Girl Game and Sexy Wives | Married Man Sex Life

Do Not Take Me For Some Conjurer of Cheap Tricks

September 12, 2012 By Athol Kay 33 Comments

Some friendly disagreement about my post Why The “No Divorce” Belief Can Ruin Your Marriage from Vox and Simon. So let me just double up on my assertions.

Women are more attracted to men who can dump them and replace them at will, than men that cannot. Being able to dump her and move on to a new woman easily is heavy duty Alpha street cred and women are attracted to that. Totally removing divorce from the choice of options is a nerfing of the husbands Alpha. It’s a built in structural weakness to the regular Christian husbands ability to game his wife. It’s like you’re competing against guys running the 100m Dash while you run the 110m Hurdles.

Naturally of course a husband needs to bring Beta to the mix to reassure her that she’s not going to be dumped for no good reason, and to create overall relationship comfort. Plus to be quite blunt, I’m absolutely not in favor of frivolous divorce. Divorce is always, always, always the last resort… but sometimes you just gotta draw some total BS to a close and move on with your life.

The truth of the matter is that Christian women work just like every other woman. They get more attracted to a man who openly admits he would divorce them for slacking off for no reason, and lose attraction to a man who says that he would never divorce them for any reason. Every time you warble your unconditional love song, she eats another slice of cake. A confident man that can demand a woman be her best for him is hot. Couple that with him not demanding what she can’t reasonably do, and paying her affectionate attention, and you’ve got the sweet spot of married game.

The honest truth is that 99% of all Christian men come to me at their wits end, after everything else has failed for them and I am truly their last resort. I mean if you’re a Christian, coming to an Atheist for marriage advice must feel like asking Jamaicans for snow removal tips. So let me put it this way, having run MMSL for 2.5 years now, I’ve seen a cycle of interaction so often it’s now a cliche to me.

First the Christian husband finally reaches a breaking point with the combination of his belief and state of his marriage, and in an icy rage put divorce squarely back on the table. At that point I’m usually trying to slow their rush to divorce down… the first few days it’s usually a big victim puke session and I let them vent… and then they really start looking at Phase Three to Seven as being allowable and begin working toward it in earnest. (Which could take months or years depending on where they are at)

Then far more often than not… guess what happens…

“Magically” the wife turns herself around and starts paying him more respect, more attention, more deference and more sexy time. And that’s more sexy time after a very long time for a lot of these guys. The husband finally acting like he could potentially dump her and replace her, re-attracts her. Marriage saved, sex life restarted, kids growing up in an intact family, divorce lawyers eating Ramen noodles and missing car payments.

The truth of the matter is that MMSL has Christian women as my highest book buying demographic. I’m not kidding about that. They buy it for themselves, they buy it for their husbands, and their sons and brothers. They are turned on by the idea of being First Officers and being held to standards of behavior in exchange for compassionate leadership from their man. Let me repeat that… they are turned on by that.

Look I know if you’re a Christian reading this, it’s all utterly appalling to read and it just seems so totally wrong. Just believe me when I say I’ve seen it work over and over and over again. Where that fits or doesn’t fit into your theology or morals is up to you. As I keep saying, I don’t care what you believe, I’m not trying to make people Atheists, I’m just here to save marriages and help people. I only care about your religion as much as it gets in the way of me getting you back to a happy marriage, sex life, or whatever it is you want to happen.

I’m not trying to rob you. I’m trying to help you.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Captain and First Officer, Girl Game and Sexy Wives, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Why The “No Divorce” Belief Can Ruin Your Marriage

September 10, 2012 By Athol Kay 47 Comments

Okey-dokey, I gotta talk about this post on The Bible and Divorce over at Alpha Game.

And as my standard disclaimer when I talk about religious thought – I’m an ex-Christian and now an atheist so be advised. I don’t care about any particular belief about God / Jesus / The Flying Spaghetti Monster / The Star Goat of Thollian IV, my only interest in religion is how it affects your marriage for better or for worse. I’m not debating belief, just pointing out what I see. It’s up to you guys to figure out how well my thought meshes with your religion.

Anyway, here’s the original reader question…

My marriage is in bad shape. I have dug pretty thoroughly and do not believe there has been any actual sexual activity by my wife with anyone else. However, I have discovered other things that cause me to seriously doubt whether this marriage can ever rise to the level of mediocre. I now see her with eyes of contempt mixed with love (still). It’s a weird/unpleasant combination.

I would greatly appreciate your views on what are biblically solid grounds for divorce. I have come to the edge where I am about to prefer divorce over trying to rebuild/game up/man up/whatever. However, my preference does not matter if it violates God’s commands. I would rather suffer in obedience to God than seek pleasure in rebellion.

