Appropriate Discussion Boundaries

There are some things that are out of bounds for discussion on the MMSL Forum.

Domestic Discipline, Hardcore BDSM, Sexual Violence

There just isn’t a place for this stuff at MMSL. I personally don’t have a problem with what anyone does in their bedroom, but you have to take it off MMSL if you want to make it a methodology to discuss and use. Trust me, I get it that some people like it and it works for them, but it’s just not for here.

These are some heavy duty things to experiment with and there are real risks involved. All it takes is one whomp on the ass too many, or too hard, and there’s trauma and drama all round.

Even if the discussion is well intentioned, there will be men who can’t even manage to get a Ten Second Kiss to hit the target, trying out domestic discipline and misapplying it. Many of the relationships here are in crisis mode, it’s just NOT the time to be experimenting with Domestic Discipline. All it takes is a small misunderstanding and Domestic Discipline is Domestic Violence and I can’t have that associated with my name or the MMSL branding.

The basic rule of thumb is if something requires a safeword, it’s out of bounds for discussion on the forum.

The Internet has hundreds of websites devoted to exactly those topics. MMSL can’t turn into a catch-all of kink, otherwise regular couples struggling to reconnect with some rather benign issues, will simply see MMSL as KinkWorld and not bother to stop in and discover how to fix things.

Domestic Violence

Should moderators suspect that a domestic violence situation is unfolding, the victim member will be encouraged to contact their local police and/or domestic violence hotlines. It’s well beyond the scope of an online forum to handle these situations.

Likewise the forum will take any action it deems necessary to stop the forum being used as a platform to continue real world harassment.

As an explicit point of clarification, pushing through “hard no’s” is considered rape. Be advised we will not nod and smile at reports of such exploits.


MMSL is pro-monogamy and arriving here to debate and/or suggest Non-Monogamy as a solution is working against the explicit intent of the forum.

Stalking and/or Private Message Abuse

If one member is actively talking about seeking to start and/or resume a failed sexual relationship with a second forum member, when the second forum member clearly doesn’t want a sexual relationship, it’s now an automatic permanent banning offense. I don’t care if that’s happening on the main discussion boards, or via PM. If you get creepy, you’re gone. I can’t let the forum be used as an end run around unwanted communication to harass people further. It’s incredibly threatening.

If another member is actively pursuing / harassing / targeting a second member via the main forum or by PM in a non-sexual manner, it will be either a warning, three day ban, or permanent ban as moderators see fit. Any further incident of harassment, including any further PMs of any kind from the harasser to the victim reported to a moderator will result in an immediate, automatic and permanent ban. I.e. don’t even apologize to them, just stay the hell away from them.

PG-13 Images Please

It’s against the terms of service for the forum host to have porn images on the forum or link to porn. @Serenity and myself just delete them when we find them.

Some people here are also recovering from porn use, so it’s a little like offering free drinks at the AA meeting to have sexually explicit images here.

Advertising and Spam

You may not attempt to set up shop in the forum beyond having a reasonably sized text link in your signature line to whatever services you provide outsize the forum. Just don’t start self-promotion of yourself and services as the focus of commenting.

Multiple Member Accounts and Sockpuppeting

Members are to have one account. Sockpuppeting to create forum drama / trolling et al can result in loss off all member accounts.

Attempts to subvert banning by opening new accounts is going to automatically result in loss of all accounts and banning of the IP address of the member.

Banning Troublemakers

We do try to keep a light hand on the moderation, but it’s important to keep the forum a safe place to work on things without trolls and troublemakers chewing on us.

Some of the topics and threads can be emotionally charged and work people up a little. Typically, moderators will simply private message someone to calm down and that’s as far as things need to go. Failure to respond to moderation appropriately can result in short bans from the forum, or permanent ones. Please do not argue with moderators over moderation. hosts the MMSL Forum on their servers, and we have to comply with all of their terms of service requirements as well. Per those terms of service, banning is essentially at the whim of and the moderators. Ultimately, no explicit reason or cause for banning is required, or needed to be given.

Free members are given rather less leeway in making trouble before being removed from the forum.

Silver members may be downgraded to Free members as a sanction.

Gold members may be downgraded to Silver members as a sanction.

Targeting @Jen_Kay

Also as a further point of clarification, @Jen_Kay is never to be used as debating point against @Athol_Kay or MMSL as a whole. I.e. “Well Athol has it easy because Jennifer is so easy / stupid / weak / blonde / abused / mind-controlled / high-desire / low-desire / virginal / unsexy / a magical unicorn and the last of her kind.”

The reason for this rule is simple. Attacks on me, made through/about her, seek primarily to drive a wedge between us as a couple. It attempts to goad me into defending myself, by publically arguing against my wife’s character, to some anonymous stranger on the internet. No good comes of that, I refuse to do it, I obviously can’t let stuff said about my wife stuff undefended… so you leave me no option but to welcome you to Sparta.

Likewise sexually motivated comments directed at her / hitting on her / insulting her / disrespectful speech et al of any kind will result in immediate termination of your membership.


More Forum Links

Contacting Jennifer Kay for Forum Help
Direct link to the Forum
If You Discover Your Partner on MMSL
The MMSL Forum Basics
Triage Your Relationship and the 911 ER Category
Free, Silver and Gold Membership Level Overview
Gold Membership Categories
The Forum Leadership Team
Appropriate Forum Discussion Boundaries
Glossary of Forum Terms