Captain and First Officer | Married Man Sex Life

When You’d Rather Be Blue Pill

October 22, 2012 By Athol Kay 14 Comments

Reader: Athol, thanks again for all your help. A few questions for you. I understand the rules of isolate and escalate, and using your idea of “always be closing” I’ve been getting much more sex than ever before. I’ve ran the MAP as best i could (always a work in progress) and I’ve clearly stated my intentions to get more sex from my wife and she’s complied. But, she’s also mentioned “not wanting to make me mad” Im I attracting my wife, or threatening her?

The rejection in the past has been so bad that I feel justified in my request that things change. But theres this feeling that some of the times are just because she doesn’t want me upset. Is this the true reality of the red pill? And when, if ever, will I quit wishing for the blue pill? The “I just want to be loved for being me” feeling? The “I wish you were into me as much as I’m into you” feeling? Is my life revolving too much around our sex life now? Is resentment innate to the red pill? Thanks again

Athol: At some point we all feel a bit like this…

Yeah it can be hard when everything starts feeling like you’re working your marriage like a job. I think there’s a period that everyone goes through where it’s just grinding out some sort of change where you’re putting in the work, but not arriving at the results just yet.

What often seems to happen is that as the husband starts losing his oneitis for his wife, she starts falling for him more, while he struggles with continuing to care about her. Whoever loves the least in the relationship ends up controlling the relationship, so you’re experiencing that period of flux where you start caring less about her, than she cares about you. All of which is rather cold, but it seems to be a needed step in finding what works to keep the woman most interested in and sexually responsive to the man.

You simply can’t allow a situation where you are head over heels for her, while she is actively disinterested in you. But then if you reverse that, she wants you, but you’ve stopped wanting her and are having the hamster rolling around in your own head saying, “I’m not haaaaaaappy.” Neither situation is really what you want.

The end goal can’t be to kill all hope of oneitis and achieve a male Vulcan, female Human pairing. It’s okay as a short term phase, but not sustainable as a long term arrangement. You need an appropriate and mutual oneitis exchange. I have oneitis for Jennifer, she has oneitis for me. It’s all perfectly fine to have a rational understanding of the chemicals involved in the creation of human relationships, but understanding them doesn’t mean you don’t experience them as real.

Or more simply put; it’s really nice to be in love with someone who is in love with you.

The true desired balance is a mutual oneitis. You want to feel in love with her, you want her to feel in love with you, you both want to be holding up your end of the bargain as functional adults. The only solution then is that you both need to take the Red Pill and start having a conscious relationship. Both of you need to consciously attract the other and consciously create relationship comfort for the other.

This is in no small part why women are welcome at MMSL. When all is said and done, it’s all very well being able to Game your wife. What Red Pill men really crave though is a Red Pill woman Gaming them back…

…and making a conscious choice for a life of love.

I mean Cypher’s main problem was that Trinity was into Neo and not him. Beta Orbiter rage for the loss.

Filed Under: Body Agenda and Sex Rank, Captain and First Officer, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Your Potential and Why Women Value Loyalty

October 17, 2012 By Athol Kay 35 Comments

One of the best insights in the Red Pill is that men who keep themselves physically and professionally together, can in their early forties with a little Game, have a cherry picking of women in their mid-twenties. While women in their early forties… meh not so much. I touched on that topic with Young Guy Game vs Old Guy Game. I actually had a friend phone me up after I wrote that post saying I soft peddled it way too much and that “Old Athol” would simply bury “Young Athol” in a match for “Young Jennifer’s” charms.

So the question begged then, is why don’t far more older men, bag younger women. Historically there’s always been a 2-3 year age difference between brides and grooms that’s held steady even as the average age for marriage moves toward being older. Why is that age gap only 2-3 years instead of 12-13 years? Why don’t 27 year old women routinely marry 40 year old men? Why do young women in their early twenties – at the very peak of their Sexual Marketplace buying power – settle for men in their mid-twenties?

The answer is simple…

The purchase the man not as he is, but as he shall be… potentially.

Or put more plainly, they’ll marry a med student because he’ll become a doctor, not because he’s a med student. They’ll marry a young business guy because he’ll become a captain of industry. They’ll marry a musician because he’ll become the rock star.