Minus the question of my view on biblical grounds for divorce, I hear this exact same question from a reader about twice a month. “I’ve tried everything, but I can’t divorce because I’m a Christian. What do I do?” So this isn’t an academic question to me, it’s a real world issue and I do my best to help out. Unfortunately the “no divorce” rule makes Christian men very resistant with doing what they need to do to fix their marriage. They always worry it’s going to crash and burn into a sinful divorce. So they play it far too safe and end up bringing a banana to the knife fight.

Here’s the key problem that Christians miss with their “no divorce” platform. Once you remove the possibility of divorce from the equation, there is no longer an effective consequence for what would otherwise be a genuine relationship breaking problem. Which means relationship breaking problems can never effectively be addressed and end up simply being tolerated. Oh sure you can beg and plead and pray and take her to the elders and they can frown at her yada yada yada, but that’s all just talk and making threatening gestures with the banana. Like she cares about that. Thus the “no divorce” platform can actually be a significant causal factor in a really shitty Christian marriage.

Let me explain…

Jennifer and I love each other a great deal and there’s not a whole lot we wouldn’t do for each other. But we both have a great deal of expectations about the other, that we know are simply deal breakers if broken/not met. For example, if I ever hit Jennifer in anger, I’m pretty damn sure that it’s over between us. No counseling, no thinking about it, I’m just a bit too big compared to her for her to ever relax around me again. It would be over. Jennifer can hit me once. I don’t know why that is, I think because if she ever hit me I would have earned it by not listening for way too long and generally being an asshat. But hit me twice and it’s over. Thus we have a standard of behavior and a serious consequence for breaking it. No hitting. End of discussion.

We also have an agreement that we’ll both work. Sure Jennifer and I slack off once in a while and do nothing, but that’s a rest after a long period of working. If that rest turned into a consistent pattern of one of us just slacking off and doing nothing much, that’s not going to be tolerated. We don’t have to be making a ton of money, we just can’t be permanently lazy. If lazy goes on for long enough, the other would start getting unpleasant about it. Ultimately if the other person downed tools and refused to pick them up, I don’t see that lasting much more than a couple months before divorce would be coming to the surface as a considered option. Thus we have a standard of behavior and a serious consequence for breaking it. We’ll both work and hold up our end of the marriage. End of discussion.

We also have an agreement that we’ll both stay basically attractive to each other and have a strong sex life. Jennifer knows that if she just lets herself go and/or stops being a fun sexual partner for me, I’m gonna head for the door. I also know that if I become a crappy sex partner for her, she’s not going to be able to be responsive to me the way I want her to be. I’m not going to reasonably expect her to be into me if I’ve let myself go, or if I’m cruel to her. So I treat her very well. Our marriage is a sexual relationship, that’s why we’re married. Thus we have a standard of behavior and a serious consequence for breaking it. Sexy Time is very important. End of discussion.

So our standards and willingness to enforce genuine relationship breaking issues with the ultimate consequence, means that we never actually develop those relationship breaking issues. Our willingness to divorce, averts divorce.

But, if Jennifer figured out that I would never, ever, under any circumstances divorce her because of my religious beliefs, that would allow her a lot more leeway on those standards of behavior. Maybe she could scream and yell in the kitchen about something. Maybe she could bounce a cup off my head on alternate Tuesdays. Maybe she could come home one day and tell me she just quit her job because it was all so tiring and made her unhappy. Maybe she could put on 100 pounds. Maybe she could cut me back to once a month sex. Maybe she could take all the money and go shopping for cute outfits for her little purse dog. Or maybe she could buy $1500 of Mary Kay cosmetics to “start her business” and only sell $40 worth to her mother.

Or based on the emails I get… she could do all of that at once.

Because I would never be allowed to divorce, can you see how I’m screwed? I can’t really do anything to stop myself from being trapped in this horrible marriage. I mean what I am going to do? Ground her? Be mad? Sure I can make myself look sexier and all hot, but that’s no threat if I can’t leave her and hook up with someone else. I’d have to just stick it out and love her unconditionally.

Do. Not. Want.

See how blindly being on the “no divorce” platform can ruin your marriage?

So let me come around at this from a different angle to hopefully help my Christian friends understand this better. The original guy’s key statement is this…

“I would rather suffer in obedience to God than seek pleasure in rebellion.”

Dude you have it backwards. As the Captain of the household, you are responsible for the safety, well being, happiness, and overall functionality of your household. Complaining that your wife is crappy isn’t very Captainy. My hunch is that your actual problem is that you’ve been asleep at the switch for the longest time, too frightened to actually stand up for yourself. You’ve been without effective demands for some basic standards of behavior and she’s just run riot on you. Your whole marriage is like trample porn without the nudity.* Whether you want to admit it or not, she’s always looked to you to act like the Captain. It’s not 100% her fault that you’re in this pickle. Some of it is her fault, but some of it is yours… and because the Captain is always more responsible than the First Officer, it’s more your fault than hers. The Captain is last off the ship and doesn’t ask for a legal loophole to allow him to be first to the lifeboats. That’s what being the Captain means.

