Dread Game and the Gym

One of the hard things about running the MAP and exercising is that it’s slow going. Especially at the start. That first 6 to even 12 months can be not much more than laying the groundwork for pulling out of Phase One and into Phase Two and Three. Other women throwing themselves at you might be a loooooong way off.

Something you can do early on though to create the sense that you’re actually serious about changing and are making progress toward fitness goals, is to update her periodically your improvements. For example I’m on a four day cycle of (1) upper body, (2) lower body, (3) rest/light day, (4) cardio hell.

Cardio Hell is the exercise bikes in the gym and going pretty much as hard as I can for an hour. The first time I did it I only managed 40 minutes before wanting to get off. The next time I did 11.3 miles according to the bike. Last time I did 12.0 miles. Today I did 12.4. Each time I either texted Jennifer or told her. We were at the gym together today so obviously she saw it as well.

My actual numbers aren’t wildly important, just the progression in improvement. It could be 4 miles, 4.3 miles, 4.7 miles. The message is the same… dude is getting fitter. I do the same with the Leg Press on leg day. I did X! I did X+20! I did X+40!! Rwar!  Jennifer really is impressed by it.

There’s no threat here, just natural excitement that you’re progressing. Her hamster will kick in and do the heavy lifting supplying a sense of growing dread that you’re getting hotter.

Of course Jennifer has been doing the same thing right back to me. Running and shit. Bitch. Crap, she’s really working hard here. Wow. Hmmm.

Jennifer: It’s not a competition lol. We do both feel better and that’s what’s important. Okay…it’s a competition….but you’ll always win at weights so I can win at running.


  1. Fun thing to try! Since it can be a challenge to set-up a good Dread Game scenario, especially early on, I’ve found that there are mildly effective ways to get your own ‘in-house’ game going and throw her Hamster through a loop just by pushing the right buttons. While not as effective as getting real IOI’s, it’s a good way to mess with her a little bit, generate a little sexual tension and can have a profound effect if you’re creative about it. Case-in-point – I casually threw out the Old Guy vs. Young Guy game idea at my wife over the weekend by simply shaping it as a question (http://marriedmansexlife.com/2012/09/young-guy-game-vs-old-guy-game/). She’s loosely aware that I’m MAPping, but is not aware of MMSL. We’ve been sexless for about ~55 weeks or so (not that anyone’s counting!), but things are improving quickly and dramatically.

    So I asked her who she thinks would have a better chance at winning her over – the Young Me that got her when we met (at 23) or the now me about 10 years later. I don’t doubt that I’m much wiser and more attractive now, so I was comfortable asking her. Might not work too well if you’re brand new to MAPping, so the timing could make a difference. So she said the now, older me. Hands down. I let her think about it for a few seconds and then clarified, ‘WE ARE talking about winning over the 20 y/o you from 10 years ago… still think the now me would have a better shot?” Again, yes, without hesitation she affirmed that the now me is far more attractive and would get the ‘younger her’ attention much more readily vs. the younger me.

    After that I didn’t have to say anything at all. Just watching the wheels turn and the expression on her face change slowly from ‘happily content with my more attractive husband’ to ‘holy shit, I could lose him to a friggin’ 20 year-old if I don’t step it up’ was classic.

  2. Jennifer–

    With men, it’s ALWAYS a competition.

  3. Just like guys *know* proper urinal etiquette, any guy who lifts who walks in a gym know with a single glance if someone is lifting more or less than them. We are talking sub-second. No need to know the exact amount, you just know whether it is MORE or LESS than you rep at. Men, by nature, measure … everything.

    We currently workout at a Y, so it isn’t hardcore meathead, but I make a point of wading through the young-guns early in a workout to the dumb-bells and grabbing a manly pair and proceeding to Hammer out my first set. With the eyeballing and sideways glances, I smile because the silent response is roughly “Grandpa has game!” The spoken comments vary, but the point is I get some room and respect for the duration of the workout.

    H5 sees some of the eyeballing from the females, but doesn’t generally comment. She is more subtle, but she isn’t above walking up to a machine as a guy gets off and casually saying loudly enough, “Great, Just add 10 each side.” If I wasn’t racking for her, I would love to see their faces.

    Point is, everybody keeps score if they are really working out, and joint workouts once you have your game on is great motivation.

  4. My SO has the competitive streak. I usually just do my thing because I enjoy working out (lifting anyways). Me having a few years on her in the gym department, I can pretty consistently outperform her. She loved it when we first met, but lately it’s become a problem. Maybe it’s just my hamster over-clocking to make up for the fact that I’m not where I used to be, but I find myself under-performing to keep the peace. Yet I can feel my value drop a little bit in her eyes every time I do. Thoughts? Suggestions?

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