Alpha and Beta Male Traits | Married Man Sex Life

Five Steps Forward, Nuked For One Step Back

November 14, 2012 By Athol Kay 16 Comments

I’ve noticed a pattern happening a number of times now in my email…

Wife finds MMSL, turns husband onto it, he makes decent progress, everything going better… then stumbles somehow… gives a display of weakness… and she goes nuclear on him.

It’s like having had a taste of Alpha… having FINALLY had a taste of Alpha… her expectation for him, is to be like this all the time.

The trouble is that no one can be like that 24/7. Not even Batman. Not even Ironman. Not even CaptainThorIronBatman. Even Gandalf would rather have a wee sit down and pretend he can’t remember the Elvish word for “friend” instead of marching into the Mines of Moria.

The source of the trouble is fairly simple though. After running on an Alpha deficit for so long, the wife doesn’t have her tank filled on that particular need yet. So when it seems like it gets suddenly stopped again, that’s alarming to her. It’s like losing power to your house for a week and then finally having it come back online again… only to shut off again after an hour. It’s actually more tolerable to have the power off for eight days and come back on, than to have it out for six days and be punked with it on and off repeatedly on the seventh.

In time as her tank fills up more, little stumbles here and there won’t be nearly as serious. Eventually it turns into Vulnerability Game where those little soft spots actually engages her to you… just not yet.

The solution is to breathe. Reset. See the big pattern of things getting better. Several steps forward, one step back. Rinse and repeat. You can also bump back on it like a Fitness Test. Not too hard, more of a calm-the-hell-down pushback.

Tomorrow…

…how to use your Guy Shields to stop her getting in your face so much.

Y’all know about Guy Shields right?

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Captain and First Officer, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Three Things That Attract Women – The Results

November 13, 2012 By Athol Kay 15 Comments

Yesterdays post asked for your top 3 attractors that work on women. What follows is a quick and dirty meta-analysis of the 50+ comments. Seemed about a 85/15% split men and women answering.

All I’ve done is cut and paste the comments into groupings and flagged the number of times it was mentioned.

16 Times – Physical Fitness

Strong shoulders/back. Looks (I am very well built, was skinny but bulked up a bit, pretty face which backfires sometimes) I’m attracted by his physically fit body. Hollow spots above the hips. Being muscular and fit and wearing clothes that allow her to observe that fact. Muscles. Be physically attractive. Body. Lean muscle. When he looks like a Roman gladiator – serious muscle, but a layer of fat covering it. My height, health and youth. Physical fitness….sexual fitness. Being able to just pound and pound without getting winded. My physical stature, I’m fairly tall at 6’1?, but also pretty lean. When we met I was pretty ripped, so I’m working my way back to that.

Your upper body, arms and hands – so big and strong – keeps me safe and warm.

11 Times – Humor, Smarts and Skills

Making her laugh. Being clever and funny. His intelligence. Being cocky, funny, and a little bit of a jerk. Singing/playing the guitar – actually anything to do with writing/performing music. Cocky/funny – Often I’m being serious about something, but I guess I say it in funny ways. Intelligence – she often comments that I know a lot about a lot. *shrug*. Perception that I’m the smartest guy in the room. Bringing her to my jobsite so she can see the work I’ve done (I’m a house flipper). My intelligence. Not quite “Dr Sheldon Cooper smart”, but I probably should have been some kind of engineer. My sense of humour. Performing a physical task with mastery.

The one liners that you say that make me laugh.

10 Times – Personal Dominance

Telling her what clothes to (and not to) wear/buy. Ordering for her at restaurants. Eye Gaze. Game (teases, not spilling everything out, not advanced in any way) Making decisions quickly, pragmatically, and finally. Ignoring her by reading a book or whatever and allowing her to “earn” my attention. Making a decision (decisively!) and sticking to it even through all the “What about…” things she can throw out. Playful dominance, teasing, cocky attitude. Be strong. Confidence.

That thing he sometimes does, where he manages to touch me and pin me down/control my movement at the same times. Like when he comes up from behind, pinning me to the counter and kissing my neck. Or just pulling me onto his knee and keeping me there. Stuff like that.

9 Times – Social Dominance

Demonstrating social status, such as taking her out to a bar where everyone knows me and wants my attention for one reason or another. Powerful Public speaking. Being a leader. Dominating conversations with mental gymnastics and crazy stories. When she sees other women flirting with me. Public speaking. Preselection (eg demonstrated social dominance) Showing social dominance and confidence. Above all else, chicks dig social dominance and masculine gender polarity.

