Vasectomy Killed Her Sexual Interest

Vasectomy ghost story just added to the comments on Vasectomy Causing Loss Of Wife’s Sexual Interest?

Julie:  I’m in my forties and I have had about 5 different partners, from my early 20′s until recently that have had a vasectomy. SEX IS MASSIVELY DIFFERENT with a man who has had a vasectomy and I would never be in a long term relationship with anyone with one for that simple reason.

It doesn’t matter how gorgeous he is, how aching the chemistry is between us, or how deeply the feelings of emotional love run between us. Hands down, my vagina feels an absence of spark, of feral-ness, of hit-that-mark urgency from him that is all part of the delicate dance of banging with an undercurrent to get pregnant while not actually wanting to get pregnant. It’s a game of sorts and the more virile the man is – meaning he has sperm and can get you pregnant – the more hot the components are between us for sex. Take away that driving force, that risk even subconsciously and you have little more than an animated dildo attached to a man.

I don’t care how many people will bash me for this, but I honestly thought it was me with my first partner. We had an amazing sex life and he was the love of my life [in my twenties]. We actually chose to go and get a vasectomy together because our sex life was deep and he was afraid of pregnancy. The love was deeper as we went on but the feeling, the intensity of sex greatly diminished. We had other issues so I attributed this to those other areas. my next partner was someone I had dated a few years earlier and we were very hot. In the years since I had seen him, he had gotten a vasectomy. Again, a noticeable lack of the spark that once pulled us together.

It would be years later when I would have another partner who had one, I was in my thirties then and again, assumed I didn’t know what I was talking about. The same thing, the sex just wasn’t the same as it was with someone who didn’t have a vasectomy. I too, was excited at the prospect of limitless sex without worry of pregnancy until it became noticeable that I actually wasn’t drawn to have limitless sex with my partner. It just wasn’t the same.

Now, I’m in my 40′s and in the last 5 years have dated several men who had vasectomies and had not told me. I could tell right away. It’s a shame really and I think that any man should seriously consider this element before diving off the deep end and cutting out the cro-magnon drive we’re all wired with to have sex to begin with. As for me, I personally am not willing to give up my primal love of a man who is intact and with the driving force of sperm and the risk. My body knows the difference between the two and I’ve made my choice.

Athol:  Again, just to be clear, as far as I can tell, there’s been zero research on the effect of vasectomy on marriage outcomes and relationship happiness. All we’ve got is stories such as these to go on. All I’ve got is a hunch that all is not always right with the Big V.

Julie does however touch on a point that I’ve thought as well. Some women, despite saying they don’t want to get pregnant, and really not wanting to get pregnant… need that little bit of added stress to sexually respond to him. I’d imagine it’s the difference between having a loaded gun and an unloaded gun pointed at you, when you know the gun is unloaded. The loaded gun is going to create a far greater response in your body… you’re heart rate will kick up and you’ll move into a flight or fight state. An unloaded gun will only be mildly concerning.

However some people are so stressed out by the mere sight of a gun, that knowing it’s unloaded is the only thing that makes even having it around tolerable. Likewise some women are so freaked out by the idea of one more kid, that their sex drive shuts down rather than risk another. Knowing he’s been snipped would likely be an improvement in overall stress and sexual functioning for her.

What we really need is some sort of study where women rate male dating profiles on attractiveness, where the sole difference is whether they have a vasectomy or not.

Anyway, if you’re going to do it, research the hell out of it. It is for me however something where I’d rather stop having sex than have someone chop bits of my sexual anatomy up. Not for nothing, but I also use my balls and dick for things other than fucking.

 

Who Are You? What Do You Want?

I miss Bablyon 5 and have been poking through the treasure trove on YouTube recently. I’m not a buy a series on DVD guy, but I think that might be a nice wedding anniversary present for Jennifer next month.

One of my favorite characters from the show was Vir Cotto, the assistant to ambassador Londo Molari. Vir was constantly appalled at the scheming Londo, and Londo annoyed at the proper ethics and peacefulness of Vir… which he saw as weakness.

Over the course of the show, the quite fat Vir, trimmed down a great deal and started gaining some personal strength along the way as well…

Eventually, he gets a very sharp edge and gets what he wants…

But at the end of the day, there never was anything nasty about Vir. He just got better, stronger and firmer. In the end, he made a path from being the sidekick to the diplomatic “joke position” on Babylon 5… all the way to Emperor of the Centauri Republic.