Or put in Christanese… you’ve been disobedient to God the whole time you haven’t been taking responsibility for your marriage. You’re in rebellion now.

And yeah I know what Jesus said, but he wasn’t giving advice in a Marriage 2.0 world was he. Maybe he would have said something different if the wives could call the Roman soldiers in to arrest their husbands for not appreciating the meatloaf appropriately. As it was, a divorced woman in Jesus’s time was pretty much going to have to learn to turn tricks, which literally sucks… so I’m with JC on that one.

So my advice is pretty simple, put things right. Both in you and in her. Set some standards for behavior for each other. Allow time for everything to work itself out and change direction, there are no instant fixes with marriages, but you can greatly improve things. If you put in the proper effort with the right attitude, you have a reasonable chance of making things better. If you do all the right things and she proves herself to be utterly defiant and unwilling to hold up her end of the marriage agreement, that’s her choice to make and you may as well accept it. If so, then just let her go and be Gods plan for feral cat colony management.

Jennifer: The whole no divorce thing is important because you can’t over react to every little thing and reach for the divorce button. I don’t worry Athol would ever leave me for something silly, but there’s plenty that can go wrong in a marriage that isn’t cheating. We respect each other.

* No offense intended to believers of The Star Goat of Thollian IV

Filed Under: Captain and First Officer, Girl Game and Sexy Wives, How To Choose A Wife, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0, Nice Guys and Betaization, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Proof Good Wives Are Out There (And How To Test For One)

September 4, 2012 By Athol Kay 30 Comments

Sometimes even I get surprised. I was expecting that I was going to get a at least some negative to guarded reaction to buying Jennifer pots and pans (of her choice) for her birthday in yesterday’s post.

Instead this is the reaction I got in the comments, and believe me, I’m not even cherry picking a handful of good ones, this is about 75% of all the comments. Just listen to the women talking here. I’m so tired of being told I found Jennifer riding around on a unicorn. These are fairly standard female MMSL readers and I’m proud of all of them. Perhaps a really cool kitchen item is an acid test you should throw the way of a prospective bride before you sign on the dotted line. Looking back, I’m pretty sure Jennifer would have loved a cool household item from the start.

Kort: My parents gave me my grandmother’s pots and pans, that still have the warranty on them, for a housewarming gift. And let me know that, as soon as the next piece in the set comes out, they’ll get that for me, too. They are closely guarded and much beloved. I bought myself the expensive vacuum for my 30th. I’d earned it.

Seriously, I love practical gifts. If my hubby got me the non-stick pans I’ve been eyeing for Christmas, it’d be a major step in the right direction. It would show that, after 10+ years, he knows me. Yeah, I’m betting I get the bath and body works gift set that I’m allergic to and a sweater.

Yep, totally jealous of Jennifer. And to all the haters: there is nothing wrong with getting a good set of pots and pans for a major birthday!

Julia: We’ve usually gone the practical route also; foot massager, kitchen ware, woodworking tools, etc. How much can you really do with a piece of jewelry? At least you still put in the effort to do the gift exchange thing; we’ve slacked off the past few years.

Mike 43: For one of my wife’s birthday, I bought an expensive mixer. I mean, 300 dollar range. She’d been pining over it for months, so I got it for her. I let slip that I bought it at work, and the ladies were horrified. But now that I think of it, it may have been of my surety that should would regard it as a great gift, or that she did. They all asked how she liked it, I just grinned.

Anacaona: Oh I love kitchen tools! Totally good presents in my book

Shanna: @Mike43 I totally want one of those mixers! Lucky. (said in Napoleon Dynamite’s voice) Anyone who would be horrified at that or the pans Jennifer got couldn’t be my friend. OH and I just got a scale for my bday, too! It tells me bodyfat, muscle, BMI. I love it. Actually if someone buys you a scale that must mean you’re NOT fat. Because if you WERE fat and they bought you a scale, that’s just rude, right? Love the ceramic pans! I mean- who wants to die of Dupont Teflon poisoning?

Lindy: Hubby got me a nice set of stainless steel pots and pans the Xmas before we got married (we don’t do non-stick b/c we’re dirty hippies). I loved it!

Jessie: Happy Birthday! I always want practical presents, too. I think I’m the only girl in America that would cry if I got jewelry. But I do a happy dance over appliances, knives, etc. And my favorite present ever was my all-clad pots and pans.

Bleeping Slooty: The best holiday gift I ever got was a Kitchenaid mixer. I hope this Christmas I finally get that sexy Dyson vacuum cleaner. (I have an internet nerd crush on the Dyson vacuum guy.)

Jacquie: Twenty years ago I was read the riot act by a woman we’d just met and struck up a conversation with in the mall. I mentioned that we were there shopping for a stainless steel colander I’d asked for as a gift from my husband. She tried to make me feel pretty rotten for wanting something practical instead of jewelry or flowers and such, in front of my husband; and went on and on about how if her man got her something practical like that she’d make him wear it. We both remembered that incident recently in our red pill awakening and just had to chuckle. Glad to be here and know we’re not the only ones who think like this.

