These Floors Are Dirty As Hell

So I have this thing where for my birthday, I only get one functional and beautiful item. Age 40 I got a toaster, 41 a laundry basket, 42 a bathmat.

I turned 43 like two weeks ago and I’ve been damned if I could figure out what I wanted. So I didn’t ask for anything and thus got nothing. Really… just no idea what I wanted. It’s not like I still get excited by candy or anything. I’m married to Jennifer, so it’s not like I look forward to birthday sex breaking a 137 day drought. What am I really meant to do with a cake other than go to the gym afterwards?

Anyway I’m standing in the kitchen and it hits me. These floors are dirty as hell.

I need a mop.

So whatever your dirty floor is… get to it.

Stop and Go

If you had to advise someone about things to simply stop doing, or start doing, as part of making their life / relationship / Game better…

…what would they be?

i.e.

Stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault

Start going to the gym.

Stop…

Start…

The Eternal Captain Rule

If there’s a element of learning the Red Pill that’s like getting a gaping chest wound… it’s The Eternal Captain Rule. Namely…

“Ignorance of your responsibility to have been the Captain is no excuse.”

The perception is that men always have the personal power to effect change, while women can more easily frame themselves as the victim of circumstance. Therefore, if you’re the husband, just because you didn’t know you were supposed to be the Captain, doesn’t excuse you from having failed as the Captain in the past. Even if having an equal relationship was by mutual agreement, if it all falls apart it’s going to be the husband who carries the most blame for the failure.

I’m not saying it’s fair. I’m just saying what it is.

Just as importantly, the average woman quite pointedly responds sexually to a dominant leading man. Lack of a husband displaying reasonable dominance and leadership is a fast track to relationship failure. Weak and poorly leading husbands may as well be actively pushing their wives into the arms of other men. Women as the manosphere so rightly explains, are hypergamous – seeking strong, powerful, leading men. It’s what they are designed to do, its normal female behavior.

Harsh truth here… complaining about normal female behavior makes you sound like a loser. Stop whining about it.

In the same vein I don’t react with shock that someone was half eaten by their pet tiger. Tigers are created to be merciless, rampaging, killing machines. It’s what they do. Your pet tiger killing you is simply your tiger displaying normal tiger behavior.

So for whatever reason your life falls apart and you suddenly become homeless… odds are pretty good that your wife isn’t going to be homeless with you. If she has a better deal than you she can get to be with… she’d be rational to not bed down in the cardboard box with you. It would be her being crazy to stay with you.

I’m not saying that all women are jaded, gold-digging whores waiting for the first moment of weakness to jump ship to a larger cock… it’s not THAT bad (he said softly massaging his right temple for effect, thinking that the tiger metaphor was perhaps poorly chosen)… but every woman expects you can hold your shit together and be a productive spouse on a routine basis.

The old line is that “women don’t want to win, they want a winner.”

There’s a lot of truth to that, but it’s also worth saying that no one expects you to roll through life like an endless perfect season either. You can even have a losing season…

…but if you do, you better have a plan and a show of confidence that you can turn the franchise around and have a winning season.

Right now…     —–>   Buy the damn book.

Covert Contracts vs. The Princess Fiona Plan

From the forum…

Matt266:  So @Athol_Kay talks about Shrek, Donkey Princess Fiona Plan in the book.  One thing I don’t understand is he says that Jennifer gets Princess Fiona preference, fine.  But then he goes on to say, if I rescue the princess I bang the princess.  Isn’t this a covert contract? ie. if I do this for wife then she gives me sex.

Please set me straight, just trying to learn!

Athol: Okay… so the original Shrek-Fiona-Donkey post is here. The TL:DR version being, I’m framing myself as Shrek, and making the women in my life fall in either the Princess Fiona or Donkey categories. I willingly do a lot of nice stuff for a Princess Fiona, but we also have an intense sexual connection, and Donkeys I don’t have a sexual relationship with… and they are their own beasts of burden.

Jennifer is the only woman in my life on the Princess Fiona Plan. I’d usually make some kind of joke about her frowning on other women or something after saying something like that, but it actually felt oddly peaceful to say that. Huh.

Anyway…

A covert contract would be where you decided to do a whole bunch of nice stuff for a woman, and then had an unstated expectation of sexual payment for services rendered. Typically sexual payment doesn’t happen anyway and then you get mad because you did all this stuff and didn’t get paid… which isn’t fair!  Meanwhile she thinks it isn’t fair that you suddenly sprung your cock into the mix like a bill collector.

