Vasectomy Killed Her Sexual Interest

Vasectomy ghost story just added to the comments on Vasectomy Causing Loss Of Wife’s Sexual Interest?

Julie:  I’m in my forties and I have had about 5 different partners, from my early 20’s until recently that have had a vasectomy. SEX IS MASSIVELY DIFFERENT with a man who has had a vasectomy and I would never be in a long term relationship with anyone with one for that simple reason.

It doesn’t matter how gorgeous he is, how aching the chemistry is between us, or how deeply the feelings of emotional love run between us. Hands down, my vagina feels an absence of spark, of feral-ness, of hit-that-mark urgency from him that is all part of the delicate dance of banging with an undercurrent to get pregnant while not actually wanting to get pregnant. It’s a game of sorts and the more virile the man is – meaning he has sperm and can get you pregnant – the more hot the components are between us for sex. Take away that driving force, that risk even subconsciously and you have little more than an animated dildo attached to a man.

I don’t care how many people will bash me for this, but I honestly thought it was me with my first partner. We had an amazing sex life and he was the love of my life [in my twenties]. We actually chose to go and get a vasectomy together because our sex life was deep and he was afraid of pregnancy. The love was deeper as we went on but the feeling, the intensity of sex greatly diminished. We had other issues so I attributed this to those other areas. my next partner was someone I had dated a few years earlier and we were very hot. In the years since I had seen him, he had gotten a vasectomy. Again, a noticeable lack of the spark that once pulled us together.

It would be years later when I would have another partner who had one, I was in my thirties then and again, assumed I didn’t know what I was talking about. The same thing, the sex just wasn’t the same as it was with someone who didn’t have a vasectomy. I too, was excited at the prospect of limitless sex without worry of pregnancy until it became noticeable that I actually wasn’t drawn to have limitless sex with my partner. It just wasn’t the same.

Now, I’m in my 40’s and in the last 5 years have dated several men who had vasectomies and had not told me. I could tell right away. It’s a shame really and I think that any man should seriously consider this element before diving off the deep end and cutting out the cro-magnon drive we’re all wired with to have sex to begin with. As for me, I personally am not willing to give up my primal love of a man who is intact and with the driving force of sperm and the risk. My body knows the difference between the two and I’ve made my choice.

Athol:  Again, just to be clear, as far as I can tell, there’s been zero research on the effect of vasectomy on marriage outcomes and relationship happiness. All we’ve got is stories such as these to go on. All I’ve got is a hunch that all is not always right with the Big V.

Julie does however touch on a point that I’ve thought as well. Some women, despite saying they don’t want to get pregnant, and really not wanting to get pregnant… need that little bit of added stress to sexually respond to him. I’d imagine it’s the difference between having a loaded gun and an unloaded gun pointed at you, when you know the gun is unloaded. The loaded gun is going to create a far greater response in your body… you’re heart rate will kick up and you’ll move into a flight or fight state. An unloaded gun will only be mildly concerning.

However some people are so stressed out by the mere sight of a gun, that knowing it’s unloaded is the only thing that makes even having it around tolerable. Likewise some women are so freaked out by the idea of one more kid, that their sex drive shuts down rather than risk another. Knowing he’s been snipped would likely be an improvement in overall stress and sexual functioning for her.

What we really need is some sort of study where women rate male dating profiles on attractiveness, where the sole difference is whether they have a vasectomy or not.

Anyway, if you’re going to do it, research the hell out of it. It is for me however something where I’d rather stop having sex than have someone chop bits of my sexual anatomy up. Not for nothing, but I also use my balls and dick for things other than fucking.



  1. Dan says

    I’m quite certain that “julie” would have no way of knowing whether or
    not the person she was with had or had not recieved a vasectomy without
    asking, looking for the scar, or getting a peek at the medical records.

    Her feelings are psychosomatic in origin and she’s rationalizing.
    She’s using the “vasectomy” makes a difference ideation to mask
    her real motivations and choices.

  2. says

    Vasectomies are 100% until they’re not, in other words, the body can heal itself; most people seem to know somebody who had a child ten years after a vasectomy because the body overcame. A careful person using contraceptives will be 99.9% protected, but a person with a vasectomy will be 100% – X%, where X is some magical number of years until the body fixes itself. Point is, vasectomies don’t remove the possibility of getting pregnant. So I disagree with vasectomies removing the excitement.
    (Sis’ Husband)

    Sex is better now than before his vasectomy, we both appreciate not having to use condoms or the pill. He hasn’t had any pain either. I recommend vasectomies.

  3. The Outsider says

    I had a girlfriend who told me she would pretend I did not have a vasectomy when we had sex. Whether this minor inconvenience makes it better or worse than the other birth control options, I couldn’t say. “Perfection” wasn’t one of the options we were offered.

  4. Philalethes says

    ‘”I’d rather stop having sex than have someone chop bits of my sexual anatomy up.”

    So, you haven’t been circumcised? Lucky you. Realizing what had been done to me and my sexuality was pretty much enough to turn me off sex. A circumcised man can achieve climax (provide stud service), but much of the rest of his sexual potential he can never realize; sexually, he’s only half a man.

    As for vasectomy: My very first sexual encounter, at 17 in high school (1961), resulted in a child (adopted). So I’m very much aware of the possibilities inherent in sexual intercourse, and they are serious, especially as I consider abortion to be murder. After two decades of chronic illness, I haven’t had sex in a long time, and am not sure if I’m even interested; I tend to think of Evelyn Waugh (“the pleasure fleeting, the posture ridiculous, the expense damnable”); but if I were to find myself in a relationship that demanded that intimacy, I think I would get a vasectomy so as not to have to worry about truly unintended consequences. The aim of sex is procreation; if you pretend otherwise you’re playing games with yourself. There’s no excuse for irresponsibility, if you wish to consider yourself an adult.

