Brazilian Waxing Jennifer

So we tried the whole Brazilian Waxing thing on Jennifer a while back. Except being a penny pincher, she bought a bunch of wax strips and I got to do the honors of yanking all her hairs out.

So warm the wax strips between my hands a little, unpeel one and lay it across her and gently press it into her hair.

Athol: Ready?

Jennifer: [Eyes shut]  Yes…


Based on the time delay between me pulling the first wax strip off, and her red faced cursing, it takes exactly 0.137 seconds for the sensation of pain to travel from her vayjay area to her brain.

The first strip did take a rather decent amount of hair off her, but like a parachute jump, once started you kinda have to continue with the plan…

Athol: Continue?

Jennifer: Ugh…. yes…



Brip! Brip! Brip!

Athol: You okay?

Jennifer: Fuck you.

Athol: I can stop.

Jennifer: How much left?

Athol: About two-thirds of the way through.

Jennifer: Ugh…. Just finish it.




Brip. Brip. Brip. Brip. Brip. Brip. Brip. Brip. Brip.

Brip? Brip.

Jennifer: Please tell me we’re done.

Athol: We’re done.



Anyway, suffice to say nothing else involving Jennifer and her magic triangle happened for the rest of the evening.




…as it turns out, apparently I much prefer how she looks with hair than without.

Counter an Affair With an Open Marriage?

MILF_in_training:  Someone tell me why this is a bad idea.

We get lots of “s/he cheated on me, now what do I do?” stories. The standard advice is to Option A/B, with A going no contact and B being divorce. I’m wondering if the exact opposite might work:

Option C: We now have an open marriage. Honey, you can keep the affair going, BUT I need the OM/W’s contact info, and we (and the Other Spouse) need to all sit down together and set the ground rules. Give me the info now. Oh, and this means I’ll be able to find a lover, too. And let’s both go tell the older kids, and call out families and friends to let them know we now have an open marriage. And there’s this hottie at work ….

Do you think this would scare the cheater into reality? If the other cheater and spouse were forced to come out into the open, would this kill the thrill of an illicit affair?

Athol:  Actually that sounds like it could potentially work in some cases, but suspect it’s easier in abstract than reality.

It’s extremely hard to get cheated on people to even focus on pulling off an Option A or B without collapsing into a pool of tears and doing nothing more than begging the cheater to not cheat. Generally we have to prop them up and support them every step of the way as they struggle with the idea of taking action that can potentially end their relationship. Most people will cling to the idea of “half a loaf is better than none” until they can see no possibility of saving the marriage any other way than truly demanding the affair stop or the marriage ends.

Generally it’s simply not believable to the cheater that the betrayed spouse wants / is willing to sleep with someone else on a mutually calm and rational level. “Oh you were banging Tom? Cool! I’ve always wanted to nail Jessica, I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

Generally the betrayed spouses willing to sleep with someone else, are hell bent on revenge and simply fucking other people to hurt the cheater as much as they can. They aren’t interested in saving the marriage, simply having it all end in the biggest fire possible.

The spouses capable and willing to try the open marriage route, are probably sexually open enough that it’s already on the table before the cheating in some sort of fashion. “Oh you were banging Tom? Why didn’t you tell me, I told you I wanted to watch if you did someone else.”

What is totally believable though, is where a betrayed spouse simply executes an Option A or B move in an icy righteous rage.  You want the cheater to have that sense of cold hard reality batting their hamster all the way up into the upper deck… “Holy crap. What have I done? I knew she was going to be upset, but I never though she would flip out like this. Oh shit, she’s got freaking divorce papers already. Oh God I’m screwed.”

What most people don’t realize is that the betrayed spouse is usually unwittingly supporting the affair by performing all their usual Beta support spouse stuff. Holding a job, watching the kids, doing the shopping, making a home, yada yada yada. Once you threaten to remove all that support, and are 100% believable, the affair relationship is going to fail under it’s own weight.

The exception being where the Other Man/Woman is willing and able to immediately bridge to making the affair their primary relationship, and their Sex Rank is higher than yours. But if that’s the case, you’re out gunned anyway. If you’re a 7 and your wife is cheating on you with a 9 and he offers your wife a permanent gig… game over.