Wendy: I wasn’t jealous until I read that they are ceramic. Score! Happy Birthday Jennifer

HeSedSheSed: Ha. I got a Dyson Vacuum for Valentine’s Day….and I LOVED IT!

Anonymouse: At least I’m not alone in my desire for housewares as gifts Happy birthday Jennifer!

Stingray: This is awesome. My husband bought a new carpet cleaner from a neighbor once that he decided he didn’t want after he brought it home. We just bought it from him since he was just going to take it back. My husband told him it was going to be my Valentine’s day present (which we don’t celebrate) and this guy nearly choked to death. “You’re giving it to her for what?!?!?!?!” It was hysterical. And it was a wonderful present.

Practical presents like this are wonderful, especially if they are something you would never spend the money on otherwise or buy ones that are as high quality. It is such a nice surprise to open the box and see something in there you have really wanted around the house, that you have been doing without because it’s not really necessary, but would be oh-so-useful. Those are my very favorite gifts.

Julie: Great birthday gift in my mind! Ya know what my husband got me for my last birthday? A lovely apron and new dish towels!!!! He got them because that is what I asked for! They were from Williams-Sonoma and not cheap. I love kitchen items for gifts because I LOVE to cook and bake for my man and my kids. I don’t care what anyone else thinks-fabulous gifts for me! I actually don’t want jewelry as with two little boys I am constantly cleaning up messes, changing dirty diapers, wiping up spills, being puked on, etc. Not practical for this stage in my life.

RedPillNewb: My wife can’t stand frivolous things like flowers or jewelry. I get great mileage out of intentionally outraging other women with stories of my gifts (or lack of gifts). I can’t understand why they think they should be outraged on behalf of a woman they hardly know if that woman doesn’t get something they would want.

RedPillWifey: Nothing wrong with practical. Happy birthday Jennifer!

Jennifer: Thanks for all the birthday wishes! And yes I would have loved a cool house present from the start…although Athol was the cook at the start of our marriage so I wouldn’t have known what to do with an expensive mixer or something lol…

Filed Under: Girl Game and Sexy Wives, How To Choose A Wife, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0

Unleashing Your Inner Bitch

August 31, 2012 By Athol Kay 16 Comments

An old saying that I just made up is “Scratch a lady, find a whore.”

Most married women try pretty hard to be good girls and squish down the simmering primal desires inside of them. In reality, about 60% of the time the Rationalization Hamster is doing things like convincing them to not put a toddler down for a nap by way of a choke hold. 30% of the time it’s trying to figure out what’s for dinner. Only 10% of the time is it trying to figure out how to get some other dude’s semen without being caught by their husband. So relax, it’s really not as bad as you think.

So without further ado ladies, put your hamsters in neutral, relax, sit back and live your primal impulses out vicariously for the next two minutes through ascended master Lois Griffin. (NSFW)

Anyway…

…I’m not saying add the whole Lois Griffin to your personality, because that two minutes was nothing but her moments of being Batshit Crazy from ten seasons of Family Guy. But she is kinda hot, and if you can admit to yourself you actually enjoyed watching it, maybe you should let your hair down just a little more.

If you wanna know why your husband isn’t paying attention to you, maybe it’s because you’re a little boring. If you’re a total pushover for him, actually testing him a little can be kinda fun for both of you. It’s all about finding the balance. Mixing the Alpha fun and sexy play with the Beta comfort of home and hearth. Always balance.

Unless of course some bitch is putting moves on your man…

Jennifer: We’re not all high strung drama queens. This is something I’ve had to work on. Some of it is just standing up for yourself and some of it is actually demanding what you want. I’m a stronger person overall these days.

Filed Under: Girl Game and Sexy Wives, How To Choose A Wife, Humor and Everything Else, Nice Guys and Betaization

Break The Premarital Sex Rules, Win Valuable Prizes

August 29, 2012 By Athol Kay 29 Comments

Reader: Hi Athol, I’ve reading your blog for a few months now and I’ve gone through some of the archives but I have not seen this question addressed although I’m sure it has. Do you need to have sex before marriage in order to know you will enjoy sex with that person later? To know that you have “chemistry”? Or is all that is needed is two willing partners willing to work towards pleasing each other? So that in essence, you could have good sex with anybody.

Thank you for your time.

Athol: In short, most penises fit into most vaginas, so it will probably be just fine. If you’ve kissed each other a ton and you feel you have chemistry when you do that, you’ve got chemistry.

But… day-um marriage is high stakes poker these days. So I’m just going to go out on a limb and assume you have, or are about to have, a fiance, and you’re from a conservative religious background.

So….

Rather than reach into the morality bag for a large stick to beat you with, let’s just say that the plan to wait until marriage is called the Virginity Strategy. The basic plan being that if you wait until marriage, you arrive unsullied, without baggage, without bad experiences and with all that pristine sexuality, you and your bride merge easily and happily into a really high quality sexual relationship.