8 Times – Sexual Aggression and Isolation

She likes it when I isolate and make it known that I want to spend time with her, to the exclusion of everyone and everything else. Something that denotes physical fitness, like picking her up and throwing her onto the bed. 10 second kiss (© Athol Kay) + soft but firm carotid choke, while holding her against a wall. Pursuing her. Watching porn together (she has to be browbeat into it, but then goes crazy with lust) Behaving and dressing like a sex-crazed teen-aged headbanger. Aggression in bed. Showing sexual mastery. eg: Orgasm control (my own and hers), making her horny and then not gratifying her. Throwing her around and calling the shots in bed. Treating her body as my own, no questions asked.

That look he gets when I do something that turns his head, like a light has gone on and he *will* get into my knickers.

4 Times – Male Gender Appearance / Peacocking

Growing a beard. She likes it when I’m sweaty and dirty when I make things happen in the garden and around the house. Clothing/style. Dressing well.

2 Times – Risk Taking

Doing something aggressive/dangerous, like slashing open a giant bag of cat food with a very large knife. Protecting her aggressively. This one is so powerful it could count as the entirety of the top 10, but not too many chances to use it.

4 Times – Others…. and more Beta in nature…

Stability. Being on time (this one is extremely difficult for me) Show character. My ability to bring home the bacon out here in the oil patch.

Athol: So overall the takeaway is remarkably clear. Physical Fittness is a must and powers a lot of what follows afterward – especially feeding into Sexual Aggression. Personal and Social Dominance are quite closely related… and the bridge between the two of them is Humor, Smarts and Skills. Admittedly we aren’t all going to be rocket scientists and comedians, but anyone can get good at something and impress a crowd. And look like a dude… ideally one that isn’t wearing the same clothes you slept in.

So… top three things to do…

(1) Get in good physical shape as best you can.

(2) Develop skills that other people like. Ideally create a marketable toolset that other people need. (This powers your social dominance)

(3) Start making things happen. Approach the world from an active mindset, rather than a passive one.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Instigate Isolate and Escalate, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Three Things That Attract Your Partner

November 12, 2012 By Athol Kay 59 Comments

Sometimes you start losing the forest for the trees and make your MAP too complicated.

So…

What are the top three things that attract your partner to you? Bearing in mind that I said attract, not make them feel comfortable or loved or happy. What are the top three things that make their head turn in your direction and quicken their pulse a little?

Then do those three things consistently.

If you don’t know what those top three things are, you have to find out, or nothing you do will be on point with running the MAP.

Write your three things in the comments.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Girl Game and Sexy Wives, Sexy Moves, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Can Your Wife Be Your Best Friend?

November 11, 2012 By Athol Kay 22 Comments

GC: Athol you said “I’ve long thought of Jennifer as my best friend …. she is certainly the person I am closest to and we are friends, but I also sense in myself a slight pulling away from her as well…”

This is very discouraging to me. I want more sex/better sex to bring my husband and me and all married couples closer, but you’re saying that by following the MMSL principles you are pulling away from Jennifer, not drawing closer. I don’t see how that can be a good thing. I know that men and women are different and that wives in general want their husbands to be strong, but wives who are in it for the long haul also want to be close to their husbands in all ways, even if that means he’s vulnerable some of the time (vulnerable adult male, not whiny toddler – which wears badly on both sexes!) I know that the biological mechanisms of attraction are important, but we’re not just animals – we can make choices that favor our marriages, even when one spouse is going through a time that makes him or her less “attractive.”

Jennifer: I reacted negatively to the phrase “slight pulling away”.

Athol: Well I also went on to say…

“I’m the Captain, thus I’m always a little more on duty than she is… or at least more on duty than I was before staring MMSL. So I don’t think it’s the case that you can’t ever be friends. But it is the case that you can’t ever not be the Captain. Not forgetting that you can order her to take command of the ship while you’re either not available or are having some R&R. I’m pretty sure that on commercial aviation flights, the First Officer doesn’t nap the whole way while the Captain does everything. Balance people, balance.”

You have to remember that I’m a born and bred Care Bear. For the longest time it would have be unthinkable for me to try and do anything without being joined at the hip with Jennifer. Some of that came naturally in that we both like a lot of the same stuff, we both are introverts and we both like each other.