    I am circumcised. Something I’m unhappy with.

  5. Mona says

    Anecdotal. But that’s all we’ve got to go on here so I’ll throw in my two bits. Despite some minor complications directly following the vasectomy, the sex has been considerably better since him getting it. Also, not sure if this is psychological or physiological, but my husbands orgasms last longer than they used to. 3-5 times longer. Used to be 5-10 seconds, now goes on for 30 or more almost every time. So that’s a definite positive. We’ve been happy with it. The problem seems to be that, though negative effects are relatively rare, it’s impossible to know whether you’ll be one of the unlucky ones till after it’s done. And as has been pointed out, we don’t have any data on divorce rates and the like following a vasectomy. If they were collected though, it would be important to sort out couples who agreed on the procedure, and couples where the desire for a vasectomy was one sided. Some men are cuckolded into it; others get one over their wife’s protest. Either one could be a symptom of existing problems, or cause the relationship issues blamed on the vasectomy.

  6. Days of Broken Arrows says

    I agree that what she feels is realistic. But I think it’s for a much, much different reason than she thinks.

    It’s not the man’s “virility” that is women can sense when a man has a vasectomy. It’s their own loss of power and control over the sexual dynamic. Getting a vasectomy means a man has owned his sexuality and choices about birth control. He’s declared: we won’t have kids and it’ll be done by way.

    American women have had 100 percent control of the reproductive process since 1973. If she does an “oops” and wants a kid, she has it. If she wants to abort or use birth control, she can do that too. The man becomes a bit player in the process (talk about a walking dildo). Women have been told since birth their lives need to be about “choice.” A vasectomy takes away that choice. That’s the loss she’s feeling. Her own power.

    Men need to realize that sexuality and issues revolving around it are largely about power for a lot of women (a quick look at Jezebel or Feministing should drive this point home). Where men draw their strength from force or their work, women draw it from how many men they can excite, because that means they’re controlling men’s emotions and instincts. Women deny this verbally, of course, but confirm it with their actions: obsessions with high heels, fashion, push-up bras, implants, etc.

    The “control” aspect women bring to sex goes part and parcel with the idea known as “reproductive rights,” which are, of course, only rights for women. Vasectomies upend women’s control over who gets to be born and who doesn’t. No wonder this woman is turned off. The guy she’s with just took the ultimate power away from her.

  7. Solomon says

    We men have proved that the pill, contraceptives, abortion and all that staff is bad for us not only from moral sense but that is also backfires psychologically and medically, causing many negative side effects that are bad for relationships.

    It seems people don’t want to learn form experience. There is no difference who messes with his body a man or a woman it always backfires. I believe strongly that vasectomy brings some side effects and we will observe them as time goes and researches are made. I will not be surprised if we discover that men who make this operation gradually start producing different hormones that signal low mate value.

    Too sad many commenters view life and this topic as a men vs women battle. They will say vasectomy is good because it is for men but pill is bad because it is for women. Wrong! It is all about living in accordance to our natural roles about respecting our nature, that is above us.

    Those who say it is about women losing control – sorry you are already living in a paranoia where are women are schemeing predators willing to entrap you. In reality most women are not thinking that far. Women sue for alimony and divorce because this option just is brought them on a plate by state, mass media and feminist society just when they start feeling a fading of attraction towards their man. But actually aroused women feel like cave women thousands of years ago when pregnancy made them all dependant on the man. And it does cause thrills. The experience this woman describes is valid, this is not hamster.

    It doesn’t matter who abandons their biological role women or men – actually it always goes hand to hand as men become unnaturally softer and beta, women become more aggressive and masculine. And the more masculine women become the more feminine men become. Its a closed system a circle, we are all in the same boat. If men become unfertile women will also answer and lose something that makes them women.

    No matter who abandons their biological role – relationships, children society and individuals – all suffer in the end.

    Don’t mess with nature. Nature is God and you can’t ignore it or defeat it. Humans will have to learn to live in harmony with it both men and women, if they want any permanent happiness and satisfaction.

  8. Liz says

    I, er, I haven’t felt this, even though my husband has had a vasectomy. I’m not denying that an effect is possible for some people – the lack of negative effects for me could be because pretty much every other BC method backfired in some way for me. It’s just nice to be able to just have lots of sex without worrying about the pill nuking my sex drive, for instance.

  9. Jacob Ian Stalk says


    Stories about untamed shrews like this Julie creature demean everyone who reads them. Giving them even a whiff of air on your blog mildews the soul of the honest reader. Why do you do this to us?

  10. Eric says

    Mark me down as another “sex was better after vasectomy” story. Our sexual frequency didn’t really change, but my wife’s enthusiasm for and willingness to initiate sex both increased.

  11. TP says

    My wife and I were discussing me getting the big V. Then a friend of mine got one; that advanced our discussion further. Then out of nowhere 2mos later she divorced him for another man. Turns out she was just vandalizing his cock on the way out. His new girlfriend is much hotter and younger but I imagine the V may be a problem. That put an end to our discussion.

  12. rgoltn says

    I echo Eric’s statement. I have no idea about whether or not she is for real. All I can say is that in my marriage, we reached a point when we decided that we did not want more children. Once I had a Vasectomy, the pressure and concern my wife felt about having an “accident” went away. To this day, she is thankful that I had it done and that she does not need to worry about getting pregnant.

