The Best Revenge Is Living Well

Reader: I’m ashamed to admit that my ex and his wife were on national television recently, and they both looked pretty bad, and the fact that they looked bad made me really, really happy.

They were on a national news human interest feature.  I thought my ex’s wife (I call her my wife-in-law) looked awful.  She looked chubby and tired and puffy and she didn’t smile once. My ex looked grubby and sloppy and not attractive at all.

I have been trying to cultivate a general attitude of acceptance and contentment.  It bothers me a little bit that it made me really, really happy to see them both looking bad on national tv.

Athol:  Nah just enjoy it. Everyone loves to discover they were the winning ticket. The best revenge is living well. If you run your MAP you’ll end up looking great over the long term and leave them behind in your dust. It’s perfectly fine to use a little “fuck you” as motivation once in a while too. It seems better at getting that one last rep done with the heavy weights compared to thoughts of butterlies and inner peace.

I remember having one of those friend of a friend suggestions on Facebook a while back.  *Pop* and there’s a photo of ultra-crush-from-way-back staring at me on the computer. She hasn’t aged well. I’m not saying she needs a paper bag over her head or anything like that, I’m just saying @Jen_Kay uses the stair climber machines at the gym. That’s all I’m saying.

It’s a really good feeling. LMAO it’s sooooo good.

 

Don’t Say I Love You, Just Say You’ll Be There

More of a dating thing, but here we go…

Digging around the ye olde Spice Girls videos for an earlier post, came across this gem. I love the song itself, but the lyrics are practically instructions on how to game a girl.

Don’t get too emotional and gushy with her. She doesn’t want to feel you’re more emotional about the situation than she is, but she does want to know you have a sense of commitment to her.

So don’t say you love her.

Just say you’ll be there.

By not making the love commitment via talk, but showing a love commitment via actions, her hamster will get up to speed trying to figure you out, while her Body Agenda will notice that you are there and adjust accordingly. At some point her hamster will ask for a sedative and blurt out she loves you as a Loyalty Test. Then you can follow through with the more emotional stuff.

It’s a freakin’ brillant line.

 

If You Wannabe My Lover

To my surprise I ended up watching a Spice Girls video on YouTube today. It’s quite amazing to look back 17 odd years and see an old video again as if for the first time. So some random thoughts.

(1)  Holy crap. Height and weight proportional women. Five of them. In one place. I’m serious. LOOK. There’s FIVE of them.

(2)  One rolling camera shot. Awesome. I can’t remember the last time I saw that. Compared to the endless fancy cutting, and effects this is all so remarkably simple.

(3)  LOL Posh Spice doesn’t get a single line.

(4)  Simply having red hair creates a personality. I’ve always been a blond lover, but one of my daughters dropped brunette for red and it’s definitely a “I’m a personality” statement. I’m almost kinda sorta wondering what Jennifer would look like as a redhead, but she’s been doing the blond thing religiously to please me… so I don’t want to upset that lol.

(5) Casual back handspring. I don’t know anyone that can do that. That’s awesome.

(6) The camisole top with the nipples is Athol approved.

(7)  “Really really wanna zigazig ah.”  Okay so they said that for 1996 radio airplay… seems like a request for orgasm though.

(8)  “Slam your body down and wind it all around”  translation…. fuck me hard and find the clitoris.

(9)  “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”  translation…  if my friends think you’re unattractive, I do too.

(10)  The entire song is a Fitness Test It’s basically stating “If you want to be with me, I’m going to set the frame and you need to comply to it.”  But it just so gosh darn adorably peppy you almost want to fold up and say “okay”.

But what it really really is…

…it’s about as good a Girl Game instructional video as you’ll ever see.