We don’t all get to be Emperor. But we can take a stand for ourselves. Figure out who you are. Decide what you want.

No one else can help you with that.

 

Your Potential and Why Women Value Loyalty

One of the best insights in the Red Pill is that men who keep themselves physically and professionally together, can in their early forties with a little Game, have a cherry picking of women in their mid-twenties. While women in their early forties… meh not so much. I touched on that topic with Young Guy Game vs Old Guy Game. I actually had a friend phone me up after I wrote that post saying I soft peddled it way too much and that “Old Athol” would simply bury “Young Athol” in a match for “Young Jennifer’s” charms.

So the question begged then, is why don’t far more older men, bag younger women. Historically there’s always been a 2-3 year age difference between brides and grooms that’s held steady even as the average age for marriage moves toward being older. Why is that age gap only 2-3 years instead of 12-13 years? Why don’t 27 year old women routinely marry 40 year old men?  Why do young women in their early twenties – at the very peak of their Sexual Marketplace buying power – settle for men in their mid-twenties?

The answer is simple…

The purchase the man not as he is, but as he shall be… potentially.

Or put more plainly, they’ll marry a med student because he’ll become a doctor, not because he’s a med student. They’ll marry a young business guy because he’ll become a captain of industry. They’ll marry a musician because he’ll become the rock star.

Your potential is a somewhat nebulous thing though. Shit happens. The economy tanks. People get laid off. We don’t all get to grow up to be astronauts.

In some cases, your marriage is tanking because she’s emotionally involved with another man… the mental image of the you that reached your potential. The fact that you did pretty good when all is said and done, may not appease her when she traded a smoking hot 22-year-old body for someone that turned into a fairly good 42-year-old man. It’s not that you’re a loser because you’re not… it’s that she feels she gambled and lost.

This is why you must pay special attention you’re entire marriage to the structural attraction issues. You can’t let your career slide away into nothingness when she has a mental image of you becoming someone more than you are. She did not trade a hot 24-year-old body to end up with a fat 39-year-old man.

Likewise, if you actually keep all your shit together and become what your potential suggest you can be… you will have the opportunities to just dump her and saddle up a new hottie as a replacement wife. Her gamble on you will never pay off as she hopes unless you are loyal to her. Thus when you act disloyal, or questionably loyal, her hamster kicks into overdrive, and she takes steps to ascertain your true loyalty to her. That’s why women will always sift through your unattended, unlocked phone.

Of course men aren’t terribly different either. The level of disgust men have in watching their trim perky bride morph into Jabba the Hutt’s sister is quite acute.

Fitness Testing vs Loyalty Testing

I’ve had a long email exchange over a few days now. At first it’s mildly tedious as I answer – yet again – the basics. But at the end is a moment of zen as the student teaches the teacher and a new term is created…

Reader:  I was thinking that there are two types of beta – good and bad.   Now, though, after living through this, i wonder if alpha/beta is more alpha/something else, eliminate squirrelly beta behavior.   All the behaviors you say to stop should be stopped. Grow a backbone. Don’t ever do something she can do herself. Pick up the kids. That’s not the task. Pick up the kids when her idiot boss keeps her late at work. That’s a no-brainer, and you do it because it needs to be done. It’s not the same thing.

Relationship comfort is not picking up the kids because her boss in an ass. Relationship comfort is based in making sure she knows she’s your Number One. It *is* the loyalty factor.   Our wedding rings and engagement tattoos are claddaghs. Love is easy. Friendship means we like each other and respect each other on another level. Loyalty is both sexual and social. Monogamy. Mate guarding. Direct expressions of husband/wife-dom. None of these are beta activities. They are neither alpha nor beta.

You may have a x/y/z rather than an x/y formula, with x and z being desired at high levels, and y at low levels.   Just a thought.

Athol:  Alpha = attraction = dopamine

Beta = comfort = oxytocin

Physical = horny = testosterone/estrogen

“Bad beta” is basically something that looks like it might be good Beta, but wrapped up in a total failure of Alpha.

Good Beta = me finding two perfect jackets to go with Jennifer’s polka dot dress as a surprise and time saver.

Bad Beta = Jennifer ordering me to go find her a jacket to go with the dress in a shitty tone and me going off and finding something for her.

It’s really more a failure of Alpha than bad Beta though.