  13. says

    I think it depends on what you want out of life. Our sex life got much better after kids and a vasectomy. No more worrying about getting pregnant, especially when you are in your 40s. If you are in later in your life and in a good LTR, I don’t see how it would effect a marriage. It was kind of liberating.

    If you are a guy and got a vasectomy in your 20s, that would be a deal killer for most women. Half the thrill of having sex is worry about getting pregnant! It’s like a joyride until Aunt Flo shows up…

  14. says

    I believe that this is (in most folks) largely psychological. Doing a dude with a loaded pistol is inherently dangerous/exciting/thrilling, and because of that he seems more alluring. But if that same dude has a vasectomy and you aren’t aware of it, anecdotal evidence suggests that there is no difference in her response. Of course, there may be some subconscious “awareness” that something isn’t quite right, but from my brother Andy’s experience, most chicks can’t tell unless you tell them or have an obvious scar.

    One of the reasons that there has been a feminist push for a male birth-control pill (except for that militant minority that feels it will be used as a tool of female oppression) is the belief that screwing around with male hormones to make a dude temporarily infertile could have the beneficial side-effect of making us “less violent”, “less competitive”, and “more cooperative”. They’re probably right. That’s why a male BC pill is not high on the list of dude drugs to be developed.

    HOWEVER, there is a surgical technique called RISUG, pioneered in over-populated India, that essentially injects a tiny crystalline structure in your vas deferens that essentially shreds your sperm before it reaches your urethra. There is no permanent cutting or scarring of the vas deferens, like in a real vasectomy, and there is no messing around with the testicularly-regulated hormone levels that keep hair on our chests and bananas in our pockets. The sperm is still there, chemically, it’s just not viable.

    RISUG has several other advantages: It’s cheap, it’s one needle in out-patient surgery, It’s cheap (probably around $1000 . . . or $100 a year for birth control) it’s temporary (that is, it lasts 10 YEARS) and it can be reversed quickly, at any time. When the DUDE wants to have a kid.

    In other words, its a committed feminist’s worst nightmare.

    It’s amazing how “reproductive freedom” stops being a big deal to feminists when you bring men into the equation. But mention the possibility of a while generation of horny dudes who know Game and can’t get someone pregnant unless they want to to your average feminist, and watch the blood drain from her face. If this procedure is approved by the FDA (it’s in Stage 1 now, I believe), then it will likely be covered by insurance. It will also keep the “accidental” birthrate down and force women to actually ask a man’s permission before they got pregnant. Indeed, they need his willing cooperation. And if all the high-end sperm is guarded like this, then that is going to DRAMATICALLY change the SMP once again. Just like the sexbots.

    Your Sex Nerd, reporting on the future of sex!

  15. says

    As one who just had one done and is about to confirm his sample has no more sperm, I can say the benefits outweigh the negatives. Getting wife off hormonal BC and not wearing condoms (and the possibility of spontaneous sexual encounters, one of which didn’t happen over the weekend because of the condom issue) are the primary benefactors. While I can get the subconscious aspect of how women view it, Julie’s story still screams to me of hamsterbating, not sure why.

  16. Krafty says

    The Big-V was a success for us as well. For medical reasons my wife was not recommended to be on the pill and when that is combined with a history of high risk pregnancies, getting the V seemed like a no brainer.
    I don’t think my wife could handle the stress of another potential pregnancy and taking that off the table has really opened things up for us. So to speak.

  17. Jane says

    This is purely psychological and *her* issue. I agree that she wants that power and the vasectomized (I know that isn’t a real word) man has the power which leaves her feeling less than sexy. That speaks volumes to me about HER. Each their own and all that, but seriously, sounds like a really stupid reason to dump someone.

    I’ve had sex with intact men and sterilized men. There is NO difference.

  18. says

    @Private Man
    “Simple solution – a man gets a vasectomy without his partner’s knowledge (yeah, kind of shitty) and a single guy doesn’t tell anyone about it.”
    Sounds like you’re advocating pulling a ‘MENTU’ hehehe.

    @Ian Ironwood
    The Vasalgel injectable vasectomy will be the game changer. No more ooops. Babies only when men decide they’re ready. Men having full control of THEIR reproductive rights will be horrifying to feminists. Hence why they always scare women with ‘men will lie/forget to take birth control’. a 10 year certificate you can keep in your wallet along side your condom can prove otherwise.. but i’d still suggest not mentioning it. Keep the dome for STD’s, but never mention the vasectomy so they can keep thinking that they’re playing with a loaded gun for the thrill. Once in a blue moon you’ll run into a woman like this and be so happy you got the procedure.

  19. Sarah says

    I can honestly say my husband’s vasectomy was the thing that saved our sex life. I took hormonal BC for the first time after we had our second baby, and as it turns out, it turns me into a complete lunatic. If I had stayed on it I don’t think we would have made it. Even low-hormone BC made me an emotional mess. For over a year he would come home and ask what was for dinner and I would cry because all he cared about was food. If he came home and didn’t ask about dinner I would cry because I had spent so much time slaving over his dinner and he didn’t even care enough to ask what it was. I still feel horrible about how difficult I was to live with, especially since normally I’m not an especially emotional person . Due to a metal allergy I’m not able to use a copper IUD, and condoms are not something he wanted to do for the rest of his life. We tried “pull and pray” for a while but I just couldn’t enjoy it. I love my kids more than anything but I do NOT want any more. The anxiety really started to get to me and my sex drive went down in flames.