 

Positive and Productive

Psychology Today…

The idea that “venting” anger has a beneficial cathartic effect is well entrenched in modern culture. Belief in the value of venting has manifested in the online world in the form of “rant” sites (e.g. Rant Rampage) where people not only get to freely express their vitriol, they can also read and comment on rants left by other venters. However, decades of research have shown that venting, far from releasing anger, actually makes it worse. Not surprisingly, a recent study has shown that online ranting seems to increase anger and is associated with anger-related problems. Ranting may be problematic because it associated anger with aggressive behaviour. On the other hand, expressing anger in a constructive and non-aggressive way can actually be beneficial.

So…

I totally get that bad shit can happen in your life. But ultimately, having a screaming fit about anything never fixes the problem… and it can make things worse.

The have been a couple of times in our marriage where I’ve gotten extremely angry with Jennifer and as much as humanly possible during those moments, I’ve shut my mouth until I could talk like a rational person. In the most serious ones I’ve simply taken space from her until I could calm down. I’m not naturally a ball of anger, so my calm down period is usually fairly short, your mileage may vary. All in all, screaming some toxic venom at your partner is just creating a second problem other than the one that made you angry.

You’re always going to be better off over the long term, finding a productive and positive solution to your actual problem, rather than simply complaining about it. Talking to others who can keep you on track is very helpful too.

Come join the forum. Get the free forum booklet. Buy the Primer. Get started. Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.

 

She Comes Fourth In Your Life vs. Children Come First

One of the fun things about having a co-ed forum is sometimes you see a woman and a man say exactly the same thing. Word for word. Just one favors men and the other favors women.

Male: A slight variant on the classic Patrice O’Neal line about making your woman, the fourth most important thing in your life. The order being, (1) You, (2) your mission, (3) your blood relatives (Patrice just said his mom for #3) and then finally (4) your woman.

Female: “I will never put a man ahead of the children. The children always come first.”  Hmmm…. well then, one also imagines if she is the one that decides whether or not something is in the interests of the children, she also trumps both the kids and him. Which suggests an order of (1) Her, (2) Shoes, (3) the kids, (4) that guy that’s always here for some reason.

So…

Well that ain’t going to work if you both decide to play the same strategy of my way or the highway. What immediately begs the question is what happens if someone else comes along and offers the #1 spot to your #4 slot spouse? If only for… oh…  five minutes or so?

You have to consider that for someone to allow themselves to be the 4th priority in your life, they need to be about in the range of 2 points of Sex Rank below yours. That’s a healthy Orbiter distance. I doubt a learned MMSL reader would allow themselves to be so taken for granted.

The Order of Priority

Assuming no one is toxic and needs to be treated with purposeful distance…

Athol:  Self Care > Husband > Father > Son > Brother > Friends > the rest of humanity.

Jennifer:  Self Care > Wife > Mother > Daughter > Sister > Friends > the rest of humanity.

If you notice, Jennifer and I both have each other in the #2 spot. Frankly neither one of us has the interest or ability in micromanaging the others day and self-care. We obviously care about each other, but at the end of the day, if I turn into a complete douchebag I expect to be jettisoned from the marriage. Likewise Jennifer may not turn into a Beluga Whale without me authorizing the self-destruct sequence and heading to an escape pod. We hold each other to high, reasonable and positive standards. It’s a really easy way to live.

The Captain and First Officer differences kick in at the Husband/Wife role position. After that we’re parents and so on down the line. We have a very clear order of priority and mutually understood chain of command. It makes things so easy to manage.

Anyway…

All I know is that all these women proudly saying “the children come first” are keeping me in business.

Because you know that somewhere in the background there’s a hollow-eyed man raking the leaves out of the gutters… thinking about what he just read on MMSL… and how he’s sick of her not fucking him right.

You can say “the children come first” all day long. The husband always hears it as “you’re last in line.”

When they start having an affair, they won’t even need to hide it from you, because you don’t notice them anyway.

Exact same thing goes for husbands with the super Alpha careers. Little woman at home wondering if he’ll ever call or show up for dinner on time. That shit gets old fast. Let alone telling her his mother trumps her. Gotta sting like hell to hear that. Thank God for Facebook and old friends…

 

Apologize Like A Boss

Sometimes you screw up and feelings are hurt and it’s unquestionably your fault. If that’s the case, you should apologize. It’s the right thing to do.

