When You’d Rather Be Blue Pill

Reader:  Athol, thanks again for all your help. A few questions for you. I understand the rules of isolate and escalate, and using your idea of “always be closing” I’ve been getting much more sex than ever before. I’ve ran the MAP as best i could (always a work in progress) and I’ve clearly stated my intentions to get more sex from my wife and she’s complied. But, she’s also mentioned “not wanting to make me mad” Im I attracting my wife, or threatening her?

The rejection in the past has been so bad that I feel justified in my request that things change. But theres this feeling that some of the times are just because she doesn’t want me upset. Is this the true reality of the red pill? And when, if ever, will I quit wishing for the blue pill? The “I just want to be loved for being me” feeling? The “I wish you were into me as much as I’m into you” feeling? Is my life revolving too much around our sex life now? Is resentment innate to the red pill? Thanks again

Athol:  At some point we all feel a bit like this…

Yeah it can be hard when everything starts feeling like you’re working your marriage like a job. I think there’s a period that everyone goes through where it’s just grinding out some sort of change where you’re putting in the work, but not arriving at the results just yet.

What often seems to happen is that as the husband starts losing his oneitis for his wife, she starts falling for him more, while he struggles with continuing to care about her. Whoever loves the least in the relationship ends up controlling the relationship, so you’re experiencing that period of flux where you start caring less about her, than she cares about you.  All of which is rather cold, but it seems to be a needed step in finding what works to keep the woman most interested in and sexually responsive to the man.

You simply can’t allow a situation where you are head over heels for her, while she is actively disinterested in you. But then if you reverse that, she wants you, but you’ve stopped wanting her and are having the hamster rolling around in your own head saying, “I’m not haaaaaaappy.” Neither situation is really what you want.

The end goal can’t be to kill all hope of oneitis and achieve a male Vulcan, female Human pairing. It’s okay as a short term phase, but not sustainable as a long term arrangement. You need an appropriate and mutual oneitis exchange. I have oneitis for Jennifer, she has oneitis for me. It’s all perfectly fine to have a rational understanding of the chemicals involved in the creation of human relationships, but understanding them doesn’t mean you don’t experience them as real.

Or more simply put; it’s really nice to be in love with someone who is in love with you.

The true desired balance is a mutual oneitis. You want to feel in love with her, you want her to feel in love with you, you both want to be holding up your end of the bargain as functional adults. The only solution then is that you both need to take the Red Pill and start having a conscious relationship. Both of you need to consciously attract the other and consciously create relationship comfort for the other.

This is in no small part why women are welcome at MMSL. When all is said and done, it’s all very well being able to Game your wife. What Red Pill men really crave though is a Red Pill woman Gaming them back…

…and making a conscious choice for a life of love.

I mean Cypher’s main problem was that Trinity was into Neo and not him. Beta Orbiter rage for the loss.


  1. ali says

    I think the point is in trying to make her want sex with you more, rather than in getting her to have sex when she doesn’t want it. Think about this:

    “I want you to give me more sex”
    “I want to make you so hot you can’t help yourself”

  2. says

    Oh, my heart. That LOTR scene gets me every time.

    Our red pill marriage is fantastic right now, and I think a lot of that is because we’re both conscious. I kinda threw myself into your blog after I found him reading the book (on accident), and thankfully it turned out for the best. But I can see how I could have hypothetically taken the crazy harpy bitch approach with the knowledge and really fucked things up.

    In a marriage where the wife doesn’t know about all this, and a guy is working hard on his MAP, is there a good time for him to introduce her to MMSL? Should he at all?

  3. pdwalker says

    Good questions RedPillWifey,

    I’ve kept quiet on the score because things are working!, and I’m worried of anything that might take away from that.

    Yes, I know other wives have done well with the knowledge, but I don’t know how mine would react.

  4. chimpy says

    My life is less like this and more like world war 1. Years of blood effort and carnage and never getting any nearer to berlin. Seriosuly I cant un-declare the war and go back to how it was before. Even if I want to I cant unring the bell. Its costing a man for every foot of ground and the ground is so wrecked from being fought over it aint worth the blood being spent. Rivendell isnt just a long way off its a different world.

  5. says

    The problem with going back to the Blue Pill in this case is twofold; (1) The only reason you were even willing to take the Red Pill in the first place is because you were not happy with the way things were. You wanted, you needed, a change. Ignorance was NOT bliss. (2)You can’t erase the Red Pill knowledge from your mind. You can’t unread it, and you can’t unrealize the knowledge you’ve gained thanks to the Red Pill. So basically, you can’t go back to the way it was before, though I’m sure some people try.

    So since you can’t go backward, might as well keep going forward.

  6. AWACS says

    The Cypher reference just killed me. I’d never thought of him as a Beta Orbiter raging out before but it’s so true. Genius.

  7. The Dude says

    You can never go back to being ignorant. Even if you did…your mind would be screaming what’s going on because you know now. I notice it when I slide back into bad beta traits…it may happen unconsciously…but my conscious mind is telling me “you’re doing it wrong”.

    The only way you can go back to blue pill is to suffer amnesia.

  8. Red says

    It seems as if Red Pill knowledge not working seamlessly feels like transactions for more sex, not an improved relationship. Knowledge being used well creates a relationship where each person is genuinely happier with themselves, each other, and the relationship and the natural result is more sex.

    I still say sex doesn’t start in the bedroom. Improved technique and frequency can be accomplished by anyone willing to work at it…desire…well that’s a different matter. Desire starts long before the act of sex and is about a lot more than sexual talents.

  9. says

    @RedPillWifey, I couldn’t figure out how to be secretive with my husband if it killed me.
    What is “always be closing”?
    I love that scene also, soooo romantic!

  10. working through it says

    This has been a struggle. Wife has dominant personality, I’m more beta. The MAP has led to substantial improvement but my expectations are much higher now as well. I feel almost bipolar, it’s as though she’s only attracted to me when I don’t like her and feel like leaving or just being left alone. When I pursue, she is not interested.
    How do you fix this, knowing that good as possible might not be good enough?

  11. John Q Galt says

    “Yeah it can be hard when everything starts feeling like you’re working your marriage like a job. ”

    I work at my job, and it’s occasionally frustrating and keeps me awake at night…however, having found an industry I like, an employer I like, and a professional reputation I like…99% of the time I love my job anough to be willing to do it for free if money was no object.

    The behaviors that I struggled to develop in my early/mid 20s are second nature in my 40s. They don’t affect my enjoyment of the cupcake.

  12. Wendy says

    Love this post. I had my blue pill blues recently, but yeah, having both partners working on it together does make it a whole world better IMO.

  13. Hesedshesed says

    A couple of comments caught my attention. Mostly the ones about whether or not you should tell your wife about MMSL at least some point down the road. I found the site first and contrary to most followers I didn’t feel there was an issue in our marriage. I just stumbled upon it because one link lead me to the next until I came across MMSL. I shared it with my husband. Not sure he dug it at first but now we both enjoy reading the blog and forum.

    My thoughts are this. For those that do not choose to tell your spouse…even eventually. How are you ever going to be able to have a “conscious” relationship? So, you, if you are the man MAPping it up and your wife is responding to your changes. That is not conscious. Now if the outcome is great, great. However, if she starts responding with dread and thinking that you are going to walk out the door and therefore shuts down…what do you plan to do then? Perhaps letting her in on the “red pill” knowledge would ease her mind a bit and then she can research what she needs to do so that you can truly have a red pill conscious marriage. What do you think?


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