I Got To Show My Daughters I Was #1 in Three Categories

I hate to be chattering about the new book endlessly, but I’m about falling off my chair here.

I came up with an idea to target a couple of very popular books, as in endlessly popular books and try and piggyback off them. The books had to be close to The Mindful Attraction Plan, but also a solid variance on them. “Just the same, but completely different”. I wanted it to be the sort of thing that shows up in recommendation lists on Amazon. You’ve read this, maybe you’ll like that.

I targeted The Secret and The Four Agreements. The Secret because The MAP kinda starts off like The Secret, but by the end of it you’re nowhere near the same place The Secret ends up. I targeted The Four Agreements because I really wanted to hit the “Self-Help – Personal Growth – Happiness” category and The Four Agreements has owned that for years. Anyway, deliberate keyword choices to get into the same categories as those two books. My goal was simply to get near those two books…

Slider Beating the Four Agreements
Buy on Amazon!
Slider Beating the Secret
Buy on Amazon!

SHUT. UP.

Look maybe this is just one shining hour of sales. Really I get it. But you know, this is utterly amazing to me. I just wanted to get near those two books.

So thank you all who have given me that moment. I’m so excited. This has been a hard road to here some days and a double fist pump trophy hoisting moment is special because I finally got to show my children.

The girls know I write and basically that I write about sex and marriage, but we keep it pretty walled off from them. They’re also teenagers and while all teenagers want to know that their parents love each other and have a stable relationship, they don’t want to know about the fine details of their sex life. So there’s been a fair degree of “respectful distancing” of the topic. Dad writes and helps people with their relationships, that’s what dad does.

So after four years of forum work, blogging, writing books and everything else that entails, I got to call them over and point out my book on Amazon, sitting at the #1 spot in three categories. The third one is “Energy Healing” and I have no idea why I’m in there. It’s like winning an Oscar for sound editing or something. But my daughters got to see it. Dad is less weird now. It’s hard to argue with #1 in three categories. They’re proud of me. Then they both asked if we could replace the dryer.

Anyway…

Last I checked I was #1265 of all books on Kindle, so pretty amazing really. The highest the Primer ever got was about #3500. So right now the book is floating pretty high in the rankings on Amazon. Please, please, please review it right now if you’ve purchased it. It really makes a huge difference to my sales numbers.

The book is here on Amazon.

Jennifer:  The girls really were impressed…weird to see Dad on Amazon like that.  And yes, we need to replace the broken dryer before New England wintery goodness sets in.

More positive has come out of my life because of Athol’s writing than anything else I’ve read. The way he sets up his plan is simple to follow and the results I’ve had were beyond the positive results I expected. If you are ready to get your act together and don’t know where to start, this lays it all out. The funny thing is the further along you are in your MAP the more others will fall into line, your significant other, your kids, your boss, the people you are in charge of etc.. So buy this book and just get started!!!

Ornamental Publication Date: Apparently My Book is For Sale

So apparently setting a publication date for your book on Createspace, isn’t the same as having a release date.

I’ve got the book all edited and uploaded to Createspace and very carefully pick July 4th as the publication date. I figured that would give me time to play the sales push game without becoming obnoxious about it. I’ve also got a fair amount to get through by July 4th to follow up the book, so it’s all coming together. I’m exhausted from the blur that is looking at your own work until your eyes bleed. I push the button to approve printing with the same drama a movie President authorizes a nuclear strike.

The book shows up on Amazon quite quickly. Book is in pre-order and will ship on July 4th. If the price drops before then, they will match it. Awesome.

I take a bleary eyed nap and then go about the business of formatting for the Kindle version. Book still in pre-order. Cool.

The next morning people on the forum start squealing they buying the book. Yay pre-orders, I feel awesome. Then they say it’s already shipped!

WTF? Yup, the book is live. Dammit. Call Amazon, they say it’s a Createspace issue. Call Createspace, they say I approved it. I say noooooooooooo, I very carefully selected July 4th. They tell me that all I’m selecting is a line of text, there’s no actual functionality to the publication date decision. Whaaaaaaaaaaat?

I can either just enjoy the ride, or shut the entire book down and reactivate it later, say on July 1st, hoping that it’s all the way turned on again for July 4th. Except it might not be. The 800,000lb Amazonian gorilla does book magic and it’s a little random as to when it works.

So the publication date is basically ornamental?

Yeah it is, sorry about that.

Ugh… First World Problems.

Anyway, 100,000 new books hit Amazon each month… so I decide to stay low and not annoy the sleeping Kraken. I crunch the Kindle version out. It’s all on.