The trouble with apologies though, is they very easily turn into displays of weakness / fear / low value / submission. Then instead of repairing the damage, they actually do further damage as you entitle them to enrage against you even more than before. People always feel better at ease venting anger toward someone in lower status than them, than venting toward someone higher status than them. Thus a groveling apology creates greater social distance between you.

In case you didn’t hear that correctly… I’m saying you’re probably better off not apologizing and letting them be mad at you, than going down on one knee and begging forgiveness. You don’t drop your status and beg.

All you should do is acknowledge you did the wrong thing and if something is possible to be done to correct a situation you have caused, state a plan of correction and follow through on it. You don’t “act sorry” though. To apologize like a boss, just acknowledge and correct.

Then once the apology has been stated, you don’t go back and rehash it endlessly. You’ve apologized, it’s up to them to figure out their emotional state after that. If they keep coming back for another helping of angst and drama, state you’ve already apologized and refuse to be drawn into further debate.

Gifting is also a potential tool to use as well, but you use gifting to simply frame the acknowledgment of your wrongdoing more seriously, rather than attempt to buy their love and positive attention back. Trying to buy their positive attention back is also a display of low value. The purpose of something like flowers is to force them to pay attention to the apology. You’re making them acknowledge your acknowledgment.

The other trouble with gifting is that it can turn into a behavioral reward for them to be all dramatic and hurt at you. It only takes a couple of times trying to buy your way out of the dog house and it would be completely rational for them to start trying to figure out ways to get you into the dog house. A couple rounds of that and you’re a big Beta pinata full of cash and goodies.

Anyway… I love The Big Bang Theory… watch both videos.

 


This is the Dinner

This is the dinner

You can eat the dinner, or not eat the dinner

The choice is yours

You may stare at the plate and wish for a different dinner

But no other dinner will come

The kitchen is closed

Energy Sets and Unintentional Benefits of MMSL

Obviously I’ve been writing with the goal of fixing sex lives and repairing marriages, but one of the striking things about MMSL is that so often I get reports of fairly unrelated benefits from having run the MAP. The biggest and most obvious one I hear is weight loss. All I’ve said is “get to the gym” and people report back all kinds of weight loss and improved body shape. If I was running a weight loss program I’d probably be boasting about average pounds lost or something. I mean some people really do report back with 80+ pound losses.

I also hear a lot of “things got a lot better at work” and “the kids behave better now”.

The truth is that I tend to see a lot of things as a sort of “energy set” where multiple things are kinda crappy throughout someone’s life. House kept crappy, relationship crappy, job prospects crappy, fat… that’s a set that goes together. Then as one thing gets resolved for the better, eventually everything else gets easier to manage too. Eventually everything steps up to a higher set of energy. Like stepping up to… house tidy and repaired, relationship good, job better, in good shape.

Almost everything I teach boils down to having a high and positive energy. High energy is sexy. Half the reason I tell people to work out is just so they feel better and more positive about themselves.

I’m curious. Apart from more / better sex, how has MMSL helped you? Have you seen that pattern of low energy sets changing into higher energy ones?

There is No Female Action Plan

A mildly disjointed collection of rantings trying to bitchslap the proper understanding of what running the MAP is, into the minds of the wives on the forum. Somehow there’s this understanding that the Red Pill is in fact pink, and all they need to do is grow long hair, put on some lipstick, fall on their backs with their legs apart, and their Alpha Prince will cum.

Except all that happens when they do that is their fat, underemployed ManBetaPig just enjoys the sex and then lights up a joint and plays Diablo 3 for five hours. I exaggerate to be sure, but that’s the essential problem.

So… ranting…

There is no “FAP”

The only difference between what a man needs to be doing and what a woman needs to be doing is what creates a dopamine response in the opposite sex.

Male Alpha = more dominance, power, strength

Female Alpha = more flirty, girly appearance

That’s about it.

