Preselection For Married Guys

Preselection is a tricky element for a married man to master.

Basically the more women that are interested in you, the better. If your wife sees some hot blond talking with you, slapping you on the forearm and laughing just a little too much… your wife is going to view her as being interested in you. So it’s tempting to create situations where your wife sees other women paying attention to you. Usually early attempts to make this happen simply turn into you hitting on another woman in front of your wife, and instead if your wife being attracted more… she’s just mad.

If you’re single and trying to meet women, then yes, you need to be active in approaches toward them. The bold confident approach is much better than being passive. However for married guys, you’ve already met a woman, so you’re not meant to be actively looking for another one. Thus you need to be somewhat passive and let them come to you.

The trick is to be generally attractive, engaging and playfully fun with your interactions with women… and importantly, most women you’re coming into contact with. Plus don’t ignore other men either. You’re just like this with everyone, it’s your personality to be magnetic and Alpha. You’re not trying to actively target someone to escalate. You’re just “the sort of guy that’s attractive to women”. Thus when women are attracted to you, the cause is your attractiveness and not you being disloyal. You weren’t out looking for anyone in particular, they came to you.

Your wife knowing other women want you is a very strong Alpha Trait presence. The balance of being loyal and not actively seeking women to escalate with is a strong Beta Trait presence. She’ll be turned on, but also feel you’re safe enough to trust and give you her all. Your wife wants to believe that you’re not going to dump (or cheat on) her on a whim, but push comes to shove, you’ll end up with a new woman easily.

The downside is without active approaches, the level of attractiveness you need to reach the threshold where other women approach you, is going to be higher. So if say she’s an 8, if you’re a 7 she’s not interested no matter what. If you’re an 8, nothing will happen until you make a move on her and start actively trying to engage her. If you’re a 9, you won’t need to make a move on her, she’ll seek you out.

So if your wife sees another woman being interested in you and you’re equal Sex Rank to her, your wife suspects you made a move on her. If your wife sees another woman being interested in you and you’re higher Sex Rank than her, your wife just thinks this is the sort of thing that happens when you have a hot husband.

On the flip side, being married is usually a Preselection boost in the eyes of other women. It’s not uncommon for freshly married guys to find themselves getting hit on more than they were before they were married.

Anyway the solution, single or married, is just the same. Make yourself more attractive. You catch more with honey and all that.

 

When You Come From Different Countries

Reader: After reading your post about religious and political differences and raising children, I was wondering what you thought about cultural differences and being from different countries. How did you and Jennifer decide where to live and have children? Would you ever go back to New Zealand?

Athol:  Well we did have a plan at the time we got married. Being structural thinkers even then, we realized that the exchange rate between New Zealand and America was very much in America’s favor. So we figured if we ever had to switch countries it was going to be much easier to move from America to New Zealand, rather than from New Zealand to America. As things have turned out, the exchange rates have stabilized somewhat and housing in New Zealand is more expensive than America and any advantage we imagined is gone. Oh well, it was a best guess anyway.

We also figured Jennifer was going to struggle a great deal without her family around, while I’m fairly resilient in that aspect. If we moved now, she’d be fine though. We’re family now. Overall, it’s worked out very well for us. We moved to a middle sized town in Connecticut and then have moved twice within that town since then. So I’ve lived in New Zealand until I was 24, then in America for 18 years .

The good points are that people are the same where ever you go. New Zealand and America are English speaking, Western, democratic, capitalist countries, and there are more differences inside the countries, than between them. If you have money and a job you’re okay, if you’re broke and uneducated you’re not having a good time. So moving here was fairly easy for me.

There’s always a nice little edge to things between you when you’re from different countries. You’re always just a little bit unknown to each other, though the longer we’re married the less those little moments happen. We don’t hear each others accents anymore. It’s kinda fun to be from different countries.

Both kids love New Zealand… though they’ve only been on vacation, so it’s not a true understanding of the culture. They like that they have a mixed heritage. Also they have both been very healthy kids. Cross breeding for the win. I’m totally serious on that point. I think the separate countries deal plays a role in still being attracted to each other.

It also makes for a great destination for a major family trip. There’s a natural drama and excitement to see the other half of the family and you get an insider’s vacation experience rather than a touristy one. The kids get to play with their cousins and meet aunts and uncles and whatnot. It’s a BIG trip. Very memorable. Photos and albums and whatnot. I think it rounds the kids out more.

