Preselection For Married Guys

Preselection is a tricky element for a married man to master.

Basically the more women that are interested in you, the better. If your wife sees some hot blond talking with you, slapping you on the forearm and laughing just a little too much… your wife is going to view her as being interested in you. So it’s tempting to create situations where your wife sees other women paying attention to you. Usually early attempts to make this happen simply turn into you hitting on another woman in front of your wife, and instead if your wife being attracted more… she’s just mad.

If you’re single and trying to meet women, then yes, you need to be active in approaches toward them. The bold confident approach is much better than being passive. However for married guys, you’ve already met a woman, so you’re not meant to be actively looking for another one. Thus you need to be somewhat passive and let them come to you.

The trick is to be generally attractive, engaging and playfully fun with your interactions with women… and importantly, most women you’re coming into contact with. Plus don’t ignore other men either. You’re just like this with everyone, it’s your personality to be magnetic and Alpha. You’re not trying to actively target someone to escalate. You’re just “the sort of guy that’s attractive to women”. Thus when women are attracted to you, the cause is your attractiveness and not you being disloyal. You weren’t out looking for anyone in particular, they came to you.

Your wife knowing other women want you is a very strong Alpha Trait presence. The balance of being loyal and not actively seeking women to escalate with is a strong Beta Trait presence. She’ll be turned on, but also feel you’re safe enough to trust and give you her all. Your wife wants to believe that you’re not going to dump (or cheat on) her on a whim, but push comes to shove, you’ll end up with a new woman easily.

The downside is without active approaches, the level of attractiveness you need to reach the threshold where other women approach you, is going to be higher. So if say she’s an 8, if you’re a 7 she’s not interested no matter what. If you’re an 8, nothing will happen until you make a move on her and start actively trying to engage her. If you’re a 9, you won’t need to make a move on her, she’ll seek you out.

So if your wife sees another woman being interested in you and you’re equal Sex Rank to her, your wife suspects you made a move on her. If your wife sees another woman being interested in you and you’re higher Sex Rank than her, your wife just thinks this is the sort of thing that happens when you have a hot husband.

On the flip side, being married is usually a Preselection boost in the eyes of other women. It’s not uncommon for freshly married guys to find themselves getting hit on more than they were before they were married.

Anyway the solution, single or married, is just the same. Make yourself more attractive. You catch more with honey and all that.



  1. The Outsider says

    The Big Bang Theory is such a weird mix of getting it right and getting it wrong. As Athol points out by posting a clip, there’s a pretty steady stream of good “game” on the show. On the other hand, the most alpha of the bunch (I know, I know) is the skinny guy, yet he’s with the frumpy chick. Meanwhile, the weird, wimpy guy from Roseanne is with a babe. If they did that on purpose, it would be ironic…

    The Big Bang Theory is a nerd fantasy… so Leonard gets the girl. Actually Leonard is a man-whore.

  2. tigerandplay says

    Athol – thanks very much for this post, I think it was something that definitely needed clarifying

  3. rgol says

    You are so right…It is tricky. However, if played well one can have some fun. I have running the MAP for about 10 months and recently, I started attracing other women and my wife is noticing. In my “over 45 year old crowd,” my wife is a 8-9. She is hot according to many women and men; I have been told so multiple times. I have been a 6-7 historically. After months in the gym, dressing better, losing weight and and working on engaging other women at all atimes, I am mnow closer to an 8.

    So…2 weeks ago at a friends b-day party ata club, the blondes come calling. I am at the bar talking with 5-6 blonde women, two putting their hands around me and flirting. They are friends in our larger group, single and are very attractive women. My wife, a brunette, knows I like dark hair girls. She is 20 feet away chatting with a friend when she texts me…

    She > “Thought you liked brunettes???”
    Me > “What is a guy to do?”

    Later on when I joined her and her GF, she was holding my hand very tight while chatting to her friend. I laughed and had another drink. That night she made sure I knew who f*cked better than “the blondes.” In fact, I cannot go 2-3 days without hearing a reference to “the blondes.” So, she is now more aware that other women are atracted to me and she needs to keep her “game on.” I love it.


