You gotta love science…

In a study that analyzed the roles of 4,500 heterosexual married couples in the United States, researchers found that when women handled the cooking, cleaning and shopping, and men did yard work and car maintenance, they had more active sex lives.

“The results show that gender still organizes quite a bit of everyday life in marriage,” Julie Brines, a University of Washington (UW) associate professor of sociology and a co-author of the study, said in a statement.   “In particular, it seems that the gender identities husbands and wives express through the chores they do also help structure sexual behavior.”

The findings, which are published in the American Sociological Review journal, showed that couples with traditional roles at home had sex 1.6 times more per month than those in which the husband did all the traditionally female work.

Now I happen to not mind helping out around the home and I’m fairly skilled at it, so never really think too much about it. But I did sit back for a minute and actually think things through today and….

…well I do help out…

…but I really am a bit of a sexist pig in the way I do house work.

Let me give examples.

I do all my own personal laundry. Jennifer does all her own personal laundry. We’ll happily switch things from the washer to the dryer if it’s the other person’s stuff, but we don’t really start it. I tend to wash the bedding and towels more than she does. Admittedly that’s my man juice everywhere, so I guess we better count everything my cum hits as my personal laundry.  Also don’t sit in my chair. Just sayin’.


I don’t touch the girls laundry. Don’t know why.  That’s up to Jennifer and the girls to figure out. Just not my problem.

The lawn. Okay I’m not crazy lawn proud, but I’m the one that mows the lawn. I’m totally sure Jennifer could push the mower around the lawn and do a fine job. I just don’t care for that kind of insubordination. That’s my job.

Likewise when it’s time to shovel snow, I totally don’t mind Jennifer helping out, but it’s still my show. I’m going to do the heavy stuff the plow-trucks have compacted at the end of the driveway. She can do the steps and around the recycling bins and stuff. Because you know how women worry a cardboard box may be wasted and the planet might instantly turn into a WALL-E level environmental nightmare.

I vacuum far more than she does because frankly it’s just easier for me, using Upper Body Strength (TM) to move chairs and tables out of the way. Plus I vacuum one-handed. That’s all a woman really needs to know about me really. That’s right ladies,  I vacuum one-handed… a strong, steady back and forth motion.

Jennifer does this thing with clipping coupons and being part of some women’s circle swapping coupons. I know it saves us a curiously large amount of money, but honestly I can’t quite follow exactly how it all works, and I worry it’s really some sort of ponzi scheme. When the shit hits the fan I’m just going to plead the fifth and hope Jennifer gets out of jail before we run out of the 640 rolls of toilet paper the grocery store paid her $6.40 to buy from them last November.  (Jennifer: Yeah, yeah, just for the record I’m not that bad.  Nobody’s going to invite me to be on Super Coupon Ladies Don’t Have Room in the House for Their Husbands Because of All of That Toilet Paper or whatever that show is…)

In the kitchen things are a little more free flow. I like cooking, but somehow it’s Jennifer’s job to decide what’s for dinner as the default. It tends to be me muscling in and taking over for a night of cooking more than her asking for help. Likewise on the nights she works late, I handle dinner no issue. I’m the one that authorizes takeout rather than cooking something, though we do that less and less over time.

Jennifer is the one that plans grocery shopping, though I do like going along and I tend to be the one hunting for the choice meat on sale or whatever when I go. Which she doesn’t mind because it sorts out a few meal choices for her. Women really do hate deciding whats for dinner.

So all in all… I really don’t think Jennifer is worn out from catering to me or anything like that. It’s fairly even, just not equal. I really am doing something around the house frequently…

…I’m just doing it in a sexist manner.

Okay pro tip time.

You can do anything in house domestic chore-wise and pull off a male vibe by (1) using up cleaning wipes like you own stock in the company, (2) the obvious placement of an adult beverage on the kitchen counter, (3) moving chairs from one room to another to vaccum/mop (just trust me on this one) and most importantly….

….(4) Truly obnoxious decibel levels of metal / hard rock / fuck you music driving her out of your face.

That’s right. I’m scrubbing out the kitchen sink with baking soda. CLICK CLICK BOOM!


And don’t let her boss you around doing something you already know perfectly well how to do.



  1. A dirty paper towel can’t clean anything.

    That’s like wiping your ass with used toilet paper.

    Why don’t women get this?

  2. 2manypasswords says:

    There are exceptions to every rule. I have neighbors who look like beta chumps because they’re always the ones mowing the yard even though they have able-bodied teenagers to do the job.

  3. BetaTester says:

    Before anyone reads into the science of this, I have to point out one very important fact: The research does not prove that doing more housework reduces sex frequency nor is doing less housework going to improve it. All it shows is in household where the male does more housework they have sex less frequently. The amount of housework may be a symptom of a larger problem or it could be the cause of less frequent sex, we just do not know.