The good news is that really can be all true. The Virginity Strategy really can work out really well for a couple. But it’s not a perfect plan and some people end up with dramatic sexual failures as a result. Sometimes you discover some kind of unknown sexual incompatibility. Sometimes the Virginity Strategy is purposely used by one half of the couple as a smoke screen to hide a known sexual dysfunction or non-heterosexual orientation. I know of several couples where the husband was discovered to be gay after the wedding, one case of micropenis, multiple cases where the wife refused nearly all sexual contact with her husband after the wedding due to prior undisclosed rape trauma. All pretty major problems resulting in the marriage being an epic fail. I’d love to be able to stay that the Virginity Strategy is a perfect strategy, but it’s only a pretty good one.

So my advice is to adhere to the Virginity Strategy, but cover the risks inherent in it by having sex during the engagement. If you want to save intercourse for the wedding night, that’s fine by me, but you should at least have an understanding of how to get each other off before the wedding. You should see that each other has a working set of bits and you’re not marrying into an obvious sexual failure.

The Teachman study suggests the primary benefit of “not having sex before marriage” is the low partner / cohabitation count as opposed to the waiting for marriage part. So if your partner count is just one, whether your wife became your sex partner before or after you married her, has no real effect on the marriage outcome. The benefit is that you married your one and only.

With Jennifer and myself, we did have sex before marriage. Frankly I think that was absolutely vital for us to be bonded to each other to have survived our long distance courtship. To be quite blunt, I think a number of my girlfriend relationships fell apart because I wasn’t having sex with them. I’m pretty damn sure that my first serious girlfriend and I had that as a issue. So sexual activity with Jennifer was I think a key part in making it to the wedding. Yeah we broke the goody-two-shoes rules and it worked out just fine for us.

I also know of a few couples that “did the right thing” and waited during the engagement and one half of the couple simply became impatient with waiting and started having sex with someone else. Yes indeed they cheated and were in the wrong for doing so, but I also think if the other set of rules were broken and they were actually getting laid by their future spouse… it all was much less likely to have turned into a cheating situation. To be blunt, it’s a highly unnatural situation for a young couple to not have sex together for an extended amount of time. There’s a fine line between being “sexually moral” and “modeling sexual dysfunction.”

Bearing in mind that I am an atheist when I say this… a wedding ceremony provides a trivial amount of genuine bonding compared to your biological response to each other during sex. Or as the bible puts it, when you have sex together you become “One Flesh.” So if you want the religious viewpoint, One Flesh trumps anything that happens in the church. Not just by a little bit… by a lot.

What happens in a church wedding, legally bonds you to your spouse in multiple and serious ways. With some degree of irony, what actually happens in a church wedding is simply the frosting covering over a quite worldly contract and you really should have a lawyer present for before you sign. The actual spiritual connection between a couple happens in the Holiday Inn when you told everyone you were going out to see The Avengers again. (See what I did there?)

So maybe I’m just cynical, but I think you should figure out whether or not the One Flesh routine actually works for you both, before you sign the paperwork to change your tax filing status and become co-responsible for each other’s debts.

But don’t misunderstand, I think it’s a very strong benefit that Jennifer and I have only had P-in-V sex with each other. That’s a huge factor in our marriage and a reason why Jennifer is okay with me doing everything I do with MMSL. It’s no secret that I struggle with monogamy on a Body Agenda level, but rationally I know it, and she, has been the making of both me and so much of my overall happiness. That being said, I kinda like that Jennifer was so into me she was willing to break the rules to have me. She kinda likes that I was the sort of guy who made her want to break the rules. Being Alpha is more fun, so you may as well establish you’re a force of nature during the engagement.

Mood music lol…

Filed Under: Body Agenda and Sex Rank, Girl Game and Sexy Wives, How To Choose A Wife, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0

The Male Chastity Low Testosterone Workaround

August 28, 2012 By Athol Kay 30 Comments

Cut and paste inspiration from the forum…

Serenity: Like many women on the Forum, I’m here because my husband is low T and low sex drive, complicated by the usual ED and PE issues that low T can cause. This issue has complicated our marriage for the last 5-6 years, with increasing severity until back in May, I finally issued an ultimatum. That (finally!) caught my husband’s attention enough that he was willing to try to work on the problem. Here’s his e-mail to Athol: (I got his permission to post this.)

Like all the other low T guys on the forum I need some advice. My T levels are very low, on thyroid and supplemental T along with DHEA. Still my sex drive is low, my wife has a high sex rank. I need some advice on how to increase my sex drive? Is there some insight that you can help me with, maybe some techniques that can help until my T levels rise? Once we have sex, it takes me about a week to build up to have it again. This is putting a real strain on our marriage and I am so lucky that she has not found someone else to fulfill her needs. She is awesome and has put up with a lot (or in this case little) for quite sometime. We were having sex 3 times a week but then I was unable and it turned into a week before we did again. I am putting her through a roller coaster of not knowing if we will have sex or not. My wife writes on the forum and we both read it every night. She introduced it to me and I have to say that I was amazed how many other people are having this issue. We are going through the Primer together.

