Female Proximal Placement Means She’s Waiting For You to Make a Move

Husbands constantly miss the signs of their wives wanting sex. Sometimes all they do is put themselves in a proximal position to you and wait for you to make a move.

Let me say that again. Proximal placement means she’s waiting for you to make a move. Let’s start with outside the bedroom first though.

If it was say in a bar / club / social gathering / church / picking your kids up from school… and a woman intentionally positions herself near to you (especially if she does it on multiple occasions) and then looks like she’s waiting for a bus… the bus she’s waiting for is you. Make a move, say hi, she’s already interested. If she thought you were creepy, she wouldn’t position herself right next to you.

Submissive women do this all the time. They simply place themselves in a position where you have the opportunity to make something happen. If you don’t make a move, you miss out. That’s about all there is to it.

My first serious girlfriend did exactly that routine for about two weeks before I understood what was going on. She just started sitting near me in the library at college. After about two weeks of “hey that pretty girl is around a lot”, I finally asked her out. Of course back in the day that was a stomach churning moment, but looking back it was a total slam dunk. In fact she’d pretty much run a stakeout until I made a move. Duh.

Okay bedroom…

The kids are all out of the house all day at Connecticon, which is the big geek convention in Hartford each year. Crazy good costuming, sci-fi, comic books and aging Star Trek actors whoring themselves for rent money. Every year Jennifer and I say we’re going to do something fun without the children, but every time we just slump into exhaustion and nap. We’re like middle aged or something.

Anyway the living room is in “Sleepover Disarray” (TM) and rather than try and clean up the living room three days straight, we just let them make a mess and clean up once. The important point is that the living room floor is covered in mattresses. I trust you see where this is going.

So I’m halfway napping on one of the mattresses and Jennifer is on the sofa adjacent to me. At some point, her leg slides off the sofa and she places her foot lightly against the side of my leg and nudges it ever so slightly.

That’s it.

That’s all there is to it. That’s Jennifer initiating sex.

Placing herself proximal and waiting.

It’s easy to miss.

After that I massaged her calf a little. I’m not sure the exact order of events from here, but somehow Jennifer managed to slither off the sofa and get down on the mattress with me. Whereupon she ended up with her eyes closed, lying on her side, faux sleeping while I rubbed her back while she softly purred.  Back rub turns into ass rub, results in snuggling into me and smiling. So I said the three magic words every woman wants to hear.

“I’m gonna pee.”

After I peed, I came back ready for action, we threw the official “fucking in the living room blanket” down on one of the mattresses, and I took her to Poundtown; population two.

So there you go. If she’s hanging around and not making any obvious “no” signals, just assume it’s a yes and make a move. Women don’t isolate themselves with you unless they are into you.


  1. Yup. I like to fall asleep with one of my hands somewhere around my wife’s mid section. Invariably, I let my hand slide gently down to the inside of the closet thigh. If her legs are parted, I have an estimated 70% chance of banging her. If they are shut, about a 5% chance.

  2. One of the biggest challenges for my husband and I was simply understanding what the other person meant. For instance, my major Love Language is Touch, then Kind Words. His are Acts of Service, and Quality Time. We’d end up feeling unloved and appreciated before we figured out that we were telling each other that we loved each other all the frakking time; we just missed it almost constantly.

    He’d get frustrated that I “didn’t initiate”, when basically anything less than a giant neon sign went over his head. Sure, the neon sign can be fun, but it’s too dominant to be a regular thang. Being more attuned to this has been fun, because it’s definitely entrenches the dominant-submissive dynamic that we both like. I’m sending off a signal that it’s not unwelcome, and he’s going to get laid like tile as long as he pursues me.

  3. Precisely Liz. Been married 27 years this August. The first couple of years my wife initiated as much as I did. That faded. I kept on initiating, but wondered if she was really into the sex, because she never did anymore. It has only been in the last couple of years that I started to get the dynamic, woman like to be persued! And as I become more assured, I find that not only has the quantity of sex been rising, but the quality is out of this world!

  4. Joe_Commenter says:

    Is this proximity move a conscious thing or does the woman not really even get the idea that she’s hanging around waiting for you to bust a move?

    I mean, if a woman wants to do me, why not just say “come here big boy and let’s get busy”? I don’t understand what the purpose of females using such a passive strategy would be.

  5. Bee, meet flower.

  6. Michael Maier says:

    I hate to admit it, but we guys are totally oblivious at times. I once had a girl rubbing her foot on my ankles throughout a dinner and all I could think was “How does she not know she’s doing that?”

  7. I used to think my ex-wife’s proximal placement meant she wanted sex. But I was right barely 1% of the time. With no other IOIs, I concluded that she was busting my balls. This is why she is now my ex-wife.

  8. I’ve heard this lots of times. Being single, I have tried to use it to guage interest. I’ve had girls move across a classroom to sit by me (and stay day after day). I have had girls I know repeatedly find excuses to be near me. I ask them out & get “maybe” at best. Clearly, I’m doing SOMETHING wrong.

  9. This would make a great thread in the forum.

    Spot the Proximal Placement
    Examples of …
    Did she just say “Come get me big boy”?

  10. @Joe Commenter
    Because we want to be pursued! We want YOU to pick us. When we do the subtle thing, and you respond, we still feel like YOU picked us. Win-win.
    Conversely, I pursued my first high school boyfriend with unashamed abandon. I never was really sure if he liked me a lot or if I was just “there”, so he just went with the flow. That realization sucked.
    I broke up with that lackluster boyfriend when guy #2 actively pursued me. Of course, I had to sit next to guy #2 in art class for an entire SEMESTER to get him to actively pursue me. He’s been my husband for 20 years now.
    He still thinks he initiated our entire relationship! ha

  11. bellacoker says:

    “Is this proximity move a conscious thing or does the woman not really even get the idea that she’s hanging around waiting for you to bust a move?”

