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Don’t Tell Your Wife About Your Owie

Slightly taken out of context, but sage stand alone advice from this forum thread. 

Serenity:  This is an area where I really hate how evolutionary biology works. I wish I could be my husband’s friend when he has work troubles and support him and comfort him, etc.  But I can’t.  Don’t get me wrong.  I fake it and I fake it really really well.  I say all the right things about how I trust him and believe in him blah blah. I don’t express the doubt I feel that he’s handled it badly and is incompetent.

But I lose any tingle for him and I start feeling like his mom. I am wired how I’m wired, and no matter how much I wish it were different, I can’t change it; anymore than you can change the fact that you’re turned on by a young, pretty woman.  Don’t bother resenting your wife for it because it’s beyond her control.

I think the only exception is for a man who is so natural alpha that nothing can change his frame. My dad is a natural alpha, the John Wayne type.  Cut off his finger and drove himself to the ER.  Got a vasectomy in the morning and was water-skiing that afternoon.  He was a blue collar union worker all his working life, and that infrequently involved going on strike for months at a time.  I asked my mom once if she ever worried about losing a paycheck during those times, and she said she never had; that she always just trusted that my dad would provide. And she’s a strong, smart woman.  He has always just had such a capable alpha frame that she depends on him 100%.

This level of trust seems incredible to me because I worry about things like that all. the. time.

I think as you become more and more Captain and your career progresses (which it will), you will find her reacting very differently.  I can already tell a difference in my feelings toward my husband as he has started becoming just slightly more dominant.  I guess the hopeful thing to me is that these feelings are all caused by hormones and neuro-transmitters and those are affected by behavior, so totally within your control to change.

Change your behavior, and you will change her feelings for you.

AlphaBelle: This First Officer lives by analogies, so here ya go:

A Captain telling his wife about all of his worries and all the people who are mean to him at work and how he just does not understand how they can expect him to accomplish all of this in a day…

Is like…

…wait for it…

…his wife, who farts loudly and says she’s constipated and when she sneezes it makes her pee and she wants to buy this new bra but her boobs are actually two different sizes and nothing fits her right and her hemorrhoids are acting up and she has cramps and wow…where’d ya go, honey?

ALL of those horrid physical things may be true, but good golly. Deal with them, woman, and save the gory details for your uro-procto-gyneco-logist. The man who wants to see you as the sexiest woman on earth does not need to hear and help you analyze the condition of your sphincter. all he needs to know is that it’s a problem and he needs to drive you to surgery on Tuesday.

Athol:  Reading over that, my knee-jerk reaction is, “Well that sucks to be the guy then doesn’t it. What the hell do you want a wife for if you can’t even have a discussion about your day?” I think that’s true to a degree, but I also think there’s a spooky ring of truth to it all as well. When it a guy starts whining about his day and sounding like he’s being dominated somewhere else… it all sums out to being a Display of Low Value.

In the end there’s really only one Alpha move that matters. Winning.

 

Jennifer: I was reading this thread on the forum earlier today.  I think there’s a difference for me between a discussion about your day and whining incessantly about how people at work are stepping all over you, etc.  And can I just say Sean Connery…rawr….

Girl Game: Breast Implants Good Or Bad?

Reader:  Just a quick question …. Does Jennifer have implants? I have started working out and I know i will be ”perker” because of that. I love my breasts as is but I am 32 and wondering if a couple years down the road if a boob job is something a woman should consider to keep her number up? I know I am sexy my SO loves my body and says he wouldn’t want me to have it done but I also know he is a breast man. I am a nice B cup right now but wouldn’t a nice full C cup or even a nice D cup up my number? He has cheated in the past with a fuller chested woman and since finding your post and making personal changes to up my game he is bending over backwards for me and doing things for me he has never done. I take as much blame as him for his affair because I wasn’t keeping up my end i.e. Depressed, not taking care of myself, not believing in my own worth, not meeting all his needs and not making my needs important … So i feel like he is definitely more into me now but i wanna keep it that way… So are implants a way to up a females game?

Athol:  There’s so many different things happening here…

(1)  Does Jennifer have implants?

Jennifer does not have implants. We’ve had two scary mammogram results and associated biopsies and just no way we’d even consider putting in implants for fear of cancer. The biopsy pain and recovery was bad enough. Benign results both times thankfully.

(2)  …my SO loves my body and says he wouldn’t want me to have it done…

Translation from Manspeak into plain English – he doesn’t want you to get it done.

(3)  He has cheated in the past with a fuller chested woman.

This means nothing. He cheated with an available woman. If a small breasted woman made herself available to him he’d likely have sex with her too. It’s not about you. Being available makes girls far more likely to ride his cock than girls that are not available.

(4)  I take as much blame as him for his affair because I wasn’t keeping up my end i.e. Depressed, not taking care of myself, not believing in my own worth, not meeting all his needs and not making my needs important.

Well done. It’s fairly rare that the cheated on partner can see their part of creating the situation. I have some hope for you. You’re getting a free pass on me calling you Batshit Crazy at the end of this post for this display of honesty and introspection.

(5)  I am a nice B cup right now but wouldn’t a nice full C cup or even a nice D cup up my number?  So are implants a way to up a females game?