    I recall the beta advice: (start winey voice) Women are just so worn out. If they just had more help around the home they would be laying their husbands like tile! Like crap.

    My personal experience is I do allot of housework because my wife is lazy and she blames the condition of the house on it being too small and not enough bathrooms. I can’t take it and clean it myself rather than argue. I am working on it and have now refused to pick up after her. My doing less housework has not so far increase me getting any.

  4. Trimegistus says:

    Athol, meet Roissy. Roissy, meet Athol.

    It’s kind of amazing how the same paper can support entirely diametric conclusions.

  5. Trimegistus says:

    Actually, I think there’s three things at work here. First there’s the issue of time: if she feels like she has to get one more load of wash done at 11 p.m. you’re not in bed fucking. Helping out does open up the schedule.

    Second, there’s showing her you care by helping. Beta isn’t Bad.

    But finally, there’s why and how you are doing it. Helping because she’s overwhelmed, or doing jobs the two of you have divided up based on ability is fine. Keeping the house clean because she’s either lazy or refuses on ideological grounds demonstrates that you are below her in the hierarchy — a bad spot to be in.

    Be the man who helps his poor overwhelmed wife with his awesome masculine strength and competence, not the newspaper cartoon guy wearing a frilly apron while he dusts and says “yes, dear.”

  6. “… had sex 1.6 times more per month than those in which the husband did all the traditionally female work.” “Did all the traditionally female work” is not the same as “shares household responsibilities.” Not even close. The former suggests a very different relationship dynamic, one that could easily lead to (or result from?) less sex.

  7. I don’t know what to think about that article. I think it may dig some guys a bigger hole with even less loving.

    Our home is very, very traditional, so much it astonishes me when I really analyze it. I don’t think hubby has cleaned a toilet since we married, but he fixes EVERYTHING and in a timely manner. He cooks, he’s the best cook in the house, but he does it very instinctively and it always involves lots of meat – enough for 30 and then he usually gives what we cannot eat away to his friends. They ooh and ahh.

    His beta is important to me. He takes care of me – primary breadwinner, Mr. fix it, rush in to soothe the savage beasts (we have 7 right now).

    I do nearly all the housekeeping, main caretaker to the kids, homeschool a couple of them, and have a very part-time home business right now. He does the outside chores, helps with the inside chores, orders pizza when I look frazzled and he’s horny. I think the smell of pizza turns him on now.

    I do think there is a balance between the alpha and beta. I think it is most important to know your woman and what she needs. I get turned on when I see my man teaching the kids something or spending quality time with them. I’m weird that way though.

    Women need to know their men, too. My hubby and I are really, really bad at hints so our policy is speak up if you want your needs met. Once a year I ask my honey his top 10 important things to him to feel loved and respected. I try to meet those needs/wants. I can’t do everything, but if I concentrate on the priorities, the essentials then things run more smoothly and we are both happier.

    Marriage is hard work, but it’s worth it. Blaming the other sex rarely brings about any real change. We can only change ourselves. Makes me so sad to see such hurting people here.

  8. There are two modes that men clean and cook and do other things that are supposedly female territory. The bad way is having the wife push the Nice Guy husband around to do all the work in the house and then she gets resentful that he is always doing her bidding because he just wants to please his pushy wife. That’s going to lead to her having an affair and the Nice Guy stuck cleaning the house!

    The second, more Alpha approach is to share responsibilities doing the housework. Living life deliberately means doing your fair share around the house. If you can’t do your fair share, you better be raking in a ton of money and have “help” doing it for your or a stay at home wife that does it too. We’ve all seen the stories of a Nice Guy with a stay at home wife that doesn’t lift a finger and he ends up doing all the work! Personally, I could never get my wife to mow the lawn or take out the trash, but I do 90% of the cooking just because I had a mother that was a chef and I learned how to cook for myself at an early age and it just comes naturally to me. I am forbidden from doing her laundry and the kids laundry, I just do my own.

    To each his own, but my feeling is that there are always circumstances where we don’t always follow gender roles when it comes to doing housework, but as long as you are upfront about how you split up the work and everyone is pulling their weight, there should be plenty of sex…

    (BTW, sex like 3.8 times a month? Is that on the low side?)

  9. i recently started doing scheduled household chores with my kids. it is something i initiated and i administer. my wife’s pussy drips with appreciation. she recently sent me a sexy pic via text for the first time ever. things are working out well since i started this little project.

  10. HalfBetter says:

    “I don’t touch the girls laundry. Don’t know why. That’s up to Jennifer and the girls to figure out. Just not my problem.”

    I actually find this statement from Athol contradictory to what he preaches in the MMSL Primer 2011, as I believe he advises men something to the effect of “The ‘L’ word… that’s right, ‘laundry.'” And for men to “do the laundry, seriously, because it’s not the woman’s job, it’s a basic life responsibility.” He makes no distinctions in the book about men doing just their OWN laundry, so I find it coincidental he makes that distinction now in the face of these research revelations.

