Vasectomy ghost story just added to the comments on Vasectomy Causing Loss Of Wife’s Sexual Interest?
Julie: I’m in my forties and I have had about 5 different partners, from my early 20’s until recently that have had a vasectomy. SEX IS MASSIVELY DIFFERENT with a man who has had a vasectomy and I would never be in a long term relationship with anyone with one for that simple reason.
It doesn’t matter how gorgeous he is, how aching the chemistry is between us, or how deeply the feelings of emotional love run between us. Hands down, my vagina feels an absence of spark, of feral-ness, of hit-that-mark urgency from him that is all part of the delicate dance of banging with an undercurrent to get pregnant while not actually wanting to get pregnant. It’s a game of sorts and the more virile the man is – meaning he has sperm and can get you pregnant – the more hot the components are between us for sex. Take away that driving force, that risk even subconsciously and you have little more than an animated dildo attached to a man.
I don’t care how many people will bash me for this, but I honestly thought it was me with my first partner. We had an amazing sex life and he was the love of my life [in my twenties]. We actually chose to go and get a vasectomy together because our sex life was deep and he was afraid of pregnancy. The love was deeper as we went on but the feeling, the intensity of sex greatly diminished. We had other issues so I attributed this to those other areas. my next partner was someone I had dated a few years earlier and we were very hot. In the years since I had seen him, he had gotten a vasectomy. Again, a noticeable lack of the spark that once pulled us together.
It would be years later when I would have another partner who had one, I was in my thirties then and again, assumed I didn’t know what I was talking about. The same thing, the sex just wasn’t the same as it was with someone who didn’t have a vasectomy. I too, was excited at the prospect of limitless sex without worry of pregnancy until it became noticeable that I actually wasn’t drawn to have limitless sex with my partner. It just wasn’t the same.
Now, I’m in my 40’s and in the last 5 years have dated several men who had vasectomies and had not told me. I could tell right away. It’s a shame really and I think that any man should seriously consider this element before diving off the deep end and cutting out the cro-magnon drive we’re all wired with to have sex to begin with. As for me, I personally am not willing to give up my primal love of a man who is intact and with the driving force of sperm and the risk. My body knows the difference between the two and I’ve made my choice.
Athol: Again, just to be clear, as far as I can tell, there’s been zero research on the effect of vasectomy on marriage outcomes and relationship happiness. All we’ve got is stories such as these to go on. All I’ve got is a hunch that all is not always right with the Big V.
Julie does however touch on a point that I’ve thought as well. Some women, despite saying they don’t want to get pregnant, and really not wanting to get pregnant… need that little bit of added stress to sexually respond to him. I’d imagine it’s the difference between having a loaded gun and an unloaded gun pointed at you, when you know the gun is unloaded. The loaded gun is going to create a far greater response in your body… you’re heart rate will kick up and you’ll move into a flight or fight state. An unloaded gun will only be mildly concerning.
However some people are so stressed out by the mere sight of a gun, that knowing it’s unloaded is the only thing that makes even having it around tolerable. Likewise some women are so freaked out by the idea of one more kid, that their sex drive shuts down rather than risk another. Knowing he’s been snipped would likely be an improvement in overall stress and sexual functioning for her.
What we really need is some sort of study where women rate male dating profiles on attractiveness, where the sole difference is whether they have a vasectomy or not.
Anyway, if you’re going to do it, research the hell out of it. It is for me however something where I’d rather stop having sex than have someone chop bits of my sexual anatomy up. Not for nothing, but I also use my balls and dick for things other than fucking.