But once you say to yourself, “Okay I’m going to be the leader in this relationship. I’m going to be the one who is the most responsible for how it all plays out.” It starts becoming a little less buddy-buddy. Once you become the one that makes the final call on big decisions… knowing that she may or may not like them… that if you consistently screw up enough it eventually all ends in tears and drama… that takes some of the fluffy thinking away.

I think if you go too soft and cuddly, you end up killing some of the attraction. It all comes back to the thing where a woman is far more likely to fall in love with her boss at work, than with a co-worker… and there’s minimal chance she’ll fall for someone below her status at work. While you can be a considerate and good boss, you also have to hold your people to standards or they sorry start despising you, so ultimately you can’t be their BFF.

You also have to remember that men are constantly told to throw themselves into emotional bonding activity and expressions of devotion to their wives. The whole Blue Pill edifice that for the Low Alpha High Beta guys is the problem not the solution. If that all worked, there would be no need for MMSL at all. Guys have tried that until they have passed out from exhaustion of devotion while struggling with a never-ending hard-on.

A little distancing though, seems to do the trick. Don’t get me wrong though either, I do love Jennifer, more than just a little. If I lost her for whatever reason I would be devastated. We spend a lot of time together hanging out and talking. We do things for each other. When she’s not around for an extended time, I miss her… but I’m still the Captain. It’s just a balance thing.

Or coming at it from another angle, if you asked me who I thought Jennifer’s best friend was, I’d say it was her college roomate.

Jennifer: Okay, my first instinct at that last sentence was to be insulted and upset that Athol doesn’t think he’s my best friend. Then I thought about it for a moment and realized that he’s more than my “best friend”…I’m not sure there’s a word for it.

Athol: I think the word is “husband”.

The great concern I have is the sheer number of husbands who only come to relationship consciousness when it’s all finally too late to fix. After she’s already cheated. After she’s already checked out on him completely. After she’s visited the divorce lawyer. Beyond a few sociopathic women, wives don’t just walk away.

In the editing round, Jennifer and I had a back and forth about this for 15-20 minutes. The crossed wiring being her hearing “pulling away” as “not caring”. Me explaining that it’s in fact the opposite. It’s like how Jennifer is always somewhat “on duty” when our girls are around. She’s always got 10% of her processing power set to “Mommy”. Likewise I always have 10% of my processing power set to “Husband”. I’m always mindful of her and of our relationship.

You have to be emotionally engaged with her, but you cannot be emotionally enmeshed in her.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Captain and First Officer, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0, Nice Guys and Betaization, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Don’t Tell Your Wife About Your Owie

November 5, 2012 By Athol Kay 54 Comments

Slightly taken out of context, but sage stand alone advice from this forum thread.

Serenity: This is an area where I really hate how evolutionary biology works. I wish I could be my husband’s friend when he has work troubles and support him and comfort him, etc. But I can’t. Don’t get me wrong. I fake it and I fake it really really well. I say all the right things about how I trust him and believe in him blah blah. I don’t express the doubt I feel that he’s handled it badly and is incompetent.

But I lose any tingle for him and I start feeling like his mom. I am wired how I’m wired, and no matter how much I wish it were different, I can’t change it; anymore than you can change the fact that you’re turned on by a young, pretty woman. Don’t bother resenting your wife for it because it’s beyond her control.

I think the only exception is for a man who is so natural alpha that nothing can change his frame. My dad is a natural alpha, the John Wayne type. Cut off his finger and drove himself to the ER. Got a vasectomy in the morning and was water-skiing that afternoon. He was a blue collar union worker all his working life, and that infrequently involved going on strike for months at a time. I asked my mom once if she ever worried about losing a paycheck during those times, and she said she never had; that she always just trusted that my dad would provide. And she’s a strong, smart woman. He has always just had such a capable alpha frame that she depends on him 100%.

This level of trust seems incredible to me because I worry about things like that all. the. time.

I think as you become more and more Captain and your career progresses (which it will), you will find her reacting very differently. I can already tell a difference in my feelings toward my husband as he has started becoming just slightly more dominant. I guess the hopeful thing to me is that these feelings are all caused by hormones and neuro-transmitters and those are affected by behavior, so totally within your control to change.

Change your behavior, and you will change her feelings for you.

AlphaBelle: This First Officer lives by analogies, so here ya go:

A Captain telling his wife about all of his worries and all the people who are mean to him at work and how he just does not understand how they can expect him to accomplish all of this in a day…

Is like…

…wait for it…

…his wife, who farts loudly and says she’s constipated and when she sneezes it makes her pee and she wants to buy this new bra but her boobs are actually two different sizes and nothing fits her right and her hemorrhoids are acting up and she has cramps and wow…where’d ya go, honey?