Reader:  So you don’t agree with the “too much alpha” and loyalty tests, or what I’m talking about isn’t related?   I’ll figure this out… it’s just not clicking yet.

Athol:   Can a man be too rich and powerful? Too strong?

He can be powerful but then lack enough Beta to make the woman comfortable he isn’t just going to dump her for someone hotter.

Reader:  Ok, so it’s still just alpha and beta, but there’s good alpha (wet panties) and bad alpha (asshole), good beta (loyalty) and bad beta (doormat).

Heh. The model holds up. Yup, I’m Virgo rising. Gotta deconstruct everything. ;)

Athol:   No…

Good Alpha (strong dominant = wet panties)    Weak Alpha  (doormat)

Good Beta (looks after you)   Weak Beta (doesn’t do anything helpful or nice)

You just see a lot of   (Good Alpha + Weak Beta) guys   and  (Weak Alpha + Good Beta)  guys      that’s where the confusion comes from.

Reader:  And where does asshole come in? Personality disorder? Lol

Athol:  An asshole is someone you want to give you Beta attention who doesn’t.

Reader:  lmao! Yup!

Reader:  Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!! I got it!!   The loyalty tests really rang true. I never really thought I was shit  testing, but I knew I was testing *something*.

So, is it this??

If the Alpha is high but bad or not enough Beta, it’s a loyalty test.  If the Beta is high but bad and the Alpha is low, it’s a shit test.

Did I finally get it right?   We’re just very open to talking about this in shared terms, and he had  been trying to respond to what I now think are loyalty tests with the  proper beta shit test response, which threw me further down the pit,  thinking he was fixing to leave me. So, they’d backfire until he  finally sat me down and said something completely profoundly loyal.  And I’d be okay in an instant. So, I was thinking that since he’s  heavy Alpha, there had to be something else at play. But, it’s simply  that either his Alpha was incorrectly played, and/or his beta wasn’t  there.

We’re officially living together now, and all this has gone away.  Well, most of it. I still have residual fear, but when he’s right  there to look me in the eye, he doesn’t even have to say anything  anymore. I get it. He’s not going to leave me. And now I’m pushing him  for more Alpha. heh. Go figure. ;) Stupid hamster.

Athol:  Actually all this makes a lot of sense. I’ve been arguing for nearly three years that Alpha and Beta are two separate traits of behaviors, yet only have Fitness Testing as a single term for ”acting out” behavior. Which means I’ve been kind of saying saying two things can be a problem, but there’s only one reason women can get upset. When I say it like that, makes me sound like an idiot lol.

I have talked about why wives can start getting withdrawn as their husbands improve their Sex Rank and start pulling ahead of their wives in attractiveness, just didn’t have a term for it. I think Loyalty Testing is a good one. A wife can be plenty attracted to her husband, just terrified of getting cheated on or dumped. There’s Dread Game where you inject a little of that into the mix and get a positive reaction, and then there’s losing hope that she can be anything other than a victim to his whim for how the relationship plays out. When that happens she pulls back, shuts her vagina down and braces for the emotional shotgun blast to the chest.

Which is exactly why when a wife Loyalty Tests her husband, and he bumps back on her and acts aloof and unaffected by her like it’s a Fitness Test, it makes things significantly worse between them. Playing hard to get when someone is desperate to see loyalty is the completely wrong thing to do.

So… new rules and terms…

Fitness Testing and/or ignoring you, act more Alpha

Loyalty Testing and/or clinging to you, act more Beta

If I Was Single, Would I Bang Everyone?

Serenity:  Yes, Athol, but I’m not talking about the woman’s perspective here.  I’m talking about the man’s.  Heck, being blunt…I’m talking about you  as someone I’ve grown to respect.  Okay, really over-stepping the bounds here, but do you feel this way?  If single again, would you sleep with a million women just because you could? Would it really be no more than body parts to you?

Athol:   It’s not over stepping bounds to ask.

If I lost Jennifer….

My Plan C:  Okay this is kind of just a fantasy one lol. I’d run a free service as a sperm donor for infertile couples. Doing it the old fashioned way as the bull. The ovulating wives would get dropped off by their husbands, I’d bang them silly and then they’d leave all knocked up. Then I’d sell DVD’s of the whole studfucking thing online. I’d have to have good lawyers though lol.