The bad things creep up on you slowly. We only have one set of grandparents close by for babysitting and visiting. When something bad happens in New Zealand… I can’t really do anything but know about it. I basically lost contact with everyone I knew there for ages upon ages until finding people on Facebook a couple years back. I didn’t realize how losing my entire social network was going to affect me. Looking back I realized dad could have probably made a few phone calls and seriously helped get me a pretty decent starting position somewhere. For a long time I was behind Jennifer in earnings and that was just weird to me.

The most important thing you can do is make a decision to be in one country or the other and just stick with it. There’s good and bad in every country, you’re just picking your poison. If you try and ping-pong between the two places it’s hugely expensive and unless you’re moving for a juicy promotion, you’re hurting your career advancement. Plus moving really screws with the kids.

The separate country marriage is a double or nothing gambit. If it’s good, it’s really good. If it’s bad, it’s really bad.

In-laws are critical. We both have understanding and good parents. I think if either set was nutty it would be vastly harder.

Being similar to each other is important. Aside from the differences in country, Jennifer and I are quite similar. It’s not good to be exactly the same as each other, but some differences are fun and create a little friction that keeps things fresh. But too much different and you run out of common ground and stop relating to each other.

In terms of going back to New Zealand… maybe. I’ve been back three times now and it’s always a really good, but slightly odd experience for me. Like I stumbled into Narnia by accident or something. We might retire there or something. We’ll see. We’re actually looking at a potential move to Dallas in about 2018 when the girls are in college.

Anyway… as long as we go together… we’ll always be home.  (Jennifer: happy mushy sigh…)

 

Jennifer:  The girls are minor celebrities at school every time they go on a trip to New Zealand.  They have a wider appreciation for the world, and understand that not everyone lives the same way.  It’s the little things that they pick up on too…like loving being somewhere where they could walk to town to go to a restaurant or shopping (the whole cafe culture thing…love it!), and the fact that their cousins could go to school with no shoes on and not get in trouble for it!

 

 

 

Reader Story: MAP is the New Lifestyle

I think had some semi-regular emails for about three month from this reader, the crisis issue being the wife not doing anything dramatic, but obviously getting the hots for another guy which we nipped in the bud. After that, six months of radio silence and now…

Reader:  Hi Athol, I wanted to give you a relatively quick update as to where I am in my journey.

We are still married, I am taking a lot less crap from her and she is attracted to me. Between the MAP and our marriage counselor (which we haven’t seen since late April) things are really going in the right direction. You were of course 100% right. I needed to deal with my structural issues FIRST before I could really impact my marriage. I have done this and continue to work on them. It doesn’t fix overnight, or even over a year. However, my issues have shrunk now to a more manageable amount. I am able to deal with them quickly. Also, my attraction in my wife’s eyes has grown to the point that when I do “screw up” or make a mistake due to those issues, she doesn’t get repelled.

I have taken my drinking from every day down to maybe once every 3 weeks or so, and only one drink on that one time. Further, I now am an avid Crossfitter. I work out 3 days on, one day off, with my wife actually. I have put on about 17 lbs of muscle and my wife LOVES it. She is all over the way I look in sexy underwear and loves my chest. I started to deal with my chest hair as well, which she LOVES. Beard yes, chest hair, not so much. She doesn’t like that. Once I dealt with that my sexual encounters went from me always initiated to her actually initiating once and a while.

I am still not 100% satisfied with our sex life, but I also feel I have a ways to go on the MAP. Honestly, I see the MAP as my way of living now. It fits perfectly with Crossfit to be honest. Continuous improvement! On a side note, we have gone almost 100% (yup almost 100%!) paleo and it has been completely worth it. Further to working out regularly, I of course got my new job for $35k more per year than I was making. On top of that I am also doing some consulting on the side making a few hundred here and there to help chip more in.

All in all Athol, you helped change my life. In doing that I was able to change my marriage. I now feel more in control and my wife knows that I could land another woman if I wanted to. I would never cheat, but her knowing that women are attracted to me now does have the desired effect.

Please keep preaching the MAP, MMSL and fixing YOU to fix your marriage. Thank you Athol. Don’t be modest.. you are saving lives every day.

Athol:  [Takes a bow]

Why Wives Avoid Raincheck Sex With Their Husbands

A basic male complaint is that a wife routinely refusing sex with her husband, will come up with all sorts of nonsense to make sex not happen. This angers the husbands to no end.

