’s gonna do, then that’s all he’s gonna get. How do you teach a guy to initiate? I haven’t talked to him about this because a) I’m embarrassed and b) I don’t know what to tell him to direct him in a useful/not condescending way.

I could use some hot ideas!

 

Athol: So in short, he’s been trying to initate every single night, but the wiring is crossed as to what he thinks is her responding positively to his approach.

She’s only been responding every few days in a way that he clearly understands is a positive response, because she doesn’t see him as actually initating sex.

He’s being a good little Blue Pill guy and politely, respectfully and appropriately in his mind, rolling over and not pressuring her for sex. He’s also heartbroken about having the door slammed shut on him most nights.

So… solutions…

It sounds like you’re both quite horny. So why not have the disscussion where you experiment with every night assuming that the default setting is “yes” to sex. Then if someone doesn’t want it, you have to verbally express “not tonight” and cuddle and nod off together.

If his finger in your vagina feels like you’re being gored by a bull, tell him to stop and either lick it or lube it and then come back to the fingering. “Ow” is a safeword. If something hurts, it’s okay to say something about it and make an adjustment.

If you want him to CLEARLY UNDERSTAND you want sex… Touch Him On The Penis. It’s the only thing men 100% understand. Or perhaps try saying something like, “I want your cock inside me so bad baby.”

I get that sometimes you just want to be taken in the heat of the moment, but he’s probably a few months away from that happening because he feels frightened of you reacting badly to him trying that. So in the meantime, if you want a non verbal way of clearly communicating a desire for him to just start fucking the hell out of you, you can try some of these…

(1)  Be naked. Get on your hands and knees, resting your weight on your forearms. Look at him directly and breathe slowly and heavily as you take a loooooong slow blink, then drop your head down and slowly wiggle your ass at him.

(2)  Be naked. Kick all the covers off and lay on your back with your legs spread. Look at him directly and breathe slowly and heavily as you take a loooooong slow blink, as you fondle your breasts with one hand and finger yourself with the other.

(3)  Be naked. Lay on your back wearing a blindfold. Take a hair scrunchy and put your hands through it and figure 8 it around your wrists and lay your arms above your head.

(4)  Be naked. Drink yourself into unconsciousness, leaving a handwritten note that says, “Do what you must.”

(5)  Be naked. You. Laptop. Porn. In progress when he comes to bed.

(6)  Be naked. When he gets in bed, stand up on the bed over him and do the butt wiggle dance for him. Jiggle your boobs and slap your ass a few times.

(7)  Be naked. Naked except for some slutty come fuck me heels. No no no, don’t take them off, leave them on. (song lyric bonus points in the comments)

(8)  Be naked. Ask him for $50 with a very dirty smile and a giggle.

(9)  Be naked. Hand him the Redi-Whip, ask him if he likes pie.

(10) Be naked. Him on his back, just straddle him in the cowgirl postion without his cock inside you. Grind on him and play with his cock.

 

Jennifer:  Well… I guess I have my to do list for the week.

 

 

 

 

Baby You Can Start My Car

Blockhead:  Here in the Midwest, its starting to get cold now in the mornings.

I usually leave the house about 5 – 10 minutes before she/kids do, Since its been getting cold, As I am walking out the door to leave, she will ask me start/warm her car up. Never really though about it before and have always done it in the past, but after reading MMSL/shit tests I am wondering if this is a shit test and a beta move?

Any thoughts?

Athol:   If you’re already walking out there and it takes you ten seconds to start her car for her… seems like a nice Beta move.

She should be saying “thank you” / kissing you goodbye though. Tit for Tat. It’s just a nice Tit for a nice Tat. Now if you were staying home and she was going out, and then she went all pouty and whiny to get you to go out there and start her car… then that’s her testing you.

If I’m doing the morning routine with the kids, I bring Jennifer a cup of tea. I’m already making me coffee, we have a Keurig thingy so it only takes me a minute to make her something while I’m making my own. She always says thank you and actively enjoys the Act of Service. She also knows that all she needs to do once is say, “Where’s my tea?” in a snarky tone and she’ll get a whithering look and a big cup of make-your-own-fucking-tea.