What I’m doing with Shrek-Fiona-Donkey is making an overt contract.  Jennifer and I both understand and agree to the arrangement. I do X and I get Y. She gives Y and she gets X. It’s a fair exchange.

A covert contract is like when you stop at a red light and some homeless guy with a bucket and sponge starts washing your windshield, then holds out his hand for money.

An overt contract is like when you go to the car wash and pay for a car wash.

So the point of Princess Fiona vs. Donkey is to clarify in your mind, what your relationship is.

(1) A sexual relationship in which you’re all in.

(2) A non-sexual relationship in which you’re not assuming any special services.

I just clear it up ahead of time what it is going to be. There’s no point wasting your entire Saturday helping a girl you’re interested in, only to discover she has no interest in you beyond your labor assistance. If you’re going to end up masturbating no matter what… well you may as well just enjoy Saturday doing what you want to do.

Obnoxious + Funny = Alpha

Robert Downey Jr at a press conference in France for the upcoming Iron Man 3 movie.

During the press conference he’s upstaged by Gwyneth Paltrow who actually speaks good French… thus allowing her to become the focal point of the interview as many questions went through her and she answered for the both of them.

Until…

…thus all anyone will remember from a half-hour interview.

(1) RDJ doesn’t care what anyone thinks, (2) He got the blond chick laughing and blushing, and (3) going to jail gives you more street cred than an Academy Award.

Pure Alpha.

Though I do warn you… you try this, it’s really got to be funny.

 

Violence Never Gets Better Until You Bump Back

The one minute drill on my high school in New Zealand in 1983… All boys school. Each year had classes streamed in order from highest to lowest of academic potential… i.e. smartest kids in the top class with electives like physics, economics, accounting and languages… and dumbest kids in the lowest class with electives like woodshop and thuggery. Middle school in NZ tends to be two years long – Form One and Two. High school is five years long – Forms Three through Seven.

So when you start high school, you start in Form Three… aka… Third Form… aka Turd Form.

Which makes you… a turd.

Anyway…

I was in class S3A… the top class of the nine Third Form classes. I say this to brag and to explain what comes next.

Being in the top class means expectations are high… and every single one of my six teachers gave us the “Welcome to high school, we’re going to break your will to live” supply of homework.

I mean a ridiculous amount of homework.

I remember going home and starting on all this homework and by some time past 10pm I had completed five of the six classes of homework and I just gave up in frustration and exhaustion. I just couldn’t do my science homework. It was just impossible to get it all done.

Turns out skipping the science homework was a bad choice.

Me and another five other boys, were taken out into the hall by Mr. Renyolds and caned.

Now in fairness, mum and dad had collected me for a spanking once in a while, so the concept of physical punishment wasn’t beyond my experience, but I’d always at least done something wrong related to whatever was coming. But I’d never been physically punished in school. I’d seen and heard the greatly feared the strap  at St. Marks, but it was always someone else who deserved it. Except for that one time there was no teacher in the class for ages and we all got noisy and Mr. Huckleberry the Assistant Headmaster burst into the room and just bitchslapped poor Fortios for the crime of being the one sitting closest to the door… SLAP!

Thirty intakes of breath followed by the most. awkward. silence. ever.

Mr. Huckleberry kind of stammered out an apology “I shouldn’t have done that” and quickly left the class.

As far as I know, no one said anything to anyone. I don’t think a parent was told. I don’t think a teacher was told. The next day it was like nothing had happened.

No one told.

Oh… yeah… missed my science homework, lined up outside, bend over and touch your toes.

Mr. Renyolds coming down the line…

Crack! Five boys left.

Well I guess science was the wrong one to miss.

Crack! Four boys left.

This is so unfair, there was no way to do all that homework.

Crack! Three boys left.

I can’t believe this is happening to me.

Crack! Two boys left.

Holy fuck I have to do this.

Crack!

Fuck you ,you fucking asshole. Fuck you forever. I fucking hate you and I hope you fucking die like a fucking fuck.

Then I went back inside and we had science class.

Now…

Let me explain what I would have done differently if I could go back and relive that moment…

I’d hit him back. As hard as I could.

Remember, I’d be twelve years old at that point, 90 pounds soaking wet, like 4’10” or something, facing off a grown man with a six foot long cane. I’m not actually a threat to him.

But I don’t have to win. I just have to prove I’m always going to hit back, no matter what, no matter the odds, everytime like a crazy motherfucker who doesn’t give a shit. Tit for tat baby. You do X, don’t wonder Y.