The logic is pretty simple…

(1)  We are married. (2) The purpose of being married together is to have a sexual relationship. (3) When you refuse me sex, you’re avoiding holding up your end of the bargain while I still have to earn money, fix the house and mow the lawn. Therefore, (4) you are a total bitch.

Makes perfect sense doesn’t it, but it still can’t be a correct understanding of the situation, because if the wife routinely seeks to avoid sex with her husband… it doesn’t explain why she does that.

Even worse is some nights she says she almost wants sex, but not quite, and then she offers him a raincheck of sex the next day. Then when the next day rolls around, she completely avoids sex yet again. This really pisses the husband off and makes her seem even more of a bitch.

So let’s come at it from a different angle….

Imagine you’re a husband and you watch your wife get all dressed up in some fairly revealing clothing and her best makeup job, to go for a Girl’s Night Out at a local bar. A bar noted for being a total sleazy meat market. When she leaves, you experience stomach churning dread that The Very Worst Thing In The World (TM) is going to happen. Some other dude is going to take his penis, put it in her vagina, and she’ll get pregnant to him. Thus making you a total failure in getting your genes spread into the future generations. Do. Not. Want.

Now imagine you’re a wife and your unattractive husband comes up to you and asks for sex. That would mean some repulsive loser is going to try and put his penis inside your vagina and you might get pregnant to him… which would be The Very Worst Thing In The World (TM) to happen to you. In would result in a crappy kid, who would likely fail to get your genes spread into future generations. Do. Not. Want.

That stomach churning dread she feels when her unattractive husband comes on to her, is the exact same reaction husbands have when she wants to disappear on a Girl’s Night Out.

This is why you can’t logically argue your wife into having more sex with her… because it would be from her point of view, completely illogical to have sex with you. In fact it would be pretty stupid of her on a biological level to risk it.

This is why when she offers “I’m too tired today, I’ll have sex with you tomorrow.” She never has any intention of having sex with you tomorrow. It’s just a ploy to get you to not have sex with her tonight.

Thus your solution isn’t to throw a fit, get in her face, or be threatening. Oh that can work, but it’s a very short term response as she’ll attempt to cut you back off as quickly as she can. The long term solution is to become attractive as you can be. The cockblock is you.

Now if you run the MAP and get in great shape, earn more money and generally get your crap together… objectively maxing out your attractiveness… if she then still turns you down, well then you can go back and apply the  initial logic that sums out to her being a bitch that just isn’t into you. If your attractiveness is maxed out, there’s nothing more you can do to evoke her sexual interest in you anyway. So that’s the call it quits point. She just doesn’t want to have sex with you.

If you run the MAP and become as attractive as you can be, either she responds to you and sex starts back up, or she doesn’t because she never will… which leaves you at the peak of your attractiveness and far better able to find a new woman to love and want you. Either way you win. It’s just not a quick fix or easy. But it does work.

Buy the book. Get started today.

 

Beta Orbiting Wives: Laid, Maid and Trayed

It’s funny seeing the exact parallels with some wives as with the stock standard Betaized husband. She does A, B and C for him, and also scampers back to do X, Y and Z… but he pays her no attention. She complains about the relationship and asks for things, but only gets a little spike of attention, before he lapses back into the usual routine of her not mattering.

The problem is pretty simple really. When the wife offers sex on tap, cleans the house like hired help and waits on him hand and foot with meals and snacks, a.k.a. “Laid, maid and trayed”, he thinks it’s all because she thinks he’s Teh Awesome just as he is. Plus he gets everything he wants… so there’s no reason for him to change at all.

So she ultimately has to start going on strike with at least some of the Beta goodies to get his attention.

We are all, always training each other as to how we should be treated, so it’s not some bizarre experiment the wives are doing to stop pampering their husband. They are trying to send a fair warning message in a way that he understands and will respond to.

Half the problem with the wives in the relationship though is that they are far too Beta themselves. The Laid, Maid and Tray-ed wife is typically lacking in female Alpha. She’s not acting like she’s remotely hot, just constantly orbiting her husband like a Nice Girl, waiting on his every whim. She’ll still be here tomorrow and the next day, she’ll never stray, never show the slightest disloyalty for even a minute. Never not bow and smile.

