Reader: After reading MMSL and have started to turn my marriage into what it should be…slowly. I had a friend, who knows I’ve read MMSL, come up to me this morning and ask me “Is it too beta to make coffee every morning and bring it to your wife in bed.” He said it’s a way to show her that you appreciate her everyday. I told him I would not do that everyday. Is that too Beta? Am I wrong?
Athol: It’s a comfort building move, so yes it’s Beta. I’m fairly often up before Jennifer and I always make a beeline for the coffee maker myself. Takes me an extra minute to make Jennifer a cup as well if she wants one. As Beta moves go it’s a fairly quick, easy and direct one.
But the real question is whether he’s generally Alpha or not. The formula looks like this…
Alpha + Beta = WIN
Beta = LOSE
Women love Beta. Love, love, love Beta…. but only from a man that has Alpha.
There really is no “bad Beta” unless you mean it in the sense of “the cup of coffee you bought her this morning was a terrible cup of coffee.” As in, something that was meant to be nice and comforting, was actually kinda yucky. If you cooked her dinner and she gets food poisoning, that’s “bad Beta”.
But usually what people mean by “bad Beta” is a Beta move delivered with a Display of Low Value / terrible Alpha. That’s what gets her contempt circuits starting up.
You don’t scamper about like a lost puppy looking to be let outside, bringing her a cup of coffee. You don’t wince at her slight frown of displeasure with the first sip. You don’t return to the kitchen to “try and get it right”. You don’t bounce up and down on your heels waiting for praise for bringing mistress her coffee. You don’t hope you get your dick sucked for bringing her a cup of coffee.
You just make her a cup of coffee.
Then get on with your Alpha day.