The Real Reason the Blog has Sucked Recently

I always figured when I started MMSL, that I would somehow run afoul of some kind of combination of employer / feminists / appalled in-laws / basic poverty.

Well the in-laws were shocked, then appalled, then curious, then really appalled, then just sort of disorientated, then impressed and finally there’s a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy with my FIL and my MIL simply adores me.

Feminists… well honestly they never really showed. I’ve had vastly more hate from the Men’s Rights angle. Whatever.

Basic poverty. Well we’ve had some of that for a while, but that’s resolving.

Employer. This is where it starts getting complicated. Back in May 2011 Jennifer and I were taken to Human Resources and had a rather odd conversation in the aftermath of being on Inside Edition. Apparently we’re dangerously monogamous and offensively heterosexual enough to have resulted in no less than six calls of complaint to our employer. Like I said, I always figured I’d be taken to HR, but I really didn’t expect Jennifer to be dragged into it too. Jennifer does have a minor PR role for her company, so we do see their point, but even then, it’s no one’s business but ours.

Thus at the time: Yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir.

There’s really not too much they can do to us directly, it’s not like you can be fired for kissing your spouse on TV. But after that point, I start feeling like the cross-hairs are firmly drawn on my back and I start getting disciplined at work for things that frankly I don’t think I would have been spanked for before that point. I.e. I see which way the wind is blowing, work my ass off and in June 2012 I jump to MMSL full-time.

Which brings us to now, or more correctly a couple months back.

Jennifer gets a message on a Friday, she’s summoned to HR on Monday. Not told what about. I’m unsure if the intent was to ruin our weekend, but it seemed to achieve that goal. Considering Jennifer is the quintessential good employee, it can only be MMSL related and I feel both shitty and angry. We’re just on the very fine edge of me being able to carry the two of us on MMSL income alone, so I Captain up and green light her quitting her job at any point during that meeting.

It turns out someone from a state agency funding Jennifer’s employer, has been printing off a collection of blog posts and anonymously mailing them to the CEO of her company. So anonymous letter, coming inside a state agency envelope. HR really has nothing to say to her but, “Ahhh… this is awkward, but you need to know what’s happening.” It’s also kinda silly being outed to your employer 2.5 years after you were on national television. The surprise factor lacks a little.

Anyway… what it boils down to, is that someone reads this blog, actively hunting for ways to fuck my wife over… and they are willing to play dirty.

So shoot me if I haven’t wanted to write the blog recently.

Plus Jennifer is mentally distancing from her job, and I see the way the winds will probably start to blow as well.

Thus, I’ve spent the last 2-3 months working like crazy taking every coaching client I can take, growing that part of the brand as fast as I can. I’ve been way over my coaching caseload I feel relaxed with, hardly writing the blog and have next to no idea what is happening on the forum most days. It’s just all hands on deck for immediate cash, piling up a rainy day fund and getting the income level up to speed. Yes we went shopping for stuff for the house, but the primary goal was charting an exit strategy for Jennifer.

Which comes to yesterday…

She put her notice in. Three more weeks and then she’s done. After that, we can catch up on a lot of what I haven’t been able to get to recently. Plus she’s an all-purpose useful behind the scenes specialist. Office managing, marketing, billing, customer service… and a somewhat shall we say, “hands on approach” to managing the erratic ball of energy that is me. Purrrrr. Lots to do and it’s going to be fun. Okay, so it’s also a little like the first drop on a rollercoaster, but it’s going to be wonderful and we’ve worked hard for this. So very, very hard. So Jump vs. Push… meh, get over it, it’s just time.

Plus we plan to take exquisite revenge. Which for us means attending the next Wine Tasting Fundraiser dressed like Nordstrom Shopping Peacocks and doing the Mexican Hat Dance. I don’t believe Ms. Anonymous at the state agency will test us again. Which is almost a pity, because I think I could probably make that sort of thing go viral and we’d love the sales bump.

So TL:DR…

The week of Thanksgiving Jennifer will finally be home and like King Théoden… breathing the free air.

 Jennifer: It was an odd day at the office today…lots of “Nooooo!  But you can’t leave!” and then lots of questions about who had hired me / what company I was going to.  It’s odd that we’ve been so careful to be under the radar, that very few people in my office even knew about the coaching and the MMSL Empire that I’m leaving for.  Looking forward to being able to be more present on the forum and to putting my energies into building new and exciting things in MMSL Land. (maybe Empire is a bit much?)

