Sexual Spanking Goes Mainstream

Okay you gotta watch the video first.

For those that don’t follow The Big Bang Theory, Amy and Sheldon are girlfriend/boyfriend, with Amy vastly more interested in Sheldon than the other way around.

In this episode Sheldon has deigned to give Amy a little extra attention when she’s been sick, so her illness has taken rather longer than expected to improve…

My first thought is even though it’s a comedy, it’s been quite sometime since I can remember a male-spanks-female scene on TV. I remember some I Love Lucy episodes where that happened. Maybe some have happened since then, but it’s quite remarkable that one of the main networks aired it.

What you’re looking at is the Fifty Shades of Grey effect. Those books have sold so incredibly well, that male-dominates-female-and-its-hot is now getting targeted as a market that will turn a profit. Twilight kinda sorta influenced it, but Fifty Shades of Grey has pushed male sexual dominance into the mainstream. There will be a lot more of this coming in the near future I can assure you.

Feminists are going to cry, but the Amy’s of the world won’t listen. The happy moist vagina being preferable to a sad dry one.


Let’s talk about erotic spanking and discipline spanking.

Erotic spankings are done for the sexual/emotional turn on. It’s an intense experience and that intensity can easily transfer into erotic potential. It may make no logical sense to the woman why being spanked turns her on, but for many (not all), “I don’t know, it just does”.

As an aside, I can explain why it does work, but it’s a lot like finding out how hotdogs are made. Once you find out, you generally no longer want to eat a hotdog, and are a little mad at the person that explained it all to you. Ignorance is bliss, I mean you don’t really want to find out that spanking is so tasty because it’s packed with the sexual equivalent of pig snouts. Just eat your hotdog.

Discipline spankings are tied to negative behavior. The spankee does something wrong, bad, half-ass and the spanker dishes out a punishment to correct the behavior. Or put another way, it’s exactly the same logic as a parent would discipline a child by spanking.

My feeling is that women are only going to consent to any spanking, if they like/want it. Otherwise it’s just some guy hitting you, which they really don’t want. This means essentially all spankings default to being erotic spankings… even if they are done ostensibly as discipline spankings. As you can see in the case of Sheldon and Amy, any hope of Amy behaving better in the future is going to backfire. She likes the spanking. So she’ll keep being bad to get what she wants.

So my advice if you want to actually use discipline spanking, is to tie it to good behavior on the part of the spankee. It’s a reward, so they’ll work for it. If they fail to reach whatever the positive behavior goal is, they lose the special attention from their lover that they crave… a much worse negative than a sore bottom.

If you want to skip some of the mind games and just have an erotic spanking, cool. Just ask for it, or allow it to happen as basic kink / foreplay / lovemaking. It’s not wildly different to hairpulling or whatever. It’s simply an intense stimulation between consenting adults.

The way spanking really works to turn women on, is by tapping into the true physical power differential between a man and a woman. In a straight up physical fight between a man and a woman, the man will always have a major advantage. For example I’m a foot taller than Jennifer, out weigh her by about 80 pounds, have a longer reach and pound for pound am significantly stronger than her. I always have a constantly rolling dominance effect, simply by my size and strength. Quite obviously I don’t hit / shove / pinch / bite / punch / kick her in daily life, because she would call 911 on me and that would be that. But things like hairpulling, neck holding and spanking during sex tap into the erotic potential from my physical dominance.

It’s not something either of us expected we would ever do in bed when we married, but in moderate amounts it works for us. Erotic physical dominance is in essence, sexual playfighting.

And because people will ask… Jennifer and I don’t do discipline spankings. We had spanked the girls once in a while when they were little, but generally found rewarding good behavior and reducing attention to negative behavior got faster and better results.

All that being said, I do know people who practise discipline spanking for negative behavior and they say it works out really well for them. I do understand why and how it works, but there are some rather dark impulses at work here. There’s no assurance that once tried it’s going to be a good experience, or one that’s easily forgotten. I would urge extreme caution and communication before discipline spanking for negative behavior. Or at the very least, trying erotic spanking for a while and see how far that gets you first.


Girl Game: Lapdance For Him (Get Into The Groove)

A forum member wants to learn how to give her husband a lapdance…

Mrsozzy:  I need to learn this stuff.  I’ve looked around and have a few ideas.  But does anyone have any kickass tips on how to lapdance?  Non-cheesy musical suggestions are especially appreciated.

Athol: It’s easy…

(1) Flick your hair.