There is No X Until Y

Reader:  So I understand the approach of reward good behavior and extinguish bad behavior by withdrawing any action that may feed it, but how about dealing with a child who has an Autism Spectrum Disorder.  How do you approach tantrum that have no logical antecedent.  “No daddy, I don’t want the yellow, it has to be red, only red, only red…”  You have to remember there is not reasoning with someone who is in the fight or flight mode most of their life.  And, your approach?

Athol:  The short answer is that pretty much everything I’ve written about behavior modification on MMSL has come from my experience in dealing with behaviorally challenged children as part of my nursing work. All my experience in dealing with developmentally disabled, psychiatric, teenagers has been very helpful in finding ways to effectively deal with… ah… well… er… what’s the word I’m looking for… oh… women.

Oh relax…. I’m kidding. The behavioral training stuff works on everyone. You, me, dolphins, chimps, crazy people… everyone. If something likes food or sex and you can control its access to either or both, eventually you can get it to pretty much anything you want, given enough time and lack of ethical oversight.

Anyway, let’s talk autism in specific and you guys can pull out what you can for dealing with the neurotypical people in your life…

First you need to create a very clear structure to the day and determine the exact things you want to work on for behavior. You can’t go at it with a vague half-assed plan. Everyone needs to be on board with the exact goals you’re working on. If mom thinks that and dad wants this… the kid will drive a wedge between you faster than you can blink and start sneaking a soda everytime you two fight about whether soda is okay or not.

Certain things like colors of cups, shirts etc, may not matter in the bigger picture, but other stuff like aggression, task avoidance etc can be focused on. Pick something you can reasonably expect to change, or is mission critical sort of stuff.

Very clear behavioral expectations need to be set along the “There is no X until Y” mantra. I.e. “Brush your teeth, then we watch cartoons.”

You have to look at exactly what they consider rewards to be and use them  to motivate behaviors you want to see. Do be cautious about using food items as rewards, they really do work, but it’s easy to overdo it and get locked into feeding them endless junk food. A bag of M&M’s as a reward is way too much, 2-3 individual M&M’s might be fine. It all depends on what you’re trying to achieve.

Immediate rewards for correct behavior are more effective than delayed rewards. If you’ve ever watched animal shows, the trainers are typically rewarding the animal multiple times through the show. Trick = treat, trick = treat, trick = treat…

Also you have to remember that within their entire set of behaviors, they can also discover that being autistic and acting out, is a really good way of avoiding tasks they don’t want to do, and gaining control of their entire household and forcing the parents/staff to comply to them. Depending how deep they are on the spectrum, they may be quite aware of what’s happening around them, but choosing not to respond to it.

As an example, one of the most affected autistic kids I’ve worked with was called “H” and always completely ignored the program coordinator when she visited the program.  Well she had come that day to set up the trip to a major fair one state over and rather loudly said, “Unless H comes over and says hello to me, H won’t be going.”  To which H immediately walked over to her and very pleasantly said, “Hello J, how are you today?”    Funny how he paid attention when it mattered to him. A full and complete sentence to boot.

There is always the combination of (1) the real effects of the real disorder, plus (2) the way they purposely use the disorder to get what they want and avoid what they don’t want. So (1) can’t be fixed, only managed, but (2) can be worked on.    

I mean we’ve all done that exact same thing ourselves when we’ve been physically sick. Yes indeed we might have (1) strep throat, but we’ve all milked it to get (2) extra attention from mom, an extra day off school, someone else to do your chores for a couple of days and… and… well maybe my throat would feel better with some nice cool ice cream.

I mean it’s amazing how much slack you can get from a serious (1) and just how much (2) that lets you get away with…

With autistic kids though, it’s like you never get out of that cycle. (1) plays into (2) all day every day.

Ultimately with very difficult behavior challenges, you may have to look into medication management as well. Which is of course a whole can of worms to open, but can have real benefits as well. I would also create behavior charts and actively track the behavior you are seeing, both positive and negative. Some of the changes are extremely small on a daily basis, but over the long term you can see significant changes. If you go the medication route, it’s incredibly helpful to prescribers to see the effect of medication changes on the behavior.

So coming back to the question of a tantrum that has no logical antecedent… all kids test their parents and push limits. It’s logical to attempt to control your environment and maximize the volume of goodies coming your way. So NOT the yellow, only the red, only the red, only the red… OBEY ME FOOLISH MINION ONLY THE FUCKING RED. Now buy me some juice or I’ll start throwing shit inside the store and screaming like you’re killing me. Oh look, juice. Excellent. Also I wish to ride the rocking spaceship thingy we saw on the way in and I don’t want to see you making a scene about it either, why is it that you never listen to me in Wal-Mart unless I’m naked?

