You gotta love science…

In a study that analyzed the roles of 4,500 heterosexual married couples in the United States, researchers found that when women handled the cooking, cleaning and shopping, and men did yard work and car maintenance, they had more active sex lives.

“The results show that gender still organizes quite a bit of everyday life in marriage,” Julie Brines, a University of Washington (UW) associate professor of sociology and a co-author of the study, said in a statement.   “In particular, it seems that the gender identities husbands and wives express through the chores they do also help structure sexual behavior.”

The findings, which are published in the American Sociological Review journal, showed that couples with traditional roles at home had sex 1.6 times more per month than those in which the husband did all the traditionally female work.

Now I happen to not mind helping out around the home and I’m fairly skilled at it, so never really think too much about it. But I did sit back for a minute and actually think things through today and….

…well I do help out…

…but I really am a bit of a sexist pig in the way I do house work.

Let me give examples.

I do all my own personal laundry. Jennifer does all her own personal laundry. We’ll happily switch things from the washer to the dryer if it’s the other person’s stuff, but we don’t really start it. I tend to wash the bedding and towels more than she does. Admittedly that’s my man juice everywhere, so I guess we better count everything my cum hits as my personal laundry.  Also don’t sit in my chair. Just sayin’.


I don’t touch the girls laundry. Don’t know why.  That’s up to Jennifer and the girls to figure out. Just not my problem.

The lawn. Okay I’m not crazy lawn proud, but I’m the one that mows the lawn. I’m totally sure Jennifer could push the mower around the lawn and do a fine job. I just don’t care for that kind of insubordination. That’s my job.

Likewise when it’s time to shovel snow, I totally don’t mind Jennifer helping out, but it’s still my show. I’m going to do the heavy stuff the plow-trucks have compacted at the end of the driveway. She can do the steps and around the recycling bins and stuff. Because you know how women worry a cardboard box may be wasted and the planet might instantly turn into a WALL-E level environmental nightmare.

I vacuum far more than she does because frankly it’s just easier for me, using Upper Body Strength (TM) to move chairs and tables out of the way. Plus I vacuum one-handed. That’s all a woman really needs to know about me really. That’s right ladies,  I vacuum one-handed… a strong, steady back and forth motion.

Jennifer does this thing with clipping coupons and being part of some women’s circle swapping coupons. I know it saves us a curiously large amount of money, but honestly I can’t quite follow exactly how it all works, and I worry it’s really some sort of ponzi scheme. When the shit hits the fan I’m just going to plead the fifth and hope Jennifer gets out of jail before we run out of the 640 rolls of toilet paper the grocery store paid her $6.40 to buy from them last November.  (Jennifer: Yeah, yeah, just for the record I’m not that bad.  Nobody’s going to invite me to be on Super Coupon Ladies Don’t Have Room in the House for Their Husbands Because of All of That Toilet Paper or whatever that show is…)

In the kitchen things are a little more free flow. I like cooking, but somehow it’s Jennifer’s job to decide what’s for dinner as the default. It tends to be me muscling in and taking over for a night of cooking more than her asking for help. Likewise on the nights she works late, I handle dinner no issue. I’m the one that authorizes takeout rather than cooking something, though we do that less and less over time.

Jennifer is the one that plans grocery shopping, though I do like going along and I tend to be the one hunting for the choice meat on sale or whatever when I go. Which she doesn’t mind because it sorts out a few meal choices for her. Women really do hate deciding whats for dinner.

So all in all… I really don’t think Jennifer is worn out from catering to me or anything like that. It’s fairly even, just not equal. I really am doing something around the house frequently…

…I’m just doing it in a sexist manner.

Okay pro tip time.

You can do anything in house domestic chore-wise and pull off a male vibe by (1) using up cleaning wipes like you own stock in the company, (2) the obvious placement of an adult beverage on the kitchen counter, (3) moving chairs from one room to another to vaccum/mop (just trust me on this one) and most importantly….

….(4) Truly obnoxious decibel levels of metal / hard rock / fuck you music driving her out of your face.

That’s right. I’m scrubbing out the kitchen sink with baking soda. CLICK CLICK BOOM!


And don’t let her boss you around doing something you already know perfectly well how to do.


