Three Things That Attract Women – The Results

Yesterdays post asked for your top 3 attractors that work on women. What follows is a quick and dirty meta-analysis of the 50+ comments. Seemed about a 85/15% split men and women answering.

All I’ve done is cut and paste the comments into groupings and flagged the number of times it was mentioned.

16 Times – Physical Fitness

Strong shoulders/back. Looks (I am very well built, was skinny but bulked up a bit, pretty face which backfires sometimes)   I’m attracted by his physically fit body. Hollow spots above the hips. Being muscular and fit and wearing clothes that allow her to observe that fact. Muscles. Be physically attractive. Body. Lean muscle. When he looks like a Roman gladiator – serious muscle, but a layer of fat covering it. My height, health and youth. Physical fitness….sexual fitness. Being able to just pound and pound without getting winded. My physical stature, I’m fairly tall at 6’1?, but also pretty lean. When we met I was pretty ripped, so I’m working my way back to that.

Your upper body, arms and hands – so big and strong – keeps me safe and warm.

11 Times – Humor, Smarts and Skills

Making her laugh.  Being clever and funny. His intelligence. Being cocky, funny, and a little bit of a jerk. Singing/playing the guitar – actually anything to do with writing/performing music. Cocky/funny – Often I’m being serious about something, but I guess I say it in funny ways. Intelligence – she often comments that I know a lot about a lot. *shrug*. Perception that I’m the smartest guy in the room. Bringing her to my jobsite so she can see the work I’ve done (I’m a house flipper). My intelligence. Not quite “Dr Sheldon Cooper smart”, but I probably should have been some kind of engineer. My sense of humour. Performing a physical task with mastery.

The one liners that you say that make me laugh.

10 Times – Personal Dominance

Telling her what clothes to (and not to) wear/buy.  Ordering for her at restaurants. Eye Gaze. Game (teases, not spilling everything out, not advanced in any way)  Making decisions quickly, pragmatically, and finally. Ignoring her by reading a book or whatever and allowing her to “earn” my attention. Making a decision (decisively!) and sticking to it even through all the “What about…” things she can throw out. Playful dominance, teasing, cocky attitude. Be strong. Confidence.

That thing he sometimes does, where he manages to touch me and pin me down/control my movement at the same times. Like when he comes up from behind, pinning me to the counter and kissing my neck. Or just pulling me onto his knee and keeping me there. Stuff like that.

9 Times – Social Dominance

Demonstrating social status, such as taking her out to a bar where everyone knows me and wants my attention for one reason or another. Powerful Public speaking. Being a leader. Dominating conversations with mental gymnastics and crazy stories. When she sees other women flirting with me. Public speaking. Preselection (eg demonstrated social dominance)  Showing social dominance and confidence. Above all else, chicks dig social dominance and masculine gender polarity.

8 Times – Sexual Aggression and Isolation

She likes it when I isolate and make it known that I want to spend time with her, to the exclusion of everyone and everything else. Something that denotes physical fitness, like picking her up and throwing her onto the bed. 10 second kiss (© Athol Kay) + soft but firm carotid choke, while holding her against a wall. Pursuing her. Watching porn together (she has to be browbeat into it, but then goes crazy with lust)  Behaving and dressing like a sex-crazed teen-aged headbanger. Aggression in bed. Showing sexual mastery. eg: Orgasm control (my own and hers), making her horny and then not gratifying her. Throwing her around and calling the shots in bed. Treating her body as my own, no questions asked.

That look he gets when I do something that turns his head, like a light has gone on and he *will* get into my knickers.

4 Times – Male Gender Appearance / Peacocking

Growing a beard. She likes it when I’m sweaty and dirty when I make things happen in the garden and around the house. Clothing/style. Dressing well.

2 Times – Risk Taking

Doing something aggressive/dangerous, like slashing open a giant bag of cat food with a very large knife. Protecting her aggressively. This one is so powerful it could count as the entirety of the top 10, but not too many chances to use it.

4 Times – Others…. and more Beta in nature…

Stability. Being on time (this one is extremely difficult for me)  Show character. My ability to bring home the bacon out here in the oil patch.

Athol:  So overall the takeaway is remarkably clear. Physical Fittness is a must and powers a lot of what follows afterward – especially feeding into Sexual Aggression. Personal and Social Dominance are quite closely related… and the bridge between the two of them is Humor, Smarts and Skills. Admittedly we aren’t all going to be rocket scientists and comedians, but anyone can get good at something and impress a crowd. And look like a dude… ideally one that isn’t wearing the same clothes you slept in.

So… top three things to do…

(1)  Get in good physical shape as best you can.

(2)  Develop skills that other people like. Ideally create a marketable toolset that other people need. (This powers your social dominance)

(3)  Start making things happen. Approach the world from an active mindset, rather than a passive one.


  1. While I do not question your suggestions as they are just a re-statement of your overall theme that has proved successful in many occassions I have to raise an eyebrow here. Isn’t your sample skewed?