  11. Grab all the chores that involve putting things away. Men remember where things are, women… shop ’til they find it. If they find it on the second or third try they’re happy.

    You *don’t* want to start asking “Honey, where’s the…?”

  12. Halfbetter,

    Depending on the girls laundry it can be very dangerous doing a woman’s clothes. I would never ask my husband to understand which of my clothes need to be washed on cold, delicate, can’t go in the dryer, must go in on low, what must be washed by hand, et cetera. It’s reasonable to expect the girls to do there own laundry when some of the more expensive clothes all have special instructions and will be ruined if put in normal wash. He should n’t have to know what is what.

  13. Katherine Kelly says:

    OMG, this was a funny post. The men on this forum could start their own Comedy Central.
    In my opinion a man could wear a pink tutu and it would not affect his wifes sexual desire for him if he is Alpha enough to pull it off. It is always about the big picture for me, where all the pieces add up to Beta or Alpha.

    There are men and than there are MEN. It is about the energy, not the action.
    You can smell Alpha on a man.

  14. About daughter’s laundry, maybe this is part of it: (just before the 2 minute mark)

  15. holdingallthecards says:

    Who knows about the whole cleaning thing. My experience (personal and of my gf’s) is that military men are more diligent about all chores, indoors and out, than non-military guys. I’ve known slobs of both genders. Some guys take immaculate care of their cars but live in a rat’s nest. The neighbors can all drive by and note your diligence in lawn & garden, but since they don’t usually come inside the house, perhaps men prefer to spend their time and energy on the outside.

    Or maybe powering up the noisy lawnmower feels more manly than holding a dustrag. As far as happy marriages, well, I really don’t know many of those anyway, but the only happy couples I know pay for weekly gardening service and a weekly maid visit.

  16. I guess my approach of cranking up Astrud Gilberto and pretending I’m picking up shells on a Brazilian beach is a little misguided. In my defense, I do bust out a gin martini while doing so.

    “Long and tan and young and handsome… the husband from Ipanema goes cleaning… and every time he cleans… his wife goes… ahhhhhh…..”

  17. @Katherine Kelly

    “You can smell Alpha on a man.” EXACTLY. And yes, that is the kind of man who can get away with wearing a pink tutu if he damn well feels like it.

  18. Wait, who DOESN’T? vacuum one-handed? Who uses two hands to push a vacuum? I’ve never done that.

  19. It depends. I visited a family member when we helped them prep for a party. He got out the electrolux and started going at it. The Wife walked in and ripped him to shreds over what he was missing and this went on with every job he helped with.

    On the other hand, I had a rough week and my Husband jumped in and helped me get dinner made, cleaned up and the children in bed. This is not normal, I normally do all of it. He was rewarded with a long hot oil masssage the next day.

    It isn’t sexy to be a jerk. I was sick and overwhelmed. He jumped in and helped to an extent.

    The turn off is when a full grown adult man is his Wife’s bitch.

  20. dude, i DO NOT CLEAN. i keep the house relatively tidy, but i have a cleaning girl come by twice a month. i do my own laundry and dishes. i mean it’s just me.

    now growing up in a cajun/mexican house- there was DEFINITELY “man” and “woman” work. boys DO NOT clean, when the boys finish their plate, one of the girls took it to the kitchen. but……girls DID NOT do outside work. if something broke, one of the boys had to fix it.

  21. “but the only happy couples I know pay for weekly gardening service and a weekly maid visit.”

    I overheard two married coworkers talking about how one was interviewing maid candidates. The other said, “just forking over the money for a maid is a fantastic investment in the health of your marriage – it totally eliminates the arguments about whose turn it is to clean what, when you’re going to wash that surface/vacuum that room/etc.”

    I heartily agree. I’m single and don’t own property, but even at this point I can appreciate having one less big-ass-shit-test-argument-waiting-to-happen to worry about.

  22. Athol-

    I forgot to mention- I LOVE when Jen chimes on. Lol.

  23. holdingallthecards says:

    Athol, you were blogging a heckuva lot more when you weren’t doing this full time… What’s up?

  24. FeralFelis says:

    @ holding all the cards:
    Go back and read his posts from around the first of the year or so. He explained as much as he needed to.

  25. If you go take a look at that study, I think you’ll find that marriages in which the chores are shared roughly equally have a higher frequency than ones in which either party does all the work. That common-sense message doesn’t lead to headline click-through, however, so that kinda got left out of the news coverage.

  26. “moving chairs from one room to another to vaccum/mop”
    This sounds like a lot of extra lifting, how about lifting the sofa with one hand while vacuuming with the other ? will that do?


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