My Plan B:  I would run a soft harem approach. I’m not into a notch for a notches sake, but would escalate things very quickly if I was interested in someone and drop them to the bottom of the list if they weren’t terribly responsive.

No woman is just a body part to me. I love them, that’s why I’m so good with them. I mean if I liked having sex with them, why wouldn’t I keep doing it with them?

You also have to remember that I have a crazy high sex drive. I’m consciously and actively limiting myself to just Jennifer and that takes constant mental effort. I love her dearly and only my wife goggles for her makes it seem like that a deal worth making.

My Plan A:  I would visit [late virgin forum member I've seen photos of] and see if there was chemistry there. I believe she would be loyal and worth the risk.

Importantly though, I’m so committed to Jennifer, that even in my fantasy where I have sex with other women, she has to die first and I have an appropriate grieving period before I go all cockzilla. That’s true love right there.

Jennifer:  I think if either one of us dies the proposals will come thick and fast to the survivor.

Hmmm….

The Plot of Every Romance Novel in 60 Seconds

Girl meets aloof Alpha who doesn’t have much Beta

Alpha refused to give girl Beta

Girl avoids the Alpha as best she can

Circumstance throw Girl and Alpha together

Alpha shows some shyly sweet Beta traits

Girl starts warming up to Alpha

Alpha warms up to Girl

Alpha shows more Beta

Girl wet like a monsoon for Alpha/Beta

Circumstance creates massive drama spliting Girl and Alpha apart

Girl in serious trouble

Alpha saves the day by being WTFALPHAOMGLASERBEAMPEWPEWPEWPEW!

Girl squirts.

Alpha hangs up Alpha and becomes Beta.

Shopping And The Princess Fiona Plan

The Princess Fiona Plan essentially means that I’m prepared to keep doing anything sweetly Beta for Jennifer and actively enjoy doing it for her, as long as I keep getting laid like tile and she holds up her end of the bargin as a functional adult.

So…

…we’re coming closer to the due date of The Charity Event That Shall Not Be Spoken Of. TCETSNBSO. It’s an annual work drama-fest, and last years quick summary was Turning The Beta Up To Eleven. It’s kind of a five months of dread, two weeks of stress, two weeks of panic and a single day of wanting to try meth. We’re in the two weeks of panic window right now.

I’ve always been willing to pitch in and help Jennifer with it… as long as it was something I could actually help with… as opposed to just listen to a wall of verbiage for all SIX MONTHS about it beforehand. Which is a polite way of saying, “Bitch shut the fuck up about it.”

Anyway…

A couple months back we were consignment shop hopping… it’s one of her most loved day trips… fun, saves money on clothes and she just really likes it. We’re leaving one shop and on the back of the front door is this white dress, covered in a polka dot pattern of various shades of blue. So I drag Jennifer back into the store and tell her to try it on. It fits really well and is immediately declared the dress to be worn for TCETSNBSO. I can’t really describe the dress beyond that because I’m just totally visual and can see it on her like a skin on a 3D model, I have no clue about dress names for styles or anything. Dress. It’s a dress. It has polka dots. Blue ones. I have an erection. Buy the dress.

Fast forward to today. TCETSNBSO is in one week, so work on TCETSNBSO is at a fever pitch, plus Jennifer has to work over the weekend doing her usual work schtick. What she really needs though is a jacket of some description to go with the dress. I’m actually needing to be on the main shopping strip in town for my own purposes this morning, so it’s an easy detour for me into the world of the women’s departments. I dig around and around and not finding over much joy.

I text her at work.

“Would a jeans jacket work for the dress for TCETSNBSO?”

“Ohhh maybe. I could still use it for work even if it didn’t.”

Hmmm….

Not impressed with jean options. Try a second store.

Find the perfect top… but in a large. Dig further, nothing in medium, but find it in small, and Jennifer is petite so she falls kinda between a small and a medium.

“Small okay?”

“Yes.”

Purchase made.

On impulse I head back to the orginal store and have instant eye contact with an even better jacket hanging on the end of an aisle. Damnit. Now I have to get this one too.

Purchase made.

“You have two jackets to choose from when you get home.”

“Two? LOL okay.”