Here’s Athol’s Response:

Athol: Two ideas. (1) Lie side by side and have you finger her to orgasm. While you’re doing that, have her holding your penis and gently stroking it, without worrying about trying to get you off or anything. By the time she comes to orgasm, see how you’re doing in the penis department. That combination of sensation for you, her excitement, and the distraction from you “trying to get hard” is often effective. (2) You don’t have to orgasm every time you have sex together. That should help your interest build from session to session rather than bottom out after having an orgasm yourself. Any given night could be more about pleasuring her, than trying to get you off. You might still only come to orgasm once a week or whatever, but she’s going to get more sexual attention and pleasure through the week. Neither is a perfect solution, but workarounds that might help. I hope it works for you both.

Ya’ll, *Life Changing*. We’ve been trying this for about 2 weeks now and it is an amazing transformation for us. For the first time in years, I’m in love with my husband. I forgot how good that feels!! I don’t feel angry with him all the time. He is actually pursuing me, especially by the 3th or 4th night of us fooling around with no orgasm for him. He can’t keep his hands off me, and I walk through my day smiling. We’re still experimenting with how many nights before he orgasms to see what’s optimal for us. Another interesting side effect is that in trying not to orgasm, he’s learning to control his ejaculation better. (Before, he was so quick, PIV was over almost before I started enjoying it.) Now he can go for a super long time (with pauses when he gets too close). The best part is that it has taken all the pressure off him. He doesn’t feel like he *has* to be hard, and funnily enough he’s a lot harder. Most of all, I think he’s finally started enjoying his sexuality again, after years of feeling like a loser. It definitely boosts his ego to have me whimpering and at his mercy night after night. lol If you try this, I’d love to hear your results. Thinking maybe we can all share different techniques that work. Athol Kay you rock !!

Athol: I think the work around is simple enough to not need more explanation. It’s actually a variant on the standard male chastity play without all the extra mind games and nasty bits of plastic padlocked to your penis. (Newsflash to people with nasty bits of plastic padlocked to your penis: If your erection hurts inside it, that’s bad. If your erection used to hurt inside it, but doesn’t hurt anymore, that’s really bad. Stop being a dumbass and injuring your penis.)

Anyway… I think it’s potentially going to get him through the psychological re-building confidence stage after having gone to the doctors and actually gotten testosterone supplementation. Best case scenario we hear back in a few months that hubby doesn’t need the workaround… though Serenity seems to be really enjoying it and might not like to stop lol. So attention hubby: If she comes at you with a nasty bit of plastic, don’t let her padlock it to your penis.

And of course… if you suspect low testosterone in yourself or your husband, the first port of call is labwork with your primary doctor. Also have a peek at Peak Testosterone. It’s a fairly good resource to start with and totally free. I don’t agree with the low-fat / vegetarian stuff though.

All in all though, it’s a big win and basically instantly too. You’re welcome.

Filed Under: Girl Game and Sexy Wives, Sexual Health Issues, Sexy Moves

Fifty Shades of Grey

August 27, 2012 By Athol Kay 31 Comments

So after my weekend away I crashed all morning and read Fifty Shades of Grey. So my review…

Vanilla Girl with no discernible personality has two Beta orbiters, meets Super-Alpha who struggles with supplying Beta. Vanilla Girl gets wet panties but uncomfortable because of lack of Beta. Vanilla Girl struggles with BDSM desires of Super-Alpha… but cannot resist him like a moth to a very well hung flame.

Anyway… the damn books have out sold the entire Harry Potter series and appear to be keeping Barnes and Noble from going the way of Borders. So you may as well just kiss the custom leather riding crop and assume the position, because the entire world is going to try and cash in on this one over the next few years.

And… as always, anytime the regular non-book buying public actually buy books, all the regular book buying public say the writing is crappy. Go hamster go.

The takeaway is pretty damn clear… millions of women would apparently love, love, love, love, crave, an Alpha male to put his fingers in their ~~honey pot~~ life and stir it up a bit. Women like a little taste of the metaphorical (or consensual literal) whip once in a while. Learn it, love it, live it.

Also being a billionaire smooths over pretty much everything. Working on it lol.

Filed Under: Girl Game and Sexy Wives, Instigate Isolate and Escalate, Nice Guys and Betaization

What Exactly Is A Red Pill Woman?

August 11, 2012 By Athol Kay 45 Comments

GMAC asked in passing on Facebook today… “So what is a Red Pill Woman?” in response to someone I didn’t know describing herself as a “Red Pill Woman.” I have to say it’s a great question, I’ve written a lot about Girl Game and Sexy Wives for a long time now, but never actually thought to define what the idealized Red Pill woman is like.

