How To Fair Warning a Husband That Doesn’t Listen (Before Things Are Too Late To Fix)

One of the common beliefs in the Manosphere is that men are calm, rational, thoughtful creatures, and that women are emotionally driven and irrational. The common word used to describe the pseudo rational verbiage to support the decisions of an emotionally irrational mindset is called The Female Rationalization Hamster. It’s where women manufacture all the crazy bitch parts of their personality.

It really is true. Women have a large part of their brains devoted to all these hamstering thoughts. It’s called a Neo-Cortex… which is obviously quite confusingly the same place men do all their calm, rational, thoughtful thinking too. I might have noticed it before now myself, except my hamster told me not to look too hard and not worry about it, because it probably makes better sense as a paradox.

Anyway…

Men clearly, just as women do, have massive hamsters capable of the most amazing rationalizing nonsense you can imagine. As soon as a guy gets a touch of Oneitis for a girl, his mind spins an endless whirlpool of her charms and finds reasons to love her even more. The guy that circles the hot girl as her Beta Orbiter, has a constant internal chatter… “Hovering about her forever and masturbating in secret is a fantastic plan that will pay off eventually.”

That whole thing where Nice Guys spin up covert contracts in their mind that their wife has no idea about? That whole contract was spun up into existence during a conversation between him and his hamster. “If I just do even more nice things for her, then she’ll have to fuck me won’t she!”  “That’s exactly right!” said the hamster, “Pure genius!”

Anyone who has ever said, “No. I know my wife really well, she would never cheat on me”…. squeaky squeak squeakum. I’m totally serious on this one. There are some men who even in the face of some pretty blunt evidence, deny that their wife is involved with other men. As in really blunt evidence. As in “Dude, she left in a huff for three nights, she’s on the pill but there’s an empty box of condoms in her car, there’s thousands of text messages to a number you don’t know.”

Or how about the standard line of guys saying to themselves… “Look I know she’s married, she’s the one that wants to cheat on her husband. If I don’t sleep with her, some other guy will anyway.”  “Exactly,” said the hamster, “you’re not a douchebag at all. In fact, you’re probably stabilizing the marriage and doing the husband a favor!”

And the most important one of all… “Only women have hamsters, men are the rational ones.”  “Exactly!” said the hamster, “you can see on the MRI the tiny little walnut size of the female brain, and when you put a male in the MRI scanner… well… it’s just supermassive in comparison. Obviously two completely separate branches of evolution took place here.”

 So… here’s where the husband’s hamster screws up the marriage…. and why the wife screws up her communication to the husband.

The only reason that really motivates a man to have an interest in a woman is sexual. I realize I’m painting with a broad brush here, I’m sure all you ladies reading have wonderful appealing personalities and whatever else it is you think you bring to the table. Trust me… your wonderful charming man that’s great with the kids… he married you for your pussy and that’s about it.

As long as he’s getting pussy from you… his hamster tells him he’s in a good relationship. Things are going great.

Now this is where the wives come in and screw it all up. Women talk about everything. Non stop. Endlessly. Continuously. Some of it’s good stuff, some of it’s bad stuff, there’s a lot of drama, a lot of emotion in there too. The wives Fitness Test and Loyalty Test and whine and nag and complain and recycle arguments from twelve years ago. Then they bring up something that happened five years ago, to another couple she knows, applies their situation to your relationship as a hypothetical scenario, which you fail to take seriously enough, which ruins a perfectly good ride home from her mother’s house.

After a few years of marriage, most men start experiencing the words coming out of their wife’s mouth as of form of white noise. It’s all just talk.

And there’s still sex once in a while, so… his hamster tells him he’s in a good relationship. Things are going great.

Then something happens with the wife and she finally stops being a whiny bitch and cuts back on the white noise.

And there’s still sex once in a while AND she’s stopped complaining, so… his hamster tells him he’s in a really awesome relationship. It’s never been this good.