    My husband made the decision to get it done on his own. He talked to his doctor and made the appointment before talking to me, and when he did he was very matter-of-fact about it. We had a problem and he found a solution. He knew I wouldn’t be 100% on board if he had asked me first, mostly because I felt guilty that he was considering surgery to fix something that BC could have if I hadn’t been such a mess. It honestly couldn’t have worked out better for us, and I’m still grateful that he did it. I’m not anxious or crazy and our sex life is better than it has ever been. I’m sure for some women taking away the risk or the control takes away some of the fun, but not for all. I needed the assurance that I wouldn’t get pregnant to be able to enjoy my husband again.

  20. playtrip says

    Ah, my V story.
    I have to admit, after I had mine, there was a definite significant loss of power and volume. Seven years later and it was still only about 50%. I am in very good shape, hit the gym regularly, eat healthy, low stress, great overall health. I don’t know what the issue was, but I definitely sensed a difference with the wife too. She was less into me, we had sex much less often. Things got worse and worse till I found myself on this website, lol. The whole time I told my friends NEVER to get a vasectomy. Not unless they wanted to kill thier sexlife and thier wives attraction to them.
    Well, I almost lost my wife, but with Athols help, I got my shit together.
    And then things changed. Supercharged sex life, and I could spray the walls again. haha
    There were so many variables involved, I cant pinpoint the precise reason really. There was definitely a physiological component to messing with my balls with a scalpel.
    However, the BIGGEST factor, was probably that my wife stopped taking the pill after I got fixed. And her blue pill husband didn’t do it for her anymore.

  21. JCclimber says

    I think the men who got the “V” and didn’t tell her were putting out body language signals that their gun wasn’t loaded. Let’s face it, a gun man holding up a bank with a gun he thinks is loaded with explosive shells is going to behave differently than a gun man whose gun he knows is loaded with paint gun pellets.

  22. The Dude says

    Vasectomy is nothing more than castration but you get to keep your balls.

    Sorry reality is sex is also there for baby making purposes…take that away and there is nothing to it other than giving each other orgasms.

  23. Richard Cook says

    The Dude says:

    “Sorry reality is sex is also there for baby making purposes…take that away and there is nothing to it other than giving each other orgasms.”

    Yeah, I’ll take one of those.

    How long before the injectable vasectomy is available for us. Last I read its in trials.

  24. Deli says

    I am reading the comments and shaking my head: are condoms so ridiculously out of fashion? Or are the commenters here have penises so desensitized (by abundance of sex, no less) that they just can’t do it with a condom?

    And yeah, I did it either way, and… the difference is insignificant for me. So I stick with my own version of “control over sex outcome”, exactly because it’s that – control over outcome of the sex I am having.

  25. says

    The difference is not insignificant to everyone. And if you’re in a LTR that’s committed, and you’d rather do without and not muck around with her hormones, this is the perfect thing.

    It’s in Phase I (animal) trials now, but it should begin Phase II (early human) next year. Thing is, it’s already passed most clinical trials in India. I foresee a new type of “sterility tourism” as men slip across to the subcontinent for the procedure before it’s available here. India is already the best place to go to find a surrogate mother, if you want a womb for rent but don’t want the mother attached to it. Some dudes are doing just that. Fed up with American women, they’re taking their seed abroad, renting a surrogate for a year, and having a kid that way.

  26. says

    This has a lot more going on than just the thrill of risk or lack thereof. I wonder if Julie has ever questioned her own contracepting (it’s a safe assumption that with at least some of these men she has been on some artificial hormonal contraception).

    There is a deep bonding only possible when there is no withholding of the sexuality of the couple. All contraception puts up a barrier to this.

    Contraception Prevents More Than Babies

  27. says

    @ CL
    “There is a deep bonding only possible when there is no withholding of the sexuality of the couple. All contraception puts up a barrier to this.”

    Don’t know if i can fully agree with that. When my exwife was on the pill, we had the most amazing sex ever. That’s contracepting and it was great. Tho once she went off and it was strictly condoms while she was tracking her cycles, it went downhill. I’m so glad we didn’t have a kid. That would have been horrible for all parties.

  28. says


    Condoms are horrible, certainly. I stand by my assertion though. It’s not that the sex can’t still be subjectively great, but that the bonding won’t be the same. You did say your ‘ex-wife’, right? ; )

  29. Wendy says

    Husband and I were STOKED after the vasectomy over 3 years ago. Children were well planned in advance and we had them close together, and we got to the point where we were both happy and overwhelmed with our family size and we were sure as sure can be we were done reproducing. For us the V is awesome FREEDOM.

    I understand if guys have apprehension about a procedure in their genitals, so I think there is for some guys a major psychological factor going in. So it may not be the perfect answer for everyone.

    We women are used to having all kinds of hurt going on in the genitals. If you’ve ever had vaginal infections of some sort, or particularly painful periods, and especially if you’ve had more than one vaginal childbirth and if any of them included tears or episiotomies. But you know what, things heal, and the equipment goes back to working as it should. I have heard HORROR stories from first person accounts about lost IUD’s, IUD’s that had to be removed months after they went in, essure that lead to bleeding for months. All medical procedures are gonna have risks. I have at least 2 female friends going through all kinds of psychological ups and down about whether they might still want to have another child, even though realistically speaking they are not actively trying to have any more children. Having any kind of permanent procedure done is inconceivable to them. I wonder if the husbands were to go get it done, what kind of havoc that would wreck on the wives.

    But, for me it was the complete opposite, pretty much “let’s party!” as soon as the lab results came in post V. Husband’s libido has not gone down at all in 3 years.

    So long story, yes, I do believe side effects on libido or attraction have a huge psychological aspect for either gender.