    Joe_Commenter –

    I can’t speak for other women, but for me it is totally conscious and if it doesn’t work sometimes I will move on to saying something like, Would you like to go lay down? and sometimes I will just assume that the gentleman in question is not interested and move on to other activities.

  12. Monkey's Uncle says:

    Great post, Athol! Being able to pick up on these kinds of subtle cues is incredibly important, and something I think a lot of married guys have a tough time with. And it can be incredibly subtle… sometimes with my wife it is just the position she assumes when she lays down next to me in bed. If she lays down on her stomach with her head next to my feet and her ass by my face while wearing yoga pants, 99.9% of the time that means she’s waiting for me to make a move. In fact, if she does this and I don’t make a move on her, she’d probably feel neglected and hurt. I consider it to be an initiation on her part even though there isn’t a single touch or a word spoken between us.

    I think sometimes in the forum we see guys who expect all initiations from their wives to be much more blunt than this (and yes, it’s great when they are more blunt than this), but if she is trying to position herself in a way that encourages you to make a move on her, that is also as good as gold in my book!

  13. Joe_Commenter says:

    @Shanna, thanks for decoding this for me.
    The proximity strategy is brilliant for women. This gives her lots of wiggle room for strategizing:
    * She gets the sex she wants if he picks up on it.
    * If he doesn’t get the hint, she can always say “oh but I initiate all the time, you just are clueless”
    * The above also preserves the ability to go back to the “why do you always pressure me for sex” argument

    Lucky for me, I have Athol and the MAP on my side and I don’t hear the above arguments anymore.

  14. @Joe_Commenter:

    That’s a pretty bitter way of looking at it. It doesn’t have to be a bad faith attempt to have it both ways. It’s asking for Alpha. It’s pretty demoralising to look at and hear yourself making a blunt request for sex. There are few things that feel less feminine.

    Also, this is a bit like complaining that men are obsessed with female looks, or female hypergamy. It is what it is.

  15. Celeste says:

    This post is spot on! It has been my experience that men often miss what I consider to be blatant cues to make a move. I also think I missed out on dates when I was younger because I wasn’t expressing my interest obviously enough.

    WRT to sex…a deep kiss, rubbing myself on him, prancing around in very little clothes, pushing up against him in bed…it was really hard for me to learn that it isn’t necessarily obvious to him what I’m going for!

  16. Joe_Commenter says:

    @Liz: If it makes you feel better to label my question as bitter, so be it. I don’t think it adds anything to the discussion, but it won’t hurt my feelings. I have my world under control. So I’m not complaining.

    But I have to ask you, have you read the forum posts **AT ALL**? That kind of behavior is all over the 911 posts. From what I can tell my description above is unhappily-married-woman-passive-aggressive-not-putting-out-101.

    I personally believe that the man who is willing to own his own world can stop that kind of nonsense and end up with a happily married pussy cat of a wife who would never dream of doing what I described.

  17. Chakotay says:

    This whole discussion of wives desiring sex and initiating such, however subtly, is a little foreign and demoralizing for those of us for whom the MAP is still in process and not yet showing the dramatic & overnight success that we were hoping for.

    I think that for many wives, @Joe_Commenter’s description of “unhappily-married-woman-passive-aggressive-not-putting-out” is depressingly close to the mark. It’s my belief that this behavior is so instinctive that they may not even realize that they’re doing it.

    I just fervently hope @Joe_Commenter is also right about our ability to stop that nonsense (eventually) and transform them into happily married pussy cats. I keep holding to that hope. At seven months in so far, I had just hoped it would take a matter of months, not years.

  18. The Ringmistress says:

    But the point is that Athol’s wife is willing and happy and not at all passive aggressive and she still initiates in this manner. It’s a subtle cue, perhaps too subtle, and if a wife is plugged in and her husband isn’t reading those cues, she may need to be more blunt. But it doesn’t change the fact that there are a lot of marriages where there is incredible frustration ON BOTH SIDES because the cues are being read badly.

    An example: early in our marriage when I was feeling snuggly and wanted him to initiate, I would tuck myself next to him in bed. And he would back away. So I would snuggle closer. Rinse, repeat. And then he would ask why I was always pushing him out of bed. I wouldn’t initiate directly as it felt unladylike and was downright demoralizing. Why didn’t he want me? And he was thinking, why is she always pushing me away? So it was hardly a win-win strategy. The goofy thing is that it has taken nearly 13 years to realize this.

  19. Here is my take on this… It is ingrained in women’s DNA to want to mate with a man whose off spring are the most likely to produce grandchildren. A man that is too nervous, unsure, or distracted sends signals of weakness that you will produce “low quality” off spring that will be less likely to have children themselves. I recommend that most every man compliment the woman they are with everyday on something they like physically or sexually. Actively try to pay attention to her body language and if you ever get her acting relaxed or “into you” then make a move towards sex. I personally think you are far better off if you are in a situation where your wife/gf knows that you can and will deliver whenever she wants either long passionate sex or even just a quickie….

  20. medic52 says:

    Men are not hairy, flat chested women. Women can be as subtle as they choose to be. Too often with men that translates into being as unsuccessful and frustrated as they choose to be. (If “A” doesn’t work, refusing to try “B” is a self-defeating choice.)

  21. I’m anxious for my relationship to get to a place where anything I did, even not-so-subtle, resulted in sex. That will be a happy day. :)

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