Sexy Move: The Improved Starfish Position

The traditional position to hate your husband with your vagina is The Starfish. That’s the one where you lie on your back like a starfish and pretend you are in a coma while with every thrust he strips a little off his soul until it’s finally over.

Not that any of our MMSL ladies *ever* do that… but the Missionary Position is so freaking close to defaulting to The Starfish, that it takes very little to make him wonder if you’re Starfishing under him. That slight moment of inattention from sleepiness and he’s pretty sure you’re really thinking about delaying the grocery shopping until Sunday, because the new coupons in the paper aren’t valid until then and you need toilet bowl cleaner.

So lets dick it up a notch and fix The Starfish. Here’s a few Sexy Moves to make it better.

(1)  Arms by your side = Boring. Arms over your head and gripping the headboard = Hot. There’s also a submissive element to this too, you could easily be tied up as well. Also your arms over your head pops your boobs up great too.

(2)  Your hands resting on his side = Boring. Your hands pulling him down on you hard = Hot. Wrap your arms around him and pull him down toward you. He’ll very likely resist and stay in his current position, but it will require more muscle tension his body and that will translate to greater intensity. He’s got the upper body strength to stay stable as you pull on him.

(3)  Discovering your boobs as if for the first time = Hot. Seriously, squeeze them, fondle them, tweak your nipples and moan. You’re so into what’s happening, you just have to self-stimulate and get even hotter.

(4) Wrap your legs around him = Hot. You’re not going to let him go.

(5)  Smack his ass. It’s the international signal for “harder”.

(6)  Say something. “Fuck me” is always appreciated. If you have no idea what else to say, simply say what he’s doing and say you like it. “Yeah put your cock in me. I love it when you put your cock in me.”

(7)  Got submissive? Say some kind of pet name for him. “Fuck me sir.” Or whatever launches his cumshot.

(8)  Stick your finger in his ass. (lol maybe talk this one through first)  It’s pretty much a dirty girl thing and you’ll know near instantly whether or not he likes it or not. You don’t have to jam it in to the second knuckle or anything, light external pressure is usually pretty good.

(9)  Blindfold. Now he can’t see you rolling your eyes and mentally hating him for the gutters he hasn’t gotten around to fixing because he “isn’t in the mood”. Much better. Actually in all seriousness, it’s very centering for you and clues your other senses in better. While for him, he’s banging a chick with a blindfold, so she’s got to be into it right? Right!

(10) Fingernails. Rake them down his back. Do the death talon grip thing on his upper back. Roll your eyes back into your head. Bite your lip.

Now get to it.

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Comments

  1. neen says:

    OMG-How do you know all this stuff? lol This is classified information!
    I’m laughing and pretending not to know, what you are talking about.
    Alright…… :)

  2. L says:

    Um what about polishing on off yourself during? Unless you can get the oh so perfect angle but for a quickie sure makes things nice for both parties IME;)

  3. My lover likes all these things other than the blindfold (likes to look in my eyes) and the “finger in the ass” (I’m 5’6″…he’s 6’2″. Can’t really reach from that position.) ;) Spectacular list for a position where you’re pinned and can’t move as much though!

    If I may, here are some other things to do that I’ve found work well with my FwB:
    -Shift your legs up and down slowly (think “riding a bike” type of movement). It will change the shape of your vagina, and make things more interesting for him.
    -Stroke his ears or flick his nipples to give a little reminder of his other erogenous zones.
    -If you’re not lucky enough to have a hypersensitive Gspot, play with your clit til you orgasm so that your muscles contract around his member. Or even better: Both of you should practice Kegels.

  4. Weston says:

    So much of this is personal preference. But….

    Not a big fan of #4 but I may be prejudiced by the fact that when I was younger the most sexually experienced of my friends always called that move as “fucking like an old married woman”

    #5 is a complete turn off to me. Nothing says submission in bed like having your ass smacked and I most certainly don’t like feeling submissive in bed. As I explained to one of my college girlfriends “I smack your ass . You don’t smack mine”

  5. Ambivalist says:

    It’s great that you are giving insight to women on how they can better communicate their enjoyment to their partner, and/or enhance their partner’s experience in return, but as a woman I feel that there is something major that is left unsaid here: if a woman’s arms are laying limply by her side, or just casually resting on her partners sides while she is getting f*cked, that is a pretty good indication that she is not having a super duper time, and the reasons for this should perhaps be explored and discussed. Wrapping your arms and legs around your partner, scratching his back, grabbing the headboard…these are all things that just HAPPEN when you are having a great time and are caught up in the moment, and 3, 8, and 9 are nice pointers on enhancing that experience. My point here is that if a lady is using “the starfish” or “the dead fish” to “hate you with her vagina,” a list of ways to fake it better are not going to help anyone.

  6. The headboard thing is great! It’s one of those small improvements that separates the amateurs from the pros, for sure.

    Good list. Gonna print this out for my wife – sans the finger in the ass.

  7. someguy says:

    @Ambivalist – was thinking exactly that!

  8. Deli says:

    2 Weston
    Some of my ex-gf’s would slap or grab my ass – for me it was always a challenge.
    Meaning, in return they would immediately get an animal growl, a hair grab/arms restriction/other stuff (I liked using ties in bedroom before 50 Shades became cool) and some furious pounding to boot.

    You want to play dominance games with me – let’s play. Yes, oh my God, yes, let’s play…

    As the saying goes: if you yank the lion’s tail, you might find the rest of the lion suddenly getting very interested in your persona.

  9. DanG says:

    @Ambivalist: This stuff can be useful for a women who is trying to help a beta get past a beta approach to “love making.” Most of the time these guys just need to learn how to fuck – because believe it or not, not all (of us) got the memo that its ok to fuck. Or, we only got that other memo that the women must cum first. And, women don’t necessarily “get” that they LIKE guys who just want to fuck them. So, giving improved starfish could be the star(t) of something big – in breaking a cycle of beta sex, PE and ED.

  10. Ambivalist says:

    @DanG: You raise a lot of very good points. I definitely never thought of this as a way to combat the dreaded “beta approach to love making”. Although you are dead-on about several things (like men needing to learn how to fuck, and women needing to learn how to enjoy and that it is ok to enjoy getting fucked), I cannot get past the fact that a woman who is laying limply in a supine position like that is not a woman who is enjoying herself…and that this must be addressed first before anything else can be accomplished. Because there is nothing better than getting fucked by the person you love, amiright?

  11. Athol Kay says:

    @Ambivalist – The post is about teaching less sexually skilled women to be better in bed. That’s all.

    If you’re looking for ways men can improve things for the women in their lives, there’s three books and another 999 blog posts about that issue.

  12. The Navy Corpsman says:

    I just want to point out, that if your wife has fingernails that resemble the talons of a bird of prey, remind her to not slice your flesh with them. It can get infected. Trust me on this one.

    The Navy Corpsman

  13. Joe_Commenter says:

    Ambialist: by all means the woman should speak up. It’s gonna be starfish starfish starfish week in week out unless she says something.

  14. K says:

    I don’t know why this one wasn’t mentioned but rubbing your clit. I like missionary the best because it’s virtually the only position it’s comfortable to do that and I don’t get much out of it otherwise. He could do it but he just stops randomly sometimes and it makes me want to punch him in the face. So missionary it is

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