Then on a perfectly normal Tuesday, everything explodes. Divorce papers / affair discovery / Restraining Order / she flees with the kids / something else really beyond the pale. Cue up the stunned and enraged husband…. “WWWHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!!?!!?!?!?!?”  “Exactly.” said the hamster shaking with liquid anger, “after everything he’s done for you over all these years. Suddenly I see you for the evil gold digging hypergamous whore that you are!” 

For some reason I always hear the male hamster as being voiced by Steve Urkel. Try it. Say that line in your head in Urkel’s voice. “Why Laura… After everything I’ve done for you over all these years. Suddenly I see you for the evil gold digging hypergamous whore that you are!”

So ladies. Bless your hearts. I get that you were unhappy about things, but you were simply talking to a man you knew wasn’t listening to you. Then periodically you’d give him sex, and tell him by your actions that things were still okay. Then you nuked the entire relationship into the ground by you doing something totally over the top, and instead of trying to fix a relationship with your orginial problem set, now you’ve added a second set of issues and things are much worse.

So the real question is what works to get through to a husband that things are really NOT going well in the relationship. That you have a genuine, major and reasonable complaint that must be addressed. I’m not talking about dumb stuff like “The kitchen cabinets need refinishing”, I’m talking about stuff like, “It’s been five years of erectile dysfunction”, “We’re losing the house”, “You’re addicted to gambling.”

Well what does work are the really serious stuff like - divorce papers / affair discovery / Restraining Order / she flees with the kids / something else really beyond the pale. But those are all problematic and damaging… though do notice that they are all actions as opposed to talkSaying “I want a divorce” carries next to no weight compared to being handed actual divorce paperwork to sign. 

Some suggestions….

(1)  Separate the bedrooms.

(2) Remove your wedding rings.

(3)  Ask him to move out.

(4) Tell him that you are not in love with him anymore.

(5) Lock him 100% out of your online presence and communication devices.

(6) Have either his father or your father tell him you’re on the verge of leaving him. (Authority figure + not a “white noise” female talking)

(7) Tell him you are starting to consider sex with other men.

(8) Shouting out for myself, buy him the Primer and tell him to join the forum.

(Related post: http://marriedmansexlife.com/2012/09/what-your-partner-reading-mmsl-really-means/)

(9) Start running your own MAP and immediately hitting the gym and looking better.

(10) Investigate your state’s divorce / alimony / child support laws, and figure out the math on what he’d be likely to have to pay, based on a 50/50 custody agreement and non-combative parting of the ways. Give him the number.

I would also recommend doing several of those options in one heavy hitting strike. Your goal is to hit him so hard, that it bypasses his hamster and makes him sit up and take it seriously. Yet also that it’s a non-fatal blow that doesn’t then create additional problems to clean up. He’s meant to feel exactly like he heard a gunshot and felt the whistle of the bullet go right by his head. He’s meant to be freaked the hell out and start going into panic mode.

After that? Well I don’t know exactly what happens. He might pull his shit together, he might not. All I can say is most husbands when push comes to shove, really do want to fix things with their wife rather than call it quits… the odds of that being much better if she keeps the moral high-ground and he can see she was warning him out of loyalty and love, rather than cutting and running to another guy.

Men really do love their women.

 

Girl Game: Lapdance For Him (Get Into The Groove)

A forum member wants to learn how to give her husband a lapdance…

Mrsozzy:  I need to learn this stuff.  I’ve looked around and have a few ideas.  But does anyone have any kickass tips on how to lapdance?  Non-cheesy musical suggestions are especially appreciated.

Athol: It’s easy…

(1) Flick your hair.

(2) Pretend you’re in the shower soaping yourself up. This a move you can come back to over and over.

(3) Make “hungry like a lioness” eye contact.

(4) Bend down low so your boobs dangle in front of him.

(5) Turn around and walk away. Look back. Spank your ass.

(6) Act like you’ve just discovered you have boobs.

(7) Rub yourself a little through your panties. Smile.