Seriously…. ladies… don’t be like this…

A little lipstick and a demand or two will do far more to engage his interest in her than yet one more load of laundry will.

As you cut back on the Beta a little, you’re meant to be heading to the gym and getting in shape. Dress up better. Swing your hips a little as you walk. You know, run your own MAP. It’s not that hard.

Whoever is the hottest one in the relationship controls the relationship. So if you’re groveling like a 5 before a 7, you gotta find your way to being an 8.

And yes I know you all want your hair wound in his fingers as he does you doggy-style and have him lead the relationship so you can be a First Officer and all that. That comes later when he’s an 8.1 Captain to your 8.0 First Officer. Right now though you got to get your girl stuff together.

Really though. Same plan for both men and women.

When You’d Rather Be Blue Pill

Reader:  Athol, thanks again for all your help. A few questions for you. I understand the rules of isolate and escalate, and using your idea of “always be closing” I’ve been getting much more sex than ever before. I’ve ran the MAP as best i could (always a work in progress) and I’ve clearly stated my intentions to get more sex from my wife and she’s complied. But, she’s also mentioned “not wanting to make me mad” Im I attracting my wife, or threatening her?

The rejection in the past has been so bad that I feel justified in my request that things change. But theres this feeling that some of the times are just because she doesn’t want me upset. Is this the true reality of the red pill? And when, if ever, will I quit wishing for the blue pill? The “I just want to be loved for being me” feeling? The “I wish you were into me as much as I’m into you” feeling? Is my life revolving too much around our sex life now? Is resentment innate to the red pill? Thanks again

Athol:  At some point we all feel a bit like this…

Yeah it can be hard when everything starts feeling like you’re working your marriage like a job. I think there’s a period that everyone goes through where it’s just grinding out some sort of change where you’re putting in the work, but not arriving at the results just yet.

What often seems to happen is that as the husband starts losing his oneitis for his wife, she starts falling for him more, while he struggles with continuing to care about her. Whoever loves the least in the relationship ends up controlling the relationship, so you’re experiencing that period of flux where you start caring less about her, than she cares about you.  All of which is rather cold, but it seems to be a needed step in finding what works to keep the woman most interested in and sexually responsive to the man.

You simply can’t allow a situation where you are head over heels for her, while she is actively disinterested in you. But then if you reverse that, she wants you, but you’ve stopped wanting her and are having the hamster rolling around in your own head saying, “I’m not haaaaaaappy.” Neither situation is really what you want.

The end goal can’t be to kill all hope of oneitis and achieve a male Vulcan, female Human pairing. It’s okay as a short term phase, but not sustainable as a long term arrangement. You need an appropriate and mutual oneitis exchange. I have oneitis for Jennifer, she has oneitis for me. It’s all perfectly fine to have a rational understanding of the chemicals involved in the creation of human relationships, but understanding them doesn’t mean you don’t experience them as real.

Or more simply put; it’s really nice to be in love with someone who is in love with you.

The true desired balance is a mutual oneitis. You want to feel in love with her, you want her to feel in love with you, you both want to be holding up your end of the bargain as functional adults. The only solution then is that you both need to take the Red Pill and start having a conscious relationship. Both of you need to consciously attract the other and consciously create relationship comfort for the other.

This is in no small part why women are welcome at MMSL. When all is said and done, it’s all very well being able to Game your wife. What Red Pill men really crave though is a Red Pill woman Gaming them back…

…and making a conscious choice for a life of love.

I mean Cypher’s main problem was that Trinity was into Neo and not him. Beta Orbiter rage for the loss.

Your Potential and Why Women Value Loyalty

One of the best insights in the Red Pill is that men who keep themselves physically and professionally together, can in their early forties with a little Game, have a cherry picking of women in their mid-twenties. While women in their early forties… meh not so much. I touched on that topic with Young Guy Game vs Old Guy Game. I actually had a friend phone me up after I wrote that post saying I soft peddled it way too much and that “Old Athol” would simply bury “Young Athol” in a match for “Young Jennifer’s” charms.

So the question begged then, is why don’t far more older men, bag younger women. Historically there’s always been a 2-3 year age difference between brides and grooms that’s held steady even as the average age for marriage moves toward being older. Why is that age gap only 2-3 years instead of 12-13 years? Why don’t 27 year old women routinely marry 40 year old men?  Why do young women in their early twenties – at the very peak of their Sexual Marketplace buying power – settle for men in their mid-twenties?

