Married Game and Diminishing Returns

LongTimeReader: Do diminishing returns set in? Because after all, you’re supposed to be “mixing it up”: So just being fit and staying fit, while a necessary, will over time lose some of its previous attraction as it becomes the “new normal”.

Athol:  Adaptation is a problem. I’ve worked with some rather severely limited patients in the 25-40 IQ range and they all learn routines and get used to them quickly. I also have a cat that seems to have learned to meow loudly at 615am on week days for treats, and at 930am on weekends. So just imagine how quickly regular adults learn routines.

The good news is that things like fitness are structural in nature. They are “always on” and will always have a net positive effect. Having a good job/income is always a net positive too. There’s nothing you can do for them other than keep them up to speed.

What you can change… and should change up once in a while… is the other stuff. Don’t have sex in the same position every night. Don’t go to the same restaurant every night. Don’t vacation in the same place every year. Don’t bring home the same flowers every time. Don’t have one favorite shirt.

Variety is the spice of wife.

If you’re working out in the gym, doing the same thing over and over and over does result in diminishing returns. But switching your exercise to something new gets you results. Then later you can head back and do the first thing again. The idea is that you confuse your muscles and avoid them adapting to your exercise. So there is sort of an emotional equivalent of muscle confusion that gets you emotional gains in your relationship too.

Things like your job, fitness, health, house etc, are all structural in nature and yeah some of it is boring as hell to do, but you gotta. This is the “chicken” part of “everything tastes like chicken”.

But the things like playful teasing, surprises, Sexy Moves yada yada yada, are all temporary in nature and are like different spices. Those you should mix up once in a while, because you can and it’s more interesting that way. You can serve chicken a hundred different ways and it’s better for it. Just mix it up (Chicken Monkey Duck)

Though you can’t spice up a rotting chicken so it’s tasty.


  1. Chicken, Monkey Duck is one of my favorite blog posts here.

  2. A.B. Dada says:

    Just having a great body is not enough. USING that great body is what inspires continued attraction from the female.

    I gave up on the gym about a year ago to focus on having more energetic/athletic fun in real life. Instead of going to the gym “alone”, I now invite other friends to play frisbee or go paddleboarding or hit the beach for competitive volleyball.

    But we don’t go just as a group of guys, we naturally invite our ladies to join us.

    When a woman sees her man compete, there’s some natural arousal response. Even if you’re not a great competitor, just smiling and having fun with your buddies seems to bond the woman into his competitive frame.

    Making sure to balance ignoring her (‘focus on the sport’) with giving her locked eyes-attention during a momentary break is really important, too.

  3. Shadow_Nirvana says:

    Okay, I think you read my mind because this topic has been extremely confusing to me.Basically even if you look like the statue of David, won’t it eventually become “Meh” because she’s always exposed to you like every day? I get it when you work out, get slightly more buffed, she takes a bit more interest in you, you get to like %10-11 body fat, she takes more interest in you etc etc. But even if you do your best, after a while, you reach your maximum and you stay there. So the problem is while your maximum will obviously increase her attraction towards you, will it wane to the first level of attraction slowly over the years or will it actually increase her baseline attraction towards you to a higher level?

    On another topic, what do you recommend to people who marry at the top of their game? Basically if some normally average dude really applies himself and increases his SR and marries a high SR woman, how does he go above that when he needs to up his attraction in later years of the relationship?

  4. A.B. Dada says:


    You’re assuming a great body is enough. It is one ingredient of the perfect man.

    Working out also builds confidence. Competing against others in athletic play builds confidence.

    A confident man is a desirable man to other women. He knows this, the other women know this, and the wife will see it in action when other females will show her man some sort of flirtatious attention.

    When the wife sees that her guy as options, she’ll be aroused by that validation and should mate guard her relationship by taking on the first mate role better.

  5. Joe_Commenter says:

    Shadow: Sure it can always happen that you get buff and manage to snag a girl that’s just slightly out of your league. Then what do you do to keep her interested if you are already at the top of your game when you marry her?

    With most people I know, after the initial few years of marriage, the focus moves away from those initial attractors and onto other things. You focus on career, building a family w/ kids, making a home together, all while maintaining that buff or close to buff state of health. As long as you stay fairly fit and are able to achieve some level of social status, you should be fine. Social status is important for a man to have to keep the female’s attraction. You see this all the time where men with social status can be fat and ugly, yet still manage to keep an attractive wife. So you may not even have to remain in tip top shape physically to keep your wife’s attraction, as long as you have other offsetting positives going for you.

    Besides, you are assuming that the woman will also stay in shape and retain her looks. Doesn’t always happen.

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