Men White Knight Because Sometimes It Works

As a response to Fun Money.

Celeste:  Okay, true, but an extra $2000 isn’t in the cards for us for a few years. A good wife can have fun with a hike at a local park, a good husband can Google around for new local parks and surprise his wife with a visit. Really, $2000 extra is going to be out of reach for a lot of people, for most of their lives. I foresee a future in which we will, but another part of me bristles at this…how did all those peasants and serfs manage to stay married living hand to mouth? No extra shirts, no nights out, no shopping malls, and people made it work. Of course, the whole structure of society was different, and men had some actual power. But does it require wealth and materialism to make this work? I don’t think so.

Athol:  Well as a reminder, what I said was…

When people imagine life changing amounts of money, they always imagine millions of dollars, but consider what just a extra $2000 can do for a relationship if you’re the husband.

An extra $2000 spread over a year, comes to $40 a week.

Is there truly, truly no way to find some combination of extra income or reduced expenses, that comes to a net gain of $40 a week? Then consciously spending that money toward maintaining the attractiveness and playful attention you give each other as a couple.

Women aren’t all gold-diggers, but they are all at least copper and silver-diggers. You gotta pay the bills. Nice things once in a while can go a long way. The whole point is you have to be mindful about creating attraction. Rather than getting torn up about not having millions, work with what you’ve got.

Jennifer and I are doing okay, but we’re not rolling in it. We tend to go out for dinner hardly at all, but we go out for breakfast and lunch because it’s cheaper. It matters, it makes a difference. Our more routine treat is walking together for coffee. It really doesn’t take that much extra money to make a difference.

It’s no different now than it was back in peasant and serfdom days. If you live a life of dreary squalor, the women will all start dreaming of guys on white horses coming to their rescue. After a certain point of being broke off your ass, it doesn’t matter how wondrously Alpha you think you are. Some Betaized white knight can swing by and mate poach almost accidentally. At some point being willing to share hot food, medical insurance, gas money and a paid power bill is rock solid tight game.

Women never want to be rescued from the tallest tower. They want to be rescued from the ground floor.


  1. That’s a great closing line.

  2. pdwalker says:

    No, it’s a fantastic closing line.

    Our more routine treat is walking together for coffee.

    This is yet another gem. Little things, little treats, little ploys of attention. It doesn’t always take that much, especially if she’s into you. Maintenance is cheaper than you might think, just as long as you are making at least some effort.

  3. Kickboxer says:

    Off the floor and into the elevator. It does not matter how high the elevator goes or where it stops in the end. She just wants on it. Prospects for a better life for her and the offspring.

  4. In fairness to Celeste, you didn’t say “spread out over a year” in your original post. I was wondering if that was what you meant; it seemed to kind of make sense that way, but it wasn’t completely clear.

  5. Over It says:

    pdwalker said: “This is yet another gem. Little things, little treats, little ploys of attention. It doesn’t always take that much, especially if she’s into you. Maintenance is cheaper than you might think, just as long as you are making at least some effort.”

    Exactly! The big idea is doing something meaningful with someone you care about. Works both ways, when you’re into each other. A big, grand gesture might be great, but the problem is all the time that you’re doing nothing in between your ability to afford ANOTHER big, grand gesture.

    Like the old song says…little things mean a lot.

  6. Carlotta says:

    It isn’t the amount of money it is the novelty. We have been dirt poor and I have never felt poor. It was a treat when we were first married and I snuck in the back of my Husband’s delivery truck (his second job was delivering furniture) because he was going to Georgia and I had never been there. After we delivered the furniture we went into Krispy Kreme because the light was on and we had never had one. We could afford two. We listened to the radio, were roasting in the heat and were together. It was a treat. It was different.

    It is not the amount. It just needs to be a treat. We would go out and share dessert. We would by dollar menu at McDonalds and sneak it into the movie theatre. We would share rented movies with other poor couples. We would buy something fun at the grocery store and cook it and eat by candle light.

    If you are in Love and serve the Lord it can work. It can!

  7. Trimegistus says:

    I think Duncan hits on a point you should make much, much clearer, Athol: it doesn’t have to be a lump sum. In your original post you mentioned a figure of $2000, and I think that steered people into thinking about things that cost $2000 — a nice vacation, serious jewelry, major furniture, etc.

    Clarify that it isn’t things that cost $2000 that make the difference, it’s $40 a week that matters. A date night, an afternoon outing, a bottle of champagne, a half-hour massage appointment, etc.

  8. A couple I know treated themselves to a trip to the Dominican Republic with the savings they got just by cutting off the cable. I know “just” by cutting off the cable is a stretch to some, but it makes you consider the value of your relationship and finding ways to make it work.

  9. We put this into practice this week. We spent a weekend out of town for our 13th anniversary. Everything we did was a “good” waste of money. $200 for a night at an English themed hotel. $40 for tickets to a community theater play. $200+ for new clothes that we didn’t need. Another $200 for pocket money. With meals, a movie and a few other odds and ends, it cost close to $1,000 just to get away from the kids for a weekend.

    It was absolutely worth every penny. She loved every thing I planned and lost of sex was had.

  10. Celeste says:

    Whoa…I’m astonished that my little comment made it into a post. Whee!

    For us, yeah, funds are that tight. There is not enough for $40 fun each week. Well there is, but because we will soon be living off only his grad student stipend, and soon have a baby to be born, we feel that the best use of every penny saved is…saving.

    “At some point being willing to share hot food, medical insurance, gas money and a paid power bill is rock solid tight game.” This point made me chuckle, but you’re right, so true! And come to think of it, my coworkers who are at lacking insurance/gasmoney/powermoney level of poverty–their marriages are either not great or over. Maybe it has ever been thus for peasants and surfs.

  11. Interesting that Yahoo should put up this article today:
    (Dude saves over $2000 a year by cutting expenses)


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