(2) Pretend you’re in the shower soaping yourself up. This a move you can come back to over and over.

(3) Make “hungry like a lioness” eye contact.

(4) Bend down low so your boobs dangle in front of him.

(5) Turn around and walk away. Look back. Spank your ass.

(6) Act like you’ve just discovered you have boobs.

(7) Rub yourself a little through your panties. Smile.

(8) Tell him you’re an English Lit major.



PHILIP?! HEY MAN WHAT’S HAPPNIN’ PHIL?!   (Name the movie it was in.)

Okay so that was tacky…

Somehow I suspect this song is the ticket though…

(9)  Grab his cock through his pants.

(10)  Make him hold your panties.


Afterwards you ask him if he wants to get into your… groove.

Your Freedom Ends Where Your Fear Begins

Your freedom ends, where your fear begins.

We all have a tiny silver of a chance of dying in random violence. We have a much better chance of being killed by someone we’ve really pissed off that we have a long relationship with. Far more of us will die from cars, stairs and a cold that gets out of hand. Yet we get into cars, climb the stairs and go outside with wet hair in defiance of what mom said about it.

In our daily lives though, we do all sorts of things from fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of other people disapproving. Fear of pain. Fear of hunger. Fear of change. Fear of the unknown. Fear of loss. Fear of being fired. Fear of having no money. Fear of never seeing someone again. Fear of success even. Fear of him or her saying no.

Life is too short to live a life of fear. Take reasonable precautions, manage the risks but face your fears and do it anyway. Otherwise, you’re your own jailer.

If you weren’t frightened. What would you do?


Negative Work and Energy Vampires

So following on from yesterday’s Good Beta, Betaized, Butler and Hooker Math.

Wolfie: OK. So how do we move from Betaized to Good Beta then? I’ve been running the MAP but this is an area where in the last couple of weeks I’ve started noticing directions & expectations.

Athol:  The only difference between Good Beta and Betaized is her attraction to you. So the only solution is to increase your attractiveness. If that entails cutting back on Beta goodies to work on your exercise and Alpha moves, you may as well do so, because all your Beta efforts count for nothing other wise.

Beta Tester:  So how do you change this? Don’t just say “run the MAP”. My wife works part time but parks her ass on the couch for 4 or more hours after work. She does not even put her clothes away after I wash and fold them. If I stop doing these chores, the house becomes a squalor pit and the kids and I have to live in it. Her solution is we need a larger house (big time shit test).

Athol:  I think the immediate move is to stop washing her clothes. Stop folding them. Stop putting them away. Don’t even touch them. Either she washes her clothes or she can look and smell bad. She’ll get mad as hell that you aren’t doing her laundry, but that’s simply a tactic to try and get you to change your attitude and get back to work catering to her. Ignore the entire issue. Ignore everything to do with her clothes. If she gets really pissed, start laughing and film her having a fit about you not washing her clothes.

Though I get the feeling that you’re doing a lot more than just the laundry. I also have a vague hunch that your wife is performing “Negative Work” in that she actually creates more mess by her presence in the house, than she provides in terms of chores and child care. Or at least she’s breaking even on positive vs negative effect on her presence in the house.

Several times I’ve ended up in situations at work where one employee is performing Negative Work. The days they don’t come in to work, or are on vacation, are more functional and productive with them not being around. The mood is better and more gets done without them, even if you’re short-staffed that day it can be better without them. Usually they are in a position of some kind of middling authority. Their mere presence drains the energy from the room as they demand, distract, delegate, depress and dominate an entire team. They also complain loudly that the team is failing, unmanageable, disloyal, requires constant supervision and that they are very unhappy in their job. Complaints about them, or direct criticisms of them, are typically met with harsh sanctions as a response.

Sound familiar?

The only solution that I’ve ever seen work with dealing with these people is that they get reamed out by someone in authority, nearly get fired and get a smack down a level on the totem pole. Otherwise, you simply have to get out from their sphere of influence. But there is no magical cure where they see the light and turn their shit around and become wonderful people. Sometimes though the rot goes up a couple of management levels, so it’s just easier to move sideways or out completely.


Assuming you’ve reasonably maxed out your attractiveness, well into a Phase Three and other women are showing you attention. You’ve stopped doing all the personal catering to her that you can without making the entire house a health and safety risk. Yet she’s still digging in like Jabba the Hutt on the couch and performing Negative Work. At some point you just have to either stop fighting her and be her minion forever, or say enough is enough and make a bid for freedom and stop carrying her through life.

