Outcome Independence (OI) is usually thought of as making a move for sex on a woman and not caring about the outcome. Free of need for her to say yes, she’s impressed by your confidence and her panties fall off automatically.
What that means in practical reality is you ask for sex, she says no and you walk away trying not to act like Ralph Wiggim.
It’s a good thing to learn, but the true Outcome Independence needed to run a successful MAP is a lot harder than that. Eventually it may come to a place where you aren’t just gambling on a single night, but on the relationship as a whole. That’s all your chips on the table and a single roll of the dice.
This is why I see a lot of guys getting themselves to Phase Three Point Nine Nine and never quite making the jump to Phase Four. Everything is easy and safe in Phase One, Two and Three… but Phase Four and beyond… well that’s starting to get really risky.
But even not pushing to Phase Four is risky after a while, because a long term Phase Three with you being unhappy and not getting what you want…
… is really called Phase One.
The MAP is a bit of a roller coaster some times. Ups and Downs, but you can’t get off halfway if you don’t like it.
Anyway… from the forum…
@AlphaBelle talking to one of the guys: It IS hard, but that’s what outcome independence really is. Not the whole “I didn’t whine when she turned me down for sex” thing it always gets trotted out for.
True outcome independence is saying, “I have no frickin idea how this is going to turn out. Is she going to come around and be a good wife? Am I going to have to go all the way to phase 6? Are we going to divorce? Am I going to push her over the psycho edge by not enabling her anymore? I DONT KNOW. But I am going to keep moving forward in my MAP and become the best, kindest, strongest, wisest, most productive version of me I can be, and not let the unknown outcome of it all paralyze me or set me off course.”
Emotionally Independent of the outcome, I am MAPing.
Athol: And frankly it’s no different for the women either. 95% of men and women come to MMSL with the same basic problem – they put up with too much for too long. Eventually you have to push back, stand up for yourself and grow a harder edge to yourself.
Kind by nature, cold by requirement.
And for @AlphaBelle, who is in the middle of her I don’t know…