Your potential is a somewhat nebulous thing though. Shit happens. The economy tanks. People get laid off. We don’t all get to grow up to be astronauts.

In some cases, your marriage is tanking because she’s emotionally involved with another man… the mental image of the you that reached your potential. The fact that you did pretty good when all is said and done, may not appease her when she traded a smoking hot 22-year-old body for someone that turned into a fairly good 42-year-old man. It’s not that you’re a loser because you’re not… it’s that she feels she gambled and lost.

This is why you must pay special attention you’re entire marriage to the structural attraction issues. You can’t let your career slide away into nothingness when she has a mental image of you becoming someone more than you are. She did not trade a hot 24-year-old body to end up with a fat 39-year-old man.

Likewise, if you actually keep all your shit together and become what your potential suggest you can be… you will have the opportunities to just dump her and saddle up a new hottie as a replacement wife. Her gamble on you will never pay off as she hopes unless you are loyal to her. Thus when you act disloyal, or questionably loyal, her hamster kicks into overdrive, and she takes steps to ascertain your true loyalty to her. That’s why women will always sift through your unattended, unlocked phone.

Of course men aren’t terribly different either. The level of disgust men have in watching their trim perky bride morph into Jabba the Hutt’s sister is quite acute.

Filed Under: Body Agenda and Sex Rank, Captain and First Officer, How To Choose A Wife, Nice Guys and Betaization

If I Was Single, Would I Bang Everyone?

October 13, 2012 By Athol Kay 26 Comments

Serenity: Yes, Athol, but I’m not talking about the woman’s perspective here. I’m talking about the man’s. Heck, being blunt…I’m talking about you as someone I’ve grown to respect. Okay, really over-stepping the bounds here, but do you feel this way? If single again, would you sleep with a million women just because you could? Would it really be no more than body parts to you?

Athol: It’s not over stepping bounds to ask.

If I lost Jennifer….

My Plan C: Okay this is kind of just a fantasy one lol. I’d run a free service as a sperm donor for infertile couples. Doing it the old fashioned way as the bull. The ovulating wives would get dropped off by their husbands, I’d bang them silly and then they’d leave all knocked up. Then I’d sell DVD’s of the whole studfucking thing online. I’d have to have good lawyers though lol.

My Plan B: I would run a soft harem approach. I’m not into a notch for a notches sake, but would escalate things very quickly if I was interested in someone and drop them to the bottom of the list if they weren’t terribly responsive.

No woman is just a body part to me. I love them, that’s why I’m so good with them. I mean if I liked having sex with them, why wouldn’t I keep doing it with them?

You also have to remember that I have a crazy high sex drive. I’m consciously and actively limiting myself to just Jennifer and that takes constant mental effort. I love her dearly and only my wife goggles for her makes it seem like that a deal worth making.

My Plan A: I would visit [late virgin forum member I've seen photos of] and see if there was chemistry there. I believe she would be loyal and worth the risk.

Importantly though, I’m so committed to Jennifer, that even in my fantasy where I have sex with other women, she has to die first and I have an appropriate grieving period before I go all cockzilla. That’s true love right there.

Jennifer: I think if either one of us dies the proposals will come thick and fast to the survivor.

Hmmm….

Filed Under: Captain and First Officer, Cheating and Infidelity, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0

Submissive Captain?

September 28, 2012 By Athol Kay 31 Comments

So anyway, this week is a little bit of a shaggy dog story…

It started with Sexy Moves: Comfort and Coping, where I tended to a very sick Jennifer and actually quite enjoyed looking after her. In part I enjoy it because it’s not The Most Difficult Job In The World staying at home and keeping things running smoothly. But I was also feeling aware that being at home, was leeching away at more productivity and wanted to refocus on how Being Attractive is a Daily Discipline. So I came up with a plan that both allowed me to get my day to day Care Bear quota in, but also make sure I got all the really important stuff done to maintain my Alpha frame, because after all, Effort In Quadrant Two Powers Attraction. But part of what threw me off in the first place, was that Nursing Is FemDom…

…and here we are. Welcome to awkward.