There just are some basic functional practicalities about running a household. You need income and chores done. How that all gets assigned between the couple and the kids I really don’t care. But part of life is being a self-supporting functional adult and for lack of a better word… doing your job… and if you can’t do your job, you can’t have your job.

So yeah… run the MAP. Not what you wanted to hear I know and a whole lot easier for me to say, than for you to do. It’s worth it to be free of energy vampires though.

And yes… all this applies to husbands too. Even if you’re struggling to find work, there’s always something positive you can be doing. No free lunch. No rest for the wicked or something. About 40% of my email is from women about this exact same sort of issue. The advice I give them is no different than this post.


Good Beta, Betaized, Butler and Hooker Math

Beta skills are great. Everyone needs to know how to cook a meal, clean a house, buy groceries and generally have a full compliment of basic life skills. These really aren’t male or female skill sets in my mind, any one can do these. Kids can do them, I’ve taught people with developmental disabilities to do them.

Good Beta – I help out around the house a lot. I actually generally enjoy performing house work, I’m not saying our house is spotlessly clean and ready for the Queen to visit, but it’s not a health and safety concern either. Jennifer also does a lot of stuff around the house as well, so we both work and we both keep house. Jennifer is also appreciative of me helping out and I’m appreciative of her helping out.  Jennifer does more cooking and laundry than I do plus the grocery shopping. I do more yardwork, cleaning and move the high and the heavy objects. So in the context of Team Kay, my Beta skills and performance is a good thing.

I was actually quite pleased when in the middle of finishing off Thanksgiving Dinner together, Jennifer’s grandmother said, “Look at you two, it’s like you’re working in a restaurant.”   I’m performing Beta skills, but I’m also getting credit for them. I’m not building attraction that way, but I’m creating comfort and in Jennifer’s mind I’m getting points for it.

Betaized – This is where you’re still performing Beta skills, perhaps even exactly the same tasks as I’m doing, but you’re getting no credit for it. If your attractiveness is low, she doesn’t fear losing you, so all the Beta goodies you do are simply to make her life easier, rather than soothe away any sense of dread that you’re not emotionally attached to her. Thus…

If Jennifer is attracted to me, my helping out makes her feel safe about being attracted to me. I’m valuable to her vagina and I’m not one of those hit and run penises.

If Jennifer isn’t attracted to me, my helping out means my value to her is what I’m doing to make her life easier. Her vagina doesn’t care as long as my penis doesn’t go wandering off on an adventure.

You can tell when you’re in this situation because instead of her acting pleased, delighted or positive by your Beta goodies, she simply expects them. If all she does is a micro-second smile and praise routine, she’s simply being polite. Note the difference between her “positive attention” to you for doing something good, and how she acts when the dog takes a dump. If the dog is winning, you’re Betaized.

She’s also very likely giving you directions, demands, lists and expects task compliance. The marriage is run on her schedule and whim. You may very well be cooking gourmet meals, shelling out for expensive trips and surprising her with jewelry…  but it doesn’t count for shit unless she already wants to fuck you.

Butler – This is when Betaized turns into Betashit Crazy. If your wife is a SAHM… and you’re the one both holding down a job AND running about cooking, cleaning, taxi driving the kids everywhere, grocery shopping, yada yada yada…. you’re doing her whole damn job for her!

Now don’t get me wrong here, a SAHM isn’t going to be 100% responsible for every domestic chore in the house while hubby cracks open a beer and farts as hard as he can into the good sofa, that’s a bit much I agree. (Please refer back to “Team Kay” in the Good Beta section of this post, trust me, I get it.)  But if he comes home from work and then is doing 2-4 hours of chores of some description and then not getting even a whiff of the aroma of pussy… he’s basically her butler. His sole purpose is to provide her with a womb-like level of services.

You know how there’s that SAHM thing, itemizing out the value of everything she does to some crazy figure? You know, the one where it tries to assess the cost of everything she does on a per hour basis if was done by outside service providers. Personal chef $400 a week, maid service $300 a week, laundry $150 a week, personal shopper $250 a week, nanny $300 a week, nurse $100 a week, limo driver $300 a week….. = $1 million dollar value of service provided in a year. Okay, so hold that in your head for the next step…

Now account that value assessment for your own domestic chores, into your Hooker Math equation.

(Total yearly income from job + Bullshit domestic chore value plucked from air)  /  Number of times you have sex a year = Cost per lay

If your cost per lay is a figure that makes you disgusted,  you’re her butler.

Have a think about that.