ALL of those horrid physical things may be true, but good golly. Deal with them, woman, and save the gory details for your uro-procto-gyneco-logist. The man who wants to see you as the sexiest woman on earth does not need to hear and help you analyze the condition of your sphincter. all he needs to know is that it’s a problem and he needs to drive you to surgery on Tuesday.

Athol: Reading over that, my knee-jerk reaction is, “Well that sucks to be the guy then doesn’t it. What the hell do you want a wife for if you can’t even have a discussion about your day?” I think that’s true to a degree, but I also think there’s a spooky ring of truth to it all as well. When it a guy starts whining about his day and sounding like he’s being dominated somewhere else… it all sums out to being a Display of Low Value.

In the end there’s really only one Alpha move that matters. Winning.

Jennifer: I was reading this thread on the forum earlier today. I think there’s a difference for me between a discussion about your day and whining incessantly about how people at work are stepping all over you, etc. And can I just say Sean Connery…rawr….

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits

Beta Orbiting Wives: Laid, Maid and Trayed

November 5, 2012 By Athol Kay 14 Comments

It’s funny seeing the exact parallels with some wives as with the stock standard Betaized husband. She does A, B and C for him, and also scampers back to do X, Y and Z… but he pays her no attention. She complains about the relationship and asks for things, but only gets a little spike of attention, before he lapses back into the usual routine of her not mattering.

The problem is pretty simple really. When the wife offers sex on tap, cleans the house like hired help and waits on him hand and foot with meals and snacks, a.k.a. ”Laid, maid and trayed”, he thinks it’s all because she thinks he’s Teh Awesome just as he is. Plus he gets everything he wants… so there’s no reason for him to change at all.

So she ultimately has to start going on strike with at least some of the Beta goodies to get his attention.

We are all, always training each other as to how we should be treated, so it’s not some bizarre experiment the wives are doing to stop pampering their husband. They are trying to send a fair warning message in a way that he understands and will respond to.

Half the problem with the wives in the relationship though is that they are far too Beta themselves. The Laid, Maid and Tray-ed wife is typically lacking in female Alpha. She’s not acting like she’s remotely hot, just constantly orbiting her husband like a Nice Girl, waiting on his every whim. She’ll still be here tomorrow and the next day, she’ll never stray, never show the slightest disloyalty for even a minute. Never not bow and smile.

Seriously…. ladies… don’t be like this…

A little lipstick and a demand or two will do far more to engage his interest in her than yet one more load of laundry will.

As you cut back on the Beta a little, you’re meant to be heading to the gym and getting in shape. Dress up better. Swing your hips a little as you walk. You know, run your own MAP. It’s not that hard.

Whoever is the hottest one in the relationship controls the relationship. So if you’re groveling like a 5 before a 7, you gotta find your way to being an 8.

And yes I know you all want your hair wound in his fingers as he does you doggy-style and have him lead the relationship so you can be a First Officer and all that. That comes later when he’s an 8.1 Captain to your 8.0 First Officer. Right now though you got to get your girl stuff together.

Really though. Same plan for both men and women.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Body Agenda and Sex Rank, Captain and First Officer, Girl Game and Sexy Wives, Nice Guys and Betaization, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Baby You Can Start My Car

October 30, 2012 By Athol Kay 9 Comments

Blockhead: Here in the Midwest, its starting to get cold now in the mornings.

I usually leave the house about 5 – 10 minutes before she/kids do, Since its been getting cold, As I am walking out the door to leave, she will ask me start/warm her car up. Never really though about it before and have always done it in the past, but after reading MMSL/shit tests I am wondering if this is a shit test and a beta move?

Any thoughts?

Athol: If you’re already walking out there and it takes you ten seconds to start her car for her… seems like a nice Beta move.

She should be saying “thank you” / kissing you goodbye though. Tit for Tat. It’s just a nice Tit for a nice Tat. Now if you were staying home and she was going out, and then she went all pouty and whiny to get you to go out there and start her car… then that’s her testing you.

If I’m doing the morning routine with the kids, I bring Jennifer a cup of tea. I’m already making me coffee, we have a Keurig thingy so it only takes me a minute to make her something while I’m making my own. She always says thank you and actively enjoys the Act of Service. She also knows that all she needs to do once is say, “Where’s my tea?” in a snarky tone and she’ll get a whithering look and a big cup of make-your-own-fucking-tea.