As I’ve said many times in the past, Jennifer and I used to have endless mutual submission deadlocks where we both attempted to defer to the other, and thus did nothing. “What do you wanna do?” “I don’t know, anything. What do you want to do?” Rinse and repeat. But I’d since discovered that me simply acting more dominant with Jennifer netted easy and positive relationship results. Jennifer being so naturally submissive that even mild dominance was lapped up and made her content.

And then for the last fifteen years or so, I’d go to work as a nurse, and spend all day helping, caring, supporting, tending and generally being a highly functional First Officer for the female powers that be. To be sure, how the first twelve years of that was, was different from the last three. I became far more assertive and pushed back on a lot of nonsense, and liked it less and less. There’s a world of difference between being naturally submissive and freely giving and being forcibly taken advantage off. In the end I was given an ultimatum to either allow 24/7 access to my time, or get out. The rationale given being that if I was willing to receive calls from Jennifer at work, then I should be willing to receive calls from my boss at home… Yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhh…. I’m going to go in a different direction with that.

But now I’m home.

And my submissive itch has not been scratched for a very, very long time. I actually keep a diary, because obviously a blog just isn’t enough to keep my thoughts together and looking back I can see where my mental checking out of my job and actually finishing my job, resulted in my increased grumpiness with Jennifer. Oh not all day everyday, just a background discontent that comes and goes… and maybe a five page document with an attached cheat sheet for ways to nag me in the manner I would most enjoy. Nothing like a thinker trying to be helpful.

Naturally Jennifer did none of that, because shes so naturally submissive she’d lose a staring contest with a kitten. So the short story is that now we’ve had several rounds of mutual submission deadlocks, with me breaking them by being dominant because it works, and then me feeling cranky that I had to do that. Most husbands are driven crazy by nagging, I’m driven crazy because she doesn’t nag.

The current plan is my daily schedule, which gives me some direct hands on ways to play a support role (kids to school et al), and also gives me some clear tasks to complete (writing and exercise) that Jennifer is under pain of pain to actually follow up on and ask me about. Really, that’s all it takes. I don’t need to be yelled at, just checked on and it helps me so much to know someone will ask what I did. So far it’s working, I feel more happily engaged with everyone, the house is running better and I am finally becoming productive on the writing front.

However there is also a very significant problem in that I’ve just added a huge amount of Beta Trait behavior. So I’m keenly aware that needs to be counter-balanced with Alpha, I don’t want to nerf her interest in me. It’s not going to work if a month from now she’s cranky at me because she’s not having fun either. I’ve actually been somewhat stressed out by the consideration of moving in this direction, but me not writing properly is just a critical error that has to be addressed. That’s my most important Alpha behavior in Jennifer’s eyes, physical fitness doesn’t hurt either. So gotta try something.

So…

Lots of irony really. In some ways I’m doing the opposite of what MMSL suggests and I’m still getting my head around it. It’s an experiment in progress.

Jennifer: Yeah, it’s always an experiment around here…in a good way! It’s funny how a husband and wife can see the simplest things in two totally different ways. He asked me to “nag” him about writing. I would ask how the day went when I got home from work in the late afternoon. I would be tempted during the day to text him and ask how things were going…but that might interrupt him when he was on a roll with writing! Note to self…don’t second guess, go with your first thought. So now I text him several times during the day to see how he’s doing, which helps him to stay on track (crap, she’s going to text in an hour, better be working!) but in my mind it’s not as annoying as “nagging”, it’s me checking in.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Captain and First Officer, Nice Guys and Betaization

Effort In Quadrant Two Powers Attraction

September 26, 2012 By Athol Kay 14 Comments

So following on from yesterday, the whole four quadrant thing is in my mind because I’ve been reorganizing my day. The adjustment from full time nursing and doing MMSL at night, to being at home and just MMSL has been a much bigger adjustment than I thought it would be. I easily get distracted and was finding that I simply wasn’t getting done what I really needed to get done. Oh I was certainly busy and active, just at the end of the day somehow exercise and book writing wasn’t happening.

I also cannot for the life of me write blog posts in the morning. 2.5 years of writing posts at night has basically programmed me to write posts that time of day. I just stare at the screen and eventually watch hours of YouTube if I try post writing during the day. But I was just leeching later and later into the evening. Jennifer edits my posts, so if I’m up, she’s up and then she’s over-tired and slightly… ah… starfishy… which is really my fault for keeping her up.