Something to watch is whether or not small acts of service are also returned to you. I do nice things for Jennifer, but she also does many nice things back to me. For which I also say thank you.

If it’s all a one way flow of your energy into your partner… even if they are being nice and appreciative about it… that just means you’re doing everything they want for nothing but praise. Which is simply talk and not action. If they are performing actions for other people though… hmmm.

 

Life Continues On

We are very fortunate to be riding out the storm so well that my one great annoyance with this hurricane is that the kids are home from school, just as I started hitting a rhythm of writing. I’ve started going to the main city library to write during the day and obviously that isn’t happening in the middle of a hurricane. Maybe not getting to the library is a First World problem, but that’s how I roll. Maybe I’m reaching too high, but I mapped out the next three years worth of writing and speaking creation tasks and have some good ideas of where MMSL is headed.

My other move is that Jennifer and I are joining a gym, mostly because I’m going stir crazy alone at home without a more social group to be part of. So more structured things to do and places to go. I need some new habits… and if they involve 930am Zumba with bored housewives, I’m okay with that. Shit, Jennifer wasn’t meant to read that.

Speaking of Jennifer, we’re continuing to work on empowering her a little more and have strung quite a few rounds of the tease and denial games back to back to back over the last month. We’ve had some confusing moments, but overall it’s been fun. Every marriage has ups and downs, and this feels like more of an upswing. It’s actually been extremely interesting to experience my feelings for her change the longer it goes between orgasms. Day 1 I like her, Day 2 I’m interested in her, Day 3 she’s amazing, Day 4 and beyond she’s the chosen one. I actually had an experience a couple weeks back where I was driving at night with Jennifer and having rolling flashbacks / deja vu that I was driving around with my first girlfriend. Basically a similar experience plus the same mental state, so both wonderful and very interesting from a neurological point of view.

And I broke down and got the damn Warcraft expansion. Rolled a Monk, pushed fairly hard up to the level cap hitting Level 90 on Tuesday, ran my Heroics for gear and 6 for 6 Bosses down in a Raidfinder run on Saturday. Pretty much third on healing. At this point there’s not a lot more to do with the character except wait for the weekly reset and get the total needed play time down to a 5-6 hours a week. Might look for a casual raid guild to do a couple of structured nights play. It’s more fun than watching TV that’s for sure.

Finally have the payday money for my Army retreat in my possession and while not broke, it’s our buffer… Jennifer all clingy tonight lol.  It’s also the next book production money and makes things a lot easier to do. This time around I’m trying the Createspace cover people and likely interior design as well. Kindle is 80% of sales, so the paperback is somewhat a vanity thing, but I’m so used to wanting to hold a book that I think I need it for myself. Things to get done sooner rather than later though. Jennifer finished her round of editing the Rules book tonight, so have something to plow ahead on tomorrow.

It’s been a totally strange experience finishing up nursing and suddenly turning into a full time writer person. You would think that it would have been a completely easy transition. It’s not been nearly as easy as I thought. I’m getting there though. One of the things that I’ve really learned over the last few years is that your shot doesn’t have to be pretty, you just need to get the ball to go through the hoop. Don’t wait forever for the perfect moment to take your shot… it never comes.

 

Damn Italy You Scary

This is one of those shaggy dog posts where I wander around and finally make a point tying it all together…

We’ve got the big storm rolling in tonight, through Monday and into Tuesday. Hopefully no power outages… school has already been cancelled for the next two days and the kids are home. Teenagers + power outrage + trapped inside = bad tempered pouting and frankly the kids don’t handle it any better than I do lol.

Anyway…

I’ve been having endless thoughts about this totally inane Italian court case against scientists supposedly predicting an earthquake wouldn’t happen in Italy. It would all be laughable except they were all found guilty of manslaughter and sentenced to six years’ jail time. Apparently the phrase “We don’t think there will be a serious earthquake but you obviously can never rule it out.” was taken to mean, “Stay in your shitty homes constructed in medieval times, L’Aquia has been completely leveled three times in it’s history by earthquakes, and well you know how things come in threes.”

