Sexy Move: The Improved Starfish Position

The traditional position to hate your husband with your vagina is The Starfish. That’s the one where you lie on your back like a starfish and pretend you are in a coma while with every thrust he strips a little off his soul until it’s finally over.

Not that any of our MMSL ladies *ever* do that… but the Missionary Position is so freaking close to defaulting to The Starfish, that it takes very little to make him wonder if you’re Starfishing under him. That slight moment of inattention from sleepiness and he’s pretty sure you’re really thinking about delaying the grocery shopping until Sunday, because the new coupons in the paper aren’t valid until then and you need toilet bowl cleaner.

So lets dick it up a notch and fix The Starfish. Here’s a few Sexy Moves to make it better.

(1)  Arms by your side = Boring. Arms over your head and gripping the headboard = Hot. There’s also a submissive element to this too, you could easily be tied up as well. Also your arms over your head pops your boobs up great too.

(2)  Your hands resting on his side = Boring. Your hands pulling him down on you hard = Hot. Wrap your arms around him and pull him down toward you. He’ll very likely resist and stay in his current position, but it will require more muscle tension his body and that will translate to greater intensity. He’s got the upper body strength to stay stable as you pull on him.

(3)  Discovering your boobs as if for the first time = Hot. Seriously, squeeze them, fondle them, tweak your nipples and moan. You’re so into what’s happening, you just have to self-stimulate and get even hotter.

(4) Wrap your legs around him = Hot. You’re not going to let him go.

(5)  Smack his ass. It’s the international signal for “harder”.

(6)  Say something. “Fuck me” is always appreciated. If you have no idea what else to say, simply say what he’s doing and say you like it. “Yeah put your cock in me. I love it when you put your cock in me.”

(7)  Got submissive? Say some kind of pet name for him. “Fuck me sir.” Or whatever launches his cumshot.

(8)  Stick your finger in his ass. (lol maybe talk this one through first)  It’s pretty much a dirty girl thing and you’ll know near instantly whether or not he likes it or not. You don’t have to jam it in to the second knuckle or anything, light external pressure is usually pretty good.

(9)  Blindfold. Now he can’t see you rolling your eyes and mentally hating him for the gutters he hasn’t gotten around to fixing because he “isn’t in the mood”. Much better. Actually in all seriousness, it’s very centering for you and clues your other senses in better. While for him, he’s banging a chick with a blindfold, so she’s got to be into it right? Right!

(10) Fingernails. Rake them down his back. Do the death talon grip thing on his upper back. Roll your eyes back into your head. Bite your lip.

Now get to it.

Savings and Standing Taller

Athol:  I have a slight hunch that “A.F. Bannerman” is a fictional person created in the marketing department of J.P. Morgan, but the quote attributed to him is rather good….

A.F.Bannerman:  “Your savings, believe it or not, affect the way you stand, the way you walk, the tone of your voice – in short, your physical well-being and self-confidence. A man without savings is always running. He must. He must take the first job offered, or nearly so. He sits nervously on life’s chairs because any small emergency throws him into the hands of others.

Without savings, a man must be too grateful. Gratitude is a fine thing in its place. But a constant state of gratitude is a horrible place in which to live. A man with savings can walk tall. He may appraise opportunities in a relaxed way, have time for judicious estimates and not be rushed by economic necessity.

A man with savings can afford to resign from his job if his principles so dictate — and for this reason he will never need to do so. A man who can afford to quit is much more useful to his company and therefore more readily promoted. He can afford to give his company the benefit of his most candid judgments.

A man with savings can afford the wonderful privilege of being generous in family or neighborhood emergencies. He can take the level stare of any man … friend, stranger or enemy. That ability shapes his personality and character.

The ability to save has nothing to do with the size of income. Many high-income people spend it all. They are on a treadmill, darting through life like minnows.

J.P. Morgan, once advised a young broker: “Take waste out of your spending; you’ll drive the haste out of your life.”

