The Plot of Every Romance Novel in 60 Seconds

Girl meets aloof Alpha who doesn’t have much Beta

Alpha refused to give girl Beta

Girl avoids the Alpha as best she can

Circumstance throw Girl and Alpha together

Alpha shows some shyly sweet Beta traits

Girl starts warming up to Alpha

Alpha warms up to Girl

Alpha shows more Beta

Girl wet like a monsoon for Alpha/Beta

Circumstance creates massive drama spliting Girl and Alpha apart

Girl in serious trouble

Alpha saves the day by being WTFALPHAOMGLASERBEAMPEWPEWPEWPEW!

Girl squirts.

Alpha hangs up Alpha and becomes Beta.

Comments

  1. Yep. Pretty much.

  2. Lousy ending…

  3. Doesn’t always end that way. Some of my favorites are part of an ongoing series. The heroes stay alpha and the wives stay happy.

  4. How many did you read for your survey sample? ;)

  5. bwwahahahahah ahahahaaAHahahahaAha

    *cough cough*

  6. Kathy Hall says:

    Don’t knock romance novels. When my husband retired and I had him around all day, I loved him but I wanted to BE IN LOVE again. I decided to read romance novels and change the way that I treated him. At first I had to pretend he was the sexiest guy around and watch his shocked expression! But then my actions made him sexier and we’ve never been happier. He’s much more playful and now he looks at the cover of the book and then becomes the cowboy, pirate or navy seal! Try it.

    Oh I’m not knocking it, Jennifer reads a ton of them. Just pointing out the pattern of attraction that draws women into reading them over and over.

  7. Also the plot of just about every romantic “chick flick” out there, but generally minus the LASERBEAMPEWPEW. If they had more LASERBEAMPEWPEW at least they’d be somewhat more entertaining for guys to watch, even if they did have to suffer through the preceding drama.

    As an example, you know what I most enjoyed about the movie Titanic, despite it being primary about the romance of Jack and Rose? The action and drama surrounding the liner’s sinking. For me the movie got considerably more interesting after the ship hit the iceberg.

  8. Haha. Yeah, that’s about right.

  9. There are some others in which hot woman knows beta male, they are thrown together in peril and he turns out to be really alpha. (I’ve also read on where hot woman decides to get beta male girlfriend, starts training program, uncovers inner alpha male.)

  10. Katherine Kelly says:

    I’ve now learned not to drink anything while reading your posts.

    “Girl wet like a monsoon for Alpha/Beta” resulted in choking and my Mocha coming out my nose completely disgusting the Alpha that was checking me out here at Starbucks.

    Maybe this is a start of my own romance novel.
    “Circumstance creates massive drama spliting Girl and Alpha apart”

  11. The alpha -> beta transition is the central feature, but the “relationship obstacle” towards the end of the 2nd act isn’t necessarily “girl in trouble.” My samples show some sort relationship drama, usually where the alpha has to prove himself to be twuly in wuv with the magic vagina protagonist (ie. go even more beta).

  12. “Alpha hangs up Alpha and becomes Beta”………Then she dumps him que ” The Mummy” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11GHFCqmwlA

  13. As someone who was part of a romance novel book club in college… yup, that’s it. Just like how 98% of porn goes down the same way, so do the romance novels (female porn). It’s an industry, and they’ve figured out how to deliver what the customer wants, over and over and over again. ;)

  14. Is this the next market you are going to break into?

  15. I wonder how this compares with slash? (IE Kirk/Uhuru or Leia/Han).

  16. The scheme is 100% (except for the other plot in which woman falls in love with the wrong guy ignores Beta orbiter/best friend/ real soulmate and then wakes up at some point realizing how stupid she had been and ask for a second chance, live happily ever after, there is a lot less of those of course but they do exist) but the trick is to be skillful enough to write the novel in a way that you still think this people might not end up together, and suffer and cry and obsess because of the “uncertainty” even if that is exactly what you read this novels for the security of knowing that “True Loves conquers all”
    I’m writing my paranormal romance trilogy and making this simple steps look new and fresh (for 3 books) is very challenging. But is also interesting and fun.
    Don’t hate on the formula just yet is not as easy as it looks (and this is a general statement not aimed at Athol)

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