Athol:  Sigh. Rescue a princess, inherit a queen.

Jennifer: I can haz a Galadriel video? The “instead of a dark lord you would have a queen!” one?

Athol:  No.

 

David Attenborough Narrates Miley Cyrus’s VMA Twerking

Take… David Attenborough nature documentary on Albatross

Add… Miley Cyrus Twerking

Result…

That being said, once you strip away much of the linguistic subtlety of human interaction, our mating dances aren’t wildly different to that of any other species in the animal kingdom.

What else is football but a display of male physical dominance in search of a mate, while cheerleaders jump around showing how perky their boobs are in a fertility display?

So what are you doing to make yourself more attractive? Are you twerking hard, or hardly twerking?

Sexy Move: The Royal Penis is Clean Your Highness

My favorite way to start the day is having a shower with Jennifer. We can’t swing it everyday, but we seem to be managing it about two or three times a week recently and it’s just fun to be together that way.

I scrub her back, she scrubs mine.

She washes and then conditions her hair with a magical bottle of something I can’t even be bothered to read the label of. Sorry ladies, I just have no clue what it is. It’s probably life changing if you knew though.

Anyway,  while she conditions her hair, I get to do the full body wash on Jennifer. Which depending how you look at it is either horribly lame as I attend her as a servant, or completely awesome as I investigate every inch of her with soap and inappropriate touch.

And then…

…Oh. My. God.

Soft soap juicy pomegranate mango infusionsAll I can say is thank you makers of Soft Soap: Juicy Pomegranate and Mango Infusion. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I think it’s the mango giving it the extra bit of glide, but whatever it is, it’s the perfect soap for a rather thorough cleansing of my cock. It’s simply an amazing sensation and I can go from “hello there” to “woah dear” the absolute fastest of any method Jennifer has tried on me ever. It’s kinkier than the Jumper Cables and the Butter. Faster than a blindfold and facesitting. Hotter than her eating sushi off my cock. I’m even starting to forget the midget twins.

It’s just that good.

Seriously. No words. I’m 80% of the way to orgasm before I’m even fully hard from it and it’s not like I have a premature problem to cope with. I’m just like putty penis in her hands.

So that’s about it. Give it a shot.

 

Your Wife’s AAAAAF Report Card (The “F” is for Sex)

I keep coming across this thing where a husband will positively gush about his wife. She’s an amazing cook, looks great, is kind and sweet tempered, keeps an excellent house, fabulous mom to the kids and on and on and on. Then the sad face comes… and he mentions that there’s hardly any sex. The husband always looks depressed and defeated because she’s far too good to leave but he never gets what he really wants from the relationship. There may well be delicious pie and a nice home, but it feels like he stumbled into a trap nevertheless.

For a long time I’ve been seeing that as a form of compensation on the wife’s part. She doesn’t want the sex for whatever reason it is, so she becomes like a kid coming home with a school report card with five A’s and one F. As a parent you kinda have to look at the report card and think… Well she did flunk math… but everything else is amazing, so I don’t think I can really be too much of a hard ass about it.

Except when it’s a marriage and she’s flunking sex, it really is way more aggravating than your kid flunking math.

“In fact”, I usually say, “you’d probably much rather have the house be a bit messy, have her dress down a little, have a little more noise from the kids and less perfection with the money, just as long as you got some more regular sex. Instead of an AAAAAF report card from her, you’d rather see her turn in a BBBBBB report card.” 

That’s the husband’s cue to scream in relief that someone finally understands his situation. Up until this point, complaints about his wife to anyone else typically gets looks of confusion and polite questioning of the husband’s sanity. The wife is after all perfect, because the AAAAA part of the report card is what everyone else sees and only the husband has to lie awake at night with a raging hard-on silently cursing the cruel F that fate has dealt him.

So she’s compensating for her sexual disinterest by maxing out everything else. It’s a great strategy for keeping him on the hook.

But…

There’s another angle here too.

As much as she is compensating for her weakest area, she’s also mirroring her husband.

Pretty much all the AAAAAF wives have AAAAAF husbands.

These guys are really great. Hard working, good jobs, pleasant, agreeable, great with the kids, helps around the house, yada yada yada. But they all have a giant lack of attractiveness somehow.

Maybe it’s their weight. Maybe it’s the cluelessness about how to instigate and flirt. Maybe they just fold up like wet napkins any time she challenges them. Maybe they fail to do anything when other guys blatantly hit on the wife in front of them. Whatever it is, it all sums out to some huge defect in being attractive and pulling her sexual interest.