Having grown up in Wellington, New Zealand, I’m totally familiar with earthquakes and have felt several dozen strong enough to be noticeable. The entire city population is completely aware of earthquakes and what causes them. There’s always a middle school trip to see the seismic center measuring them off Victoria University. You can just stand there and watch the little needle twitching it’s jagged line on the scrolling paper in real time. The earthquakes never really stop. Wellington building codes are extremely strict for a major population center, “high rise” means six stories tall… and those buildings sit on massive coiled springs acting as shock absorbers. The greatest shock to Wellingtonians was that the big one in fact hit two hundred miles south in Christchurch a few years back on a fault line no one knew about.

What causes earthquakes is well understood by science, but obviously we are a long way off from any hope of predictive modeling for when major quakes hit. Even then, I’m thinking it’s going to be like weather forecasting… only fairly accurate.

What concerns me most though is that the entire city of a western nation is so scientifically illiterate, about their primary natural disaster concern, that they could demand what amounts to human sacrifices to appease their sense of vengeance against natural forces. If that doesn’t scare the shit out of you, I don’t know what will. That’s really really really bad. It’s not that far off throwing virgins into the volcano, which frankly is a waste of virgins.

I’m usually a pretty positive guy about civilization, but the truth is civilization can go backward scientifically. Realistically there could have been a man on the moon by say about the 16th Century…  but there wasn’t…  because we went backwards.

So anyway, as much as we all joke about weather forecasters having the ultimate bullshit job in the universe, for the most part they are reasonably accurate in short term prediction thanks to all the computer modeling. A hurricane 500 miles across is coming, we’re going to get the wind side of it as opposed to the rain side of it. Zeus played no part in making it because he only makes the nice days, it’s not punishment for sin unless it’s a country where people aren’t white. For what it’s worth, I find that all deeply comforting that we have the knowledge it’s coming and what to do about it. You just stock up on supplies, nail stuff down and ride it out as best you can.

Last year all of Connecticut was essentially without power for an average of about a week after the 2011 storm. The culprit was far too many untrimmed trees acting in a unison of Arborgeddon taking down power lines in one massive swoop. Which is to say we humans screwed it up. This year the trees are trimmed and already 1000 linemen have been brought in from Ohio in readiness. People learned a lot of lessons from last year and we’re as ready as we’re going to be.

So…

Thanks to science, plenty of things are “fairly predictable” but it’s all a little like golf in that you’re expecting to drive the ball somewhere near the pin and not hit a hole-in-one every time. Good enough is good enough.

You and your relationship are also “fairly predictable” too. Once you understand how dopamine, oxyticin, vasopressin, testosterone et al work, a lot of things in your relationship and sex life become a lot clearer. I can’t give you a guarantee of exactly how things will play out, but storms in your relationship are fairly predictable too. The good news is that you can do things to be ready for them and when the bad stuff happens, instead of your whole life pancaking down like bad Italian construction, you can ride it out with minimal damage and maybe something to bond over. Some people find MMSL too late to save their relationship… even then, it helps you prepare for the next one.

So anyway… yay science and human effort.

Too Long Didn’t Read…

When Your Husband Won’t Act Alpha Even When You Beg Him

AlphaBelle:  Talk to me about this FAP thing. I have been concerned/unhaaaaaaapy lol with the state of things for over a year. Read and talked and read some more. Finally found MMSL about 6 months ago, and had words to express what was wrong with my marriage.

I have no IRL friends to discuss this with.

My H is receptive, but since I found all this and basically threw it plus nmmng at his head during a meltdown, he is reacting to my complaints, not running the MAP on his own. He is a deeply ingrained nice guy, plus introvert and brainiac. So it’s going veeeerrrry slowly.

I am tired.

Of being the motivator. Of seeing all The things he used to do that he doesn’t anymore. Of having to get upset every 2.4 weeks to re motivate him and remind him that I’m serious about this. Of having to do the pull back/reward routine when I just want a really nice happy normal sex life with nightly sex. Of evaluating whether I’m hamstering or really justifiably frustrated, or expecting too much at this point.

Of feeling like I am still running things, by running my FAP and manipulating him into waking up that dang dormant Alpha side again.

I am tired.

Talk to me about my expectations and where I’m going with this. I see and feel progress, but I feel like I am spoon feeding him what I want him to say/do/be and I don’t want to do it anymore.