You see if I’d done that, I wouldn’t have spent the next four years of my life being the target for bullies. That finished with me getting clubbed in the face with a cricket bat and having to actually have a fistfight to defend myself during english class. A fight I actually lost… but I never was directly picked on again. Because I finally hit back.

So…

Why am I telling you all this?

Well maybe I’m cynical, but I think violence is the most awesome problem solving tool. Hitting someone beats talk every. single. time.

You simply cannot have a rational debate with someone who is prepared to be violent, when they know you aren’t prepared to be violent. Your options are either verbal agreement to what they want, or getting hit. It’s a fabulous behavioral modification tool. Mr. Renyolds was an asshole, but I never did miss an assignment after that.

There are only two solutions to dealing with violent people you’re in a permanent relationship with. (1) Smashing them back harder than they can hit you, or at least making the situation risky enough that they figure you aren’t worth the effort and they move on to a softer target, or (2) having outside use of force come and do it for you.

i.e. have the cops come in and cuff them, cart them away and have the law, courts and jails do what they have to.

I really do mean call the cops and make a report. If someone wants to use violence as a tool, greater use of force is the only thing that they understand. I’ve had to deal with psychotic patients in community settings and it’s utterly remarkable how quickly they stop wanting to beat on their roommates and smash windows as soon as the police arrive. There’s just something about a tazer that makes most crazy people instantly polite and cooperative. I’ve also seen remarkable long term behavioral improvements after court appearances, dwarfing the effects of medications and other behavioral programming.

This simply isn’t a gender issue either. If you’re being hit, you’re being hit. The main difference between men and women being violent is when push really comes to shove, women have to weaponize or do it while the husband is sleeping. Not advising things here, just stating the obvious.

Should a situation become unsafe, start videoing them, dial 911 and defend yourself / get to as safe a location as you can. Your safety is always your priority over what happens to them when the police arrive. Violent people simply don’t stop using violence as a solution if it’s getting them what they want. They only become progressively more violent until you get greater force involved to stop them. This is why police, courts, laws and jails exist…so we don’t all get caught up in a game of He Dead, She Dead.

Or even more cynically in the vein of “screenshot or it didn’t happen”.

Make a police report or it didn’t happen.

Mr. Huckleberry never hit Fortios because no one said anything.

Catching up… New Zealand did make corporal punishment in schools illegal in 1984, so I got my caning… er… just in time.

As to Mr. Renyolds… I don’t know, I transfered to another high school for a fresh start for Seventh Form. Something I’m grateful to my parents for. I did hear a rumor that during that year one of the boys collected Mr. Renyolds with a one punch KO in the hall. Don’t know who did it… but thanks.

Four More Years

Firstly, thanks to everyone who made today the best day of sales for the Pants Book ever. Much appreciated.

Anyway…

My eldest daughter is back from France today. High school French trip. When all said is done, I have a photo of her looking at some French ducks that cost me approximately $1500.

It’s actually been rather odd to have her gone for a week, she’s very introverted and self-sufficient, so it’s not like she takes up a lot of time and effort to manage. She’s so introverted, if we wanted to punish her, we’d send her to a party. I was surprised that I wasn’t a little sad she was gone, but as soon as she was back and completely gone from view into her bedroom… it was an entire week for her crushed up with other people, so exhausting… anyway… as soon as she was home, the house felt right again.

Jennifer was a little “on alert” all week figuring that sub-consciously she was always missing something. She has a far more attuned kid radar than I do, in no small part because I’m mildly deaf and simply never could hear the high pitched voices of children in the middle of night asking for cups of water. I’m a heavy sleeper too, so that just makes any hope of me being responsive hopeless.

In fact one legendary night a couple months back a raccoon got up on the roof and over the course of an hour, tore a foot wide hole in the roof, before hitting a crossbeam and figuring out he’d never get through that and giving up. Jennifer and both girls of course wide awake and in varying stages of freaked out by it. The girls spooked by the noise and Jennifer by the imagined cost of roof repair. I provided timely moral support and comfort by modeling unaffected concern and stability… by which I mean entire time the raccoon was directly over my bed growling and ripping up the roof… I slept the blissful sleep of the AMOG.

Youngest suddenly seems like she’s flipped from that “little kid” into being what looks and sounds like a proto-adult. Every single one of her close friends has in the last year had their parents go into some kind of marriage crisis… or had a step-parent suddenly die. Plus the usual boy trouble woes lol. I’ve seen her look at her phone once in a while with a “therapeutic frown” and vanish into her room… or occasionally… head to the end of the driveway for a good 30 minutes.