  30. ali says

    “I am reading the comments and shaking my head: are condoms so ridiculously out of fashion? Or are the commenters here have penises so desensitized (by abundance of sex, no less) that they just can’t do it with a condom?”

    There are many reasons why couples don’t want to use condoms for the rest of their lives.. Latex allergy for one. My husband has a very wide penis (which i have no complaints about lol) And condoms are a nightmare. The largest size we can buy in our town is still so tight he loses wood, and the largest size avaliable in the country is only 1mm wider and about three times as expensive, plus postage! Also, if you have a problem with abundance of sex, what the hell are you doing here?

    That said, after my husband had his vasectomy, he had a lot of problems, he became depressed and lost most of his sex drive, while awake at least. He started molesting me in his sleep and became very hard to deter. it only stopped because he raped me during one of these sessions and i now refuse to sleep in the same bed. After counselling our relationship and our respective mental health issues are improving, and our sex life is too, but i’m pretty sure seperate beds are for life :(

    I think cultural perception of vasectomy has a lot to do with how men react to the snip. Tubal ligation is essentially the same operation (only its a major surgery for us as it takes place deeper inside the body) What i don’t hear are people saying “don’t get your tubes tied, you won’t be a real woman anymore” Which is precisely as true a statement as it is for vasectomy. Both men and women still produce sperm and eggs after these operations, hormonal processes continue exactly as previously. the only thing that changes is that they can’t get to their destination, which is what you want in the first place!

    Oh and, i consider myself a feminist, and i think that contraceptive in the works for men is a great idea. Any abuse of reproductive power that would result is no different than ones already done by women. . Every man should have the right and inclination to decide which woman is worthy to recieve his sperm and potentially his child and when, just as she has the decision over who’s sperm should be given access to the egg and when.

  31. says

    “Oh and, i consider myself a feminist … Every man should have the right and inclination to decide which woman is worthy to recieve his sperm and potentially his child and when, just as she has the decision over who’s sperm should be given access to the egg and when.”

    Holy sheep shit. A feminist with common sense? Quick, someone look outside and tell me if the StayPufft Marshmellow Man is terrorizing your locale?

  32. Philalethes says

    M3: “Holy sheep shit. A feminist with common sense?”

    “‘Feminism’ means so many different things that it appears to mean very little. Its theoretical advocates constantly contradict each other and themselves. In casting off feminine reserve and modesty they seem to have learned intellectual shamelessness as well. Rather than damaging feminism, its incoherence offers an easy defense against all criticism: whatever the complaint, the response is that it misses the mark because feminism is really something else.” – Jim Kalb, the “ Anti-Feminist Page ” (2004)

  33. Lainey says

    I am pro-vasectomy all the way. My husband is the hottest man I know and it has not affected us at all.

  34. Vicomte says


    Did you miss the part where her husband raped her while he was sleeping?

    Sounds like feminism to me.

  35. t says

    ^ you don’t think that’s possible? She gets woken up in the middle of the night, dry as the desert, and he won’t stop when she says no and struggles because it *hurts*? Look, I’ve had that experience before — SO came home drunk after a friend’s birthday party and woke me up by shoving it in. I begged him to stop. I used our safe-word. Repeatedly. I struggled. It hurt like hell. I try not to call it rape in my head, but well . . . then what was it? Nonconsensual-sex-but-not-rape-because-we-were-engaged-so-it-can’t-be-rape? I never told him what happened. I couldn’t. I felt like it was my fault for not being able to stop him. My sex drive w/r to him tanked that night and never returned. I could hardly look him in the eye for weeks. Needless to say our relationship ended.

    Look, I get it: I’m sure some bitchy nasty ex wife would *love* to use the rape card to screw over her beta ex hubby in court for more alimony, more child support, a better custody situation. I understand why people don’t want to think it can happen within the bounds of a committed, monogamous, sexual relationship. It’s an icky thing to think about.

    I think assault of all natures (sexual and violent) can happen to *either* party in *any* committed relationship. It’s assault when a woman hits or throws a vase at her husband / boyfriend, too. It’d be rape if he used the safeword and she kept going.

    I’d consider myself an Old School Feminist, which I know isn’t the kind of feminism recognized by the manosphere today (hooray for owning property, voting, an education, and a job!). So it probably won’t shock anyone that I would LOVE to see birth control for men! I think men have an absolute, undeniable right to decide when, where, and how to become fathers that has been denied to them for far too long. Also, from a purely selfish standpoint, that would take a lot of burden off the ladies they’re in committed relationships with — no IUD! No condoms! Hallelujah!

  36. Solomon says

    Vasectomy sounds like a victory for the elite that pushes feminism. They want a docile infertile population in limited numbers for easier control. So they promote feminism until men become so fed up with that that they castrate themselves. Pathetic.

    Vasectomy is something rather new and you folks are so happy about it- just like folks who lived decades ago were happy about sexual revolution, no-fault divorce, pill and similar stuff. They saw immediate benefits but the long term negative side effects were harder to notice.

    Mark my words – a few years later we will talk and alt-right bloggers will complain about how the world was decieved again!

    If you do vasectomy as a married man you basically make a huge move of commitment, that may cause your wife to be too secure and this can be a huge turn-off. What is she changes her mind and decides that she does want more children? What if your current children die? What if she divorces you, takes your kids away? there is no big difference from this and making a tattoo of her name on your body actually. A huge beta move.