(8) Tell him you’re an English Lit major.

Music…

Or…

PHILIP?! HEY MAN WHAT’S HAPPNIN’ PHIL?!   (Name the movie it was in.)

Okay so that was tacky…

Somehow I suspect this song is the ticket though…

(9)  Grab his cock through his pants.

(10)  Make him hold your panties.

 

Afterwards you ask him if he wants to get into your… groove.

Relative vs Absolute Sex Rank and the Forty-Year-Old Wife

Comment on Dread Game and the Gym.

DrocK: Fun thing to try! Since it can be a challenge to set-up a good Dread Game scenario, especially early on, I’ve found that there are mildly effective ways to get your own ‘in-house’ game going and throw her Hamster through a loop just by pushing the right buttons. While not as effective as getting real IOI’s, it’s a good way to mess with her a little bit, generate a little sexual tension and can have a profound effect if you’re creative about it. Case-in-point – I casually threw out the Old Guy vs. Young Guy game idea at my wife over the weekend by simply shaping it as a question. She’s loosely aware that I’m MAPping, but is not aware of MMSL. We’ve been sexless for about ~55 weeks or so (not that anyone’s counting!), but things are improving quickly and dramatically.

So I asked her who she thinks would have a better chance at winning her over – the Young Me that got her when we met (at 23) or the now me about 10 years later. I don’t doubt that I’m much wiser and more attractive now, so I was comfortable asking her. Might not work too well if you’re brand new to MAPing, so the timing could make a difference. So she said the now, older me. Hands down. I let her think about it for a few seconds and then clarified, ‘WE ARE talking about winning over the 20 y/o you from 10 years ago… still think the now me would have a better shot?” Again, yes, without hesitation she affirmed that the now me is far more attractive and would get the ‘younger her’ attention much more readily vs. the younger me.

After that I didn’t have to say anything at all. Just watching the wheels turn and the expression on her face change slowly from ‘happily content with my more attractive husband’ to ‘holy shit, I could lose him to a friggin’ 20 year-old if I don’t step it up’ was classic.

Athol:  If there’s a single moment women have where they get the Red Pill for themselves, it’s the moment when they realize relative Sex Rank doesn’t count, only absolute Sex Rank does.

Women all start off their sex lives pretty close to the peak of their attractiveness and are very attuned to their peer group. So they think of themselves as being hot relative to their peer group cohort…. and then keep thinking of themselves as being hot relative to their peer group as they age. So if a twenty-year-old looks at her peer group and decides she’s a 9… she’s a 9. But then twenty years later when she’s forty, when she looks at her peer group of other forty-year-old women and decides she’s a 9… newsflash, she’s not a 9.

Obviously the same woman at age 20 isn’t going to be as hot at age 40. Relative to her girlfriends, she may still be the hot one, but in absolute terms compared to all the women in the Sexual Marketplace… maybe she’s a 6 or a 7. Hell if she got properly fat, maybe she’s a 4. Meanwhile her husband has potentially continued to gain Sex Rank as he gains money, power and social influence.

This is utterly horrifying for women to realize.

It’s a bitter pill to men to realize they screwed up a bunch of stuff in the past, but at least there’s a hope for the future. Sure it’s hard work turning things around, but every single guy that’s run the MAP, eventually gets to a sexy outcome if they put the effort in and make the hard choices. It may take a couple years to get there, but there’s always hope.

Women are just screwed though. You’re forty. The best bit is over, you’ll never be as hot as you were. This is as good as it gets. Please keep your arms and legs inside the train, it’s all downhill from here. Abandon all hope ye who enter here.

Actually that’s not entirely true. There’s a loophole that will carry you into your golden years, loved and desired… your husband’s oneitis.

