Quirky Gifts and Flair

Reader:  This is prompted by the fact that Mother’s day is next weekend. My problem is just being done with the divorce I’m not sure how to play this or her birthday in August.

I bought a cashmere scarf for her in Scotland when I was there this year. I’m thinking that should be the Mom’s Day gift, and it would be just from me.

Of the two, the birthday seems the most problematic: I won’t necessarily celebrate anything with her and she’ll likely be partying with her group of fantastic, sycophantic friends. Add to that the data point of my bday in March, when the only thing I got from her was a “Me and the Boys” gift, which was the one thing I asked for. So I’m thinking with bday I just slide in with the boys on a gift like she did.

Athol:  Okay… so I just heard “cashmere” and figured it was expensive as hell. Which means you don’t give something expensive to your ex-wife. She is probably ex-pensive enough as it is.

Recommendation… sell it on eBay.

…then just for shits and giggles, I Googled “Cashmere Scarf eBay“.

Ah… wow… holy crap.

That’s a lot of scarves for cheap.

I *think* they might be great deals.

I have no fucking idea what I’m looking at. I thought cashmere was made from rabbit fur, but these seem to be made from goats. Or something. I mean I really have no clue what I’m looking at. Cashmere could be made from the inner lining of Muppets for all I know. But they seem to look nice and for crazy cheap.

Jennifer came over and started explaining what cashmere was and labels and I kinda lost track of what she was saying in her cleavage.


Guys… What’s your secret for quirky gifts she didn’t see coming?

Girls… Whence comes your flair?



  1. Feeling obligated to give presents to an ex. wtf?

    That said, if you must give something, I recommend a bag of skittles.

  2. Shoes, flair comes from cute shoes. or a purse in a bright color. Or a scarf, scarves are good. Or lipstick, but that’s kind of out of date, gloss is in right now….flowers in the hair are nice, esp in summertime.

  3. tilikum says:

    for an ex? thats like asking how you can tell a woman has an orgasm…who cares?

    please elaborate.

  4. hearthrose says:

    I can’t buy presents for my husband without a list. He can’t really buy me presents without a list either. We’ve learned to accept our O Henry esque timing and exchange wishlists. Or hilarity ensues.

    For OTHER women, I have a few “gift shops” (not really) that I know carry particularly nice things, and I’ll rummage ’round until I find something they like. Women perpetually shop, so we’re forever seeing something that would be “just perfect for Betty”, if we have our eyes open at all. I shop for my online friends, I just don’t buy the stuff. I have a great dress on pinterest for Sis, matter of fact….

    You don’t buy presents for the ex-wife, you buy things for your kids to give to your ex. But they should be kid-level presents. “Look Mommy! I got you a geranium!” Give the scarf to your mom or your sister. Give it to your kids’ teacher for a really nice Christmas gift. Don’t save it for the next woman, because that’s sort of weird.

  5. We have a couple of women in our extended social circle that are fashionista/mavens. I keep them in my contacts and they love to be consulted. I outright hand over a sum of money at Christmas for the stocking stuffers and little extras for the holidays. I get great little gifts for the big day and last year I also got a matching purse and scarf for a black tie event we were going to a week before. Great touches.

    This year for Mother’s Day I went with a different lady who is putting a basket together, complete with a simple card making craft for our kids to handmade a card, as well as a flowers/gift.

    In short, I consult people who are in the know. Of course the helpers keep quiet and the wife knows I had some help but she is coy enough to just enjoy the gifts and not inquire too much.

  6. I collect quirky coffee mugs. Best gift to give me, even if it’s totally weird. I love essential oils which I buy through a direct sales person; she has a running list of what I need and can (and has) just sent the next thing on my list, gift wrapped and “signed” from the gift giver.

  7. Do people really buy Mother’s Day gifts for the ex? That strikes me as very odd.

  8. I have to help my son pick out gifts for his mom, my ex, for holidays.

    No matter the thought or effort I try to help my son put into it, I always wind up with a Starbucks or ITunes gift card. I’m happy with that, but it makes me laugh.

    Since he is still pretty young, I try to help him make things for her, to teach him it’s not about what you buy, it’s what you give. He has beaded necklaces and bracelets for her. To my knowledge, she has never worn them.

    Her loss.

  9. WanderingTheDesert says:

    I don’t get how the issue at hand here is “is the cashmere an appropriate gift?” I think Mother’s Day is your chance to teach your children to show their mother respect and appreciation. It should have nothing to do with you giving her a gift, but a lesson to your children. Of course, the situation would be different if you were married to her…

  10. Just have the kids get her something or make her something. I actually have these issues with my foster babies. It isn’t always for the mom, but the kids.

  11. TheatreMommy says:

    Angora – Angora Bunny fibre (expensive because you have to hand brush them, not sheer them)
    Cashmere – Goat fibre, very fine, up there with alpaca for quality
    Mohair – Made from Angora Goat fibre… yah… why the two angoras, I don’t know. My guess is it is a region somewhere…
    Alpaca – funny cameloids that are smaller than llamas, gentler, with amazingly soft and fine fibre.
    Wool – plain old sheep. ;)

  12. holdingallthecards says:

    No gifts for ex’s. Save the money for your child support payment.

    The kids should pick out their own gifts to give their mom for mother’s day. Now is as good as any time to teach your children about thinking about what the recipient likes, and how to buy what mom would like to recieve, rather than what they’d like to give her (there is a huge difference, by the way).

  13. Batman64 says:

    Your ex is not your Mother.

  14. I’d say don’t set a precedent for ex expecting gifts. The kids can give her kid level gifts, like t-shirt, mug, homemade crafty gifts, flowers, etc.

  15. Are you still friends with benefits with this woman? I have bought gifts for ex’s before knowing that if I kept some sort of connection going they would go back to putting out if I called them at 11 horny, but is she has no chance of putting out, no gifts…. Who initiated the divorce? If it was you because you moved on to better, i could see getting her something out of pity, but if it was her… No gifts at all would be in order.

  16. Trimegistus says:

    If you get a divorce, you don’t have to buy that person any more presents, ever. I think that’s in the Constitution or something.

    For Mother’s Day, take your own mother out to lunch.

  17. Mother’s Day Gift? How about something related to how she became a mother. Get some sex toys. That always plays well around here.

    For an ex-wife? Got tacky?

  18. Hum…I don’t get it. Why would he give her a present period? She is your kid’s mother, not your mother. Have them draw a picture card if they are too young to buy anything. NOT YOUR PROBLEM. No birthday gifts period. She should never expect you to plop down money for the kids to buy her something. There are plenty of special things they can do on their own to make her days special.

  19. Joe_Commenter says:

    A GIFT FOR YOUR EX??? No no no.

    OK. So you want her back. Gifts are not gonna do it. Just move on. She already has.

  20. Akatsukami says:

    TheatreMommy: Angora is a city and region in Turkey (now generally called “Ankara”). There’s also an Angora cat, but it’s no more useful than other cats.

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