I’m also trying to rebalance between Jennifer and myself, who does what for chores and domestic duties. We’ve actually been mildly fighting about it in that she’s too stubborn to give some of it up. She’s all overhelping and needs to relax a little more. I’m technically a SAHD now, so there’s different ways I can help out now. Jennifer had been doing the morning routine with the girls once school started up again and wasn’t getting out of the house until 830-9am.

So anyway, my new daily plan for the week days. I’ll color all the Quadrant Two items in Red.

D1 = Eldest daughter. D2 = Youngest daughter. Also I set a number of alarms on my phone to prompt myself to start/stop things.

6am Get up, wake D1 and shower. (Alarm set)

620am prompt D1 and wake D2. Coffee, empty dishwasher, make lunches for D2 and Jennifer (she gets leftovers from dinner the night before), make protein shake.

640am Email clear / Forum check

7am D1 on bus. Prompt D2.

705 Start any laundry, eat breakfast and 30 minute walk.

750 am Drive D2 to school

810am One housecleaning task.

830am-12pm Writing book related material (Alarm set)

12pm-1pm Exercise (Alarm set)

1pm Shower, Lunch, playtime.

235pm Pick up D2 from school. (ALARM SET!)

3-5pm Clear email, forum check, 30 minute walk (with Jennifer if possible)

5-8 pm Free + Dinner

8pm Homework Prompting (Alarm set)

8-10pm MMSL Post writing, any remaining time on forum.

930pm Bedtime Prompting for Kids

10pm Kids to bed (Alarm set)

10-11pm Free Time to hang out with Jennifer

11pm Run Dishwasher, Bedtime

So, all in all, I’ve gone from about two regular hours of Quadrant Two a day, to around eight and a half. The house is about the same in terms of how clean as we weren’t living in squalor before, but the kitchen kinda sparkles now. Jennifer is getting to work earlier and getting home a little earlier and isn’t falling asleep on the couch late in the evening. The kids hear the 8pm alarm and they already have learned to just groan and get their homework. Same deal at bedtime.

The only downside is I’m on the forum a little less continuously, so I adapted there and created a 911 category for the issues that need genuine triage and get first dibs on my attention.

About 90% of my Alpha is coming from my Quadrant Two time spending. Physical health and fitness, smart guy generating income. That’s my attraction builder. All the help around the house + kids + Jennifer time is my comfort building Beta stuff.

So go plan your day.

Jennifer: It’s been an adjustment on my end too, but it’s working wonderfully. He looks happier for getting more book writing done and it’s so nice not starting my day in a rush and have more time together in the evening. It’s infectious too, I’ve found myself planning meals further ahead and prepping things in the morning. (Although I did just say to him that he’s thrown my whole sense of time off in the evening…It’s 9:18pm and I’m proofing something I am usually proofing at 11:18pm…now I feel like it should be bedtime.)

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Captain and First Officer, Nice Guys and Betaization, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

What To Do When You Don’t Get Laid On Date Night

September 24, 2012 By Athol Kay 59 Comments

Ah the Date Night, that most hallowed Blue Pill solution to marital woes. If you just had a Date Night once a week, your marriage would magically transform into the delightful paradise that is the ideal marriage.

Well it’s all very nice thinking, but glosses over that fact that 99% of the married people can’t afford a weekly Date Night and it’s also pretty hard to find a decent babysitter as well. Which I guess just makes the husband a failure for not being part of the 1%. Sweet.

Anyway…

Let’s assume like a mission to launch a cool robot to Mars, the planets have sufficiently aligned to green light an attempt at Date Night. Extra cash, check. Baby sitter, check. Expensive fun thing to do, check. Fresh breath, check. Car has gas, check. Purposefully bending over backwards not doing anything to piss her off for 72-96 hours before Date Night, check. Masturbation 24 hours before expected sex to release pressure to avoid awkward premature ejaculation, check.

Houston we have a go.

It starts off really really well. Date Night clears the tower and roars majestically upwards, it’s long tail of red hot desire lighting up the evening sky. You’re so getting laid tonight.