If you do not need money for college, a home or retirement, then save for self-confidence. The state of your savings does have a lot to do with how tall you walk.”

 

There’s Enough Pain For Everyone

There’s enough pain for everyone.

The way to get past the pain and anger is to learn the pain and the anger of the opposite sex.

Then you start to realize that for every total fucking cunt that’s out there…

…there’s more women crying themselves to sleep because their husband doesn’t love them, cheats on them, has a broken dick, or is just totally fucking useless.

Then you start to realize that for every wife beating asshole that’s out there…

….there’s more men lost and confused as to why they held down a job, were nice, didn’t have some crazy addiction or defect but still live a life of endless rejection and grinding sorrow.

There’s enough pain for everyone.

 

Jennifer’s Amazing Thighs

So we’re on our walk, we walk a lot together, it’s just something peaceful and light exercise. Funny how enjoyable it is these days really.

Anyway…

Jennifer is a quiet, peaceful, polite, easy-going girl. Jennifer doesn’t yell across crowded rooms at people, she’s the type to walk across the room and talk to someone. So when I’m on a quiet peaceful walk, with quiet peaceful Jennifer, the last thing I expect is for her to suddenly blurt something out at 117.3 decibels.

“IT’S THIGHS!”

I don’t often reach for the “Bitch WTF you talking about?” card. But…

“Ahhhhh…. I need a little more to go on.”

“At the Taste of the Caribbean, it’s thighs!”

Okay I tried saying it nicely….

“Bitch WTF you talking about?”

“The Jamaican chicken. They use thighs! That’s why it’s always so good. Kinda crunchy skin and a little fatty and yummy. It’s thighs! They use thighs!”

Lightbulb!

O.M.G. it is thighs. That’s brilliant.

I must tell everyone.

Here’s the story. About two months back we started BJ shopping… oh… I mean we started shopping at BJ’s Wholesale. Anyway, you can get 24 chicken thighs in six pouches of four and it’s been a nice go-to meal option. I get two pieces, Jennifer gets one, eldest gets one and youngest is a fucking vegetarian because animals have faces or something fluffy bunnies like that.

Jennifer:  -_-

Anyway, I’ve always had a mental image of barbequing chicken as being a bit tricky because of the odd shapes and getting it to cook through right. So never really bothered to try. But chicken thighs… and nothing but chicken thighs… holy crap barbequing them is crazy easy and ridiculously good. Moderate but evenly sized, the skin seals the juice in pretty well. Low heat and just keep them turning as needed. If they start to get too close to each other, just pull the thighs apart and put them where you want.

I had been using a very small amount of olive oil and seasoning, but…. olive oil and open flames seems to EXTREME FIRE.

So like I was saying, just coat the thighs in a good seasoning, be brave on this step and don’t hold back. Give it a good shake of the flavor. This is barbeque not cucumber sandwiches we’re making. My favorites lately are this Asian sweet ginger, garlic and sesame seed mix. There’s a red curry blend that rocks as well.

So there we go. Cheapest part of the chicken is the best to throw on the grill. Great just as thighs or slice them off the bone for a salad or something. And full credit to Jennifer for stumbling onto this one. Usually I’m the creative foodie and she beat me to this one so naming rights are hers. I’m just proud to say that Jennifer’s Thighs are amazing, I could dive in and eat all day.

Prayer-in-Action Beats Prayer-in-Talk

Asked in the Faith and Spirituality section of the forum…

@European_Bob:  As I’ve been progressing through the MAP one of the key points that I’ve found for men is to not let your wife’s mood have an influence on your’s. i.e. if she is complaining then stay aloof and happy. Another aspect is OI – if she doesn’t want to have sex then I’m still fine, I can go off and do <manly thing> instead. Follow this train of thought through, it appears that one of the goals of the MAP is to become self-sufficient, not reliant on your wife or anything else for what you need and/or want in life.

That however seems to be in contradiction to the whole Christian perspective of being reliant or dependent on God. Personally I’m not sure I even understand 100% what it means to rely on God.