The book is here…

Athol_Kay for Amazon 1250X2000

 

There’s other stuff happening behind the scenes, but I’ll get to that in a day or two. For now, if you can buy a book and get the initial wave going, it’s amazingly helpful to me.

 

Explaining The “In Her Or On Her” Rule

Forum issue…. spent a long time triaging this case and everything went back to the husband having a porn/Internet addiction. As in we figured out the exact month everything started falling apart being when they first had cable Internet installed. Literally a bright motivated guy one month and starting to flunk out of college the next. Then over a decade of unemployment and underemployment after that. Her carrying about 80% of the income load while he stayed home and jerked off to porn. Long story short, I gave her a full and complete triage experience, she unleashed “Option A or B” on him, he went for Option A.

Which brings us to this post. One of my suggestions that was part of Option A was to adopt the “In her or on her” rule. Meaning where his semen ends up. i.e. no jerking off to porn, if he’s having an orgasm, it’s with her in some way shape or form. Don’t care where he comes, just as long as it’s with her.

Then comes the hamstring questions. What if she’s not available, or doesn’t want to? Or other reason to get around the rule. Squeaky squeak squeakum.

My response…

(1) He’s the addict, so anything he says isn’t reasonable or valid related to the addiction.

(2) He’s allowing himself to have his brain be rewired to experience her as the outlet for his sexuality.

(3) Given long enough (months) doing (2) will make his brain eroticize her to him. Just like he’s conditioned himself to particular porn to be a turn-on, now he’s conditioning himself to be turned-on by her. Yes that’s “artificial”, but it will feel completely real when it’s done.

(4) Like any form of hunger, the longer it goes between feedings, the greater his desire to be fed. So if she is unavailable (work) or unwilling (I expect somewhat rarely), all that does is make him more interested in her and more attracted to her. If he routinely masturbates without her, then he basically messes up the entire program. The orgasming without her is the entire problem.

(5) What he’ll come to learn is that 99% of eroticism lies in the feeling of being turned-on. After he orgasms, it’s over. It seems very counter intuitive I know, but he’ll actually find a more satisfying sexual experience on the other side of this process. It’s really not robbing him of anything.

(6) Without the endless dopamine chasing of the porn/Internet addiction, he’ll find greater personal focus in his life as a whole. He’ll think better. Perform better. This is a real addiction he’s been facing and it’s terribly draining on him.

(7) Monogamy isn’t exactly easy. It’s not for me. I’m a higher desire person than Jennifer, but it’s the experience of being turned-on that’s the most enjoyable thing. By a conscious focus limiting myself to her, it actually is sexually frustrating in a positive sense. Much of Oneitis is simply a biological response to sexual frustration coupled with an emotional focus on a single woman. As long as she is a basically good wife, it’s pretty freaking enjoyable.

Or in other words, the “in you or on you” rule may seem like a gimmick, and to an extent it is. But it’s also going to work to make him find her more sexually attractive and help him fall in love with her again.

And even if the process to make that happen is artificial, the feelings he’ll experience as a result of it will be real.

The caveat to all this being that she’s actually into him. She’s been a total Nice Girl slaving away supporting him and being sexually cut off by him. She wants to lay him like tile.

Jennifer:  This can also be a lot of fun for her. We don’t often skip nights but the positive change in Athol’s attention toward me is noticeable the longer it goes since the last time we had sex. It’s nice to be the focus of that level of desire. Now if a girl was mildly evil…

Long Term Relationship Count: 3 + 1 = 4

Just reading Susan’s Cohabitation Blues post and got a memory jag about something I can’t remember if I already wrote about or not.

So…

Men will always be lied to about female partner count. You may as well just accept that. Yeah I know some tiny handful of women don’t lie about partner count, but they look like all the ones that do, so lots of luck figuring which is which. Plus the ones who aren’t lying probably aren’t terribly strongly sexually motivated, or are still “mint in box”, which is potentially another curve ball to think about.

However, women will tell you how many guys they’ve lived with like it’s a badge of honor. It’s a proper relationship, NOT at all slutty or remotely questionable. It’s all on the up and up. Not a problem. She’s an Official Girlfriend(TM) and putting out officially. Besides, the only difference between living together and being married is “a piece of paper”.

Right?

Ah okay, let’s say you’re right.

So rather than worry about a couple of one night stands, or that thing that happened on vacation in Mexico, or anything that happened in high school… or drunk.. or in Vegas… let’s just count the cohabitations. Then you just add +1 to the total to see where you would fall in the progression should you take the next step with her.

So if she’s had three cohabitations, if you marry her, you should think of yourself being her fourth husband.