It’s perfect. So perfect. Nothing can go wrong.

“Ahhh… Houston we have a warning light on the Alpha tank. Repeat, warning light on Alpha.”

Then something fairly minor happens. Maybe you stay something not quite funny and it’s taken as not very funny at all. Maybe the service at the restaurant wasn’t quite up to par. Maybe even though The Olive Garden is her favorite restaurant, tonight she doesn’t want to be there for some reason. Maybe the tickets you got aren’t as close to the stage as you could have gotten them. Maybe you’re not parking the car correctly. Maybe you’re just spoiling Date Night by being stupid or insensitive.

Well at this point you’re committed to the evening, so be cool. Nothing you can do about the Alpha tank now. Just ride it out and complete the mission.

Everything goes pretty well, except she’s not really enjoying it as much as you were hoping she would. The mission is a success, you had your fancy dinner, you saw the show, you didn’t get caught staring at another woman. It’s all good. Time to head home and make a smooth landing.

Then you don’t even understand how or why it happens, Date Night just goes terribly wrong on re-entry. Instead of a joyous swooping return to earth, half-way home the First Officer starts screaming at you about something, and the whole thing just blows up.

You ain’t getting laid tonight.

You’re pissed the fuck off about it too.

She broke the unwritten contract that by having a Date Night, and plying her with food, wine, fun and maybe a surprise nice thing, you were going to get laid. How dare she do that and ruin your perfectly planned evening. Why the hell do you have to jump through so many freaking hoops just to get laid BY YOUR WIFE anyway? Good grief she’s a selfish spoiled bitch who should be having sex with you. Right? Right! …right?

Ah… yes and no…

Yes - Yes indeed getting laid on Date Night is a reasonable expectation. It’s a special night to connect and have fun together. Having sex is a great way to connect and have fun, and in fact you should have a reasonable expectation that you’ll even have somewhat above average sex that night. After all, more time to relax and ease into it, no kids, a little wine. It should all be good. That’s why you have a Date Night in the first place.

No – She’s just not attracted to you sexually. An evening of special whatever simply isn’t going to make that change in a single evening. She doesn’t want to have sex with you, so she blew it all up in your face. If she was right on the line of being interested in you, Date Night might have earned you getting laid on Date Night, but if she’s below the line if interest in you, the whole evening is just unwanted pressure to screw a guy she doesn’t want to screw.

If you were both single and this date went down, she wouldn’t go back to your place. She’d probably screen your calls out afterwards too. She’s just not interested, but she’s married to you, so she has to go back to your place and find a way to ruin the evening.

So what to do?

You have to address the yes and the no. The yes you address by saying, “I think I have a reasonable expectation of having sex on a Date Night, and I’m not going to go through that sort of evening again. If you’re willing to have sex with me on a Date Night cool, but if not, I’m not interested in having a Date Night.”

The no you address by finding a private place, where no one will find you, and having an episode of just bawling your eyes out. Admitting to yourself that she just doesn’t want to have sex with you, not even with a pretty please and a couple hundred bucks of cherry on top, feels like someone shotgunned you in the chest. I’m serious about the crying, let it out. Cry out the pain, but save the anger… and yes indeed, you will be angry about it all.

Then fix whatever the problem is that’s killing her attraction. Buy the Primer, run the MAP and get your shit together. Get yourself into the position where six months, or a year, or two years from now, she’s the one that wants you and is freaking out about possibly losing you to someone else. Don’t just rage and vent about how it’s unfair and she sucks as a wife. That’s just weakness and weakness is what got you into this mess in the first place. Actually focus your anger to motivate yourself into being not just a better man, but the best man you can be.

Or in short, if the problem is too much weaksauce Jedi, add some Sith. Easy on the Force Choking though. Never ends well.

Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me. – The Sith Code

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Captain and First Officer, Instigate Isolate and Escalate, Nice Guys and Betaization, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

The Most Difficult Job In The World

September 22, 2012 By Athol Kay 81 Comments

Here’s the headline… Is ‘Opting Out’ The New American Dream For Working Women?

The short version: Women have started to figure out that it’s more fun and easier being at home than going to work. I mean it’s better for the kids yada yada yada, whatever… There’s started to be an actual shift out of the workforce, back to the home.

