Brazilian Waxing Jennifer

So we tried the whole Brazilian Waxing thing on Jennifer a while back. Except being a penny pincher, she bought a bunch of wax strips and I got to do the honors of yanking all her hairs out.

So warm the wax strips between my hands a little, unpeel one and lay it across her and gently press it into her hair.

Athol: Ready?

Jennifer: [Eyes shut]  Yes…

BBBBBBBBBrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiippppppp!!!!!!!!!

Based on the time delay between me pulling the first wax strip off, and her red faced cursing, it takes exactly 0.137 seconds for the sensation of pain to travel from her vayjay area to her brain.

The first strip did take a rather decent amount of hair off her, but like a parachute jump, once started you kinda have to continue with the plan…

Athol: Continue?

Jennifer: Ugh…. yes…

BBBBBbbbbbrrrrriiiiippppp!!

Bbbbbrrrrrriippppp!!!

Brip! Brip! Brip!

Athol: You okay?

Jennifer: Fuck you.

Athol: I can stop.

Jennifer: How much left?

Athol: About two-thirds of the way through.

Jennifer: Ugh…. Just finish it.

Briiiippppp!

Brippp.

Brippppp!

Brip. Brip. Brip. Brip. Brip. Brip. Brip. Brip. Brip.

Brip? Brip.

Jennifer: Please tell me we’re done.

Athol: We’re done.

Brip.

Jennifer:

Anyway, suffice to say nothing else involving Jennifer and her magic triangle happened for the rest of the evening.

And….

…well…

…ahh…

…as it turns out, apparently I much prefer how she looks with hair than without.

Comments

  1. Laser hair removal. Yes, it still hurts, but it’s far better than waxing in the long run and well worth the money.

  2. OMG love it! The bare look is nice but watch out for in grown hairs! A neat and modestly trimmed AND comfortable “bikini area” beats one that looks like it’s hella angry with a case of the chicken pox any day!

  3. Arlequin says:

    Ow, FUCK!

    All that and you decide you’d rather have something you can grow tomaters in?

    Damned shame, although I like them furry myself.

    Now…I think…it’s Jennifer’s turn!!!! GO GIRL!!!!!!!!

  4. Best definition of wifely submission I’ve read so far.

  5. Yeah you think thats bad, try getting your back waxed and being a hairy guy. Seriously looked like a cow hide.

  6. Trimegistus says:

    Every time I hear or read about Brazilian waxing I find myself wondering who in God’s name was the first to come up with the idea — and who in God’s name was the first to agree to the procedure!

  7. Oh no you din’t!

    I married a Brazilian. Brazilian women don’t shave. Ever. Wax only. $100, twice a month, worth every penny.
    Points to ponder in an effort to get you to reboot:

    1). Brazilian women NEVER use do-it-yourself kits. That’s just torture made up for impulse buyers at Walgreens.
    2). An actual Brazilian wax uses wax infused with a mild topical anesthetic and an emollient to prevent swelling and any histamine reaction. It helps a LOT, which is good, because the only thing worse than waxing the external labia is the taint and servant’s entrance.
    3). Brazilian waxes generally don’t remove everything. A landing strip or hitler mustache is often left behind.
    4). Finally, Brazilians pay an aesthetician, a literal professional waxer, to do this work, to prevent exactly what happened to Jennifer. Since many women there are of Mediterranean ancestry, it’s not just the candy that needs waxing- arms and pits, face (brows, sideburns, upper lip), legs, even tops of their toes.

    Worth every penny. Razor stubble and fuzzy legs are for American women.

  8. The next time will be MUCH easier. Don’t shave again! If she does shave it will hurt just as much next time (if there is a next time), if not it will grow in much more sparsely and be a breeze to pull out (relatively, it won’t be pain free).

    I recently discovered something called sugaring. It’s a technique apparently over a thousand years old from Mesopotamia. It ROCKS. If you know any parlor that does this, it is worth the money and barely hurts at all. The effects are even better than waxing, and fewer ingrown hairs (fifty dollars, I get it done once a month but every 3 weeks would be optimal).

  9. I’ve never gone full Brazilian, but I have done shaving and mostly got rid of everything. It reminded me of how I looked pre-puberty, and I can’t understand why a man wants a woman who looks like she’s 11 years old “down there”. Any guys with insight here?

  10. @westerly

    “servant’s entrance”? LMFAO. Thanks in advance for letting me steal that phrase.

  11. Uhhh… why didn’t you try shaving her to see if you liked the bare look, first?

    I’ve been thinking about getting a Brazillian … this post does not make me want to do it. At all!! haha

  12. @over it: Would you enjoy gargling on your husband’s hairy marbles and spitting out hairballs after? Christ knows I don’t like going anywhere near my Friends with a trimmer and razor ,but I do it to keep the Mrs. happy.

    Seriously- near bald looks nice and clean (and not like a child- a mature woman’s parts look just lovely; really, do you admire a classic car by looking at the tarp that covers it?, is far more likely to be,well, free of any funk or lint or anything else, as well.

  13. No-No!

  14. “Bald is best” down there, no question about it. People have been shaving, plucking, sugaring or waxing their nethers for thousands of years.

    Yes, that’s right- thousands. The Romans & Greeks all went clean. In fact in Lysistrata, the play written in 412 BC, the women mount a sex strike to force an end to their men volunteering endlessly for wars, and as part of their campaign they stop plucking their pubes to get their ugly on until the men cave from blue-balledness . . .

  15. I’ve always thought white people look funny down there – all that sparse, coarse nondescript coloured hair! I rationalised they remove it because it looks much less attractive than my own Asian-inspired dark glossy treasure. :-) I like my pubic hair and I like body hair on men in general. It’s rather frustrating to me when the man in my life removes it! I guess its a modern fashion, but personally annoying nonetheless. :-) C

  16. @Candice- I think on a body agenda level, hairless men are just icky! Body hair is a secondary sexual characteristic, so if they don’t have any, even if I find it aesthetically pleasing, it screams “not a man- little boy or sever hormonal issue- don’t make babies with him!” Seriously, the whole bare chest look is so metro! I really hate it. Luckily hubby has like practically perfect amounts of hair (he’s been asked if he shaves it to look like that- he doesn’t!) and it screams “me big strong man who makes big strong babies”.

  17. Ok, so I’m kinda terrified of the professional appointment I made for next week now…

Trackbacks

  1. […] MRAs/PUAs to think that all fashion or grooming trends exists to please Alpha Male. As an example Athol Kay said that his wife had a Brazilian waxing because he’s an Alpha Male while the reason women have Brazilian waxing has nothing to do with Alpha […]

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