So if you are an older girl, yes you’re getting older, but you don’t just throw on sweatpants, give up and plan to negotiate for alimony, chocolate ice cream and cats. You age gracefully. You exercise, you wear makeup, you play with him, you keep your game on. Yes it’s all building a sand castle below the high tide mark, but that’s what life is all about anyway. You battle to the end in a mighty effort, repairing, rebuilding, until that one wave that’s unstoppable washes over it all and it’s finally gone. It’s hopeless, it’s always been hopeless, but that’s okay.

If you’re a woman, if you keep your attractiveness together as best you can, that’s going to trigger his oneitis, his memory of the young you imprinted on him. You’ll be fifty-three and dancing with him, a shot of your cleavage, your smell, your touch, those same adoring eyes… and you’re twenty-three again. Maybe no one else sees it, but he will, because he has oneitis. He’ll look around at all the other husbands with chubby screechtards and think to himself, relative to everyone else, he’s got it really good.

But leave it too long. Don’t bother trying. Ignore him. Shun him from your bed. Eventually the scales will fall from his eyes.

If you’re a husband, the dread of relative and absolute Sex Rank can wake her up. Indeed if it does, it’s potentially doing her a favor. She shouldn’t confuse the fiction of older women in the dating market with the reality of it.

The truth is, most husbands idly fantasize about hooking up with younger women, I mean I do. But given a choice between a bunch of hook ups, short term relationships an/or a soft harem of younger women… most husbands would still choose their wife provided they had reasonable assurance there would be a good sex life with her. The kids, the history, the aroma of… pie.

Personally I don’t need Jennifer to be twenty again. Forty is fine. Just a good forty.

 

Three Things That Attract Your Partner

Sometimes you start losing the forest for the trees and make your MAP too complicated.

So…

What are the top three things that attract your partner to you? Bearing in mind that I said attract, not make them feel comfortable or loved or happy. What are the top three things that make their head turn in your direction and quicken their pulse a little?

Then do those three things consistently.

If you don’t know what those top three things are, you have to find out, or nothing you do will be on point with running the MAP.

Write your three things in the comments.

Why Wives Avoid Raincheck Sex With Their Husbands

A basic male complaint is that a wife routinely refusing sex with her husband, will come up with all sorts of nonsense to make sex not happen. This angers the husbands to no end.

The logic is pretty simple…

(1)  We are married. (2) The purpose of being married together is to have a sexual relationship. (3) When you refuse me sex, you’re avoiding holding up your end of the bargain while I still have to earn money, fix the house and mow the lawn. Therefore, (4) you are a total bitch.

Makes perfect sense doesn’t it, but it still can’t be a correct understanding of the situation, because if the wife routinely seeks to avoid sex with her husband… it doesn’t explain why she does that.

Even worse is some nights she says she almost wants sex, but not quite, and then she offers him a raincheck of sex the next day. Then when the next day rolls around, she completely avoids sex yet again. This really pisses the husband off and makes her seem even more of a bitch.

So let’s come at it from a different angle….

Imagine you’re a husband and you watch your wife get all dressed up in some fairly revealing clothing and her best makeup job, to go for a Girl’s Night Out at a local bar. A bar noted for being a total sleazy meat market. When she leaves, you experience stomach churning dread that The Very Worst Thing In The World (TM) is going to happen. Some other dude is going to take his penis, put it in her vagina, and she’ll get pregnant to him. Thus making you a total failure in getting your genes spread into the future generations. Do. Not. Want.

Now imagine you’re a wife and your unattractive husband comes up to you and asks for sex. That would mean some repulsive loser is going to try and put his penis inside your vagina and you might get pregnant to him… which would be The Very Worst Thing In The World (TM) to happen to you. In would result in a crappy kid, who would likely fail to get your genes spread into future generations. Do. Not. Want.

That stomach churning dread she feels when her unattractive husband comes on to her, is the exact same reaction husbands have when she wants to disappear on a Girl’s Night Out.

This is why you can’t logically argue your wife into having more sex with her… because it would be from her point of view, completely illogical to have sex with you. In fact it would be pretty stupid of her on a biological level to risk it.