Wife Leaves For Other Man, Husband Doesn’t Cry Long…

I’ve had a *very* busy December. I mean crazy busy because so many of the relationships I was tracking suddenly seemed to intensify in the second half of December. I think the combination of Christmas parties and New Year’s Eve parties is almost like a “resolve the relationship” trigger. If there’s another man in the picture, she’s going to try to get to him on those special events. There’s alcohol and opportunity… and all those Emotional Affairs turn into Physical ones.

I’ve had some super salvaging of relationships in December. The husbands that have won have won big, but not everyone has won.

In January, it seems the December failures have all the shit hit the fan. In those cases wives are all leaving my guys that have been running the MAP faithfully.


…the husbands are all starting to crack up laughing.

Let me explain that.

I’m 5 for 5 with the following pattern of guys who have been running the MAP and have had wives leave them in January.

At some point in 2012 the husband figured out all was not well in the marriage and sought out MMSL. They all started running the MAP and self-improving. They all had varying degrees of positive response from the wives. They started digging into the problems and sorting them out. But for one reason or another, the wife wasn’t interested in staying, and when the ultimatums came down… actually more often than not the ultimatum was triggered by the wife rather than the husband… she left the marriage.

So let’s be clear here – ALL of the husbands were very much trying to save the marriage. I’m talking 5 for 5 husbands have endlessly emailed me or been on the forum, actively trying to save the marriage and fix things with their wife.  But despite best efforts, each one have been dumped and left.


I am 5 for 5 for having those husbands get hit on by other women as soon as the wife is out of the picture. As in attractive other women. As in younger attractive women. As in… “Athol, I don’t understand why I was trying to save things with X anymore. I know I’m going to miss her, but being completely honest, I don’t think I want her back anymore.”

I’ve had so many emails and messages in the last month to the effect of, “My SBTX wife is 44, my new gf is 32.”  The overall feeling husbands have about their wives is one of amused sorrow. They are more sorry for her that she’s fucked her own life and happiness up than anything else.

Or as a message today read…

“And good luck to her. OM is a total flake. Still living with his wife as they go through divorce. And his job is still on the line. Work wise I’m 2-3 levels above him. Even if they got together I give it 6 months max. Which means she is a forty something divorcee with four kids in the marketplace. And I’m me!”

So all in all, I’m kind of expecting about 4 of 5 of those same wives attempt to make their way “back home” at some point in 2013. Which has got to be a humiliating moment for them to admit they made a mistake. It’s also got to be a stomach churning moment to realize as a 44 year-old woman that to move back home, you’ve somehow got to outclass a 32 year-old that’s sleeping with your husband. Good luck with that.

So like I’ve said from the very beginning, there’s no magic bullet that makes the wife be into you, but if you run the MAP, there’s going to be a woman out there that will be into you. Plus I think the MAP approach of holding the moral high ground really matters in how attractive you are should she decide to bail on the marriage.

Being an attractive man, who did the right thing, and doesn’t turn fetal going…. “Whhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?” with snot pouring from your nose = a hot item.

Don’t misunderstand me here. To a man, the desire has been to fix things with the wife, but she didn’t buy in…

A good wife should have nothing to fear from her husband reading MMSL. But if she wants to go spread her legs for a douchebag… well… this is how it all ends for her.

Anyway… still working on the new book… but quite obviously the original one isn’t all that bad lol. Buy it on Amazon.


Divorce and Cheating Comes In Waves

For some strange reason there’s a distinct lack of cheating whores wanting to be friends with Jennifer….

…let me explain.

I now know of this situation happening with some degree of variance in four different sets of couples…


Anna and Alex are married. Brad and Brenda are married.

Anna tell tells Alex that Brenda is having an affair and cheating on Brad.

Alex is somewhat friends with Brad, but Anna swears him to secrecy. Alex complies and doesn’t tell Brad. Besides, how do you tell someone that they are being cheated on. So awkward.

Anna starts to get snippy with Alex over little stuff.

Anna starts telling Alex how annoyed she is with Brenda and how she’s changing and doesn’t like it.

Anna gets annoyed with Alex over lots of different things.

Anna tells Alex that Brenda is going balls deep with her OM.

Anna invites Brenda and Brad over. Alex extremely uncomfortable making small talk with Brad because he he knows what Brenda is up to. Alex says nothing.

Anna tells Alex how unhappy she is in the marriage and is considering moving out to figure herself out.

Alex begs Anna to stay, asks for counseling et al.

Anna agrees.

Magically the counselor suggests a separation.

Alex helps Anna find an apartment.

Alex waits patiently for Anna to find herself.