See how that works? When all is said and done, it’s just a battle between two frames…

Yours: There’s no X until Y.

Theirs: (1) gets me (2).

I know that all sounds simplified…. and they are rather easy concepts to state and nod your head to, but they are exceptionally difficult to consistently put into practice when faced with your own child turning every day into a battle of wills from dawn to dusk. Get all the outside help you can. Also just because you have a pretty good handle on say an 8-year-old autistic kid, don’t turn down ANYTHING offered to you as support services. Especially with the boys, once they hit adolescence and the testosterone starts cranking up, things can change on you faster than you realize. It’s one thing saying “no” to an 8-year-old who can be physically redirected calmly and safely… it’s another thing entirely with a 15-year-old who is suddenly four inches taller than his mother and forty pounds heavier.

I hope that helps. Autism really is hard going.

Free MMSL Booklet and Feed Me Seymour


<———- you should see a bright shiny new advert for the Forum Orientation Booklet.

The PDF booklets contain a brief orientation to the MMSL Forum experience. Includes how to use the forum and the essential nine questions for Relationship Triage. The nine Relationship Questions are a much expanded on version of the original blog post How To Figure Out What Went Wrong With Your Sex Life. Includes a list of common acronyms as well.

There are six different price points for this 16 page booklet, so people may pay whatever they wish for it. All versions contain the same material with no difference between them. The cover of the actual booklet does not show the price paid, cover images on are to try and ensure no one accidentally buys at the wrong price.

The six prices and links are….

 FREE  $10   $25   $50   $100  and  $250

So why am I doing this?

(1)  The forum is growing quickly and we do need a orientation package for new people. The purpose of the forum was to handle all the 1:1 email I was doing in a group setting. It’s working pretty well which some remarkable team solutions to complex problems.

(2)  Over the 3.5 years of MMSL, I’ve been asked many times for ways to donate to my work. However MMSL isn’t intended to be a small thing and I don’t wish to form as a charity. This way the booklets are an actual product to buy.

(3) I’m unable to take money for offering direct 1:1 advice and don’t even give 1:1 advice anymore anyway. This way the blog and forum remains free, and the books are an actual product to buy if you wish.

(4) Getting involved in offering forum memberships, or putting the blog behind a pay wall and handling credit card transactions et al, would be very time consuming. This way I don’t need to get caught up in the day to day stuff, and can keep doing what I actually want to be doing. Writing.

(5) The royalty splits are amazingly good. I get 90% of the cover price minus 99 cents. Considering what I’d have to do for credit card transaction fees et al if I was handling it myself, I’m very pleased with the split.

(6) The booklets are in a PDF format and have no copy protection. You can send them to everyone in the world if you like. It’s free advertising to me.

(7) You can pay what you want to pay, when you want to pay it. It’s free self-help.

(8) MMSL has been an undertaking with enormous personal risks. I’ve taken a Love over Gold approach to launch things, but at some point I have to turn the corner and become closer to the true level of profits I can make. I don’t ever see myself trying to fleece my readers, but it is time to ask for something for me.

 FREE  $10   $25   $50   $100  and  $250

 And please be assured that while I won’t know who paid what for a forum booklet, I have always been amazed and grateful for the level of interest people have had in MMSL and myself. A writer without a readership is a sad creature indeed, I am fortunate to be a happy one.

So please accept my most genuine thanks for everything you have all done for me. 

And yes the blog has been somewhat neglected recently. Something I’ll be changing. I think the forum is finally starting to mature to the point where I can step a little further back and let it run itself a little more.  I’ve had a few odds and ends not exactly go my way recently and learned one does not simply walk into Mordor.

Plus Jennifer is about to begin a somewhat changing role.

Jennifer: We saying anything about that now?

Athol: Seemed like a good a cliffhanger.

Age Gaps are a Relationship Stress

There’s a fairly well known average age differential in marriages where the husband is about 2.5 years older than the wife. Humans have a mild Sexual Dimorphism with the males growing bigger and stronger than the females and full mating maturity takes a little longer for the men. The rule of thumb being the bigger the males get than the females in any species, the more important male on male violence is to win female sexual interest. Which is the only reason football exists. The girls may have no interest in watching football, but they are interested to know who is on the team.


