I think had some semi-regular emails for about three month from this reader, the crisis issue being the wife not doing anything dramatic, but obviously getting the hots for another guy which we nipped in the bud. After that, six months of radio silence and now…
Reader: Hi Athol, I wanted to give you a relatively quick update as to where I am in my journey.
We are still married, I am taking a lot less crap from her and she is attracted to me. Between the MAP and our marriage counselor (which we haven’t seen since late April) things are really going in the right direction. You were of course 100% right. I needed to deal with my structural issues FIRST before I could really impact my marriage. I have done this and continue to work on them. It doesn’t fix overnight, or even over a year. However, my issues have shrunk now to a more manageable amount. I am able to deal with them quickly. Also, my attraction in my wife’s eyes has grown to the point that when I do “screw up” or make a mistake due to those issues, she doesn’t get repelled.
I have taken my drinking from every day down to maybe once every 3 weeks or so, and only one drink on that one time. Further, I now am an avid Crossfitter. I work out 3 days on, one day off, with my wife actually. I have put on about 17 lbs of muscle and my wife LOVES it. She is all over the way I look in sexy underwear and loves my chest. I started to deal with my chest hair as well, which she LOVES. Beard yes, chest hair, not so much. She doesn’t like that. Once I dealt with that my sexual encounters went from me always initiated to her actually initiating once and a while.
I am still not 100% satisfied with our sex life, but I also feel I have a ways to go on the MAP. Honestly, I see the MAP as my way of living now. It fits perfectly with Crossfit to be honest. Continuous improvement! On a side note, we have gone almost 100% (yup almost 100%!) paleo and it has been completely worth it. Further to working out regularly, I of course got my new job for $35k more per year than I was making. On top of that I am also doing some consulting on the side making a few hundred here and there to help chip more in.
All in all Athol, you helped change my life. In doing that I was able to change my marriage. I now feel more in control and my wife knows that I could land another woman if I wanted to. I would never cheat, but her knowing that women are attracted to me now does have the desired effect.
Please keep preaching the MAP, MMSL and fixing YOU to fix your marriage. Thank you Athol. Don’t be modest.. you are saving lives every day.
Athol: [Takes a bow]