    Sex is for procreation and that is what is ultimately so sexy about it. The woman surrenders to a man and allows him to impregnate her. For the sake of being close to him for a few moments she agrees to carry his child in her womb for 9 months and raise it for many decades to follow. That is the ultimate act of submission. This is more powerful stuff than this BDSM stuff people are so exited about nowadays. Take this away and sex becomes an act of mutual masturbation. No difference whether you use a pill or vasectomy. The current high divorce rate is already sky high because we have been trained to separate sex from procreation. You all here still buy into this blue pill bullshit. But our subconsciousness doesn’t agree with this superficially imposed system. In fact current popularity of BDSM and the superinflated womens hypergmy are direct results of contraception. You call yourselves red pill people? What a joke.

  37. says

    – so what about the couple who is done having kids and don’t want any more? Where the woman is so worried about getting pregnant she refuses to have sex?

    – what about the single guy who wants to have sex without the worry that he could impregnate someone he definitely does NOT want to and end up paying child support to for the next 2 decades? What if he doesn’t want kids AT ALL and just wants to enjoy a single carefree life without kids?

    – what about the couple who wants some CONTROL over WHEN and HOW MANY kids they have?

    Yes most methods of birth control have potential side effects and possible bad outcomes, including vasectomy. And yes access to birth control has changed our society in fundamental ways, not all for the better. But is the only alternative to go back to worrying whether every sexual encounter would lead to pregnancy? Aren’t there enough unwanted children in the world already, and enough people having kids who really shouldn’t be anywhere near a child for that child’s safety and well-being?

  38. Solomon says

    @ The MacNut

    First of all give yourself this question – why would anyone be not wanting children? Children are our continuation, they are joy, they will be our help and support in old age (hope not for government help this system will break down rather soon).

    People don’t want children because today children require more care, responsibility and expenses than they bring in help support and income. But why is this? Was it the same for our ancestors?

    Why is this? Because you are a slave! Your children do not belong to you! You are forced to send them to brainwashing schools so they would not share your values, you are not allowed to make them work and earn money until they reach certain age, you are not allowed to forbid them to marry bad boys and bad girls, you are being taxed for fatherless children and this money is taken from your children. Do you even know how to raise children? Do you even have time for children or must you work? Do you have undivorced grandparents who will help to raise children? Do you have land?

    Solve the problem of your slavery first and then you will never stop wanting more and more children.

    If your goal in life is settle with some plain woman and spend your few hours that are free from work mutually masturbating and watching TV in your rented apartment while your 1.5 child learns in school that its ok to have two daddies and is conditioned for a dull dead end office work by siting at school all day then please by all means use contraception.

    If, however you feel that your goal as a man in this life is to be a patriarch, creating a big powerful family with shared values, building you own home, creating a clan and dynasty, properly educating your heirs on how to become successful in this life, networking, building connections with other honorable families, arranging the best possible marriages and friendships for your children, gaining independence from banking system, creating wealth and a network for mutual support for generations to come then – wtf what contraception?

  39. Solomon says

    @ The MacNut

    “Aren’t there enough unwanted children in the world already, and enough people having kids who really shouldn’t be anywhere near a child for that child’s safety and well-being?”

    Exactly, that is why contraception is being advertised and promoted and distributed so cheap and sometimes even for free. Especially in Africa and third world countries. But now government plans to subsidize contraception in America too. Guess what it means – it means it is becoming a third world country too! And by taking this contraception you prove that you are of this class of people.

  40. says

    Solomon, if you want to raise unlimited numbers of children in this society you’d better be filthy rich and have multiple wives, it’s the only way you can do it. Even if you avoid the rabid consumerist name-brand chasing trap that can make child-rearing so expensive these days, child-rearing is still not cheap, and that expense multiplies with each child.

  41. Julia says

    So…Solomon, how many children do YOU have? Are you of the Quiverfull movement? There’s some websites formed by women who left that movement or were former sister wives, and their viewpoints are quite different from yours.

    My husband had a vasectomy right after we got married; that was 35 years ago. There was no more “thrill,” or should I say dread and terror, of an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy so there was that. But otherwise, nothing changed and my husband did not become a docile, plump housecat snoozing on the couch. His manliness and vigor have remained through the years; at age 66, he has never needed Viagra.

    We both came from families that each had twelve (12!) children; Catholic families of the pre-pill age! Our experiences taught us to take a more pragmatic, realistic view of parenthood than some of the lizard brain sentiment displayed here, and the need to limit your family size. (In our case, that meant there would be zero progeny; our bodies, our choices.)

  42. says

    I think Solomon forgot to take his pills.. :P

    Thanks but no thanks. I don’t want kids, i don’t ascribe all the fluffiness you do to it.

    “First of all give yourself this question – why would anyone be not wanting children? Children are our continuation, they are joy, they will be our help and support in old age”

    They’re not my continuation. They’re autonomous. They aren’t me. They are a joy. Sure, maybe. Bits of joy surrounded by years of work, hardship, frustration and agony. On a world of 7 billion people i care not for self inflicted stress.

    And as Captain Capitalism would say.. you’re a selfish fuck. You’re making kids so they can support you when you’re old? What kind of reason is that! You’re creating a slave race of beings that ‘owe’ you something for having brought them into the world? A choice they really didn’t have. And now they need to take care of your infirm arse because you deem it so? It is to LOL.

    Only selfish dicks create kids for the purpose of extracting benefit and creating a legacy. Somehow i am left with the image of Caesar, talking about the citizens of Rome as if they were all his children.

    Who knows, train’em hard enough and your kids might even sculpt a statue of you to put on the front lawn of your home for the generations to remember you by. That’s what it’s all about right?