Average age difference is about 2.5 years older for the men. In more MMSL related terms, the male Sex Rank takes a little longer to build and the female Sex Rank is weighed towards the younger model.

Most couples are going to clump around the average and have normal age spread between the couple between about zero and five years in favor of the husband being older than the wife. So a married 35 year-old man for example, usually has a wife aged anywhere between 30 and 35. That’s going to be a mildly positive effect on the relationship. He’s a little older and it’s easier to lead someone younger than you, so there’s a nice built in Alpha dynamic there.

I know it sounds trivial, but all the little milestones like turning 40, if the husband hits them first… there’s this tiny sliver of knowledge and experience he has over his wife. It’s just a tad easier being Captain when you’re a little ahead of your wife.

However, once you start spreading the ages apart much further than that, it starts becoming increasingly a negative factor the further you get. Whoever is the older partner, must bring a more focused game to the table to maintain the relationship interest of the younger partner.

Take for example a much older man than woman. Say a couple meets when he is age 40 and she is age 25. She cute and bubbly, he’s in shape and has some cash and game. They marry. The 40-year-old husband though, had to be able to be competitive with age 25-30 men (her normal age cohort of interest) in order to win her attention. So he’s had to bring some serious skill and likely just straight up resources to the table. In fact she probably wasn’t immediately interested in him, but he won her attention. She’s probably said, “I didn’t think I would go for an older guy, but….” and then fill in the blanks about why wonderful Mr. X is the exception to the rule.

However, Mr.X is always going to have to remain competitive with men 10-15 years younger than him, to maintain her interest in him. So when he is 55-years-old and she is 40-years-old, he’s still having to act like his competition is 40 to 45-year-old men. Which as time passes, is somewhat of a risk. If Mr. X at age 55 has a major reversal of fortune in either finances or health, he’s quite likely going to have trouble maintaining his wife’s attraction. He must always be on top of his game.

Likewise in relationships with a woman who is older than the man, similar stresses exist. If he is 30-years-old, and she is 35-years-old, her competition for his attention are 25 to 30-year-old women. Thus she must always keep herself in excellent shape, pay attention to maintaining a youthful appearance and generally be pretty pleasing in the sack.

If you’re eager to tell me a story about a hot, sexually insatiable older woman, that’s just making my point. Men barely even notice women older than themselves unless they ooze sexiness and look great for their age. 35-year-old men don’t swap stories about obese 48-year-old women who wear granny panties. A totally put together 48-year-old who swallows, is down for anal and threesomes… well maybe.

There are particular risks for the older woman though. I’m very often seeing the younger man, older woman situation develop, because the man has some sort of limitation with women at the time the relationship begins. Whether that’s just terrible skills in meeting women, some sort of childhood issue unresolved, a lack of understanding his value in the sexual marketplace, it doesn’t really matter. In short, he has a problem. The risk for the older woman is that at some point… he solves it.

So say a couple meets when he is 23-years old and she’s 30-years-old. He’s not the greatest with women, she’s got some experience and makes it easy for him. He’s kinda broke and she’s established. He’s a little lost and she grounds him. It’s all good, because she’s good for him. But if when he’s 35-years-old, his life finally clicks in place, he’s in shape, his career is going well and he learns a little game…. well he’s solved his problem… he can fairly easily pull the interest of 30 to 35 year old women… and she’s 42-years-old. In that situation, if she has any weaknesses in her game, things can unravel rather quickly.

So… what to do?

Well if you’re already in a relationship and you’re the older one… you’ve absolutely got to bring your A-game. It’s no different than any other relationship, but the margin of error is smaller. You want to be with the young hottie… you gotta keep the young hottie interested in you.

If you’re getting into a relationship with a major age spread, it isn’t an automatic ruling out, but you do need to go into it with eyes wide open. Is this something that can be sustained over the long term?

Also if you’re getting into a relationship with a major age spread, is the relationship only interesting because it’s solving a problem for you now, that you will eventually solve anyway? Thus reducing your need for your partner over time, or possibly even encouraging them to sabotage you fixing it?

Plus for normal age distribution couples…

The way women out live men is always a concern for the endgame years. It’s no fun living alone for the last decade of your life. Mutual good health is always a priority in a marriage.

So yeah… kinda depressing to read and think about it I know, but knowing your Relationship Math can be the difference between an easy marriage and a hard one.