Now at this point I have to explain that while I’m texting her, I know she is around other women at work, and I’m counting on a conversation taking place about the fact that I’m shopping for clothes for Jennifer. They are all a bunch of stress bunnies about TCETSNBSO. After Jennifer is home, I do discover that a moderate length conversation did in fact occur, where I built mad preselection points for actually being capable of a self-directed shopping experience that did not result in returning home with a small bag of magic beans that would grow into a giant beanstalk. Mentions of other husbands being incapable of basic self-care like finding three items on a shopping list in a grocery store abounded.

Once home she got to actually see the jackets, I figured one could just be returned if she didn’t like it, but she liked them both. Even better is that she was hoping to wear the same dress to another event where she’s getting an award about a week after TCETSNBSO, except a handful of people will be attending both events and one is more business oriented than the other. Jacket one fits TCETSNBSO, jacket two fits the award night.I totally play it off like I intended to do that for best comedic effect.

“I had no idea when I was going to find the time to go shopping for those.”

Amazing husband is amazing.

Anyway…

While out walking tonight, I actually opened the conversation up about how TCETSNBSO planning was going. That’s right, I spoke of the unspeakable. Jennifer had about ten minutes of verbal diarrhea as we walked about all that was going on before it starts subsiding.

“Just drawing attention to the fact that I asked you how it was all going.”

“Yes, I noticed that.”

“I’m getting points, right?”

She laughs… “Yes, you are.”

At the end of our walks we stop on the steps and hug and make out a bit before going into the house. It’s our little ritual. Tonight however there was some unusually enthusiastic deep kissing and mashing of her body against me. Plus a remarkably forthright public fondling of my genitals.

Your mileage may vary.

 Jennifer:  Okay, yes, the whole finding a jacket (no, TWO!) for me to wear with my dress was the best surprise ever.  Totally not something I asked him to do, which made it even better.  And to top it all off, he spent a grand total of $24!  Yes, that is a plus for me…I’m a bargain shopper and he knows I get a kick out of him finding things on sale.   And just for the record, the public fondling of the genitals was through clothing and at twilight…I’m a proper lady, right??

Athol:  After last night’s photos you’re going with being a proper lady?

Jennifer:  Princess then.

 

Mate Guarding For The Win (And Wetness)

Here’s the scenario, some dude makes a fairly direct move on your wife in front of you. Some responses from the forum…

 

sf64:  On Saturday night, 5 guys asked “I” for a dance.  Five times, she declined.  She never looked to me for guidance, my opinion, or for me to say anything.  She just politely turned them down.

One of them was not taking no for an answer.  I stood up, put my hand on his shoulder, looked him in the eye and said, “The lady said no.”  He looked at me, said, “I’m sorry” then turned and walked away.

 

RedPillNewb:  Mate-guarding can be seen as a strong, Captain-y thing to do.  It may be that your woman doesn’t actually want to dance with this loser (or go to Vegas with Queen Bee, or go to the GNO), but is too polite and people-pleasing to say no.  So she counts on you to say it for her and protect her from the social embarassment of rejecting someone.  That can make her feel protected and safe thanks to her manly man.

 

Fredless:  The three of us were out to dinner, along with my wife’s and my two sons.  Friend is talking about a sandwich shop that he loves that neither wife or I have heard of.  He looks at my wife and says, “I have to take you there for lunch.”

My wife nodded and went about her dinner, thinking absolutely nothing of it.  About 18 months ago, I would have done the same.

This time, as soon as he said it, I stared at him–looking right in his eyes.  It was clear that I was not pleased with that invitation.  He stammered over his words and then threw out, “Yea, we’ll all have to go.”

After dinner, I let wife know I wasn’t pleased with Friend’s sandwich shop invitation and she clearly had no idea what I meant.  I told her I trust her completely but no man is going to ask my wife out, particularly with me sitting right there.  I pointed out how he changed the invitation right after I stared at him.  She did remember Friend changing the invitation.  She didn’t even know I had given Friend ‘the look’ and asked surprised, “You did that?  Just stared at him?”  [note:  obvious gina tingles were now emanating from my wife].

 

Athena:  There was a new guy at work a while back, who was kind of feeling out all the women, probably to see if there was any interest. He hit on me out of sight of my husband, which I of course shot down, but I told him about it right away.

I guess “mate guarding” describes what my husband did in response at a work social function. He got very physical and made sure new guy saw him kissing, hugging me, etc. Complete with a couple of stare-downs. Honestly, it made me giggle at how AMOG he was trying to be.

But it worked, because the new kid wouldn’t even make eye contact with me for a month! And when he did have a legit reason to approach me with something work-related, he took it to my husband first!