Here’s the most important part of the of the article. In fact we know it’s the most important part of the article because it’s the only thing they bolded in case men read it and didn’t know what was expected of them.

But it’s true: according to our survey, 84% of working women told ForbesWoman and TheBump that staying home to raise children is a financial luxury they aspire to.

What’s more, more than one in three resent their partner for not earning enough to make that dream a reality.

So let’s speak plainly. Huge numbers of women want to go back home and raise the kids and one in three Fitness Test their husbands into a sexless marriage because he can’t provide them with their dream in a down economy.

Look, I’m really torn by this. I think having someone at home is great if you can afford it, but if you turn one spouse into the financial dependant on the other, there’s significant risk in a no-fault divorce society of an unmitigated disaster in the future. After a divorce, no matter how you slice up one income between two households, there’s going to be a ton of pain to spread around. But at the same time, it’s a bit of a return to more traditional values and thinking. Family matters, relationships matter, kids do better with an adult around rather than a key under the mat and junk-food. Hell I work from home now and I can see how everyone looks a little happier.

The great risk is that the husband that encourages/caves/allows his wife to stay home with the kids for a decade or more, really is somewhat de facto adopting her financially. She’s become his dependant. If she then ”takes early retirement” and turns into a worthless house keeper, a crappy cook, a neglectful mother, mires herself in soap operas, trolls Facebook and even cheats on him… he’s got no easy options for fixing the situation. The minimum requirement for effort as a stay at home parent, is the threshold where the state decides it needs to remove the children from the house. So unless the state moves in, all the husband can do is choose between putting up with it, or divorcing and having his wallet removed through his rectum.

The nightmare / dream is this…

So anyway…

…here’s the deal. There’s not enough to do at home once the kids are in school to keep an adult properly occupied. There’s just not. Anyone who says otherwise doesn’t want you to know how great it is being at home. So they tell you it’s the most difficult job in the world. Plus if they have an IQ over 100 they just go stir-crazy from not seeing any other adults during the day other than the mailman.

As I’ve said many times, what a stay at home person needs to be, is a SAHM or SAHD “plus something”. What that plus something is, I don’t care, you just need some sort of productive activity that your spouse or any other person can look at and say, “Yep that’s actually something of value you’re doing.” Have a part-time job, take care of someone’s elderly parent that needs some kind of assistance, special needs kids majorly up the effort needed too, run the PTA, teach music on the weekend… seriously anything other than soap operas and Facebook. Get outside and walk around if nothing else, especially if you look like a bag of soccer balls.

The truth is many SAHMs are already SAHMs+Something, but some aren’t. You have to make very very sure of things before agreeing that a working wife should become a SAHM. It’s a very significant decision, right up there with getting married in the first place.

Also for women who want the SAHM route… you’re making a serious choice too. It’s not Marriage 1.0 anymore with copious alimony, it’s Marriage 2.0 with a lot of variance in alimony and child support. Even if you “win” the divorce and get cash and prizes, you’re still likely to have a very hard time of things financially if you can’t immediately start working. Doesn’t matter how you split one income over two households, it’s going to be worse than before. You may find yourself unable to extract yourself from a truly terrible marriage because you can’t afford it. Also assume that if you are divorced and you can’t find proper employment promptly, you’re going to have to consider finding a new male partner quickly, with his income being his most important feature. Which is to say, he might bring home the bacon, but not be someone you’re terribly into getting naked with. Blowjobs on the second date and all that. Welcome to Marriage 2.ho.

Oh and $1500 of Mary Kay cosmetics in the hall closet and you selling $40 of foundation to your mother doesn’t count as “plus something”. That’s called you wasting $1460.

Filed Under: Captain and First Officer, How To Choose A Wife, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0, Nice Guys and Betaization

Getting Boys To Clean Their Room

September 16, 2012 By Athol Kay 16 Comments

Asked on the forum… “How do you get boys to clean up after themselves, or clean their room?”

Well the old behavioral standard is that you “can’t beat food or sex” for motivation. So obviously mom will use food for motivating the kids… I’ll cover using sex as a motivator on the husband some other time lol. Then we’ll see if the guys can handle the real Red Pill stuff I can teach the ladies lol.