Anna finds herself in a variety of sexual positions with different men.

Alex cries alone in the dark and masturbates to the memory of Anna.

And so on and so on and so on…


Maybe it’s just me… but if I ever tell someone to blow the lid open on someone else’s affair, it’s also to protect them as much as anything. When your spouse throws that in front of you, your passive acceptance can be interpreted as weakness. If you’re weak to awkward… you’re weak to a great many things.

So maybe it’s my big mouth that doesn’t give a shit where the chips fall, that creates a whore avoidance field around Jennifer. Though it’s not like she attracts the Girl’s Night Out crowd in the first place.

And yes of course the cheater will be mad when you spill it. Fuck ‘em. They shouldn’t be whores and douchebags if you don’t want that coming around and hitting them in the ass. If they couldn’t shut their mouth or be discreet, they’re stupid, stupid, stupid.

And yes of course the cheated on person may not like you for telling them. Oh well, not like you could continue the friendship as it was, knowing they are being duped and always having to talk around the elephant in the womb.

And yes of course your partner will be mad when you spill it. Good. They won’t have any illusions what you’ll do if they ever cheat. Give them the heads up first of course. Real simple. “I can never let you think I won’t take strong action about cheating. If you didn’t want me to do something, you should never have told me.”  They may not like it, but they will respect it.

Divorce and cheating comes in waves, you gotta stop it at the source.

Keep reading. Divorce is contagious, stop it at the sniffles.

The Next Primer Edition

If you’re been following the plot… I thought I would do a Primer revision every year, but just… couldn’t… make… myself… write… it… over…. again. Seriously, it’s like redoing a year at school. I hated every moment of trying to rewrite it.


I now have several quite important ideas and changes I want to make to the Primer. Most of which have flooded into me over the last 3-4 weeks. You’ve probably caught little whiffs of them here and there, but at this point only three people including myself have seen the basic theoretical structure to the new approach, and only I have seen parts of some of the odds and ends. I think you will recognize the new version as still being the Primer, just a significantly better work.

That being said, I would like some feedback.

(1)  What did you like about the 2011 edition?

(2)  What did you like least about 2011 edition?

(3)  What do you think I missed in the 2011 edition?

(4)  What did I say that was just plain wrong or only partially right in the 2011 edition?

(5)  What could be dropped from the old edition?

(6)  What should be added?

When the new edition is done, that’s it. I doubt I will revisit it again for another ten years. But it’s not done until it’s done either. People have often asked to help sell the current Primer, but I’m holding off on heavily advertising the current edition because I am increasingly uncomfortable with it. It’s not wrong, but nor is it quite right. I’m proud of it, but it’s like a high school yearbook photo to me now.

I also have to regretfully distance myself a little from the blog and the forum. I have given a great deal and am burning out on it all. Right now the Primer revision is coming to the surface as my most critical task that will probably define the next thirty years of my life. So I need to be a little selfish. I am by no means “going away and not coming back”. It’s just time to do this task is all.

As things have progressed on a personal level, I have become increasingly awed by how arranged all of this is. This is all much larger than me being a smart guy with some clever ideas. I am grateful for everyones support.

Three Years of MMSL

Three years is a long time.

When I started the blog, I thought I knew exactly what I was doing… but now I realize I didn’t really have much of a clue. I just plowed ahead with this intense need to write and learn and do something. I’d stumbled onto a set of interesting ideas and and had an answer that I simply had to say.

Since then I’ve had several hundred people write to me and tell me that their life was significantly better for having read the blog and the book. I’ve seen the photos of weddings and “thanks to MMSL” babies. I’ve seen affairs headed off at the pass, and some mopped up a little too late. Some people simply move on to better and brighter relationships. Some people are still walking a hard path.

I do look back though and see some major changes in how I wrote. 2010 is perky and bouncy… then dad died and 2011 is more reserved. 2012 is a little more tired. I’ve been so tired. I’ve said nearly everything that I think I need to say on the blog. There’s only so much energy I have and near daily posting has become a drain.

I’ve also had over the last few weeks a whole second wave of of ideas and fine tuning to the overall MMSL approach. I’m not saying the old stuff is wrong, just that the new stuff is easier to understand, stronger in practice, less offensive and answers all those “but what about?” questions. But it’s going to take some time to write it all out properly so don’t be surprised if the blog posting starts tapering down a lot and is little less about me and more about the content.

Anyway, say tuned. Know where your wallets are.