I want him to read and act and do because he wants to, not because I’m unhappy.

Basically I feel like a witch and like I’m making him feel like he can’t do anything right. But when I ease up, he acts like, “whew. Got that figured out.”

*sigh*

Athol:  Then stop trying to change him. Every time you “motivate him” you’re just sending him a message that he’s the most important thing in your world, he has your complete attention and is in total control of the relationship.

Change you. Make yourself as attractive as you can be, start exhibiting very mild disloyalty.

Right now your entire relationship could be summed up as….

You —-e-n-e-r-g-y—-> Him

So why would he do anything to change that situation?

Cutting that energy flow off will get his attention.

There’s no need for him to act at all Alpha, when you’re acting like his orbiter sending out a Mayday call.

If you become as attractive as you can be and start visiting the magical world of “out”, he’s going to start wondering why you’re not paying him attention and dreading that you’re paying attention to someone else. It’s only when you’re acting more Alpha is he going to need to act more Alpha around you.

Not for nothing, but the men that find MMSL on their own are always highly motivated to make change because they are deeply worried about how their relationship is going. Men simply don’t respond to “I’m unhappy”, “I’m unhaaaaaaaappy!” or “You suck! That’s why I’m so unhappy!”  They do very much respond to wives dressing up nice and spending time with other men though.

I’m not saying it’s polite to do it, I’m just saying what works.

Picard Breaks In A New First Officer

Deleted scene…

…Picard all Captainy. Watch the Alpha Male staredown.

Picard is doing the whole Tit for Tat strategy too. He starts out nice and welcoming as the default opening, but as soon as the line is crossed, he bumps back. The whole bridge crew knows what’s coming and just enjoys watching it play out.

Then when the moment is passed, it’s passed… and he continues on with a perfectly calm and rational interaction with his First Officer.

Sexy Move: Leftovers for Dinner

I haven’t written about cooking for a long long time… the short version being that women are driven crazy by the question, “What’s for dinner?” and supplying a food source is always a good thing. The basic rules for my recipes are that it has to be brain dead easy to make, come out great and that kids will eat it.

Here are some of my approaches to leftovers… you’ll need a good non-stick fry pan, high heat, and not much else.

Bacon and Onion Salvation

(1) About half a standard size pack of bacon, slice up into one inch lengths (or slightly less) and toss into the pan.

(2) One medium sized onion. Peel it and chop into small pieces. Add to the pan. Cook the bacon and the onion until the point the bacon is starting to crisp and the onion carmelize a little.

(3) Chop and add whatever leftovers you have to the pan. (Jennifer: By “whatever leftovers”, he means some meat and some sort of vegetable, maybe some potatoes, not last night’s pizza) Cook until it’s all hot. No seasoning needed whatsoever. Works amazing with any kind of leftover meat. Using bacon will cover any weaknesses in skill you have.

Serve with red wine.

Kelbasa and Mushroom Blitz

(1)  Chop the Kelbasa into half inch circles. Toss into the pan.

(2) Rinse and pare the mushroom stalks off, but you can probably keep the mushrooms whole.

(3) Chop and add whatever leftover vegetables or starch (potatoes, rice) you have to the pan. Cook until it’s all hot. No seasoning needed as the kelbasa is plenty juicy and will coat everything in flavor. Once you see the mushrooms starting to shrink you’re all set to remove from heat. Works great even when you don’t have any leftover meat. You can have a frozen kelbasa in the fridge for emergency dinners.

Yeah I know the kids won’t eat the mushrooms. That just means more for me!

Serve with red wine.

Chinese Renaissance

(1) Take leftover chinese takeout and add all the rice to the pan and get it started heating up.

(2) Take the remainder of the chinese takeout and chop it up and add to the pan. Pay no heed to the dishes, simply add it all in one great heap. It’s all chinese food so it all will work together, just trust me on that. Seriously, chop a spring roll up. Add noodles. The chicken and cashews. The dumplings. The sesame chicken. The garlic beef. Everything goes in the pan together. No seasoning needed. Heat and eat, BAM and you’re done. It will be different every time you make it.

Serve with plum wine if you have it, othewise a white.