So anyway…

Boys like food.

Room tidy routine, with clearly defining “what is clean” (nothing on the floor, bed made, clothes in hamper, whatever you decide)

Clean room = Mom’s special cupcakes / banana bread / muffins / doughnuts / whatever

Not clean room = watch your brothers eat mom’s special cupcakes / whatever

DO NOT FOLD AND GIVE THEM SPECIAL FOOD UNLESS THEIR ROOM IS CLEAN. NOT EVER.

Slice off a “big piece for daddy” and throw the remainder of the baked goods into the trash. This makes it a time sensitive offer. They can’t be brats and then ride it out and get cake later on in the day or tomorrow. If they missed out, they covet their dads piece, consider the possibility of theft, yet fear the results. If they fail the first day out, repeat it daily until they “win”.

So…

2pm “Cleaning frenzy announced” Oven on. And get baking.

3pm Room check and reward.

330pm Slice for daddy… throw remainder in the trash. Ignore howling if they fail. Just let their tears nourish your spirit.

Do random cleaning frenzies. It makes it more effective.

My bet is after a few times, you’ll be asked “Mommy, can we play the room cleaning game today?”

Jennifer: I vote for giving the leftovers that non-cleaning kids are not getting to the neighbor/work/etc instead of the trash can lol…

Filed Under: Captain and First Officer, Girl Game and Sexy Wives

Red Pill Do Us Start

September 13, 2012 By Athol Kay 28 Comments

AnonJohn: What would Red Pill Marriages Vows look/sound like?

I promise to have and to hold you, unless you get too big to hold?

In sickness and health, maybe, but definitely only in richer and not for poorer?

You’re my one and only unless you don’t give it up?

Does anyone have any real suggestions?

Athol: Well being completely Red Pill about this, the vows are meaningless because the actual legal agreement you’re making is whatever the marriage law is in your state. From ye olde achives… Dershowitz and Feinstein and the Legally Binding Threesome.

Jodi always kind of rolls her eyes a little at that. She just says that Connecticut is a No Fault divorce State, and basically anytime either one of us wants out she’ll be happy to tear up the marriage license and start deciding how to divide up half of everything. But we tell her “we made vows though”, she just sips her tea and says it’s all a verbal agreement and inadmissible in a court of law.

“In fact” she says, “you could have said nothing in that little church, or you could have said vows in Latin, Elvis could have been your best man, Joan of Arc the Maid of Honor and Moses could have done the service and it all wouldn’t matter any different.” She paused for effect… “you could have just sung Puff the Magic Dragon to each other for all I care. The marriage license is your consent to the marriage agreement as defined by Connecticut Marriage Law. That’s what your marriage agreement is.”

We look across at Dershowtiz and Feinstein. They look bored.

All that being said, it does kind of make having a get together to celebrate getting married a little awkward if you don’t hold hands and say something all sappy about getting married. Well maybe not sappy, but at least meaningful… marriage is a big committment after all.

So here’s a crack at something to say on your special day…

Do you both agree to have an exclusive, vibrant and engaged sexual relationship together? (We do)

Do you both agree to meet the other’s need for sexual consensuality and safety? (We do)

As each other’s only sexual partner, do you both agree to explore and experiment, seeking to discover and meet each others needs for variety and pleasure? (We do)

Do you both agree to love, support and nurture any children you have together? (We do)

Do you both agree to forgo the right to privacy from each other and allow each other full access to each others personal communications and whereabouts at any and all times? (We do)

Do you both agree to join your finances together, have full access to each others financial information and file your taxes together as a couple? (We do)

Do you both agree to allow to each other full access to medical information and act on any health concerns? (We do)

Do you both agree to commit yourself to maintaining good personal health, fitness and appearance? (We do)

Do you both agree to maintain a home, engage in productive work and be a positive force in each other’s lives? (We do)

Do you both agree to give each other a fair and documented warning of any potential relationship breaking problems? (We do)

Do you [Name] agree to act as the First Officer of the relationship, seeking to support, advise, respect and accept all else that entails? (I do)

Do you [Name] agree to act as the Captain of the relationship, seeking to lead, listen, appreciate and accept all else that entails? (I do)

Do you both love each other? (We do)

Anyway, that’s what I came up with this fine evening.