How do these seemingly 180 degree opposite positions work together?

Athol:  I admit I do start to get frustrated with the constant attempts to make MMSL a perfectly Christian thing. There’s a lot of overlap that I think Christians can identify with,  but I’m just as close to Christianity as say Buddhism. You could make a case that running your MAP is a close cousin to the Noble Eightfold Path. There’s a Kiwi twist on a Taoist symbol on the front cover of The Mindful Attraction Plan.  Outcome Independence is classic mindfulness… be here now… oh hang on, let me cue up Yoda…

Yoda:  Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained. A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away… to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless.

So as you can see I’m not exactly dipping my pen in one ink well. MMSL is a multi-layered synthesis and there is still more to come from me.

All that being said… let me try and answer the original question and really, I’m not trying to piss Christians off here. I’m trying to motivate you to get into action and do something about what ails you. That’s all. The world is going to hell in a hand basket. We are so far beyond needing to just save the marriages of our own little sects and corners of the world.  We save every relationship we can. We’re running out of time to turn the tide.

/rant on

The MAP isn’t about self-sufficiency in the sense of not needing people, it’s about creating personal value that other people want to be associated with. If anything it’s acutely aware of people needing other people and works to ensure you’re in a state of attractiveness to be loved and wanted.

It is self-sufficient in the sense that it is aware that no one is going to just gift you with a happy life and relationship, so you have to create those conditions for yourself.

Because MMSL focuses on what you can actually do for yourself under your own steam, it is in one sense in direct opposition to a faith-based approach to personal development.

Also when you consider that God isn’t required to answer your prayers the way you want him to, you should also consider the need to be outcome independent on getting God’s help if you’re a Christian. I mean if he thinks you need to learn something through suffering, it might be several years or even decades before your situation is resolved the way you hope it will be.

Prayer is more often than not a verbalized negative statement to the effect that you cannot do something. It’s a negative energy statement that you are powerless to create the change you want. That without some outside force, you will fall, fail and falter.

Well I say bullshit.

You damn well can do this stuff. It just works. It works for the same reason powered flight does not require angels to lift a 747 off the ground. It works because God’s assistance is not required.

When you stop waiting on God to provide and support you, and you just get into action and start making changes in your life…that’s when changes start happening.

There is unquestionably a spiritual component to what I teach, unstated in the Married Man Sex Life Primer but stated clearly in The Mindful Attraction Plan . Namely that your actions are your true statement of faith and that they influence the universe around you in positive or negative ways. I believe spirituality is seamlessly interwoven with the mundane tasks of everyday life. Trying to separate activities into “spiritual” and “non-spiritual” categories is misunderstanding the nature of the universe. I believe you create a greater sense of positive spirituality by building a deck, helping a friend, cleaning a room or working your job, than you ever will in prayer. Prayer-in-action will always be better than prayer-in-talk.

In fact more often than not, your prayers worsen your situation because they are negative in tone. Faithless prayers are a negative energy effect. You don’t actually have faith things can be better when you complain to God about your life.

If you had faith God can help your life, you’d just walk out your front door and start living your life like you had God’s help. You don’t have to keep praying like you’re feeding God’s parking meter or your spirituality will expire.

God is not sending a limo to drive you to the gym. Some shit you have to handle yourself.

/rant off

 

And tomorrow we’re talking about Jennifer’s amazing thighs.

Jennifer: ???

Negative Energy Means You Struggle to Visualize a Positive Outcome

I’m starting to see a pattern over and over again.

When you have a low energy couple, typically there’s some sort of mutual dysfunction happening. He’s got some major issue that’s unresolved and she’s got a major unresolved issue.  Those two dysfunctions are enmeshed in each other in a Vampire and Victim dance.

But even though there are negative things happening, the way the couple relates to each other is stable.