 The short answer is unless you can point to a serious defect to be corrected, I’d not advise it. If you have good B’s, keep them.

The longer answer…

Should the terrible happen and Jennifer gets breast cancer and mastectomies, I would think we would both want breast reconstruction to restore as much as possible of Jennifer’s appearance. I don’t think anyone would disagree with that move. The purpose being to correct a serious defect.

I spent some time today looking at breast implant before and after photos on plastic surgery websites. Hey it’s my job to research as many photos of breasts as possible and I’m serious about my work. Anyway… about half the photos were of reasonably nice A’s and B’s turning into C’s and D’s. But the other half of the “before” photos were of breasts that were rated “Owie”, “OMG what is that?” and “Dammmmnnnnnnn.”  So in all fairness, I have to say that for women with badly misshapen breasts, you will definitely get a Sex Rank boost if you have work done. There’s really not much question about that.

However if you have basically fine breasts and pump up the volume, it’s harder to say. Underneath a tight sweater, yeah your Sex Rank will improve. You’ll look hotter. Sorry ladies, just being honest. Once you have the clothes off though, it’s a little more of a question. If you have obvious scars, you’ll just have a damaged rack and lose Sex Rank. If the work was excellent and you didn’t go overboard, you’ll still have an increase in Sex Rank.

Once you’re doing the sexy naked time though it’s a mixed bag at best. You may have a loss of sensation in your breasts, so that’s going to reduce your sexual response and that’s bad for Sex Rank. He may just find them fake and unnatural feeling and that will kill his interest.

But….

The most important reason not to get breast implants is that it flags you as the type of girl that gets breast implants.

“In 2008, the longitudinal study Excess Mortality from Suicide and other External Causes of Death Among Women with Cosmetic Breast Implants (2007), reported that women who sought breast implants are almost 3.0 times as likely to commit suicide as are women who have not sought breast implants. Compared to the standard suicide-rate for women of the general populace, the suicide-rate for women with augmented breasts remained constant until 10-years post-implantation, yet, it increased to 4.5 times greater at the 11-year mark, and so remained until the 19-year mark, when it increased to 6.0 times greater at 20-years post-implantation. Moreover, additional to the suicide-risk, women with breast implants also faced a trebled death-risk from alcoholism and the abuse of prescription and recreational drugs.[23][24] Although seven (7) studies have statistically connected a woman’s breast augmentation to a greater suicide-rate, the research indicates that breast augmentation surgery does not increase the death rate; and that, in the first instance, it is the psychopathologically-inclined woman who is likelier to undergo a breast augmentation procedure.”   Wikipedia.

In short, surgically altering perfectly healthy breasts to try and please a guy that previously cheated on you is Batshit Crazy a little nutty…

…but then you knew that already.

Jennifer: Oh hell no.

Vasectomy Causing Loss Of Wife’s Sexual Interest?

Reader Question;

“Does a vasectomy null the effects of the semen?”

This is a very interesting question that I have been trying to find the answers to for some time. Vasectomy could easily be a book length topic in and of itself. Based on my overall approach to Body Agenda I would think that there should be a way for the woman’s body to go “hmmm there’s no sperm in this semen”, and then react negatively to the man that is giving her sperm-free semen. If women can judge a mans genetic compatibility by sense of smell, you’d think sorting out vaginally his fertility would be a snap. But most of the literature states that women are all happy and excited about the vasectomy and sex improves afterwards… which would be an argument against my general theory. Though these are sales pieces often, so…. hmmm.

However I do strongly suspect vasectomy leads to divorce for some amount of men as the wife finds herself unconsciously unhappy with her husband after the vasectomy. Or he becomes unhappy with himself as a psychological cause. Most of the vasectomy reversals happen after a divorce it seems, so there is some indication that there is a link there.

Also with vasectomy there are serious immunology concerns, plus post vasectomy pain hits about 20-30% of patients. That pain can be quite permanent. That’s ball pain. Ball Pain. As in pain in your balls. Some small number of men are basically ruined by bad procedures on even more than just a sexual level as well. Though any and all surgeries can result in life threatening outcomes due to infection so it’s hard to say no to a vasectomy on simply that account. Ball pain. Owie owie.

My basic concern about vasectomy is that is that the testicles keep producing sperm and they have nowhere to go once the vasectomy is done. “It’s all just absorbed into the body” seems such a weak explanation for the long term effects. It’s basically akin to tying a knot in a fire hose and not turning the water off… you really wouldn’t expect that to play out well over the long term.

I’m still delving into this, I can’t find any hard numbers or data that even asks this question, but I definitely stand by the idea that crappy sperm and semen results in decreased sexual interest by the wife. Basic good male health is always going to get you more in the bedroom. If you have experiences (good or bad) with vasectomy, please comment.  You can also post at http://www.vasectomypainstories.org/

My other concern is less medical and more relational.  I know about freezing sperm and all that, but upon occasion a wife just goes nutty about having another baby. (Go go Body Agenda!)  They can do this even after deciding and stating that you having a vasectomy is the greatest idea in the world because they are 100% completely done with having kids. If they change their mind, I’d rather not be the guy shooting blanks…

…I’m just sayin’.