Be still my heart…if he only knew how hot that was!

 

Maria:  Knowingly hitting on someone else’s wife/girlfriend is a challenge. Always. It has to be met appropriately by display of strength, not fear or indifference.

 

Kar:  We were out at a fancy event seated at a table with a business associate of my husbands. Man is married but his wife was not there (he frequently leaves her at home-what does that tell you?), anyway, Man says to my husband in front of entire table and loud enough for all to hear, Wow, (MY name) is looking so hot tonight, I may just have to hit on her later.”

This dude does cheat on his wife. My husband points his finger at Man and says, “NO! Don’t talk that way about my wife. Not cool.”

I actually really liked this. I felt like he was protecting what what his, A, and B, not allowing this man to disrespect me.

I’d like to add, (since this happened to me), that when my husband responded that way, the man put both his hands up, palms forward and back-peddeled fast, “Okay, I’m sorry, I meant no disrespect.” He looked like an ass, and my husband looked like the Alpha one. Yeah, it made me wet.

Was my husband afraid I might actually want to be hit on? Or even possibly cheat with this man. Um, not a chance. It was more about him not allowing this guy to talk about me like one of his many other use-them-for-sex targets. He demanded respect for me. HOT!

 

Pastorgeek:  Always mate guard. Always. Vary the intensity according to the situation, but always guard. From The Look to major force, just understand the consequences of anything beyond The Look.

 

Kort:  My husband has never mate guarded and I kinda resent him for it. I can think of times when I felt actively threatened by another man who was making a move on me in front of my husband. The first time was when a male friend of ours crawled into bed with me while I was sleeping, cause he and my husband wanted to see what I would do. I cuddled with him then woke up enough to tell him not to wear clothes to bed, realized it was not my husband and freaked out. My husband was standing in the doorway laughing like he was going to pee himself.

A more recent one was when we were out with friends for karaoke and there was a guy at the bar who wouldn’t take no for an answer. He tried to pull me out of my chair and my friends boyfriend decked him. My husband told me he didn’t bother because he knew I could handle myself. Yeah, had he got me standing up, I would have laid him out flat, but I shouldn’t have had to. One indication from my husband that I was off limits would have had the guy backing down.

So, yeah, mate-guarding can be very important.

 

Linanati: I’ve found that if a man is pursuing me, it’s much, much harder for me to put a stop to it than it is for my husband to do so. When it comes from me, the guy will often think he can change my mind if he persists. Every time my husband has gotten involved, the other guy has immediately backed off. Based on that, I think that, as long as it isn’t taken to irrational extremes, mate-guarding is an alpha behavior.

 

Athol:  Saved the most important two for last…

 

Danceny:  Men don’t often make “direct and open challenges” IME; they make slimy, plausibly deniable, tacit or “just being funny” challenges.  They observe the woman’s and man’s responses and then escalate to something a shade more overt, and repeat.

An important distinction bears reiterating because a lot of Red Pillers miss it.  An Alpha is aloof/indifferent to women’s emotions; he is NOT aloof to interloping males.  Just look at primates.

sf64:  IMHO, there really is only one way to ‘mate guard’ and that is to have a clearly higher sex rank.  If you are a 5 and your wife is an SR7, you have a big problem.  If an SR8 takes a hard run at her… she is going to at least think about it.  Now, if your wife is an SR7 and you are an SR8, she might be susceptible to an SR9 or SR10, but in reality, an SR10 is not likely going to be interested in an SR7.

 

Athol:  Danceny is 100% correct that most hitting on your wife in front of you is not going to be a direct request for her sexual attention. It’s going to be some kind of subtle teasing, put down, flirting, whoops-I-didn’t-mean-it-serious comment. It’s always serious. It’s just him testing the fences like the raptors in Jurassic Park. Put him on your mental list of shitheads to keep an eye on forever.

Likewise sf64 is correct that ultimately, the best defense is a good offense. Keep your Sex Rank up as high as you can. As long as you’re trumping her Sex Rank a little, she’s not going to be nearly as willing to risk ruining her good deal for a one time upgrade.

The real risk of your Sex Rank falling below your wife’s isn’t having to fend off guys hitting on her in front of you. It’s her hitting on them.

 

Oh and ladies. You can mate guard too. Don’t just sit there while some bitch starts putting her grubby little paws on your man. Defend what’s yours.