If you’re a female running the MAP, you should have men other than your husband throwing IOI’s at you. If you don’t, you’re not yet in Phase Three.

Why the “default yes” is a bad thing

It’s basically like dumping three tons of fish into the dolphin tank at SeaWorld and wondering why the dolphins are no longer interested in doing any tricks.

If your wife is into you, she doesn’t need a rule to want to fuck you.

Serendipity gets it

 Serendipity: Yeah I learned the hard way that sex = everything is fine, but even when he wasn’t getting sex he didn’t seem to care and just gave up.  MMSL helped me understand WHY I didn’t want sex with my husband for so long when early on in the relationship I definitely did. I couldn’t understand what changed and lack of sex was something my husband complained about forever and I always thought it was the kids, being tired or whatever it was. Now I know why.

So despite my FAP I had to add in an ultimatum because there was some medical involved (anxiety/depression) and possible porn addiction (since deleted and seems done with).  If anything the FAP, some therapy and this site just really made me realize what my worth really is and that I was/am doing everything to fix my marriage and relationship. Been very loyal when other women may have had an affair of some sort.

Athol’s comment: “The central theme of MMSL is to get yourself into a position where you’re so valuable as a potential partner, that you no longer are required to tolerate being in a relationship with a crappy partner who refuses to handle their own shit.”

That’s exactly what did it for me. I got fed up. I was fixing my shit and now it was his turn or else I was leaving.

Female desire is reactive, but…

Female desire is reactive… but there are other men out there she can react to.

If a male 6 watches his wife transform from a 6 –> 7 –> 8  and does nothing about fixing his attractiveness and handling his shit, he’ll eventually lose her to another man if she decides to pull the trigger.

Maybe he does shape up / get to the doctor / get a job / stop being an ass…. maybe he won’t.

If he does, great. If not, well she can collect child support and be better placed to find another man.

That should all sound very familar.

If he’s freaked out and going full Beta…

When he goes full-bore Betamax you bring him to MMSL. Then he takes it all seriously because he has a pathway he can learn to walk where she ends up staying with him.

All the husbands brought to MMSL by their wives come freaking out and wanting to go full Beta. Then they learn.

Wives must work on looking hot

She absolutely must run girl game and spend more time at the gym no matter what.

Unless she maximizes her overall attractiveness to men in general, any ultimatum she pulls will be less likely to succeed.

Her hot gym body is her leverage.

If his dick doesn’t work

The ultimatum is you demanding he go to the doctor to get checked out

Stop listening to the men on the forum, they aren’t your husband

A forum wife who has a crappy husband, listening to a forum husband in a sexless marriage, can’t model her MAP on what he wants his wife to do. The problems are different.

It’s always the unhappy spouse that comes to the forum. The unhappy spouse always has to do the same thing – become attractive and strong enough to gain leverage in their own relationship and then if required, force the issue.

Why sexually rejecting  totally crappy husbands can be helpful over the long term

It’s not “rejecting him”.

You are making yourself more attractive – improving the quality of the cheese so to speak – and rewarding him when he acts in a positive manner.

“No X until Y” is training him to act in a certain way…. but so is “Yes X even if there’s no Y” training him to act a certain way.  It’s just training him to act a different way.

Most of the forum wives doing the “default yes” thing are simply running a variant on a covert contract. “I will X and you will Y” and then because X is given out before Y… Y doesn’t have to happen… so the wife gets pissed off and then can’t help but lower her sexual response to him.

Most women unwittingly ruin the sex as a reward by being so shitty in bed during the sex, that it becomes a form of punishment rather than a reward. Most guys would rather have 12 sexual experiences a year where the girl was really into it, than 120 sexual experiences a year where she lies there disgusted and immobile.

Offer high quality sex for his good behavior.

There’s no X until Y

I mean seriously. Would any of you as a mother walk into a grocery store and hand the kids a bag of candy and say “please be good” and then no matter how bad they were in the grocery store, do the same thing week after week after week?