Anyway… let’s have a crack at it.

(1) Understands that physical appearance and her looks are what attracts men’s sexual interest. She stays in shape and while every waking minute she may not be dressed to the nines, neither does she get mistaken for a slob. She “looks good for [insert age]”

(2) Understands that all her skills, effort, kindness, intelligence and “inner beauty” et al, is what creates relationship comfort and makes her someone capable of having a functional relationship with.

(3) Understands that what she does with her vagina always has some sort of consequence.

(4) Understands that there is a sexual marketplace, and that women have an earlier peak of sexual desirability than men do. That the point (1) stuff comes very easily to young women, and that the point (2) and (3) stuff pays off over the longer term.

(5) Understands that men are the gatekeepers of commitment and that committed men place extreme value on sexual loyalty.

(6) Doesn’t need a man to save her from her own folly. Will not tolerate a relationship with a man that requires her to save him from his folly.

(7) Is aware of her own sexuality and understands what in a man attracts her and turns her on. Namely hypergamy, Alpha Traits, why she may Fitness Test and so on.

(8) Can delay gratification. Can pass on someone or something that is fun for now, but painful later on.

(9) Can articulate things that she did wrong in prior relationships. Even if the guy was clearly the greater cause of relationship failure, she can acknowledge things she could have done better, or differently. She can think consciously about her relationships, rather than simply follow her emotions from moment to moment. Has a learning curve.

(10) Understands that relationships are not static, that effort and intention to maintain them is an ongoing requirement. That while she can reasonably expect the man to take the lead, that doesn’t mean he’s the sled dog and she can curl up and take a nap on the sleigh.

(11) Expresses genuine relationship discontent, clearly and directly, allowing time to correct the relationship issue. Does not complain to everyone else but her husband, does not act out instead of addressing problems, does not plan and/or execute an exit strategy before stating her discontent.

(12) Lets go of resentment for relationship issues that are now resolved.

(13) Understands that divorce sucks and is more akin to getting treatment for cancer than having cosmetic surgery.

(14) Likes men in a general sense for who they are and what they do, rather than detesting all men in general and making an exception for the tiny few in her nuclear family.

(15) Understands the risks both men and women take in having serious relationships, and is willing to negotiate ways to verify trustworthiness in each other. Sees doing this as evidence of true commitment rather than an insulting invasion of privacy.

(16) With her chosen partner, is deeply and passionately sexual.

(17) Is aware of her own personal kink and can communicate her sexual desires. Takes responsibility for receiving her own sexual pleasure.

(18) Has a sense of humor.

(19) Respects the boundaries of other peoples relationships and doesn’t attempt to mate poach.

(20) Doesn’t keep the Red Pill a secret from those that need it.

As I write that, 90% of it seems to fairly directly apply to men as well as women. And for what it’s worth, these women really do exist. Maybe not in vast numbers, but neither do they ride on unicorns or speak elvish. There’s quite a few on the forum.

Trinity: My name’s Trinity.

Neo: *The* Trinity? Who cracked the IRS d-base?

Trinity: That was a long time ago.

Neo: Jesus…

Trinity: What?

Neo: I just thought… you were a guy.

Trinity: Most guys do

Filed Under: Captain and First Officer, Girl Game and Sexy Wives, How To Choose A Wife, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0

The Red Pill Does Not Involve Cupcakes

August 7, 2012 By Athol Kay 40 Comments

In the comments of yesterday’s post...

OpenYourMind said “Taking the red pill for me has turned a marriage that was coming to a slow death into a vibrant and thriving marriage. At the same time, I hate the idea of the red pill in many ways, it has made it harder for me to respect my wife. I sometimes hate it that I have to be more Alpha, more this, more that, to keep her attracted to me, but the results speak for themselves.”

Angeline - And she has to – push away the cupcake, even though cupcakes are *delicious*! to keep her figure near or at something you like to look at. She needs to be open to sex at any given time, even though her default mode is not as sexual, or even “off”. She has to futz with long hair for an extra 30 minutes a day, she has to wear sexy clothes and heels. She has to get over the idea that you should love her *as she is*, sweatpants, short hair, cupcakes and all, and constantly work to keep your interest and passion up, more this, more that, to keep you attracted to her. She has to swallow the disrespect that she’s not valued as much, regardless of what her friends tell her are her stellar personal qualities – based on how her ass looks or whether she gives good BJ’s. Perhaps she feels less respect for him that wearing a thong is more interesting to him than the brilliant thing she did at work. The Red Pill does not taste like wine and chocolates for women, either.

The fact is, we all have to keep working at it to be interesting to our partner. This was old news in our grandparents’ day. Somewhere along the 60?s and 70?s people got the idea that because of how amazing and unique and enlightened we all were, we could throw out eons of experience and biology and pretend that good intentions were enough. That we could just coast into old age, once we got married.