This is why when she offers “I’m too tired today, I’ll have sex with you tomorrow.” She never has any intention of having sex with you tomorrow. It’s just a ploy to get you to not have sex with her tonight.

Thus your solution isn’t to throw a fit, get in her face, or be threatening. Oh that can work, but it’s a very short term response as she’ll attempt to cut you back off as quickly as she can. The long term solution is to become attractive as you can be. The cockblock is you.

Now if you run the MAP and get in great shape, earn more money and generally get your crap together… objectively maxing out your attractiveness… if she then still turns you down, well then you can go back and apply the  initial logic that sums out to her being a bitch that just isn’t into you. If your attractiveness is maxed out, there’s nothing more you can do to evoke her sexual interest in you anyway. So that’s the call it quits point. She just doesn’t want to have sex with you.

If you run the MAP and become as attractive as you can be, either she responds to you and sex starts back up, or she doesn’t because she never will… which leaves you at the peak of your attractiveness and far better able to find a new woman to love and want you. Either way you win. It’s just not a quick fix or easy. But it does work.

Buy the book. Get started today.

 

Beta Orbiting Wives: Laid, Maid and Trayed

It’s funny seeing the exact parallels with some wives as with the stock standard Betaized husband. She does A, B and C for him, and also scampers back to do X, Y and Z… but he pays her no attention. She complains about the relationship and asks for things, but only gets a little spike of attention, before he lapses back into the usual routine of her not mattering.

The problem is pretty simple really. When the wife offers sex on tap, cleans the house like hired help and waits on him hand and foot with meals and snacks, a.k.a. ”Laid, maid and trayed”, he thinks it’s all because she thinks he’s Teh Awesome just as he is. Plus he gets everything he wants… so there’s no reason for him to change at all.

So she ultimately has to start going on strike with at least some of the Beta goodies to get his attention.

We are all, always training each other as to how we should be treated, so it’s not some bizarre experiment the wives are doing to stop pampering their husband. They are trying to send a fair warning message in a way that he understands and will respond to.

Half the problem with the wives in the relationship though is that they are far too Beta themselves. The Laid, Maid and Tray-ed wife is typically lacking in female Alpha. She’s not acting like she’s remotely hot, just constantly orbiting her husband like a Nice Girl, waiting on his every whim. She’ll still be here tomorrow and the next day, she’ll never stray, never show the slightest disloyalty for even a minute. Never not bow and smile.

Seriously…. ladies… don’t be like this…

A little lipstick and a demand or two will do far more to engage his interest in her than yet one more load of laundry will.

As you cut back on the Beta a little, you’re meant to be heading to the gym and getting in shape. Dress up better. Swing your hips a little as you walk. You know, run your own MAP. It’s not that hard.

Whoever is the hottest one in the relationship controls the relationship. So if you’re groveling like a 5 before a 7, you gotta find your way to being an 8.

And yes I know you all want your hair wound in his fingers as he does you doggy-style and have him lead the relationship so you can be a First Officer and all that. That comes later when he’s an 8.1 Captain to your 8.0 First Officer. Right now though you got to get your girl stuff together.

Really though. Same plan for both men and women.

Piercings and Tattoos

Nevaeh:  Athol any thoughts on body piercings?

Athol:  Let’s expand that to tattoos as well.

Permanently marking your body is always a strong personal statement. The more intense the markings are, the stronger the statement. So something like vanilla earrings are pretty tame, and genital piercings are very strong.

Heck if you want to toss in cosmetic surgery that can get even stronger still. Half the reason boob jobs end relationships is because the new boobs can sometimes quite dramatically improve her visual appearance, but getting a boob job requires a mindset of commitment to outcome. Once you know someone has fake boobs, you know they are quite prepared to do whatever it takes to get the sexual outcome they want.

So if you want a basic rule of thumb, the more dramatic the body modification, and the more intimate the location it’s in, the stronger the statement of sexual impulsivity is. A little fairy tattoo on a woman’s ankle is one thing, a tattoo of a sexy bunny rabbit with it’s ass up in the air right next to her vagina… well that’s another.