Hibachi Style Stir Fry

(1)  When you have leftover rice of any kind, throw it all in the pan with a little oil.

(2)  Season the rice with some soy sauce and hot sesame oil / mongolian fire oil.

(3)  chop and add vegetables / leftovers.

(4)  When everything is cooked properly, push it all to one side of the fry pan so you have half the fry pan clear.

(5)  Whip two eggs and dump in the open fry pan area, it will cook VERY QUICKLY, so keep the egg moving and scramble it as fast as it cooks. Just rake the egg into tiny pieces and as soon as it cooks, mix it all in with the rest of the food and serve. This is a 30-60 second move at most. Otherwise the egg will over-cook.

Serve with beer.

Things to Think About Adding

Peanuts. Seriously, peanuts turn a dull dish into something that says, “Hey wow, there’s fucking peanuts in here. That’s awesome.”

Peppers. Not the bitter feminist green peppers, I’m talking the yellow, orange or red ones. They are sweeter and you can eat them raw, so undercooking means you just pretend you meant to do it that way. They are bright and festive looking.

Meatloaf. Cut into small cubes. It will do better than you think.

Sweetcorn. Just slice it straight off the cob and it will break up nicely in the pan. Can use canned if you want it.

Minced garlic. Want.

Potatoes…. roast  or baked leftovers. Chop in half inch bits.

Green beans. Nuff said.

Curry. Oh. My. Gawd. We have a red curry that is taking over our life. True story.

Plan B Soup and Pasta

(1) Can of soup in a pot.

(2) Add whatever leftover bits and pieces you have to the pot and heat.

(3) Pour the soup + leftover mix over pasta and serve. I’m just going to hope you know I meant cooked pasta.

Serve with arrogant confidence.

Jennifer: I testify that all of these are amazing dishes. Our eldest daughter once joked that she wanted us to buy chinese food but not eat it, just so Dad could make the Chinese Leftovers Stirfry Of Goodness the next day. 

 

 

 

 

 

Hell No I Won’t Go, Except This Very Last Time

Oh the drama.

Menstrual pads.

3am.

Get up out of bed and go get some.

WTF?

No.

Waaaaaa….?

NO.

Waaaaaaahhhh!!!!

I said NO. Go get them yourself.

RRRRWWWWAAAARRRKKKK!!!!!

Its will sufferz the displeasurez of mistress rrrrrwaaaarrkkk! Sufferz for its insolence it will rrawrk!

******

Alrighty…. I’ve already covered why you don’t become Menses Boy.  If her tampons or pads are on the grocery list, then sure pick them up, but there’s no emergency needs for menstrual pads that a man ever needs to be associated with. Adult women just need to handle that for themselves, end of discussion on that point. It’s not like a guy can wake his wife up at 3am and ask her to run out and buy new batteries for his mouse because he’s playing World of Warcraft and doesn’t want to get dropped from this amazing group. Adults just come prepared for life’s little problems.

So obviously you don’t want to fail the test and run about and get her menstrual pads, or his mouse batteries, but there’s potential trap in that you try and be too nice about not getting them. You try and give a fair warning that “this is the last time I’m going to do this for you” and then you go out and collect them again… one last time…

Rwarkkkkk!!! Its is threatening disobedience to mistressez rawk! Its musts be taughtz its placez raaaaaaawk!

So yeah…

“One last time” = “Please test the hell out of me until the next time.”

It’s the difference between talk and action. If you say “I won’t do that again” and yet go get them, the actual message is that you’ll go get them. Thus you’ll be asked to go get them again and again, plus whatever else idiotic chump task they can dream up for you, until you actually refuse to comply.

By actually not going and getting it, the message is you won’t comply with the tests. Thus they will diminish in the future.

It’s really no different than if you always buy candy for a crying kid in the grocery store. Saying, “Okay I’m buying you candy for the last time because you’re crying” just means the kid gets what they want and will throw a fit on cue next time they are in the store.

The testing is really all about relationship power plays, based on your personal weakness to the other person, thus there’s not really a way to pass these tests “politely.” When you play the game of Tit for Tat, they aren’t meant to like the Tat. Just respect it.

Jennifer: Rawk! I do not sound like that!

 

 

Phew!