If you’re a First Officer you’re meant to be able to stand in for the Captain if need be. Get a backbone, have some pride in yourself, have some standards. Stop this Nice Girl crap.

You wouldn’t let a random douchebag screw you, so why do you lower yourself to let the douchebag you live with do it?

Could you ever imagine Jennifer tolerating me being a drunken, unwashed, broke, loser and still fucking me every day? If you can, she wants to talk to you lol. We hold each other to high but not unreasonable standards. I am a better man for her and she’s a better woman for me.

That’s the MMSL model. I’ve been ranting this for over three years. I’m at a loss as to how my message is so distorted on this forum.

Jennifer: Damn straight. That is all.

Everything Is Better Except I’m Not In Love Anymore

Reader:  Okay, I was a beta schlub. That seems to be so far in the past now. I am reading the post on GNO and the man trips and am thinking, if my wife really wants to mess up, I am fine with it now. I won’t put up with it, I will just move on to another woman if that happens. I am content with my wife. She has a lot of great traits. But so do lots of women. I would be giving up some good stuff and a little bad stuff for new good stuff and bad stuff. I am not about to burn my marriage down, but I look at other options as possible if she decides she wants something else.

Have I gone too far in my thinking now? Is this too much lack of oneitis? I am just so far removed from my divorce is always the last option mentality of two years ago.

Athol:  I think there’s always a mental dip in love feelings as you run the MAP. If you’ve had your illusions shattered and figured out you did a bunch of stuff wrong in your relationship, it’s always hard going to own up to it and fix it. Usually there’s a sense of hope and progress as you turn things around, but it’s just not the same blind joy in your relationship you had before. It’s definitely better than the bad stuff that was going to go down… it’s just not as giddy as when it all started and before you realized it was almost about to all get flushed down the toilet.

Oneitis and the Alpha Widow effect are damn near the exact same thing, just two different terms to spin it into the frame of the man better. It’s basically just a high dopamine, low serotonin mental state and looks damn near the same as OCD focused on a person. It’s called falling in love.

That being said, learning the whole Red Pill point of view where everything gets boiled down to chemical reactions and you can consciously start doing things to manipulate your feelings, and your partner’s feelings…

…well after a while it starts seeming like the entire concept of love is all bullshit. Not only that, your entire relationship history was just slot A, tab B and a bunch of chemicals. If it’s all just this giant game, love dies. It’s all fake. Cause, effect. That’s it.

The good news is that you manage to fix your relationship and change all the structural stuff in your life Everything turns out better. You get on great. Sex is up. Kids are behaving better. More respect at work.

It’s just….

…meh.

Everything is meh.

In time though, especially once you start really mastering what you’re doing and understanding about Alpha Beta et al, and you have your structural stuff together… you’ll start to forget you need to game each other. You’ll just be doing what you need to and getting on with it.

Then you’ll read something about some other couple with some kind of freaked up problem and you’ll look across the living room and tell your partner about it. They’ll look back with that “WTF” face and come over and read it over your shoulder and groan at the cluelessness with you. Their hand will be on your shoulder as they read and for some reason, their cheek is so very kissable…

The truth.

The truth…

The truth is that anyone who tells you that Oneitis can finally be killed, is either a badly damaged individual with serious attachment issues, or someone still working their way through the process. Quite obviously the goal of learning Game is not to turn yourself into a Cluster-B personality type, but to discover and master a relationship skill set in which you can love in relative safety of not being taken advantage of. For most of us though, getting to the end of the process is something that can take several years. It takes a long time to unlearn everything we did wrong, stablize and then learn what we need to and have it become second nature.

The truth is that all those chemicals… they. feel. so. real. and. you. cannot. stop. them.

The truth is you can resist all you like, but attraction is not a choice. So you will feel love again. You can’t choose not to feel.

The truth is love will come back.

***

Though I do have one caveat about all that in relation to the woman you are with…

…she needs to be a First Officer worth a damn.

***

Video related / unrelated.