In terms of economics, crappy tattoos brand you forever as lower class. Under no circumstances get anything other than a really top notch professional working on you. A tattoo that costs $100 is NOT cheaper than a $650 one. You’ll pay for the difference forever in disdain and repulsion. Shitty work means you’ll be dating from the lower end of the gene pool. Seriously good work is a conspicuous display of disposable income… and naturally… pain tolerance. Which is fairly Alpha.

The one thing that really sets my hairs on the back of my neck up in terms of getting into a relationship though are tattoos of names. I think whoever that person the name belongs to is, they will always somehow loom larger than you. I mean if your name is Mike, and your girlfriend has the word “Steve” tattooed on her left breast… I’m thinking no matter how bad things were with Steve… he’s getting out of jail eventually. If you’re getting involved with a single mom and she has the names or faces of her kids tattooed on her… that’s a much stronger statement of commitment than anything you’re going to get.

Wives getting a tattoo or piercing as a “surprise” is a classic Fitness Testing routine to throw on their husbands too. It’s always something they know he’s not going to be happy with in the slightest. “But it was meant to be a surprise for you! I thought you would like it! Waaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!”   It’s pretty much the opening salvo in what’s going to be a sustained campaign of testing and boundary pushing. If he fails to Alpha up fairly quickly, she will blow up on him and the marriage will end… badly.

It’s a completely reasonable expectation that permanent body markings are going to be agreed on by both halves of the couple. After all, you’re both going to look at it forever, so you want to be sure that your partner is going to like it. It’s not like a haircut that can grow out again.

If you’re casually dating someone, and she surprises you by showing up with a tattoo of your name on her… she’s Batshit Crazy. You may as well just go to the police station now and ask if you can pre-fill an assault report.

So in the end, if you’re getting something done, think carefully about whatever you’re getting because it’s going to last forever… and make it look like it cost a crap-ton of money. You want it to be something where people say, “I don’t actually like tattoos… but I like yours.”

Miss Communication and Sexy Girl Game Initiation

Oh this one would be hysterically funny if it wasn’t so painful for the two of them. He thinks Initiation = X, she thinks Initation = Y. Read her side of the story and I’ll bold where he thinks he’s actually initating sex…. every single night…

 

Purple: I know this has been discussed before for women – the whole, “what counts as initiation from your wife?” thing. But I’m asking for men.

What counts as actual initiation for a man?

Right now I feel like I’m doing MOST of the initiation. A typical night of sex plays out like this:

- Go to bed.

- Lay in bed. Husband will cuddle up to me and slip hand under shirt and fondle boobs/play with nipples for a couple seconds.

- After a couple of minutes of this, he backs off and will either lay on his back and wait for me to start pushing towards sex, or will just roll away from me completely and go to sleep. Every few days, I make sure that I grind my ass into him to make it clear that I’m down for sex, or jump at him and start playing with his dick, or take my pants off, or WHATEVER, to push towards getting sex. If I don’t escalate it quickly and directly, half of the time… all I end up with at night is a boob fondle and then falling to sleep frustrated.

Occasionally he’ll skip fondling my chest and do some ass slapping, or something – but again, if I don’t turn to him and escalate quickly, it doesn’t go anywhere.

Every once in a while, he’ll go straight to fingering me – which DOES count as initiation IMO – but its also not very pleasant, because … um… going directly to the clit when I’m basically dry as a bone and not even remotely turned on … it just hurts.

What do most of the Captains do to initiate? I don’t even really know which way I want to lead my husband in this department, because I’m just not really sure what I’m looking for. Its nice – on the uber rare occasion – that he strokes my sides, rubs my back, boob-grabs, kisses my neck, etc – but I feel like initiation doesn’t have to start right as we’re getting into bed. Is that right? Like last night – about an hour before bed, I was on my hands and knees picking up some toys from the floor. He said, “Ooh… I think you’ll be doing that again later tonight.” THAT works for me, because then I knew when I was getting into bed that we were going for doggie.