The relationship sucks, but it sucks in a very predictable, routine and reassuringly same way. When the couple fights or disagrees, it’s almost as if they are pulling scripts out and doing a play together. First he says this, then she says that, then he gets mad, then she cries, then he slams a door and marches out, then she calls her sister and her sister tells her to leave and she agrees she should leave, but then she cooks dinner and he comes back and he says the food was good and they look at each other and disappear into the bedroom while the kids roll their eyes and announce they can’t wait to turn 18 and get the hell out of here.

Same shit, different day.

Then one of them stumbles onto MMSL and the MAP and the light bulbs start going off inside their heads.

It can be different. It can change. It can be better.

But then the questions come….

But what if it really works?

What if I really change and get better. Will I still want to be with her? Or if she really gets better, will she still want to be with me?

What if we both run the MAP and become stronger better people… and the only thing holding us together was our problems? What happens if we break up because of the MAP working?

Here’s what I’ve been saying to that line of questioning.

When you have a crappy relationship, you always have a low energy / negative energy mood and mindset. One of the symptoms of that mindset, is that you cannot visualize how a positive relationship between the two of you can be. You can kinda visualize getting better as an individual and you can usually visualize your partner getting better…. but the combination of the two and how the pattern of interaction between you will be, always seems to slip out of reach when you think about it.

When you have a negative mindset, when you start to imagine the future turning out good…. you tend to bring it back into alignment with your current negative mindset and blow the future up. I.e., we both become better, stronger, happier people and then we divorce each other in a firestorm of emotional carnage.

Well….

….that hasn’t happened to anyone yet.

What I have seen happen is couples saying, “I couldn’t have imagined how good this is right now”. Or saying they could imagine about half of what was good about their relationship, but there are entire other unexpected areas that suddenly blossomed for them.

It’s a little like climbing a mountain with low lying clouds. You can’t see the summit because the clouds block your view. It’s only when you just keep climbing, just keep climbing and climbing, when suddenly you’re above the clouds and the sun is shining and you can see forever. It’s always a bright sunny day on planet earth, it’s just a question of having enough elevation.

You both run the MAP. You both make huge advances. You both get hotter.

It will be fine.

You have no idea how good it can get.

And if you want fast track to better… there’s always the 12-Week Guided MAP.

 

 

What are Your Three Monkeys?

Ages ago my dad told me a story of one of the other executives in his office, who had a peculiar method of dealing with the problems of his department. Outside his office door was a small shelf and on that shelf were Three Monkeys. The traditional hear-no-evil, see-no-evil and speak-no-evil trio. I believe they were plush toys of some description.

When an underling was reporting a problem to the executive, they had to pick up one of the monkeys and take it into the office with them while they presented the problem. If the executive accepted the problem as something he was going to work on… he kept the monkey on his desk.

Which left just two monkeys sitting on the shelf outside his office. When he accepted a second problem, there would be just one monkey. After a third problem was accepted, the shelf would be empty of monkeys.

No monkeys meant underlings weren’t to bother him as he was already busy and a fourth problem would reduce his problem solving effectiveness. So in all likelihood, bringing a fourth problem to him would simply result in the fourth problem taking longer to solve. The rationale being simple – people can only work effectively on changing about three things at once.

As a problem was solved, the associated monkey would return to the shelf outside his office. This was the signal for the availability for a new problem.

I tell this story because it’s one of the first concepts I tell my 12-Week Guided MAP coaching clients. Part of that process is identifying twenty-four different things to work on and improve over the 12-week period. The twenty-four things to do come from four things in each of the six spheres from the new book: Physical, Money, Displays of High Value, Relationship Comfort, Personality and Sexuality. I rank them all in a priority list. I could explain how I prioritize the list, but it’s rather arcane and the description resembles a recitation of Vogon poetry.

So far everyone’s eyes bug out at the mother of all to-do lists I create. Except each week, we’re just going to work on three things starting at the top of the priority list. As something gets mastered / completed, we cross it off the list and add a new monkey.