  43. Vanessa says

    My husband chose to have a vasectomy because HE thought 3 kids were enough, and he was not happy with the monthly “thrill” of wondering how he would feed another child with my chronically late and irregular periods. We discussed the what if’s – what if something were to happen to the kids, what if I were to die and her were to remarry… he was adamant. He was done, did not want to have more in any circumstances.

    I was not entirely pleased with the idea at the time, but I respected that it was his body and his choice. I worried he would seem “sterile” and “castrated” to me, and thought there was a possibility I might still want the option of another. I was WRONG. We have never regretted it. Our sex life improved a thousand percent. That was 16 years ago. We are as “bonded” and in love as any couple I know, including newlyweds. We just celebrated our 29th anniversary.

    If a marriage breaks up over a vasectomy, I am pretty sure there was something else seriously wrong.

  44. says

    Julia sounds pissy… What a weird marriage – get married, have vasectomy, have no children, and use a ridiculous slogan to justify it.

    I guess I can see why she’d be so defensive. Sterile-by-choice marriages are as weird as barren-by-choice women, and she’s got both going on there.

  45. Julia says

    Sorry to ruffle your feathers; I know as a Catholic convert, you are now an authority on how we ALL MUST LIVE!

    You know what they say about opinions, right?

  46. says

    I’m just going to address the ridiculous idea that I, as a Catholic convert, fancy myself an authority on how “WE ALL MUST LIVE!”

    The Church is the authority and I am just explaining the truth. It is not merely my opinion. Even if I said nothing, it would not change the authority of the Church to teach on such matters. Since I am not acting in defiance to the teaching I am exercising my freedom to be submissive to Christ and the teachings of the Church (which Christ founded).

    My feathers ruffled? Hardly. Don’t over-estimate your own significance there, Julia.

  47. says

    @CL Only Catholics recognize the churches authority though, to the rest of us it looks like you’re trying to demand we pay observance to the teaching of a magic 8 ball.

  48. says

    @Athol Kay

    I’m not overly concerned with what it ‘looks like’. Where did I ‘demand’ anything? I’m simply offering another perspective that people are free to take or leave. That what I say is in line with Catholic teaching shouldn’t necessitate my not offering an alternate way of looking at things. If it upsets people, that’s about them, not me.

  49. says

    Furthermore, whether authority is recognized or not does not impact on whether it is truth or whether the authority is legitimate. That many people deny certain things does not change reality.

    “The truth is not determined by majority vote.” Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (Pope Benedict XVI)

  50. ali says

    “Vicomte says:
    Did you miss the part where her husband raped her while he was sleeping?
    Sounds like feminism to me”

    Um, I’m not making this up, he has a serious condition, which basically turns him into an automaton at a certain point in his sleep cycle. He’s almost a fully funtioning person, but stil asleep. Sometimes he thinks he’s at work, sometimes he thinks he’s out with friends, One time he thought we were in the kitchen baking a cake. It only started being a sexual thing after his vasectomy. We are still together, and i am certainly not trying to use it to game him in any way. How shitty would it be to only get the things you want from your mate by clouting them with the Rape Issue all the time? I know it’s a sleep disorder, i know he’s done everything i’ve asked in terms of getting help and making me feel safe. He sees the effects it has had on me, and they’ve been extensive. I’m actually here to address his reluctance to allow any Alpha traits in his personality. I don’t want him to supress his masculinity. I feel like a cat playing with a mouse that has it’s back broken, it’s cruel and in the end your really only playing with yourself

  51. R. L. Whipple says

    BS…I had the snip snip 30 years ago….it’s all in your head, if you had sex with a man and did not know he had a vasectomy it would be better than if you knew he did??? You got something wrong between your ears. I am divorced and had sex with lots of women, I never mention if I am potent or not. The condom is for STD prevention. If they ask I tell them the truth but never had a woman complain. The women who did know like it better cause they don’t have to worry about getting pregnate. I have an ex-wife who got pregnate while on the pill BTY…

  52. Vicomte says


    Obviously I now nothing about your situation, but don’t you think ‘rape’ and ‘molest’ are somewhat harsh terms to be using in regard to your husband, who has a sleep disorder?

    By your account, your husband is a rapist.

    As I said, it seems hyperbolic, in that classic feminism way. Hence the comment.

  53. FJ34 says

    I seriously think the cause/effect of sex before and after a V has to do with her coming off bc pills. We made the Vasectomy decision after we had our last child, and his virility has not decreased nor has our sex life. And condoms keep the good stuff out of me, which is sad. And bc/hormonal methods wreak havoc on a girl.

    So the jury is dismissed, in my mind. Lol.

  54. Code says

    I had to post on this one. I’m a prostate cancer survivor. I elected to have surgery. Now
    cancer free (so far), but the side effects are incontinence and impotence. I’ve gotten better
    a year after surgery. However, will never ejaculate again. Missing prostate & seminal vesicles.
    If I had a spouse like Julie, I suspect she would leave me. This is a fragile time for a man, a lot
    of ego and identity is tied up in making love. So, to say it’s bad just after a vasectomy, imagine
    you partner had cancer. Would you be supportive? Help him get back?

  55. Mama says

    I suppose everyone has their own perspective on vasectomies but I do not see them as a product of wanting docile men at all. Me and my husband are a partnership. It has always been him that wanted the vasectomy when we were done having children. If anything, I delayed him getting it. I cannot use hormonal contraception and we prefer not to use condoms. Considering what I have been through having children, a vasectomy being less invasive than a tubal and that another pregnancy would be dangerous to me, he felt a vasectomy was a small thing and his thing to do related to child-bearing in our relationship. I did tell him I was concerned about potential side effects for him and asked him if I died would he want the option of having more children. As far as he is concerned, he is done and a vasectomy was what he wanted to do. As far as the impact on our sex life, it has been fantastic for us. We don’t even have to think about managing fertility and can just enjoy being close. It’s given us a real freedom. I know it’s not 100% and we accept that while it’s unlikely, there could be another baby in future but we’d cross that bridge if we came to it. For us, it has been a positive thing for our sex lives and relationship.