The answer is simple…

The purchase the man not as he is, but as he shall be… potentially.

Or put more plainly, they’ll marry a med student because he’ll become a doctor, not because he’s a med student. They’ll marry a young business guy because he’ll become a captain of industry. They’ll marry a musician because he’ll become the rock star.

Your potential is a somewhat nebulous thing though. Shit happens. The economy tanks. People get laid off. We don’t all get to grow up to be astronauts.

In some cases, your marriage is tanking because she’s emotionally involved with another man… the mental image of the you that reached your potential. The fact that you did pretty good when all is said and done, may not appease her when she traded a smoking hot 22-year-old body for someone that turned into a fairly good 42-year-old man. It’s not that you’re a loser because you’re not… it’s that she feels she gambled and lost.

This is why you must pay special attention you’re entire marriage to the structural attraction issues. You can’t let your career slide away into nothingness when she has a mental image of you becoming someone more than you are. She did not trade a hot 24-year-old body to end up with a fat 39-year-old man.

Likewise, if you actually keep all your shit together and become what your potential suggest you can be… you will have the opportunities to just dump her and saddle up a new hottie as a replacement wife. Her gamble on you will never pay off as she hopes unless you are loyal to her. Thus when you act disloyal, or questionably loyal, her hamster kicks into overdrive, and she takes steps to ascertain your true loyalty to her. That’s why women will always sift through your unattended, unlocked phone.

Of course men aren’t terribly different either. The level of disgust men have in watching their trim perky bride morph into Jabba the Hutt’s sister is quite acute.

Mate Guarding For The Win (And Wetness)

Here’s the scenario, some dude makes a fairly direct move on your wife in front of you. Some responses from the forum…

 

sf64:  On Saturday night, 5 guys asked “I” for a dance.  Five times, she declined.  She never looked to me for guidance, my opinion, or for me to say anything.  She just politely turned them down.

One of them was not taking no for an answer.  I stood up, put my hand on his shoulder, looked him in the eye and said, “The lady said no.”  He looked at me, said, “I’m sorry” then turned and walked away.

 

RedPillNewb:  Mate-guarding can be seen as a strong, Captain-y thing to do.  It may be that your woman doesn’t actually want to dance with this loser (or go to Vegas with Queen Bee, or go to the GNO), but is too polite and people-pleasing to say no.  So she counts on you to say it for her and protect her from the social embarassment of rejecting someone.  That can make her feel protected and safe thanks to her manly man.

 

Fredless:  The three of us were out to dinner, along with my wife’s and my two sons.  Friend is talking about a sandwich shop that he loves that neither wife or I have heard of.  He looks at my wife and says, “I have to take you there for lunch.”

My wife nodded and went about her dinner, thinking absolutely nothing of it.  About 18 months ago, I would have done the same.

This time, as soon as he said it, I stared at him–looking right in his eyes.  It was clear that I was not pleased with that invitation.  He stammered over his words and then threw out, “Yea, we’ll all have to go.”

After dinner, I let wife know I wasn’t pleased with Friend’s sandwich shop invitation and she clearly had no idea what I meant.  I told her I trust her completely but no man is going to ask my wife out, particularly with me sitting right there.  I pointed out how he changed the invitation right after I stared at him.  She did remember Friend changing the invitation.  She didn’t even know I had given Friend ‘the look’ and asked surprised, “You did that?  Just stared at him?”  [note:  obvious gina tingles were now emanating from my wife].

 

Athena:  There was a new guy at work a while back, who was kind of feeling out all the women, probably to see if there was any interest. He hit on me out of sight of my husband, which I of course shot down, but I told him about it right away.

I guess “mate guarding” describes what my husband did in response at a work social function. He got very physical and made sure new guy saw him kissing, hugging me, etc. Complete with a couple of stare-downs. Honestly, it made me giggle at how AMOG he was trying to be.

But it worked, because the new kid wouldn’t even make eye contact with me for a month! And when he did have a legit reason to approach me with something work-related, he took it to my husband first!

Be still my heart…if he only knew how hot that was!

 

Maria:  Knowingly hitting on someone else’s wife/girlfriend is a challenge. Always. It has to be met appropriately by display of strength, not fear or indifference.