Meanwhile, the wife probably has her internal hamster treading water coming up with reasons to be happy in her marriage despite the bed death. He’s such a great guy, any woman would be happy with him… just… ugh. This would all be simpler if he just cheated so I had a reason to divorce him.

So…

Whatever it is that’s causing the F in your sex life, you have to find it and root it out. Helping you in that process are the books, the forum and the 1:1 coaching.

So get to it. Class is back in session.

Breathe People Breathe, We Bought Tools Not Toys

I’ve received a ton of financial advice in the last week. What I should spend, how I should spend it, what amount of savings I need, stocks, bonds, real estate… what I should fix myself. Some emails were rather nasty and personal. But for every doom and gloom communication, I’ve had 8-10 communications from people just plain excited for us. It’s really touching.

We had a decent income spike. We bought a bunch of new stuff replacing broken stuff. I simply do not have the time to learn mechanical engineering sufficient to learn how to fix the broken stuff myself. Other dudes came to my house and installed new stuff, replacing the broken stuff I don’t know how to fix. While other dudes were here, I earned enough to cover the cost of other dudes and saved myself about three days of confusion and frustration. Also the carpet stayed dry, which I really couldn’t guarantee if I start messing with devices that do anything involving a water supply.

We’ve learnt some painful lessons over the last few years about money. MMSL has been a ridiculous risk in terms of our finances and it’s nice to have reached a point of balance where we hit enough paydirt to make a lot of the pain go away. Like I said in the title, we bought tools, not toys.

The question is what from here?

Well… same thing we do every night. Jennifer is still clipping coupons, though eventually working with me. Together we’ll be heading toward more books, more coaching stuff, more blog posts and all purpose world domination helping people. We just have some more money to leverage things is all. Same shit, different pay.

Having Good Tools Matters

It’s official, I’ve about doubled my income in the last three months. Which sounds awesome because it is in fact exactly as awesome as you think it would be. There’s a sort of a surge of money this month as Amazon pays out the Kindle sales two months after the fact, so the first The Mindful Attraction Plan money arrived at the end of August and in September coaching has really caught fire and we’re looking at the second big Kindle check coming at the end of the month before it settles down to something closer to normal.

Suddenly I have more money than I’ve had my whole life.

We’ve done a lot of shopping, catching a bunch of stuff up too. New dryer, new dishwasher, the short vacation to do all the back to school shopping, a second back to school shopping thing that happened that I don’t exactly understand but whatever, a new vacuum cleaner, a giant wholesale run for mass quantities of munchies, a month supply of protein shakes of special magnificence for both of us and plants for the front yard.

The shopping for plants was kind of fun in that we did it at Lowes and I said I wanted to price out some other stuff for the end of the month. Namely a garage door opener to replace the one that’s been broken for mumble mumble mumble years and it’s pretty apparent that the washing machine is dying too. It’s one of those front loader ones and it’s started to drool a bit, so that needs to be replaced too. So picked them out for next week, then routed by the freezers because don’t ask me why, but a freezer filled with extra food just seems to be a symbol to me that you’ve finally arrived at domestic comfort. I have no clue why.

So Jenniferlocks started looking at the freezers. There was a little chest one that was just too small, barely enough room for half a dead body. Then there was a great big chest freezer one and it would have looked more in place on a fishing trawler. Then we saw one that was just right… medium sized and on sale. It was perfect. Jennifer relaxed, this was the one. Then we rounded the corner and came upon an upright freezer, twice as big as the medium sized chest freezer, with internal racks and crazy deep shelving built into the door…

Jennifer:  “That would make it easier to find things and arrange them.”

Athol:  “You wouldn’t be in danger of falling in either.”

(In my defense she is quite short and leaning in to grab frozen salmon from the bottom of a chest freezer could indeed result in slapstick comedy.)

Then she looked at the price. Normally she would have flinched and that would have been it.

Athol:  “I know we’re on an important mission to buy some crappy plants I don’t care about plants for the front of the house, but I’m coming back for this freezer.”

Jennifer: “This is so weird to have money.”

Athol:  “It’s not like we’re buying junk, the freezer is a tool. We’ll use it, you’ll end up getting all the money back and more because you can do better sale shopping.”