Sexy Move: Buying Flowers

Any dufus can give a woman flowers. You buy a bunch, attach some lame card and hand them over. She makes the right little noises, and immediately plops them in a vase and waters them. A week later, the flowers are dead, and whatever points you earned by giving them, are wiped off the slate as well.

One work around for this is to buy high quality silk flowers that will last forever, but for some reason silk flowers seem not quite right for romantic giftage. House warming present yes, I-love-you no. So perhaps a sneaky workaround is to give actual flowers, with one silk flower mixed in there.

Or you can give her a potted plant/flowers of some description. This will nearly always fail in that giving someone a plant means you’re actually handing them something they will eventually kill unless they have a green thumb already. If they have a green thumb, they have more than enough plants anyway and don’t need you to hand them something they recognize as being half dead as a gift.

Anyway….

I’ve got a sneaky good solution that has all the good points of being a real flower, long lasting and easily maintained by someone with zero skill with plants.

Jennifer had her birthday a month ago and I got her a Just Add Ice Orchid. So an actual orchid, comes-in-a-pot plant and to feed it, you add three pieces of ice once a week. That’s it.

I gave it to her and she had this slight “dammit now I’m gonna kill a plant” face happening, but it was fun watching her expression change from “ugh”…  to confusion… three pieces of ice?… to excitement… holy crap I can do this!   to awe… oh it’s so pretty…  to being impressed…  where did you even find that?

Ding ding ding, we have a winner!

Anyway, costs about the same as a moderate sized bouquet of flowers, has lasted for over a month so far as opposed to being hurled in the trash three weeks ago. Still looks like a plant that is alive to my untrained eyes. Jennifer is interested enough to be going online and wanting to learn more about the orchids and caring for them.

Anyway, still as heck worked for me. Gotta find a new wrinkle on the standard giftage if you go that route.

Jennifer:  Yep, that’s me, zero skills with plants.  No, really.  But I love my orchid…somewhat exotic, ooooh pretty flowers, freaking easy to take care of, and reminds me of him every time I look at it.  We have a winner!

When The Ten Second Kiss Fails

Way back in the dawn of time, I wrote a post called Sexy Moves: The Ten Second Kiss. I finished the post with…

What you will find is that somewhere around the 6-8 second mark, her shields come down, and something inside her will trigger and she will become quite passionate about the interaction. Feel free to keep the kiss going on as long as you both want. Also you will find the long deep kiss will not only trigger passionate interest in her, but also in you. It is very difficult to stay emotionally neutral about a member of the opposite sex when you kiss like this.

The beauty of The Ten Second Kiss, is that it works every time. You can do this once a day and it will connect you both again. Importantly, don’t automatically try and turn this into an attempt to close for sex. Kiss her like this, make some small talk, and move on with your day. The goal is to connect you both emotionally. Once emotionally connected to you, your woman is far more interested in sex.

So…

Here’s the deal, it really does work… for a lot of people, but not everyone. I’ve had a ton of email to the effect of “It’s amazing and changed so much for us,” but also some of  “Well I tried it, and it worked once or twice and then nothing. I try it and she avoids doing it, or breaks it early every time.”

I think there are three reasons the Ten Second Kiss fail.

(1)  The most likely one is that it’s simply too soon in the process of getting your Sex Rank back together and her interest level simply isn’t there yet. If so, the solution is keep on running the MAP and getting yourself in shape and upping your Sex Rank. Come back to it once in a while and she if her interest level has started to kick in again. I think it’s far more likely to have a Ten Second Kiss failure in Phase One as opposed to Two or Three.

(2)  It’s a dental issue. There’s bad breath, morning breath and garlic breath… and then there’s have-you-been-eating-rotting-penguin-breath from a tooth that’s going bad. Or just build up on your teeth like barnacles on the bottom of a boat. Get thee to a dentist. Fix your teeth up all shiny and new. Nice teeth are nice teeth anyway, so get to it as part of your MAP.

(3)  You’re pretty much heading to Phase Four or worse and still nothing happening on the kissing front. If so, just take it as a very serious indication that she is checked out of the relationship and that you have quite minimal hope for a return of her interest to you. Really by Phase Three you should be seeing her interest returning, if you have to force things to a head just to get kissed… oy… why bother trying much longer.

Overall though, it’s still a very sound move to use.