This overwhelming sense of “there’s too much to do in my MAP” is I think very common. If you’re in a sucky place in your life, with multiple large problems, it’s easy to just give up and not try fixing any of them. But if you can narrow it down to just three things you need to get done it’s more manageable. You can even forgive yourself some failures on things that haven’t made the Three Monkeys status yet. Sure you’re going to clean the spare room out and get to a dental appointment, the kids are still running wild… but this week your Three Monkeys are joining a gym, creating a budget and getting a plumber to come fix that mysterious water problem. So don’t freak out about how bad things are, or how crappy you feel. Just trust the process that fixing anything is better than doing nothing. It’s going to get better.

So leave a comment…

If you only have to do just three things to make your life a little better this week…

What are your Three Monkeys?

Female Proximal Placement Means She’s Waiting For You to Make a Move

Husbands constantly miss the signs of their wives wanting sex. Sometimes all they do is put themselves in a proximal position to you and wait for you to make a move.

Let me say that again. Proximal placement means she’s waiting for you to make a move. Let’s start with outside the bedroom first though.

If it was say in a bar / club / social gathering / church / picking your kids up from school… and a woman intentionally positions herself near to you (especially if she does it on multiple occasions) and then looks like she’s waiting for a bus… the bus she’s waiting for is you. Make a move, say hi, she’s already interested. If she thought you were creepy, she wouldn’t position herself right next to you.

Submissive women do this all the time. They simply place themselves in a position where you have the opportunity to make something happen. If you don’t make a move, you miss out. That’s about all there is to it.

My first serious girlfriend did exactly that routine for about two weeks before I understood what was going on. She just started sitting near me in the library at college. After about two weeks of “hey that pretty girl is around a lot”, I finally asked her out. Of course back in the day that was a stomach churning moment, but looking back it was a total slam dunk. In fact she’d pretty much run a stakeout until I made a move. Duh.

Okay bedroom…

The kids are all out of the house all day at Connecticon, which is the big geek convention in Hartford each year. Crazy good costuming, sci-fi, comic books and aging Star Trek actors whoring themselves for rent money. Every year Jennifer and I say we’re going to do something fun without the children, but every time we just slump into exhaustion and nap. We’re like middle aged or something.

Anyway the living room is in “Sleepover Disarray” (TM) and rather than try and clean up the living room three days straight, we just let them make a mess and clean up once. The important point is that the living room floor is covered in mattresses. I trust you see where this is going.

So I’m halfway napping on one of the mattresses and Jennifer is on the sofa adjacent to me. At some point, her leg slides off the sofa and she places her foot lightly against the side of my leg and nudges it ever so slightly.

That’s it.

That’s all there is to it. That’s Jennifer initiating sex.

Placing herself proximal and waiting.

It’s easy to miss.

After that I massaged her calf a little. I’m not sure the exact order of events from here, but somehow Jennifer managed to slither off the sofa and get down on the mattress with me. Whereupon she ended up with her eyes closed, lying on her side, faux sleeping while I rubbed her back while she softly purred.  Back rub turns into ass rub, results in snuggling into me and smiling. So I said the three magic words every woman wants to hear.

“I’m gonna pee.”

After I peed, I came back ready for action, we threw the official “fucking in the living room blanket” down on one of the mattresses, and I took her to Poundtown; population two.

So there you go. If she’s hanging around and not making any obvious “no” signals, just assume it’s a yes and make a move. Women don’t isolate themselves with you unless they are into you.

Coaching Finally Available

One of the purposes of The Mindful Attraction Plan book was to widen the scope of what I write about to a whole life perspective. Which then is a platform to allow me to advise from a whole life perspective…

…which is a way to say we’re finally in the position to do coaching services.

There’s still some odds and ends to add to the website, but for now I’d like to get started. The website is http://mindfulattractionplan.com/

The intent is that the MMSL blog and forum continue to roll on into the future as they have been. By adding the coaching as a separate website it helps keep it distinct as a service.