Then we got her a new laptop. At some point she’s just going to need one for the business and we went looking for one. She’s used to a 15″ screen size on her work one, but I said she should go bigger to the 17″. Rationale… it’s going to be her primary tool for working her side of the business. Having a 17″ screen is going to be far more user friendly than having a 15″ one. It’s a tool. Hell I would have said go to 19″, but again she’s tiny and at that point the keyboard starts spreading a little making it harder to type. It’s a good laptop. She’s thrilled by it.

The one thing I really splurged on for myself last year was a really good laptop. It’s not so much a beast of computing power, as sort of a plush and sinfully comfortable one to use. I paid far too much for it and it’s worth every penny. I’m a writer, it’s the only tool I use for my job. I love my laptop. It always makes me feel good to use it.

Then it becomes apparent that nearly everything big we’re buying are tools… the dryer, dishwasher, vacuum, laptop, garage door opener, freezer, washing machine. The rest is good food and replacement clothes. But the tools just keep jumping out at me.

Every broken tool you own is draining energy from your life. Having good tools saves you time and energy, plus if they are functional and beautiful, you can gain even more energy by feeling good about using the good tool.

So what are your tools? Are they broken? Can you fix them? What’s your dream tool?

 

The Red Yellow Green Sexual Communication Tool

This is going to be an important post for a lot of couples.

There’s a ton of advice about whether you should or shouldn’t be having sex on any given night. There’s the default yes, fake it until you make it, no means no, push through her resistance, always be closing, don’t push against her shields once they are up, pound her hard and if nothing works be outcome independent.

Got all that?

What I’ve realized is that some of that confusion is coming from me, in that Jennifer and I from the get go were lucky enough to have mutually aligned assumptions about sexual communication. I’ve just assumed that everybody else communicated the same way. So what this post is going to do is reverse engineer what Jennifer and I actually do in terms of a decision matrix about what we do on any given night. Not that every night we have sex, but that every night we make a conscious decision about having it or not. We don’t wait to be “in the mood” to communicate about sex. The goal here is to give you some kind of shared language and avoid misunderstandings and lost opportunities for sex.

For the most part, this is aimed at “MMSL couples” looking to build a better sex life. The assumption is that both of them want to work together to have a better sex life and connection. They may not feel ultra turned on by each other, but it’s enough to want to work on things. It also assumes no medical issues et al interfering with baseline desire.

Also Jennifer is the lower desire partner and I’m the higher desire partner. So most of the time Jennifer is the one making a color choice and I’m more typically the one making an initiation attempt.

Green = This means Jennifer is very sexually interested tonight. Basically anything is up for grabs and I can push for an “above average” night of sex. This is the night of something more rough and dominant from me. Basically the harder I push / desire / want her, the better her response. Green = Just fuck me. Go Alpha.

Yellow = This means Jennifer is neither particularly turned on, nor resistant to sex tonight. This can go one of two ways usually, (1) a longer foreplay toward warming her up and ultimately her coming to orgasm and enjoying it for herself, or (2) her not wanting that but being willing to give me something like a handjob, blowjob, or the quickee intercourse option. This is from me a softer initiation push than a Green night. On a Green night I’m pushing her toward her maximum sexual response. On a Yellow night, I’m initiating for the purpose to get sex and have a mutually pleasant sexual experience together. Yellow = Warm Jennifer Up / Something for Athol. Go Alpha/Beta.

Red = Jennifer does not want anything sexual tonight. I don’t push her at all about this. Not a damn thing. I usually offer some sort of care bear routine for her as well, usually her Red nights she’s sick or genuinely tired. Red = No means no. Go Beta.

Whether it’s a Red, Yellow or Green night, I don’t get upset and complain about it to her. I remain outcome independent about it.

For the most part, my first steps are simply to discover whether or not it’s a Red, Yellow or Green night. Once I know what kind of night it is, I tailor my approach to that.

But until I make a move, I might not know it’s a Green night, because she might not tell me.

Relationship Momentum

In terms of the overall relationship momentum, imagine a 1-100 scale with 100 being the best possible and 1 being the worst possible.

In the 71-100 range, you’ll probably get a mix of Greens and Yellows and a  handful of Reds.

In the 31-70 range, you’ll mostly get Yellow, but also a variety of Greens and Reds.

In the 1-30 range, you’ll mostly get Red, with some Yellow thrown in. Maybe a Green if you’re getting ovulation sex.