As off the cuff as this is, the future is going to be very interesting as this sort of thing becomes less and less of a playful concern, and the possibility of private contracts comes more and more into play. The more I wrote the more I wanted to write. It was a minor challenge to not start writing it out as a legal contract lol. I can certainly see that in the future, Marriage 3.0 might be far more of a “check the boxes for what you want to agree to” sort of deal. The legalities signed up for online via the Google Marriage app of something. Short term contracts might be a possibility too.

What I do know is this, though – men and women are still going to want to be in relationships with each other. The question is how that is managed as a society.

Filed Under: Captain and First Officer, How To Choose A Wife, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0

Do Not Take Me For Some Conjurer of Cheap Tricks

September 12, 2012 By Athol Kay 33 Comments

Some friendly disagreement about my post Why The “No Divorce” Belief Can Ruin Your Marriage from Vox and Simon. So let me just double up on my assertions.

Women are more attracted to men who can dump them and replace them at will, than men that cannot. Being able to dump her and move on to a new woman easily is heavy duty Alpha street cred and women are attracted to that. Totally removing divorce from the choice of options is a nerfing of the husbands Alpha. It’s a built in structural weakness to the regular Christian husbands ability to game his wife. It’s like you’re competing against guys running the 100m Dash while you run the 110m Hurdles.

Naturally of course a husband needs to bring Beta to the mix to reassure her that she’s not going to be dumped for no good reason, and to create overall relationship comfort. Plus to be quite blunt, I’m absolutely not in favor of frivolous divorce. Divorce is always, always, always the last resort… but sometimes you just gotta draw some total BS to a close and move on with your life.

The truth of the matter is that Christian women work just like every other woman. They get more attracted to a man who openly admits he would divorce them for slacking off for no reason, and lose attraction to a man who says that he would never divorce them for any reason. Every time you warble your unconditional love song, she eats another slice of cake. A confident man that can demand a woman be her best for him is hot. Couple that with him not demanding what she can’t reasonably do, and paying her affectionate attention, and you’ve got the sweet spot of married game.

The honest truth is that 99% of all Christian men come to me at their wits end, after everything else has failed for them and I am truly their last resort. I mean if you’re a Christian, coming to an Atheist for marriage advice must feel like asking Jamaicans for snow removal tips. So let me put it this way, having run MMSL for 2.5 years now, I’ve seen a cycle of interaction so often it’s now a cliche to me.

First the Christian husband finally reaches a breaking point with the combination of his belief and state of his marriage, and in an icy rage put divorce squarely back on the table. At that point I’m usually trying to slow their rush to divorce down… the first few days it’s usually a big victim puke session and I let them vent… and then they really start looking at Phase Three to Seven as being allowable and begin working toward it in earnest. (Which could take months or years depending on where they are at)

Then far more often than not… guess what happens…

“Magically” the wife turns herself around and starts paying him more respect, more attention, more deference and more sexy time. And that’s more sexy time after a very long time for a lot of these guys. The husband finally acting like he could potentially dump her and replace her, re-attracts her. Marriage saved, sex life restarted, kids growing up in an intact family, divorce lawyers eating Ramen noodles and missing car payments.

The truth of the matter is that MMSL has Christian women as my highest book buying demographic. I’m not kidding about that. They buy it for themselves, they buy it for their husbands, and their sons and brothers. They are turned on by the idea of being First Officers and being held to standards of behavior in exchange for compassionate leadership from their man. Let me repeat that… they are turned on by that.

Look I know if you’re a Christian reading this, it’s all utterly appalling to read and it just seems so totally wrong. Just believe me when I say I’ve seen it work over and over and over again. Where that fits or doesn’t fit into your theology or morals is up to you. As I keep saying, I don’t care what you believe, I’m not trying to make people Atheists, I’m just here to save marriages and help people. I only care about your religion as much as it gets in the way of me getting you back to a happy marriage, sex life, or whatever it is you want to happen.

I’m not trying to rob you. I’m trying to help you.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Captain and First Officer, Girl Game and Sexy Wives, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0, The Male Action Plan (MAP)