  56. Version3.0 says

    My perspective from the singles side is that the women I’ve had sex with have reacted VERY positively to the fact that I have had a V. Going bareback seems overwhelmingly preferable to them, safe sex notwithstanding.

  57. Stark says

    I think it’s just as simple as some women get turned on by the risk and danger of possibly getting pregnant. If the guy has a vasectomy then to these type of women it’s less exciting. Also, I get the impression this lady doesn’t have kids yet? If this is the case, let’s wait about 10 years after she has 2 or 3 and find out if she still feels this way. I’m willing to bet the thought about taking the risk and having another one will be more of a turn of than a turn on. Hence, the vasectomy reduces that concern. I have one, but that kind of makes things just as exciting since you hear about them not working all the time. We always worry we’ll be one of those couples that end up getting pregnant even after the vasectomy. So that adds to the excitement when I’m shooting my big load inside her.

    By the way, “About 5″ usually means about 15 in girl code. If you’ve had 5 sexual partners you know for sure unless those 5 were part of a drunken gangbang and you lost count. Give me a break with the about 5.

  58. jackal says

    Aside from sperm and testosterone, the testis also synthesize NGF, a powerful protein that triggers fertility and sexual interest in females. A vasectomy disrupts the NGF pathway via the vas deferens to the female brain. Knowing this, there’s little wonder why a female would lose interest in her vasectomized partner. A vasectomy, hard as it will be to admit, is one, huge hormonal disruptor. Where pleasure is ephemeral reward for the sex act, NGF is the mechanism that bonds couples for the long haul. Unless you want to dump your wife, you’d best be inseminating her with NGF — the more often, the better the bond. And that’s not all. Semen has many other constituents with functions yet unknown. Better to consider a little common sense when messing with the body. If it’s not broke, don’t fix it.

    It’s surprising that NGF, alongside vasectomy, isn’t at the top of search engine results. No wonder men are still undergoing vasectomy, obviously by urologists in huge denial here.

    Semen has direct effect on female brain
    by Kate Taylor
    Posted August 21, 2012 – 04:00

  59. jackal says

    Semen has direct effect on female brain
    by Kate Taylor
    Posted August 21, 2012 – 04:00

    Aside from sperm and testosterone, the testis also synthesize NGF, a powerful protein that triggers fertility and sexual interest in females. A vasectomy disrupts the NGF pathway via the vas deferens to the female brain. Knowing this, there’s little wonder why a female would lose interest in her vasectomized partner. A vasectomy, hard as it will be to admit, is one, huge hormonal disruptor. Where pleasure is ephemeral reward for the sex act, NGF is the mechanism that bonds couples for the long haul. Unless you want to dump your wife, you’d best be inseminating her with NGF — the more often, the better the bond. And that’s not all. Semen has many other constituents with functions yet unknown. Better to consider a little common sense when messing with the body. If it’s not broke, don’t fix it.

    It’s surprising that NGF, alongside vasectomy, isn’t at the top of search engine results. No wonder men are still undergoing vasectomy, obviously by urologists in huge denial here.

  60. another says

    Semen smells different after vasectomy and its a massive turn off.
    Not the smell (used to be strong kinda funky smell and now its a light sweet smell)
    But the idea he’s fixed .

    Just not the same.

  61. justme says

    I love my husband very much. It used to be really rare for him to not give me an orgasm. Ever since he got his Vasectomy done…(almost 4 years) it is almost impossible for him to do so. The only reason I have sex is to make him happy. I have no interest in it at all. I might get lucky and have three orgasms a year now if that. I don’t even like his hands touching me in certain places. I know it is a mental thing but…he does nothing for me any more. I just want him to do what he needs to do and get off of me.

  62. lily says

    After my husband of 10 years got a vasectomy this past week I don’t even want to touch him. I don’t get it. I feel like he isn’t complete, he is flawed, and he is no longer a man at all. I just want nothing to do with him. I don’t want him touching me in any form that is sexual. I am actually thinking I need counseling or something because this seems ridiculous but it isn’t to me he is different. I am also pregnant right now and I am unsure of the baby’s health because I am only 14 weeks and worried if I lose the baby or if something is wrong he just killed the ability to recreate a baby again. I just feel very conflicted to the point I have been contacting divorce attorneys. I can’t foresee myself being with him now that he is not a man at all to me anymore. I also watched the procedure get done and I was repulsed by seeing the procedure.

  63. Kassia says

    For those of you saying it’s all in her head, it quite possibly could not be. Semen contains natural antidepressants for women and nutrients, some of which may be in the sperm she isn’t getting. Sex with a man who has had a vasectomy is incomplete and unfulfilling. I have an ex husband who is now dead bc it caused him pain, weight gain, and low testosterone and depression problems he committed suicide. I also could not find myself want to make love to him that much, something was missing. I am now with another man who has had a vasectomy. The sex is awesome. However, it’s just not the same. His ejaculation is weak. It also doesn’t seem to make me feel better like potent sperm does. I have had unexplained health issues over the last year that I have never had before. We have been together for 2 and I find myself not as interested in sex with him and I have a very strong drive. Women are very intuitive creatures and for some it might just not work with. I would not recommend vasectomy to anyone.


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