Gaining Points

Every night you make the correct call, i.e. she wants Green and you act Green, you get a +1 to your relationship. Same thing on Yellow nights, she wasn’t wildly into it, but you still had a good experience together, you get a +1. On Red nights, you don’t force the issue at all, you get a +1.

Losing Points

Every night you make the wrong call, you get a -1 to your relationship. She wanted “Just fuck me” Green, and you were too soft on approach (Yellow) or ignored her (Red). She wanted something sedate or just for you Yellow and you tried to get her to have pornstar sex (Green) or didn’t make any move on her (Red). She didn’t want anything at all on a Red night and you tried to get a Green or Yellow response.

Adaptive Strategy

What happens with a lot of struggling couples, is that they get advice to “Always Green!”, or “Always Yellow!” or “Ignore Red, just push yourself through it and act Green.” The result of that is some nights get a +1 and some nights get a -1 and they all balance each other out. Thus over the long term, the relationship doesn’t get any better. If your relationship momentum score is a 30 and you go +1 -1 +1 -1 +1 -1 +1 -1 +1 -1…. you’re still going to be stuck at 30 even though you’re both working hard on your relationship.

You have to have an adaptive strategy to heal a fragile relationship.

You cannot force a sexual response from someone who doesn’t want to give one, without risking seriously negative effects to your relationship. So when the relationship is down in the dumps below 30, that may well mean a whole lot of not having sex at first.

If she’s not interested in sex with you (Red), you must stop orbiting her or expressing anger about not getting porn star sex (“Why aren’t you Green?”), or not even bothering to give you a handjob (“I just want a Yellow, why can’t you Yellow?”). When she’s feeling Red about sex and you demand / pout / threaten / tantrum and she lets your fuck her, you get Red Sex and you complain about that…. (“She just lays there like a Starfish!”)

So my advice from here is to actually start using the words Red Yellow Green until you get a handle on it. Over time, you won’t need to say the words because you’ll internalize them.

This has all been largely focused at the guys/higher desire partner, so a final thought for the women/lower desire partner…

If you force yourself to have sex you don’t want and hate every minute of it. In what bizarro world does that fix your relationship and make you love your partner more?

Drinking From The Firehose

Okay. So. Catch up.

I really didn’t mean to have a two week break from the blog. It has been a struggle of sorts lately and life suddenly got busy, as in really really busy. Here’s the shopping list…

We had a vacation. Just a quick trip up into Massachusetts to an outlet mall for the Labor Day Weekend sale. We’d pretty much saved all the back to school shopping for then and got it done in a great frenzied heap. One wife, two daughters, sale weekend, shopping holiday for stuff we’d buy anyway. It’s genius. The girls just think staying in a hotel is the greatest thing ever, room service is the cherry on top.

As an aside I can’t spell Massachusetts. The spell checker couldn’t help ne either. It like knows all the words in English there are and it couldn’t even come out with a suggestion of what it thought I was trying to spell. I literally had to open a new browser tab and start typing out, “State of mass…” and let the Google auto-complete save me.

Less amazing, I had a fall. I’m not sure what age you have to be to cross the threshold from simply “falling over” to “having a fall”, but I think I might have passed it.

What happened was coming out of the hotel on our intended nice sunny day for the Southwick Zoo… it was pouring down. So I did my standard routine of telling the family to stick by the hotel lobby and I’d bring the car around. It was raining very hard, so I ran for it. I got about six feet into the run and my flip-flops hydroplaned and I not so much ran, as slid into home plate into concrete steps. My left foot turned over as my ankle smashed sickeningly with my full body weight behind it. The concrete was evidently really well made because it seemed quite unbothered by my attempt to break it.

In order to keep the dramatic tension I’ll change topics.

I’ve been telling about half my coaching clients that they really should be doing something fun in their life. It can’t be all nose to the grindstone without killing your energy and happiness levels. Except… well… I can’t remember the last time I was really having fun myself. It’s been a long road to here. I already had eleven coaching clients and it was going really well.

So I cracked open the World of Warcraft account again. I’ve been running heroics and the raid finder stuff, as opposed to joining a guild proper and turning it into a job. Yes I absolutely how geeky it is, I don’t care. Here’s how messed up it is. You have a character (a doll) and then you and your friends get together with their characters (their dolls) and using your characters (dolls) you form a group (a doll party) to run through an dungeon or high-level raid dungeon in the hope of winning fat loots to make your character more powerful (you get fancy clothes for your doll).