 

Kar:  We were out at a fancy event seated at a table with a business associate of my husbands. Man is married but his wife was not there (he frequently leaves her at home-what does that tell you?), anyway, Man says to my husband in front of entire table and loud enough for all to hear, Wow, (MY name) is looking so hot tonight, I may just have to hit on her later.”

This dude does cheat on his wife. My husband points his finger at Man and says, “NO! Don’t talk that way about my wife. Not cool.”

I actually really liked this. I felt like he was protecting what what his, A, and B, not allowing this man to disrespect me.

I’d like to add, (since this happened to me), that when my husband responded that way, the man put both his hands up, palms forward and back-peddeled fast, “Okay, I’m sorry, I meant no disrespect.” He looked like an ass, and my husband looked like the Alpha one. Yeah, it made me wet.

Was my husband afraid I might actually want to be hit on? Or even possibly cheat with this man. Um, not a chance. It was more about him not allowing this guy to talk about me like one of his many other use-them-for-sex targets. He demanded respect for me. HOT!

 

Pastorgeek:  Always mate guard. Always. Vary the intensity according to the situation, but always guard. From The Look to major force, just understand the consequences of anything beyond The Look.

 

Kort:  My husband has never mate guarded and I kinda resent him for it. I can think of times when I felt actively threatened by another man who was making a move on me in front of my husband. The first time was when a male friend of ours crawled into bed with me while I was sleeping, cause he and my husband wanted to see what I would do. I cuddled with him then woke up enough to tell him not to wear clothes to bed, realized it was not my husband and freaked out. My husband was standing in the doorway laughing like he was going to pee himself.

A more recent one was when we were out with friends for karaoke and there was a guy at the bar who wouldn’t take no for an answer. He tried to pull me out of my chair and my friends boyfriend decked him. My husband told me he didn’t bother because he knew I could handle myself. Yeah, had he got me standing up, I would have laid him out flat, but I shouldn’t have had to. One indication from my husband that I was off limits would have had the guy backing down.

So, yeah, mate-guarding can be very important.

 

Linanati: I’ve found that if a man is pursuing me, it’s much, much harder for me to put a stop to it than it is for my husband to do so. When it comes from me, the guy will often think he can change my mind if he persists. Every time my husband has gotten involved, the other guy has immediately backed off. Based on that, I think that, as long as it isn’t taken to irrational extremes, mate-guarding is an alpha behavior.

 

Athol:  Saved the most important two for last…

 

Danceny:  Men don’t often make “direct and open challenges” IME; they make slimy, plausibly deniable, tacit or “just being funny” challenges.  They observe the woman’s and man’s responses and then escalate to something a shade more overt, and repeat.

An important distinction bears reiterating because a lot of Red Pillers miss it.  An Alpha is aloof/indifferent to women’s emotions; he is NOT aloof to interloping males.  Just look at primates.

sf64:  IMHO, there really is only one way to ‘mate guard’ and that is to have a clearly higher sex rank.  If you are a 5 and your wife is an SR7, you have a big problem.  If an SR8 takes a hard run at her… she is going to at least think about it.  Now, if your wife is an SR7 and you are an SR8, she might be susceptible to an SR9 or SR10, but in reality, an SR10 is not likely going to be interested in an SR7.

 

Athol:  Danceny is 100% correct that most hitting on your wife in front of you is not going to be a direct request for her sexual attention. It’s going to be some kind of subtle teasing, put down, flirting, whoops-I-didn’t-mean-it-serious comment. It’s always serious. It’s just him testing the fences like the raptors in Jurassic Park. Put him on your mental list of shitheads to keep an eye on forever.

Likewise sf64 is correct that ultimately, the best defense is a good offense. Keep your Sex Rank up as high as you can. As long as you’re trumping her Sex Rank a little, she’s not going to be nearly as willing to risk ruining her good deal for a one time upgrade.

The real risk of your Sex Rank falling below your wife’s isn’t having to fend off guys hitting on her in front of you. It’s her hitting on them.

 

Oh and ladies. You can mate guard too. Don’t just sit there while some bitch starts putting her grubby little paws on your man. Defend what’s yours.

Being Attractive is a Daily Discipline

The number one problem you have with creating and sustaining your attractiveness, is that you give attention to time-sinks and the urgent but unimportant stuff, while you neglect the non-urgent but important stuff.

Take a peek at the classic Four Quadrants from Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.