Something to watch is whether or not small acts of service are also returned to you. I do nice things for Jennifer, but she also does many nice things back to me. For which I also say thank you.

If it’s all a one way flow of your energy into your partner… even if they are being nice and appreciative about it… that just means you’re doing everything they want for nothing but praise. Which is simply talk and not action. If they are performing actions for other people though… hmmm.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Nice Guys and Betaization

When Your Husband Won’t Act Alpha Even When You Beg Him

October 27, 2012 By Athol Kay 35 Comments

AlphaBelle: Talk to me about this FAP thing. I have been concerned/unhaaaaaaapy lol with the state of things for over a year. Read and talked and read some more. Finally found MMSL about 6 months ago, and had words to express what was wrong with my marriage.

I have no IRL friends to discuss this with.

My H is receptive, but since I found all this and basically threw it plus nmmng at his head during a meltdown, he is reacting to my complaints, not running the MAP on his own. He is a deeply ingrained nice guy, plus introvert and brainiac. So it’s going veeeerrrry slowly.

I am tired.

Of being the motivator. Of seeing all The things he used to do that he doesn’t anymore. Of having to get upset every 2.4 weeks to re motivate him and remind him that I’m serious about this. Of having to do the pull back/reward routine when I just want a really nice happy normal sex life with nightly sex. Of evaluating whether I’m hamstering or really justifiably frustrated, or expecting too much at this point.

Of feeling like I am still running things, by running my FAP and manipulating him into waking up that dang dormant Alpha side again.

I am tired.

Talk to me about my expectations and where I’m going with this. I see and feel progress, but I feel like I am spoon feeding him what I want him to say/do/be and I don’t want to do it anymore.

I want him to read and act and do because he wants to, not because I’m unhappy.

Basically I feel like a witch and like I’m making him feel like he can’t do anything right. But when I ease up, he acts like, “whew. Got that figured out.”

*sigh*

Athol: Then stop trying to change him. Every time you “motivate him” you’re just sending him a message that he’s the most important thing in your world, he has your complete attention and is in total control of the relationship.

Change you. Make yourself as attractive as you can be, start exhibiting very mild disloyalty.

Right now your entire relationship could be summed up as….

You —-e-n-e-r-g-y—-> Him

So why would he do anything to change that situation?

Cutting that energy flow off will get his attention.

There’s no need for him to act at all Alpha, when you’re acting like his orbiter sending out a Mayday call.

If you become as attractive as you can be and start visiting the magical world of “out”, he’s going to start wondering why you’re not paying him attention and dreading that you’re paying attention to someone else. It’s only when you’re acting more Alpha is he going to need to act more Alpha around you.

Not for nothing, but the men that find MMSL on their own are always highly motivated to make change because they are deeply worried about how their relationship is going. Men simply don’t respond to “I’m unhappy”, “I’m unhaaaaaaaappy!” or “You suck! That’s why I’m so unhappy!” They do very much respond to wives dressing up nice and spending time with other men though.

I’m not saying it’s polite to do it, I’m just saying what works.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Captain and First Officer, Girl Game and Sexy Wives, Nice Guys and Betaization, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Picard Breaks In A New First Officer

October 26, 2012 By Athol Kay 6 Comments

Deleted scene…

…Picard all Captainy. Watch the Alpha Male staredown.

Picard is doing the whole Tit for Tat strategy too. He starts out nice and welcoming as the default opening, but as soon as the line is crossed, he bumps back. The whole bridge crew knows what’s coming and just enjoys watching it play out.

Then when the moment is passed, it’s passed… and he continues on with a perfectly calm and rational interaction with his First Officer.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Captain and First Officer

Fitness Testing vs Loyalty Testing

October 15, 2012 By Athol Kay 50 Comments

I’ve had a long email exchange over a few days now. At first it’s mildly tedious as I answer – yet again – the basics. But at the end is a moment of zen as the student teaches the teacher and a new term is created…

Reader: I was thinking that there are two types of beta – good and bad. Now, though, after living through this, i wonder if alpha/beta is more alpha/something else, eliminate squirrelly beta behavior. All the behaviors you say to stop should be stopped. Grow a backbone. Don’t ever do something she can do herself. Pick up the kids. That’s not the task. Pick up the kids when her idiot boss keeps her late at work. That’s a no-brainer, and you do it because it needs to be done. It’s not the same thing.