Anyway, it’s been fun. For those that care… my primary doll (character) is a Restoration Shaman and playing a lowbie or two to hang out with my eldest daughter who is an excellent healer.

Anyway….

ARGH! MY FOOT!

FUCK. I cannot have a broken foot now. There is just too much to get done. I don’t want to clomp around in a stupid boot for six-eight weeks.

Thankfully the pain is just seriously bad and slowly ebbing way. I can walk on it carefully, but I’ve seen foot injuries before and “but it doesn’t hurt that bad” doesn’t mean it isn’t broken somehow. After a while it’s not even bad enough to want a Tylenol or anything. But it’s still swollen and sore when I walk on it. So no walks, no exercise, no running in house, no anything without thinking 24/7 “I really hope it’s not broken”.

Anyway…

While I limp around like a dying swan, coaching explodes on me. I’ve gone from eleven clients to twenty-one… and I’ve decided my max is twenty-four. So if you heard “three slots left”, you heard right. I’m a introvert and while I love what I’m doing, it is me giving a lot of energy out. So there are just limits to what I can do. So three slots left for now and prices obviously have to step up a bit after that too. Woo-hoo!

Yay money. It’s been a long time coming and it’s a relief it’s finally here. It’s come with sense of peace too. I deserve it. It’s more like a thorn pulled from my side than anything else. That being said, I’m starting to really struggle with attention to the forum. The success to effort ratio with the 1:1 coaching is just burying my efforts on the forum. There’s been a ton of good forum story arcs, but every week there’s been more exciting stuff happening I can’t tell anyone about lol. I don’t spill *any* of that stuff for obvious reasons. It’s just going really fabulously well.

But… phew! There’s a lot of front-loading effort with the coaching.  Considering it’s a 12-week deal, for me about a third of the total effort comes getting to the end of the first call. There’s a lot of planning and thinking on my end. So yay twenty-one clients…. yay… Suddenly I’m sitting here with a full calendar and back to the grind of having a “real job” again.

And finally… pretty sure it’s it’s not broken. Just sore. I’m finally making more money from MMSL, Jennifer and the girls are happy, coaching is going great and I have a well dressed doll.

And if you want one of the last coaching spots… take a peek and drop me a line.

High Fructose Porn Syrup

Somewhat off topic in a forum thread…

Athol:  Actually it’s become clear to me over the last year that it takes very little porn at all to start guys detaching from their wives.

@Haniel:  Might be a derail, but this is where my thoughts are now. I never had a porn problem. My wife never had a problem with me watching porn. I just viewed it as a little extra on the side since I’m more high desire than my wife. It’s way different sensations than sex so I figured just something different and I would do it on off nights–nights were my wife had a busy day and all. Usually two nights a week.

Anyways after reading a few threads here and on r/redpill and the infamous http://yourbrainonporn.com I finally said hey why not just try not using porn ( I thought maybe a month or so to see if there’s a positive change in anything). The main argument to turn me was the simple drop in testosterone. The second was just thinking about how unnatural it is to be able to click click click get aroused anyway you want.

I really didn’t expect much of a change as I was never a heavy user and have a very healthy sex life with my wife, but wow, after two weeks I already decided no porn ever again. My energy towards my wife and during sex just felt so incredibly better.

1) I became much more dominant in my initations. I don’t know if this is because I knew that was the only way I was getting off or just because I hadn’t wasted energy jerking off to strangers.  But I’m just way more proud of the way I initiate and have been getting better reactions from my wife too. It’s hard to define the change it’s just the energy I have when I approach her.

2) Emotional closeness. It’s hard to explain this without getting sappy. I no longer look at other women to jerk off ( I still notice women in day to day life but I’m not stroking at the time so its not as impactful). So my wife is my sexual half. Everything sexual for me is my wife. Every time I get a random boner now I think of her in a hot dress or her sucking me or me pounding her. It used to be oh remember that awesome video the other night, or man that one video I’ve saved for years that always gets me off. Now its random boner  = wife. So now I just feel really connected to her. Boner wife boner wife. That’s the least sappy way to describe it.

3) Noticeable increase in load size, orgasm sensations and duration of orgasm. Even light porn use effected this. The thing is with light porn use say 2 nights a week and with wife 5 nights I never had a break. Now I have a break 1-2 nights a week and that’s enough to really up the pleasure and make the time with my wife more powerful. Who doesn’t want better orgasms with their wife. Now that I don’t watch porn I finally cum like a pornstar.