Behind the scenes, it’s also been a very interesting time for us. The publication of The Mindful Attraction Plan has been extremely clarifying for me as a writer about what works and doesn’t. It’s also been a major income bump… though it’s hard to know exactly where sales will go, but all in all it’s doing moderately better than the Primer and the Primer hasn’t dropped in sales. So assuming it holds, I just doubled my income. Which is both awesome and mildly freaky.

Added onto that, we’re starting the coaching practice. Yes I said we. It’s an LLC and Jennifer and I partners. She’s far more business connected than I am and has been invaluable. Assuming the life coaching takes off and can expand to multiple coaches, she’s the first on the list for the job. In all seriousness she deserves it and would be good at it. What she’s doing for work now (it’s a small field, but she’s endlessly #1 in Connecticut for her job) isn’t that dissimilar.

So…

MMSL = Athol as an author.

MAP Coaching = Athol + Jennifer LLC

So anyway, what it sums out to is that I just signed another legally binding agreement with my wife. It’s the first one I’ve signed since turning on to the Red Pill et al. It’s a different experience. I expected some sort of “moment” doing it, but in all honesty it was anti-climatic and rather peaceful.

I think it’s called trust.

I trust my wife.

That’s a precious thing.

Anyway… go buy some coaching!  http://www.mindfulattractionplan.com

Relationship Power vs Give and Take

@ernestern:  From my interpretations of the MAP, it is basically an exercise to put you in a situation where you are giving less to a relationship and taking more out of it.  In a perfect MAP, it would balance out to a point you are putting in as much as you are taking out, leaving both parties happy.

Athol:  Close, but not quite right. There’s two elements here you’re merging into a single thought. Let me separate them so you see the process better.

(1) Power. The MAP is about putting yourself in a situation where you no longer need your partner. So you aren’t weak toward them.

For example, I could if I liked, dump Jennifer and basically walk right now. I’d find someone new relatively quickly and my life would continue on. She could try the same thing… and it’s not going to go quite as well for her as it would for me. I don’t mean that to sound full of myself, it’s just how the Sexual Marketplace is slanted in women’s favor for the young and men’s favor for the older.

The takeaway is that in relationship terms, I have power over her and thus control the relationship.

(2) Give and Take. The MAP is about finding ways to balance out the give and take so both people in the relationship are getting what they want and need from it.

So for Jennifer and myself, we do have a fairly balanced relationship in terms of what we do for each other day-to-day. We both love and care for each other. I make more money than she does, but she also helps me with elements of that. The books are mine, but I share the income. I’m on her medical insurance. We’re really rather enmeshed in give and take.

So in a sense it’s like I’m the United States and Jennifer is Canada. I’m bigger and more powerful, but it’s not like I’m coming across the border with tanks, or even threatening to. Though I guess Canadians might see that arrangement differently.

Anyway…

So my demand, as the person in power, is that we have a good relationship and fairly and reasonably give and take with each other.

So from Jennifer’s perspective, that’s a good deal. Her main concern is that I’m not going to suddenly end the deal on her. It’s really not like I have to run some horrible dread game on her either, MMSL has been an education and she sees what’s out there. I also display loyalty and she’s involved increasingly behind the scenes with MMSL.

That being said…

When your partner is the person in power and being exploitive, your mission is to balance out the power, or take active control by trumping their power. Part of that process may very well involve refusal to give what they want in order to establish you are capable of such things, but it’s part of the process toward an end goal of a fairly balanced relationship.

Unfortunately, sometimes your partner is simply uninterested in any relationship with you unless they can endlessly siphon your time, money, effort and energy. Whereupon, you have to either leave or remain being their victim.

 If you’re the weaker partner in a relationship, you don’t have to worry about gaining power as long as the stronger partner is treating you fairly. I personally don’t want Jennifer feeling endless rolling stomach churning dread that I *might* leave her for example. That just gets me a freaked out wife for no gain to me.

That being said, if you’re the weaker partner… you are advised to not fall *that* far behind your partner.

If you want to read a whole lot more along those lines, The Mindful Attraction Plan book is the place to start.