    My theory is that your readership – especially the ones that comment – is composed mostly of people that already agreed with your suggestions and those that came looking for them and your worked. Anyone else, those who disagree and those for which your suggestions didn’t work are probably not around enough (let alone commenting) to be represented in your poll.

    I’m not saying that you are trying to toot your own horn or that you tried to “sell” this post as “science™” but I thought it was an interesting mental excercise. Maybe you can repeat this poll over and over again both on and off-line and see where that gets you. Maybe an hour with a statistician will help you make sure you get the right data to actually be able to make such claims in the 2015 primer or something ;)

  2. “(1) Get in good physical shape as best you can.
    (2) Develop skills that other people like. Ideally create a marketable toolset that other people need. (This powers your social dominance)
    (3) Start making things happen. Approach the world from an active mindset, rather than a passive one.”
    1? Check
    2? Check
    3? Check

    She fights me all the way and regards all of this as contemptable because sex is disgusting and not a need once you have kids

    You refuse to advance the MAP beyond Phase Three though.

  3. 2manypasswords says:

    @w15d0m – If you think the sample is skewed, what do you hypothesize is missing or under-represented on the list? Even if you had a random sample, I doubt that “getting in touch with my feelings” or “crying when watching chick flicks” would have made the list.

  4. The Outsider says:

    Pretty valuable. I agree with 2manypasswords that it’s not a good sample, but the basic idea – that you could somehow ask what actually works and document it – is good. Seems like the kind of thing that should be in your book, Athol.

  5. It’s not a list of TOP ATTRACTION MOVES OF ALL TIME. It’s just a list of what worked for readers of this site.
    I don’t remember Athol ever saying it was supposed to be a perfect reflection of absolute reality.

  6. Good grief, I never said it was science. Simply asked the question and grouped the comments.

  7. Be honest with yourself, guys. These are pretty universal attractors. If your wife doesn’t respond to these top three, you really should ask yourself two questions:

    Are you really doing these three things in an objective, obvious-to-the-world way? Or is it mostly in your head, and you have *improved* but no one who just met you would call those arms muscular or that skill very developed? Your wife will respond to initial improvements because she sees the potential, but if you rest on those laurels, you will be back in phase 1 and it will be that much harder for her to believe you will really follow through.

    Are you doing these things and then hounding your wife for affirmation? While you know that she likes these things, you have to ultimately run the MAP for yourself. If she feels like you are needy and she has to keep saying, “wow, honey. That’s cool!” for you to keep going, her attraction will be much lower.

  8. I asked Hammer5 when we were out @ a late lunch yesterday to hear her answers.
    She can trust me – says she just knew it about me since we were teenagers, and became obvious the first time we deployed and the wives were all talking about their husbands cheating.
    I’m her best friend [and she mine]
    We are not the typical demographic of the blog, over 50, married close to 30, and found the site while taking in what the culture was saying to young males and couples.

    The site provides an entertaining counter-punch to churchian BS, so I enjoying dropping quotes and pointing here.

    N.B. about being best friends, when we get together with old friends we knew when we were in, the years come off in moments, but we are spread around the globe these days so we don’t see much of the old crew. That said, I know that I can count on H5 to cover my back and hot-reload for me in a fire-fight. If I said I needed to dig a grave, she would just ask how many.

  9. I should’ve contributed to the thread, but in my experience the “nuclear weapon” is pre-selection. It’s more powerful than any interaction I can have with her. It’s also (to FJ34’s point) the closest thing to an objective confirmation of your self-improvement. Here’s a simple flowchart:

    Are you getting IOIs from women at least as attractive as your wife?
    No –> Keep MAPing
    Yes –> Let her know/observe this somehow

  10. So what are some examples of “skills people like”?

    Also, is “marketable toolset” meaning tools for a successful job/career/business?

  11. enlightened1 says:

    Great post. Had this very conversation this AM with a friend and we agreed that gay guys do all those things and display value but there’s NO risk we’d marry them despite the threats of this funny video:

  12. Hammer6 Actual,

    BRILLIANT screen name for the wife.

  13. If you think the sample size is skewed…go to an online dating site and look at what women say they want in a guy.

    I can tell you…confidence, physically fit, sense of humor, take the lead in situations, and intelligence are pretty much par for the course.

  14. I don’t want a representative sample of the overall population. I want a representative sample of the red pill subset, and this fits. A sample of the overall population would have a top 3 categories that looked like, cleans up around the house, offers me space to go on GNOs, is ok with just “snuggling”. F that.

  15. Kickboxer Girl says:

    For me it changes, our emotions are fluid depending on what part of our menstrual cycle we are in.

    Some days it’s
    1. Physical Fitness – yum to big ARM muscles. I want to rub my body against them (than God for anonymity)
    2. Intelligence (also translates to wit and humour)
    3. Fucks me senseless (with rhythm and holds back his own orgasm for my pleasure)

    Other days I desire security
    1. Focused on looking after day to day responsibilities, being a great dad to our children
    2. Focused on providing for me and our children
    3. Fucks me senseless (as above)


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