Its been around 3 months now. Never going back.

Athol:  I’ve had a long time saying that “Something isn’t a problem until it’s a problem.” I still believe that. It’s just become apparent more clearly now how quickly porn does become a problem. We’ve come a long way from a secret stash of stolen Playboy’s.

Never really considered myself a heavy user by any means, and it’s not like I was even jerking off to it. I had a bunch of pic based Tumblrs I was following and when Google Reader kicked the bucket, I was just too busy to find a replacement for it. So the porn just vanished on me one day and that was about it.

It wasn’t until about 3-4 weeks later that I got a adult ad in my email inbox that I got the face full of porny tits and ass. I was shocked by it and that was really surprising to me. Oh I don’t mean “shocked” in a clutch-the-pearls way, just in a wow-that’s-a-lot-of-stimulation way. When you’re a sex writer and a screenshot of box covers makes you have a reaction of any kind it gets your attention. What the fuck just happened there?

So anyway, pretty much everything Haniel said above I’ve noticed too. It’s just a whole lot easier feeling attracted and horny around Jennifer without the porn around. Not like we were even having marriage trouble / sexual dysfunction / serious whatever as a side effect either.

And don’t get me wrong here. I don’t have a moral qualm about watching porn. It’s not even a hard no forever either. I’d just rather not suck down the High Fructose Porn Syrup.

Four Year Year Cycles

Okay I gotta be honest here. The damn kids have got to go back to school. Summer is too long. I’m starting to go stir crazy.

Oh don’t get me wrong, the girls are great kids. They are well behaved and compliant with the rather minimal demands we put on them. We’re four introverts so everyone is usually pretty easy going and giving each other lots of space. They are just here during the day, which means neither Jennifer or myself 100% switch off.

The good news is that youngest is finally starting high school and we’ve got just four more years of school age kids. Which means right now is a finishing line of sorts and in four more years there’s another finishing line.

Looking backwards in time, summer 2009 is when I started this whole MMSL journey. Four years ago. Back then there wasn’t even the phrase MMSL… no MAP, no Alpha Beta Balance, no Captain and First Officer, no Primer, no Time Before Writing… nothing. It’s really hard to imagine a time of not knowing that information and concept collection. Just me lost on Talk About Marriage trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and marriage as the starting point. The ending to that four years has been writing The Mindful Attraction Plan and pretty much the final polish on The MAP as a concept. Plus leveraging all that into the Life Coaching.

 So…

2009-2013 has been MMSL 1.0

2013-2017 youngest does high school and lets call that MMSL 2.0

2017-2021 No more kids! Which creates a new freedom for Jennifer and myself and let’s just say that’s MMSL 3.0

We’ve actually somewhat decided what MMSL 3.0 will be in that without worrying about kid watching, we’ll be vastly more able to travel. By travel I mean speaking, appearances, the whole touring craven fame monster thing. Jennifer and I traveling together. Which means we really need to be based out of a hub airport city. Jennifer likes warm weather. Yada yada yada, we’re kinda fixated on Dallas as the targeted city to move to.

We’re already starting to talk about fixing and replacing things based on the move in four years. It’s going to be one massive garage sale / large trash pickup summer 2017 and we’ll move with exactly what we must keep and no more. Then buy new of everything else when we arrive. Plus we both hate maintaining a house, we plan to travel a lot, so we’re obviously more looking toward a condo unit or even a rental when we go.

We ah… still haven’t visited Dallas yet. We’ll do that sometime and see if we like it. But we picked the neighborhood already anyway lol.

Apart from that, I haven’t really visualized what we do other than travel all over the world doing events for MMSL 3.0.

Now of course it’s MMSL 2.0. Which as far as I can tell is whipping myself harder to write more blog posts, but it’s really going to be repeating the same process as The Mindful Attraction Plan five or six more times. Taking one slice of the Primer/MMSL thought and then really expanding that into something properly targeted and marketable. I don’t see everyone needing *all* the books for their own life, but I do see all the books fitting into a shared theoretical framework. Hopefully everything cross sells and it’s all awesome. Plus the coaching and seeing exactly where the whole forum thing goes… 2000+ members now. Wow.

It’s going to be a very busy four years. Five or six more books in the next few years seems crazy, but I think I’ve found my groove with them finally.

Oh and Pro Tip. It’s the exact middle of these four year cycles that seem to be the hardest.

So how about you? Are you in a four year cycle? What’s the next step for you?