The most important quadrant is the first one. You just have to do this stuff and that’s all there is to it. So you do that stuff as a matter of course. Moving on…

The second quadrant is very important too. But because nothing in there is urgent, it’s tempting to skip on it. If you miss a day in the gym, nothing happens to you. There’s no immediate consequence for eating a cupcake. If you don’t go back to school for advanced training, you don’t get fired from your current job. If you don’t plan out your goals for the year, no one yells at you. But skip doing the second quadrant for long enough, and lo and behold you’re Captain Cupcake in a shitty job and no plan for the future…

…there doesn’t seem to be a consequence for all that lack of effort until you’re at a party and your wife hands you her purse and spends the rest of the night twirling her hair at some asshole. Now she’s just laughing at his jokes. Now she slapped his arm and wagged her finger at him like he did something wrong… but she’s grinning at him.

WTF! She just leaned in and whispered something to him… what the hell did she say??!?!

It’s easy to totally neglect quadrant two, in favor of quadrant three and four. So let’s talk about that.

Troubles in quadrant three are typically resolved by time management. The truth of the matter is that at least half the people you work with are vacuous warm bodies, wasting the planet’s precious resources by their mere existence. Every time you have to interact with one of these people, you lurch into the third quadrant. But you do have to interact with them somehow. So productive people tend to structure their day to condense their exposure to the herd. They get into the office early and work like crazy to get as much done as possible before… ah… here comes frakking Jerry making his way across the office like a sloth… don’t make eye contact, don’t make eye contact… ah crap he’s coming right here… ah fabulous, he wants to talk about the quarterly report filing system protocol revision that was discussed at the staff meeting held two weeks ago. Maybe if you went to the meeting you’d know.

See how that whole paragraph got padded with a waste of time. I think I actually got a slight touch of PTSD just writing the phrase “quarterly report filing system protocol revision.”  Jennifer is gonna groan during editing too lol.   (Jennifer: OMG yes. I get more done before 10am than in the entire rest of the day when the office is full of people asking me questions lol.)

Anyway, the other thing you can do is limit when you look at email, make phone calls or whatever it is that you do. Find a way to structure your day to make it as efficient as possible. Find the time lost into the ether of idiots. Use that time to do your quadrant two stuff.

Quadrant four is just all purpose time wasting, which is admittedly fun sometimes, but if done at the expense of quadrant two, you’re in trouble. Classic quadrant four time-sinks are Facebook, Farmville, World of Warcraft, mindless day time TV, standing outside having a cigarette for a total of 1.75 hours of your work day (Seriously will someone please fire those useless sandbags!), a six pack a couple of times a week, yada yada yada. No productive purpose + heavy effort =  a meaningless time-sink.

In one very meaningful sense, all the MAP is doing is getting you to drop as much quadrant four stuff as you can and replacing it with quadrant two. You’re going to eat right. You’re going to work out. You’re going to not just let things slide between the two of you. You’re going to find your way to a better income. You’re going to fix the house up. You’re mowing the lawn, changing the oil, and not letting the kids get away with murder. There are probably some ways you can squeeze some found time out of quadrant three, but the easy move is dumping quadrant four for quadrant two.

And yeah, it’s a bit boring at times. You could be knocking a few cold ones back, but instead you’re at the gym. It’s not always fun, it’s hard work, but there will be a pay off eventually. Keep at it long enough and one day you’ll be out having fun chatting to some hot MILF you just met and having a good time… but dimly aware of some tubby dude holding a purse glaring at you for no apparent reason…

…then the MILF leans in and whispers something in your ear…

The Awkward Post About How Penis Size Matters

Look I hate to be a downer, but penis size actually matters. Every study comes back saying that most women don’t really worry about the size of the guys penis, unless he’s like way too big, or way to small. Every article on penis size ends with a serious but kind statement to the effect of “Guys it’s all in your head. So relax.”

Well as much as I’m a social science guy, I think it’s all Blue Pill prattle. Let’s have a wee peek at Wikipedia.