Athol: One of the things Jennifer has been doing is growing her bangs out toward having properly long hair. She’s in that awkward phase of her bangs being baaaaaannnnggggs that make her look too poor for a haircut, and yet not quite long enough to really do anything much with other than pin them back with multiple hair clips. Early on I playfully but regretfully teased her that it was the “Polygamous Compound Look” and got a proper look of disgust in return. (I did apologize!)

Anyway, she still has the baaaaaaannnnnggggs and it’s been weeks and it’s going to be months more until her hair is where she wants it to be. The longer it’s gone on the more I’ve come to appreciate what she’s doing. It’s a real pain in the ass to her, but she’s doing it to please and attract me. I’m sure that once it’s all long and wonderful I’ll be attracted to her more because I can’t help myself with the long hair +1 bonus, but I think I’ll always remember she did that for me too.

And before anyone gets the wrong idea. I didn’t ask her to do this. She just knows what attracts me. So it’s one of those Red Pill Girl Game moves and she’s doing it for her as much as for me.

Of course if you want to really be Red Pill / MMSL / MAP about it… if she doesn’t get what she wants out of a relationship with me… the long hair just sets her up better to attract my replacement. Be careful what you wish for and all that.

Filed Under: Girl Game and Sexy Wives, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Honked

August 5, 2012 By Athol Kay 64 Comments

I stumbled onto Passionate Christian Marriage a few days back and added it to the feed reader. Yesterday’s post was For the Men: The Right Way to Grab Your Wife’s Boobs. A collection of things to do and not do with the fondling of the bosom. So in the comments I added..

I gotta be honest, I gently “honk” my wife’s boobs with a big naughty boy grin and it works a treat. You have to actually say the word “honk” though. It’s vitally important to show no fear as you do it and have eye contact as well. Also it’s helpful if you make a lot of money.

The responses…

If I were your wife, you’d get slapped. You might get a warning first.

Call me crazy, but I suspect the “honk” technique ONLY works if you’ve got a lot of money and are not already married to her. After all, once she’s got community-property laws on her side, there’s no reason she needs to put up with the “honk” any longer. But if you’ve got gobs of money and the girl is a gold-digger, you can get away with anything. Heck, you can violate all the “wrong way” rules above and a greedy floozy will still take it with a grin. I’m just sayin’.

My immediate emotional reaction was this…

Okay really… I can get that you can think a soft honking of a boob is juvenile and that I’m an idiot for suggesting it. Guilty as charged baby, I don’t mind having a turn as the one being spanked. Grrrrowll….

…but really, you would actually physically strike your husband for that?

And WOW, immediately throwing out community-property law as the all purpose I-own-your-balls-now smackdown?!?!?

Now before the hordes fly over to Passionate Christian Marriage to tell her off, I want you all to know that I think she’s sincerely looking to have a fun marriage and this is just where she’s at. We all have our threshold of discomfort. Please don’t fly over there and troll her. Seriously. Just don’t.

But let’s pretend that her husband actually makes the regrettable choice in honking her. I would imagine she probably wouldn’t slap him in real life, but I do imagine she’d be pissed off and react with a strong negative to it. Adding on his knowledge of community-property laws… how does he feel in the aftermath? I would imagine he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. I also would imagine he would endeavour to never offend her about anything sexual again. He’d be a good little boy.

Which begs the question as to how you have a passionate marriage with a “good little boy?” The answer is simple, you don’t. Nor can you have a passionate marriage if you are a good little girl, you’re just too uptight to let go and enjoy yourself. A lot of the best married sex is absolutely not about manners, or being nice, or being sweet’n'gentle. Good fucking isn’t terrible politically correct either.

If you’ve been raised in church circles, you typically hear about two decades of “NO!” messages about sex, that’s a massive about of behavioral programming. So it should be no surprise whatsoever, that young Christian couples have one or both members emotionally struggling with letting go and turning their married sex life into a “YES!”

The only solution to that is to stop holding back on yourself and each other. You have to be willing to make mistakes and not shame the other for trying. Only about 30% of everything you try sexually as a couple will work, so you have to actively seek out new things and experiences together. See what works and what doesn’t. Maybe hair pulling works, maybe oral sex works, maybe light bondage works, maybe calling each other “dirty words” works… maybe none of that works. But you have to embrace that failure will happen over and over in your sex life together. Otherwise the only thing that works is clean sheets.

What I can say for sure though, is that the best sex possible isn’t about being good girls and boys. It’s about letting go of being a well socialized adult and yielding to the raw primal energy within you. It’s also about laughter and fun and being able to let your hair down with each other and embrace silliness, if only sometimes.

So I leave you with a challenge. I want you to slide up to your husband, and ask him to kiss you for a full ten seconds and then gently honk your breasts with a big naughty boy grin. What’s the worst that could happen?

Filed Under: Girl Game and Sexy Wives, Humor and Everything Else