Here’s the scenario, some dude makes a fairly direct move on your wife in front of you. Some responses from the forum…
sf64: On Saturday night, 5 guys asked “I” for a dance. Five times, she declined. She never looked to me for guidance, my opinion, or for me to say anything. She just politely turned them down.
One of them was not taking no for an answer. I stood up, put my hand on his shoulder, looked him in the eye and said, “The lady said no.” He looked at me, said, “I’m sorry” then turned and walked away.
RedPillNewb: Mate-guarding can be seen as a strong, Captain-y thing to do. It may be that your woman doesn’t actually want to dance with this loser (or go to Vegas with Queen Bee, or go to the GNO), but is too polite and people-pleasing to say no. So she counts on you to say it for her and protect her from the social embarassment of rejecting someone. That can make her feel protected and safe thanks to her manly man.
Fredless: The three of us were out to dinner, along with my wife’s and my two sons. Friend is talking about a sandwich shop that he loves that neither wife or I have heard of. He looks at my wife and says, “I have to take you there for lunch.”
My wife nodded and went about her dinner, thinking absolutely nothing of it. About 18 months ago, I would have done the same.
This time, as soon as he said it, I stared at him–looking right in his eyes. It was clear that I was not pleased with that invitation. He stammered over his words and then threw out, “Yea, we’ll all have to go.”
After dinner, I let wife know I wasn’t pleased with Friend’s sandwich shop invitation and she clearly had no idea what I meant. I told her I trust her completely but no man is going to ask my wife out, particularly with me sitting right there. I pointed out how he changed the invitation right after I stared at him. She did remember Friend changing the invitation. She didn’t even know I had given Friend ‘the look’ and asked surprised, “You did that? Just stared at him?” [note: obvious gina tingles were now emanating from my wife].
Athena: There was a new guy at work a while back, who was kind of feeling out all the women, probably to see if there was any interest. He hit on me out of sight of my husband, which I of course shot down, but I told him about it right away.
I guess “mate guarding” describes what my husband did in response at a work social function. He got very physical and made sure new guy saw him kissing, hugging me, etc. Complete with a couple of stare-downs. Honestly, it made me giggle at how AMOG he was trying to be.
But it worked, because the new kid wouldn’t even make eye contact with me for a month! And when he did have a legit reason to approach me with something work-related, he took it to my husband first!
Be still my heart…if he only knew how hot that was!
Maria: Knowingly hitting on someone else’s wife/girlfriend is a challenge. Always. It has to be met appropriately by display of strength, not fear or indifference.
Kar: We were out at a fancy event seated at a table with a business associate of my husbands. Man is married but his wife was not there (he frequently leaves her at home-what does that tell you?), anyway, Man says to my husband in front of entire table and loud enough for all to hear, Wow, (MY name) is looking so hot tonight, I may just have to hit on her later.”
This dude does cheat on his wife. My husband points his finger at Man and says, “NO! Don’t talk that way about my wife. Not cool.”
I actually really liked this. I felt like he was protecting what what his, A, and B, not allowing this man to disrespect me.
I’d like to add, (since this happened to me), that when my husband responded that way, the man put both his hands up, palms forward and back-peddeled fast, “Okay, I’m sorry, I meant no disrespect.” He looked like an ass, and my husband looked like the Alpha one. Yeah, it made me wet.
Was my husband afraid I might actually want to be hit on? Or even possibly cheat with this man. Um, not a chance. It was more about him not allowing this guy to talk about me like one of his many other use-them-for-sex targets. He demanded respect for me. HOT!
Pastorgeek: Always mate guard. Always. Vary the intensity according to the situation, but always guard. From The Look to major force, just understand the consequences of anything beyond The Look.
Kort: My husband has never mate guarded and I kinda resent him for it. I can think of times when I felt actively threatened by another man who was making a move on me in front of my husband. The first time was when a male friend of ours crawled into bed with me while I was sleeping, cause he and my husband wanted to see what I would do. I cuddled with him then woke up enough to tell him not to wear clothes to bed, realized it was not my husband and freaked out. My husband was standing in the doorway laughing like he was going to pee himself.
A more recent one was when we were out with friends for karaoke and there was a guy at the bar who wouldn’t take no for an answer. He tried to pull me out of my chair and my friends boyfriend decked him. My husband told me he didn’t bother because he knew I could handle myself. Yeah, had he got me standing up, I would have laid him out flat, but I shouldn’t have had to. One indication from my husband that I was off limits would have had the guy backing down.
So, yeah, mate-guarding can be very important.
Linanati: I’ve found that if a man is pursuing me, it’s much, much harder for me to put a stop to it than it is for my husband to do so. When it comes from me, the guy will often think he can change my mind if he persists. Every time my husband has gotten involved, the other guy has immediately backed off. Based on that, I think that, as long as it isn’t taken to irrational extremes, mate-guarding is an alpha behavior.
Athol: Saved the most important two for last…
Danceny: Men don’t often make “direct and open challenges” IME; they make slimy, plausibly deniable, tacit or “just being funny” challenges. They observe the woman’s and man’s responses and then escalate to something a shade more overt, and repeat.
An important distinction bears reiterating because a lot of Red Pillers miss it. An Alpha is aloof/indifferent to women’s emotions; he is NOT aloof to interloping males. Just look at primates.
sf64: IMHO, there really is only one way to ‘mate guard’ and that is to have a clearly higher sex rank. If you are a 5 and your wife is an SR7, you have a big problem. If an SR8 takes a hard run at her… she is going to at least think about it. Now, if your wife is an SR7 and you are an SR8, she might be susceptible to an SR9 or SR10, but in reality, an SR10 is not likely going to be interested in an SR7.
Athol: Danceny is 100% correct that most hitting on your wife in front of you is not going to be a direct request for her sexual attention. It’s going to be some kind of subtle teasing, put down, flirting, whoops-I-didn’t-mean-it-serious comment. It’s always serious. It’s just him testing the fences like the raptors in Jurassic Park. Put him on your mental list of shitheads to keep an eye on forever.
Likewise sf64 is correct that ultimately, the best defense is a good offense. Keep your Sex Rank up as high as you can. As long as you’re trumping her Sex Rank a little, she’s not going to be nearly as willing to risk ruining her good deal for a one time upgrade.
The real risk of your Sex Rank falling below your wife’s isn’t having to fend off guys hitting on her in front of you. It’s her hitting on them.
Oh and ladies. You can mate guard too. Don’t just sit there while some bitch starts putting her grubby little paws on your man. Defend what’s yours.