I don’t know what she talks about. I think there’s this assumed confidentiality thing where I don’t talk about MMSL peeps to her and she doesn’t talk about school peeps to me.

“Crazy people are crazy?”

“Crazy people are crazy.”

I’m so proud lol.

I’m proud of eldest too, though if she ever practices her “gaping bloody wounds” makeup for Cosplay zombies again without announcing it first, I’ll kill her. Special zombie contact lenses too which are f-r-e-a-k-y. One of the cats refuses to be petted by her anymore.

Anyway…

Four more years of teens and high school and then Jennifer and I are supposedly child-free for the majority of the rest of our life. The kids will always matter of course, but I won’t lie when I say I’m looking forward to it being just the two of us. We had this weird courtship in separate countries and just got married cold turkey so to speak. I don’t advise that as a plan lol. But still, we got lucky and it worked and in four years we’ll be mid-forties and done with the kid phase. After that…

…I think I’ll ask her out and we’ll start dating.

 

$3.99 Kindle: Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat?

I just dropped the price on the Pants Book to $3.99 on Kindle and Amazon has the price on the print version currently at $11.69.

It’s kind of ironic to me that that I much prefer reading the Pants Book myself over the Primer. I totally get why the Primer is more popular, but…. well I personally like this one better. It’s really funny to read the old material again when you’ve halfway forgotten it.

Also in a move of brazen profit seeking…

…all the posts that went into the making of the Pants Book have been cut off at around the 100 word mark and have a link ad to the Amazon page. 101 posts, $3.99 makes it about 4 cents a post. That’s 101 of the best posts I’ve done in the first half of the blog. I’m really proud of the book. So if you want to read them… you gotta buy the book. I know, that’s so evil removing free content and asking for money. If you cry, know that your tears nourish me.

Anyway… the ad is below. Seriously though. I love this book.

Oh! And I forgot… I make about as much money from the book as you buying it on Kindle, as you do if you LEND it to people on Kindle. I’m serious. It’s pretty good.

 

Buy Me!

Faith and The Really Really Weak Force

I’ve had this post sitting in my drafts folder for at least two years. I forget exactly what I was writing it in response to, but seem to recall feeling it was just going to continue an Internet fistfight of some description, so I never published it.

Since then, I’ve taken it out and read it over about a dozen times. I’ve always liked it. It makes me happy to read it. Then I don’t publish it.

The truth is that there are things with MMSL that happen “under the hood” so to speak, that are part of why it works. Things that you neither had to know about nor believe, so I didn’t mention them. I figured if the results were there, that was all that mattered. I’ve reached the point where I think it’s time to start talking about them though. It’s a post for another day about why I decided that.

So for now… Faith and The Really Really Weak Force. Written prior to the Primer if that helps anyone place context.

And as you read remember this one thing. You still gotta go to the gym.

**********

Athol:  This reader did not wish to see their whole story on the blog, but the stripped down version is that he started at a point of near divorce and unwell wife. Discovered MMSL and started bumping back on her testing and improved his fitness. After gaining more control in the relationship he pushed for addressing the medical issues and the couple revealed a prescriber has misread her labwork earlier and was ordering medication to make things worse. I had also suggested a medication addition and that was adopted. After a very rough adjustment to the med changes over a few weeks, Mrs. Reader turned into Mr. Reader’s personal pornstar. I kid you not.

What he finished with is this…

Reader:  There is something about what you are doing that is different than anything else I have found out there on the internet.  MMSL has real substance, and I’m talking relationship substance that goes beyond and deeper than simply the “better sex” that initially gets a guy’s attention.  I would even say its deeply spiritual along with physical.  I know you are an atheist and I respect that, but you are helping people in ways that “believers” like me can see that you have a purpose beyond yourself in what you are doing.

Athol:  Thank you, I truly appreciate it. And yes, I know I have a purpose and I have faith in that purpose as well. Some of you just feel off your chairs didn’t you. Hearing an atheist talk about having faith is like listening to Jamaicans talk about shoveling snow. But mon I leave in Con-near-ticut so yoo shall expect thee unexpected. That white stuff be muney fallin’ from thee sky.

So let me explain…

From “Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country.” Spock speaking with his Vulcan protegee Valeris.

Spock: “History is replete with turning points, Lieutenant. You must have faith.”

Valeris: “Faith?”

Spock: “That the universe will unfold as it should.”