Relationship comfort is not picking up the kids because her boss in an ass. Relationship comfort is based in making sure she knows she’s your Number One. It *is* the loyalty factor. Our wedding rings and engagement tattoos are claddaghs. Love is easy. Friendship means we like each other and respect each other on another level. Loyalty is both sexual and social. Monogamy. Mate guarding. Direct expressions of husband/wife-dom. None of these are beta activities. They are neither alpha nor beta.

You may have a x/y/z rather than an x/y formula, with x and z being desired at high levels, and y at low levels. Just a thought.

Athol: Alpha = attraction = dopamine

Beta = comfort = oxytocin

Physical = horny = testosterone/estrogen

“Bad beta” is basically something that looks like it might be good Beta, but wrapped up in a total failure of Alpha.

Good Beta = me finding two perfect jackets to go with Jennifer’s polka dot dress as a surprise and time saver.

Bad Beta = Jennifer ordering me to go find her a jacket to go with the dress in a shitty tone and me going off and finding something for her.

It’s really more a failure of Alpha than bad Beta though.

Reader: So you don’t agree with the “too much alpha” and loyalty tests, or what I’m talking about isn’t related? I’ll figure this out… it’s just not clicking yet.

Athol: Can a man be too rich and powerful? Too strong?

He can be powerful but then lack enough Beta to make the woman comfortable he isn’t just going to dump her for someone hotter.

Reader: Ok, so it’s still just alpha and beta, but there’s good alpha (wet panties) and bad alpha (asshole), good beta (loyalty) and bad beta (doormat).

Heh. The model holds up. Yup, I’m Virgo rising. Gotta deconstruct everything.

Athol: No…

Good Alpha (strong dominant = wet panties) Weak Alpha (doormat)

Good Beta (looks after you) Weak Beta (doesn’t do anything helpful or nice)

You just see a lot of (Good Alpha + Weak Beta) guys and (Weak Alpha + Good Beta) guys that’s where the confusion comes from.

Reader: And where does asshole come in? Personality disorder? Lol

Athol: An asshole is someone you want to give you Beta attention who doesn’t.

Reader: lmao! Yup!

Reader: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!! I got it!! The loyalty tests really rang true. I never really thought I was shit testing, but I knew I was testing *something*.

So, is it this??

If the Alpha is high but bad or not enough Beta, it’s a loyalty test. If the Beta is high but bad and the Alpha is low, it’s a shit test.

Did I finally get it right? We’re just very open to talking about this in shared terms, and he had been trying to respond to what I now think are loyalty tests with the proper beta shit test response, which threw me further down the pit, thinking he was fixing to leave me. So, they’d backfire until he finally sat me down and said something completely profoundly loyal. And I’d be okay in an instant. So, I was thinking that since he’s heavy Alpha, there had to be something else at play. But, it’s simply that either his Alpha was incorrectly played, and/or his beta wasn’t there.

We’re officially living together now, and all this has gone away. Well, most of it. I still have residual fear, but when he’s right there to look me in the eye, he doesn’t even have to say anything anymore. I get it. He’s not going to leave me. And now I’m pushing him for more Alpha. heh. Go figure. Stupid hamster.

Athol: Actually all this makes a lot of sense. I’ve been arguing for nearly three years that Alpha and Beta are two separate traits of behaviors, yet only have Fitness Testing as a single term for ”acting out” behavior. Which means I’ve been kind of saying saying two things can be a problem, but there’s only one reason women can get upset. When I say it like that, makes me sound like an idiot lol.

I have talked about why wives can start getting withdrawn as their husbands improve their Sex Rank and start pulling ahead of their wives in attractiveness, just didn’t have a term for it. I think Loyalty Testing is a good one. A wife can be plenty attracted to her husband, just terrified of getting cheated on or dumped. There’s Dread Game where you inject a little of that into the mix and get a positive reaction, and then there’s losing hope that she can be anything other than a victim to his whim for how the relationship plays out. When that happens she pulls back, shuts her vagina down and braces for the emotional shotgun blast to the chest.

Which is exactly why when a wife Loyalty Tests her husband, and he bumps back on her and acts aloof and unaffected by her like it’s a Fitness Test, it makes things significantly worse between them. Playing hard to get when someone is desperate to see loyalty is the completely wrong thing to do.

So… new rules and terms…

Fitness Testing and/or ignoring you, act more Alpha

Loyalty Testing and/or clinging to you, act more Beta

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Cheating and Infidelity, Nice Guys and Betaization