  4. says

    It’s so true about the getting married part. When I got engaged and was taken out of the “market” I had a few strange encounters with women that didn’t pay attention to me before, but I was in LaLa Land over my then future wife they couldn’t dig into my psyche at all. I was like Teflon man…

    Recently, I was at a party and a woman who is maybe 1-2 ranks below me and was kinda tipsee from some wine was just talking my ear off and getting a little too close. Her husband came up and grabbed her around the waist and almost dragged her into another corner of the kitchen and the rest of the night he glared at me, sitting on the kitchen counter with his legs wrapped around his wife’s waist for like 2 hours! My wife saw the whole thing and laughed because my wife’s sex rank is well above this woman’s so no threat… funny though…

  5. Simon says

    Question about charisma: so it seems that much of what you’re describing has to do with
    Cultivating charisma. So why are some guys who aren’t on the face of it Alphas actually charismatic? In movie star terms I’m thinking of guys like James Macavoy and Anthony Edwards.

    The larger question is what is charisma and how can you systematically develop it?

  6. Trimegistus says

    Funny thing: I had the reverse experience after marriage. I called my wedding ring the “Ring of Invisibility” because it seemed to make women unable to notice me at all.

  7. Joe says

    Ok, my last comment didn’t show up so I’ll try again:

    It seems like what we are all talking about here is a type of charisma. The particular type of charisma that particularly makes an impression upon women. So the question is this: why do some men who are not the stereotypical alpha (tall dark and handsome, muscular, macho) still possess a powerful attraction for women? TV / Movie star examples spring to mind: Anthony Edwards (everyone’s favorite cuddly ER doctor) and Jame Mcavoy (the tragic Atonement boy-man).

    Essentially, I want to know how to make myself for charismatic. What are the 5 most essential traits of a charismatic person? What really IS charisma?

    Fascinating stuff.


  8. Tampa says

    There is no more powerful weapon then preselection. My old beta self use to go out of my way to soothe my wife’s anxiety. Now in my new self, I realize that to a certain point, her anxiety is my best friend. I don’t flaunt other women around her – you don’t need to do that. You just need to sit back and let her imagination take hold and don’t ever dissuade her sense of insecurity surrounding other women finding you attractive. Women deep down in places you didn’t know exist actually want that. It’s actually quite funny when you realize what is going on.

  9. dean says

    What is the Game technique for dealing with mate poaching. Say your wife or your girlfriend (different situations I know) does openly flirt with another man at a party or bar or whatever. How should it be handled? Direct confrontation later? Flirt with other women? Your in a bad position no matter what but what are the options?

  10. someguy says

    @Dean – goofy/groping for the win! With some modification for appropriateness of course. Come up behind her, put your hands on her waist and move her slightly to the side as you step in beside her, (one arm stays around her waist) and say with a grin and cheesy accent, “Is ‘dis guy botherin’ youse?”, while looking the other guy straight in the eye.
    This gives her a strong sense of your physical dominance in her space and demonstrates you willing and (more) able to protect her while the light-hearted tone projects confidence. And nine times out of ten since very few guys are actually interested in picking a fight with an unknown outcome the other guy will always blink first, or stammer, or modify his posture in deference or in some other way further underscore your dominance. (The tenth guy is so damn drunk it doesn’t matter! :)
    I say this with years of practice. My wife is hotter than she realizes and men frequently take her naturally friendly outgoing nature as a sign that they might have an angle if they play their cards right. (Of course I think she does it sometimes just for validation, but whatever, it’s all good! :)

  11. dean says


    Thanks. That’s a great technique. Is it wise to have discussions of this before an event? Ie to prep your wife or girlfriend about the realities of mate poaching and to set some rules beforehand. That seems wise and logical but I don’t know how a woman would perceive that.

  12. Joe says

    Regarding the birthday party comment by RGOL. I’ve been thinking about what you described and at first it seemed like alot of fun. But then I got to thinking that what you’re receiving (the attention and sex from your wife) is a product of , at best, her desire to compete with “the blondes” or at worst, her own insecurities with regard to “the blondes”. Wouldn’t it be nice to just have her be really turned on by you without the external competitive incentivizing? Enjoy what you’ve got for now, but I hope it progresses beyond that…


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