Valeris: “But is that logical? Surely we must…..”

Spock: “Logic, logic, and logic….. Logic is the beginning of wisdom, Valeris, not the end.”

 

Faith. One of the common complaints religious people have about atheists is that we have faith in science and humanity. Thus atheism isn’t really non-religious and all the complaints atheists have about religion equally apply to atheists themselves. Ah-HA! Checkmate!

Yes and no.

There’s a world of difference between living your life based on what a burning bush said and what labwork says. Thinking earthquakes are punishment for sin, and thinking they are all part of plate tectonics is quite different. Thinking God made the earth flat and the moon is a light in the sky isn’t the same as setting foot on the moon. In this sense most Western religious people are really quite firm believers in 99% of science and thus all the complaints religious people have about the atheist faith in science, equally apply to the religious themselves. Ah-HA! Checkmate!

So anyway…

While I don’t see spiritual elements to life, I do think there are some “spooky actions at a distance” that happen. But these spooky actions are real world material effects that are happening, and frankly only influences on outcomes. Or put another way, while I don’t believe in The Force from Star Wars, I do believe in The Really Really Weak Force.

Every atom in the moon and every atom in the earth, in me and in you, are bound together by gravity. We can explain extremely precisely what the effect of gravity will be, but have no clue about exactly why gravity works as a real world physical force. It just does.

The earth and the moon are 238855 miles apart, but they are subtly connected to the other. It’s the same with people, we are all subtly connected to the other. We just are.

If you want to call that connection spiritual you can, but whatever it is, what makes that connection happen is a real world tangible physical material force. Science just doesn’t know much about it yet and The Really Really Weak Force doesn’t do much anyway.

The universe is an amazing place and science slowly but surely learns a little more each day. Maybe one day we’ll know how exactly how that connection between us all really works, maybe we won’t. But I do know that science explains far more than any religion ever will.

So to my reader at the start of the post… God may have answered your prayers and led you to MMSL. Or it may have been pure luck you found MMSL. Or maybe our connection to each other through the The Really Really Weak Force knew I had the answers you needed and here we are. Though to be honest, mostly people just Google.

What I do know is this, The Really Really Weak Force doesn’t respond to talk. The Really Really Weak Force responds to actions. Pray if you must, but if you keep praying for the same stuff over and over, it’s because you don’t have enough faith to get into action. I’ve spent forty years of my life talking and thinking and not a lot happened for me. The last three years I’ve been doing and it’s been transformational.

So have a little faith.

Oh and hey…
… May The Really Really Weak Force be with you.

Why When They Finally Act Right… It Pisses You Off

Forum question…

Reader:  For those who have issued a for-real A or B ultimatum: have you experienced lingering resentment?  Either from your spouse (“remember that time you told me you’d divorce me if I didn’t give you BJs?”) or within yourself (“I can’t believe he was only willing to work on our marriage when I threatened to leave him!”).

I’m just wondering how this goes.

Athol:  It’s fairly normal to have a wave of anger hit you when they “finally” start acting right.

The longer it’s had to build up, the bigger the wave of anger is. It’s pretty much along the lines of “Why did I have to threaten you with divorce before you started start acting right? Now that you’re acting right, I can see that you had it in you the WHOLE TIME to act right and that pisses me the hell off!”

I see it a lot in the wives who finally see their husband acting Alpha and attractive… and then she suddenly flips out and nukes. Often it’s just as he’s getting his crap together and really feeling a sense of inner Alpha too. It can cause a terrible mixed message as it turns into a punishment for good behavior and it can undo a lot of positive progress made as the natural inclination is to throw his hands up and say, “What the fuck do you want lady?!?!” and quit trying.

As long as they are acting right, you kinda have to let the anger go. It’s not unhelpful to actually say that you’re experiencing a wave of anger about the situation, but refuse to go on the offensive about it.

i.e. “I know you’re doing exactly what I’ve asked of you, but at this moment I’m actually experiencing anger that it’s taken so long to have that happen. I’m not mad about what you’re doing *now*, I’m angry about what you did *then*.”

Also the further down the MAP Phases you’ve had to go, the more anger and frustration you’ve experienced, so the bigger the blow back anger is going to be when they finally start behaving properly.

They of course will always resent you putting them in a position where they have to change or lose you. People always resist difficult changes and personal growth. But the truth is, most of them aren’t happy about their situation either, so if you can get them to a position where the marriage is much better, they’ll be happier too… and embarrassed by what you had to put them through for them to finally start acting right.