Stop and Go

If you had to advise someone about things to simply stop doing, or start doing, as part of making their life / relationship / Game better…

…what would they be?


Stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault

Start going to the gym.




  1. Stop rising to the bait. Any bait.
    Start dressing attractively, even of you aren’t yet in shape. It’s a compliment to your partner that you care enough to present yourself well in private.

  2. greenlander says:

    When she’s a screetching bitch, call her out on it.

  3. If you a horny, initiate. (This has been BLOODY hard for me).

    Start Getting Fit. (Lift weights for muscle)

    Stop self sabotaging. Any time you consider the pros and cons about something you’re self sabotaging. Just Do It.

  4. misty's dad says:

    Stop being what you do for a living.

    Start making out with me in the car, like you used too.

  5. Stop letting your past experience define you.

    (Start) Go talk to the woman you are looking at.

  6. For women and to lesser degree men too, stop bitching about how fat/ugly/whatever you are. Start making the most of what you have. It takes just as much effort to put a dumpy shirt over your head as a hot one. Stop accepting unfulfilling sex and start figuring out how to get what you need/want. Stop just taking things for what thjey say they are and strart thinking about the true motives and hamstering behind it (aka stop the blue pill thinking and start thinking red pill).

  7. Ugh stupid phone… excuse typos…

  8. Stop allowing her emotional / childish reaction prevent you from telling her when she’s wrong / screwing up.

  9. start being a MAN and stop being a whiney, sniveling little beta chump

  10. Start talking to women anytime anywhere… builds self confidence.

  11. Start making the life you want. You only get ONE. You’re danged lucky to have gotten that. There is no reward at the end of the rainbow for having had a miserable one, either. All the people who precede us in history– whether they had great lives or miserable ones– monarchs, paupers, crooks, whores, religious fanatics, idiots, geniuses– they’re all equally dead now, (death’s fair if life’s not) and YOU are what they left behind. Make it amazing!

    Stop using your kids as an excuse to stay in a crummy relationship/situation/neighborhood! They will not be grateful later. I should know; my parents stayed together “for the kids” but really because they were both too lazy and codependent to end a dysfunctional thing until it died a horrid natural death, smearing its rotting guts out over 15 years of all our lives. Be a man/woman and have the decency to put it out of its misery cleanly.

    Start dancing! :D

    Start visiting graveyards. I feel like that gives perspective on this little old life like nothing else. The old generations weren’t that different than we are today– postwar nostalgia notwithstanding. My great-great-great grandfather was married five times… a couple of those date ranges overlapped significantly. I’m quite curious what his life woulda looked like as laid out in the forum. ;)

  12. oh! and one more. Stop thinking of your relationship as an entity separate from your life. It’s weird how people do that. “My life is great, but my marriage sucks.” or “My life sucks, but my marriage is awesome!” I think they strongly tend to converge; you can’t really have a great marriage amid a crappy life longterm, and if your life is really that great, eventually your marriage will improve or you will leave it.

  13. START being proactive. STOP waiting for to set the tone as far as sex and intimacy. Most women want to be taken for a ride.

    START saying “It’s my fault.” STOP making excuses.

  14. Take charge, make passes at your wife, be a benevolent dictator (even if you are faking it). Be a good dad to your kids because you should and not just because it gets her wet, although that is often a side effect.

  15. It also gets the very pretty divorced mom at baseball all hot and bothered. That annoys the snot out of me, but it just reaffirms to me that what I have is very, very valuable.

  16. Stop talking.
    Start doing.

    Stop complaining.
    Start moving.

  17. That little (or not so little) voice in the back of your head that tells you that you’ll fail, she won’t like you, etc….STOP listening to it. If there really are threats to consider, they’ll be clear and not need a nagging voice. If there aren’t any, then you waste time, energy and momentum on that voice.


  18. Start – Working out
    Stop – working at that shitty job
    Start – eating RIGHT
    Stop – whining
    Start – Being more alpha
    Stop – Being a pussy!

  19. holdingallthecards says:


    Take the initiative to fix things without being asked. Marriage has two adults, not just one.

  20. Start being honest. In the mirror (what do you really look like?), at the table (what are you actually eating?), in bed (what do you want?), in the office (how hard are you working?). I think hitting bottom and taking the red pill actually happens when we are finally honest with ourselves.

  21. Dead Weather says:

    Start dating your wife. If it was the first date, you would try to dress your best, wash your ride, and flirt. Only you control your own happiness, you can’t count on others for that!

  22. Katherine Kelly says:

    People lose themselves in the relationship so the relationship takes on an importance greater than the people making up the relationship.

    They lose sight of what they really need to gain what they do not need or could never have.

    As soon has they do this that is when the lying starts and the lies separate them farther from themselves so they “sell out” their lives.

    I think most relationship problems simply come from make bad choices in who to be in a relationship with and than the refusal to admit it because of the consequences of leaving so they now feel “stuck” and it is this feeling that creates much of the resentment and betrayal.

    I always ask them this question. If you knew than what you know now would you have married them?

    Before you can repair a relationship the first question is whether the relationship should have started in the first place.

    My advice is always the same. Stop lying to yourself and to each other.

    You have to burn everything away to see if there is even a reason to have a relationship with this person.

  23. Stop watching shitty television and reading crap on the internet.

    Start talking to women when you’re out of the house.

  24. For women:

    Stop worrying and nagging about little shit that doesn’t matter.
    Stop putting the whole world before your husband.
    Start treating your husband better than you would treat a stranger out in public.
    Start lifting heavy things.

    For men:

    Stop being indecisive.
    Stop trying to read minds.
    Start that hobby that you’ve always wanted to do.
    Start lifting heavy things.

  25. I'm a man says:

    stop being the victim
    stop being resentful
    stop blaming
    stop wasting time, if you share the same daily activities that a 15 yr old enjoys you may still be 15 yrs old on the inside.
    stop tolerating nonsense from others and especially yourself.
    stop hanging on to crap phrases like “you made this bed now lie in it”

    start being the leader
    start giving praise, compliments and appreciation to the people around you
    start looking at the positive things in your life, and smile when you find a new one
    start each day with a sense of mission
    start caring about what you do
    start telling you’re family that they make your life better
    start being good at things, become an expert
    start fixing things that are broken….like your bed, fix it so you like to lie in it.

  26. All good stuff. Thanks for the comments.

  27. Start realizing, it is not what you do, but how you do it.

  28. Stop talking/writing/posting, and start hunkering down and DOING.

    I seriously think talking too much about doing something that’s both difficult & long-term is detrimental to getting it done. You need to get involved; you need to wade in deep; it’s time to focus as hard as you can and build your strength and self-reliance. It’s NOT time to analyze, speculate, or compare your situation with others’ online.

    You can probably think of examples from your own life. The people who talk a lot about quitting smoking NEVER quit smoking (until they shut up); the people who talk nonstop about the novel they’re writing never produce a novel. Those who talk about how hard they work aren’t the hard workers.

    If this seems like I’m condemning a sizable amount of the Forum’s content, well, I guess I am. But my point isn’t to make anyone feel bad. It’s more like, if you’re not getting anywhere with your MAP, maybe quit talking about it for awhile and just work at it. See how that goes. The Forum is extremely useful if you have questions along the way, but it’s not gonna play Sam to your Frodo.

  29. Stop expecting your spouse to be a mind reader.

    Start saying what you want.

  30. Danceny says:

    I’d say #1 is to stop being resentful. Now tell me how…

  31. Bears repeating: Say what you want.

Speak Your Mind