Human penis size is the measured length and width of the human penis. The most accurate measurement of the human penis comes from several measurements at different times since there is natural minor variability in size due to arousal level, time of day, room temperature, frequency of sexual activity, and reliability of measurement. When compared to other primates, including large primates such as the gorilla, the human penis is largest, both in absolute terms and in relative size to the rest of the body. Measurements vary, with studies that rely on self-measurement reporting a significantly higher average than those with staff measuring. However, the mean of an erect human penis is approximately 12.9–15.0 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length. Flaccid penis length is a poor estimate of erect length. Most of human penis growth happens between infancy and the age of five, and between about one year after the onset of puberty and, at latest, approximately 17 years of age.[1]

So while the studies all say “size matters not”, we’re all walking around with what amounts to a big cock compared to our primate cousins. That unusually large human penis is the result of sexual selection. Meaning in plain English, human females kept choosing human males with above average penis size, and after that went on long enough, we all ended up… proportionately… slightly better hung than horses. (But not quite as good as an African Bull Elephant.)

So I have to think women all, shall we say, “soften the truth” to the pasty nerdy guy holding a clipboard in his slightly shaking hands as he asks an actual girl how much penis size matters.

So…

Penises come in four types to women, and where the lines on actual inches are varies from woman to woman, so it’s all relative.

(1)  Way too small. There’s just nothing you can do about this one. If she’s really into you and as soon as she sees your penis the entire relationship changes direction toward you being dumped, you’re too small for her. No matter what she says was the issue, it’s cock size that was the issue.

(2) Way too big. Oh it may look majestic and powerful, but if she’s basically in pain from sex, she won’t like it very much. Being very long can smack something internally and she’s going to worry about being not merely “a good kind of sore”, but actually injured from sex. Plus there’s no such thing as a quickee, there’s take-a-lot-of-time-and-lubrication-and-take-it-slow-ow-ow-ow-I-said-slow. Some women also need to feel the guys balls slapping against them too, so if those are a couple inches clear because he can’t go balls deep, it’s not as fun for her.

(3)  Just right. Some lucky couples have a perfect match up. He’s right on her maximum limit of what she can take without heading into too big world. He can pound rough and it doesn’t hurt, or slow and sweet and it still feels good. If this is you, you have a good thing going and can probably have an easy time of gaming your wife. I guessing around 5% of couples fall in this group.

(4)  How Much Money Do You Make? The truth is, about 90% of all guys fall into this group. Your penis is within operational parameters, it’s not way too small, or way too big, but neither is it just right. What you do however is compensate by making money, running game, having a proper house, not taking her shit for no reason, and generally doing everything else I’ve been talking about on the blog. As long as you’re doing all that consistently, you’re probably going to be just fine, that’s what women mean when they say size doesn’t matter… they assume the penis is attached to a great guy who isn’t way too small or way too big. They aren’t going to dump you to put themselves back on the market for some other guy who probably has the same dick size as you anyway.

I gotta be honest though, the closer you are to the small end of (4), the more effort you need to put into keeping your crap together. All things being equal, if two guys lose their job and end up sitting at home playing too much Halo, when they should be looking for work, the guy with the four inch dick is skating on a lot thinner ice than the guy with the six inch dick. That’s all I’m saying, ya’ll know its true, it’s just ugly to say it out loud.

If you’re on the smaller side, it is an utterly terrible idea to introduce swinging, hotwife, or polyamory into the relationship. If she gets a “Just Right” match up, you’re in a world of trouble faster than you can blink. Likewise when getting involved with high partner count women, you have to assume that somewhere back in the past is a Mr. Just Right, and if that guy Facebooks her out of the blue, you’re going to have a harder time of time pulling it back from the brink.

If you are particularly small, don’t give up. Just like male genitals come in all sizes, so do female ones. Keep looking and even advertise it quietly but confidently. For a small percentage of women it’s not a bug, it’s a feature. A woman who is very small in the triangle with an above average hung husband isn’t going to be a happy camper.

There’s also a fairly significant positive boost to marital happiness, self reported sexual enjoyment and reduced divorce chances from marrying a virgin (or at least a virgin when you met her) woman. I gotta wonder how much of that is directly related to an “ignorance is bliss” effect, where lack of experience means wives married to a husband with a type (4), believe that it’s in fact a type (3) penis.

Also something to consider is that almost all penis size “studies” ask for volunteers to allow themselves to be measured. So the results can be thrown off by a bunch of self-selecting bigger than average guys volunteering to drop their jeans to be measured by some female grad student with a flippy ponytail. So as far as I can tell there’s no clear understanding as to what exactly is average anyway. If you’re worried about how big you are, try getting a side on view in the bathroom mirror of your wife blowing you...

…it may surprise you.