Life has been hectic. We’re through TCETSNBO finally, and all went well. Jennifer got to collect a community service award tonight… I can’t say where because that would expose her workplace unfortunately, but I am proud of her. Eldest has been having progressively less fun at her haunted house job, but only one more weekend to go… but the semi-random midnightish pickups aren’t over much fun.  Everyone has been sick at least once over the last month. Jennifer terribly so for a good four days.

I’ve been finally writing more steadily on the stuff worth money, and now Jennifer’s work crazies have settled she’s getting to read and edit the “little rule book hopefully suitable for Christmas giftage.”

Jennifer and I have been butting heads a little as well. Not fighting fighting as in “I hate this shit, why I am with you?!” but more in the how do we do things now that I’m not working a regular job and am writing full time. The whole family is calmer for it as I’ve been able to help out far more.

We’re also experimenting with far more of the sexual teasing games and have had some amazingly good sexual experiences, some unexpected hurt feelings, a much increased number of footrubs for Jennifer, total confusion, a couple of new sexual things, moderate Tumblr addiction and more frequent washing of the bedding.

Anyway, that’s it. Life goes on. We’re a good couple together and MMSL isn’t an act we’re performing, but that doesn’t mean we don’t struggle with things once in a while too. We’re in a reconnecting phase or something. 18th wedding anniversary next month. That’s a freaking long time, half our lives have been together.

When You’d Rather Be Blue Pill

Reader:  Athol, thanks again for all your help. A few questions for you. I understand the rules of isolate and escalate, and using your idea of “always be closing” I’ve been getting much more sex than ever before. I’ve ran the MAP as best i could (always a work in progress) and I’ve clearly stated my intentions to get more sex from my wife and she’s complied. But, she’s also mentioned “not wanting to make me mad” Im I attracting my wife, or threatening her?

The rejection in the past has been so bad that I feel justified in my request that things change. But theres this feeling that some of the times are just because she doesn’t want me upset. Is this the true reality of the red pill? And when, if ever, will I quit wishing for the blue pill? The “I just want to be loved for being me” feeling? The “I wish you were into me as much as I’m into you” feeling? Is my life revolving too much around our sex life now? Is resentment innate to the red pill? Thanks again

Athol:  At some point we all feel a bit like this…

Yeah it can be hard when everything starts feeling like you’re working your marriage like a job. I think there’s a period that everyone goes through where it’s just grinding out some sort of change where you’re putting in the work, but not arriving at the results just yet.

What often seems to happen is that as the husband starts losing his oneitis for his wife, she starts falling for him more, while he struggles with continuing to care about her. Whoever loves the least in the relationship ends up controlling the relationship, so you’re experiencing that period of flux where you start caring less about her, than she cares about you.  All of which is rather cold, but it seems to be a needed step in finding what works to keep the woman most interested in and sexually responsive to the man.

You simply can’t allow a situation where you are head over heels for her, while she is actively disinterested in you. But then if you reverse that, she wants you, but you’ve stopped wanting her and are having the hamster rolling around in your own head saying, “I’m not haaaaaaappy.” Neither situation is really what you want.

The end goal can’t be to kill all hope of oneitis and achieve a male Vulcan, female Human pairing. It’s okay as a short term phase, but not sustainable as a long term arrangement. You need an appropriate and mutual oneitis exchange. I have oneitis for Jennifer, she has oneitis for me. It’s all perfectly fine to have a rational understanding of the chemicals involved in the creation of human relationships, but understanding them doesn’t mean you don’t experience them as real.

Or more simply put; it’s really nice to be in love with someone who is in love with you.

The true desired balance is a mutual oneitis. You want to feel in love with her, you want her to feel in love with you, you both want to be holding up your end of the bargain as functional adults. The only solution then is that you both need to take the Red Pill and start having a conscious relationship. Both of you need to consciously attract the other and consciously create relationship comfort for the other.

This is in no small part why women are welcome at MMSL. When all is said and done, it’s all very well being able to Game your wife. What Red Pill men really crave though is a Red Pill woman Gaming them back…

…and making a conscious choice for a life of love.

I mean Cypher’s main problem was that Trinity was into Neo and not him. Beta Orbiter rage for the loss.