Basically – his foreplay sucks. He doesn’t initiate – he drops a hint and then leaves it to me. My plan right now is to stop initiating completely. He can fondle boobs all he wants, but if that’s all he’s gonna do, then that’s all he’s gonna get. How do you teach a guy to initiate? I haven’t talked to him about this because a) I’m embarrassed and b) I don’t know what to tell him to direct him in a useful/not condescending way.

I could use some hot ideas!

 

Athol: So in short, he’s been trying to initate every single night, but the wiring is crossed as to what he thinks is her responding positively to his approach.

She’s only been responding every few days in a way that he clearly understands is a positive response, because she doesn’t see him as actually initating sex.

He’s being a good little Blue Pill guy and politely, respectfully and appropriately in his mind, rolling over and not pressuring her for sex. He’s also heartbroken about having the door slammed shut on him most nights.

So… solutions…

It sounds like you’re both quite horny. So why not have the disscussion where you experiment with every night assuming that the default setting is “yes” to sex. Then if someone doesn’t want it, you have to verbally express “not tonight” and cuddle and nod off together.

If his finger in your vagina feels like you’re being gored by a bull, tell him to stop and either lick it or lube it and then come back to the fingering. “Ow” is a safeword. If something hurts, it’s okay to say something about it and make an adjustment.

If you want him to CLEARLY UNDERSTAND you want sex… Touch Him On The Penis. It’s the only thing men 100% understand. Or perhaps try saying something like, “I want your cock inside me so bad baby.”

I get that sometimes you just want to be taken in the heat of the moment, but he’s probably a few months away from that happening because he feels frightened of you reacting badly to him trying that. So in the meantime, if you want a non verbal way of clearly communicating a desire for him to just start fucking the hell out of you, you can try some of these…

(1)  Be naked. Get on your hands and knees, resting your weight on your forearms. Look at him directly and breathe slowly and heavily as you take a loooooong slow blink, then drop your head down and slowly wiggle your ass at him.

(2)  Be naked. Kick all the covers off and lay on your back with your legs spread. Look at him directly and breathe slowly and heavily as you take a loooooong slow blink, as you fondle your breasts with one hand and finger yourself with the other.

(3)  Be naked. Lay on your back wearing a blindfold. Take a hair scrunchy and put your hands through it and figure 8 it around your wrists and lay your arms above your head.

(4)  Be naked. Drink yourself into unconsciousness, leaving a handwritten note that says, “Do what you must.”

(5)  Be naked. You. Laptop. Porn. In progress when he comes to bed.

(6)  Be naked. When he gets in bed, stand up on the bed over him and do the butt wiggle dance for him. Jiggle your boobs and slap your ass a few times.

(7)  Be naked. Naked except for some slutty come fuck me heels. No no no, don’t take them off, leave them on. (song lyric bonus points in the comments)

(8)  Be naked. Ask him for $50 with a very dirty smile and a giggle.

(9)  Be naked. Hand him the Redi-Whip, ask him if he likes pie.

(10) Be naked. Him on his back, just straddle him in the cowgirl postion without his cock inside you. Grind on him and play with his cock.

 

Jennifer:  Well… I guess I have my to do list for the week.

 

 

 

 

When Your Husband Won’t Act Alpha Even When You Beg Him

AlphaBelle:  Talk to me about this FAP thing. I have been concerned/unhaaaaaaapy lol with the state of things for over a year. Read and talked and read some more. Finally found MMSL about 6 months ago, and had words to express what was wrong with my marriage.

I have no IRL friends to discuss this with.

My H is receptive, but since I found all this and basically threw it plus nmmng at his head during a meltdown, he is reacting to my complaints, not running the MAP on his own. He is a deeply ingrained nice guy, plus introvert and brainiac. So it’s going veeeerrrry slowly.

I am tired.

Of being the motivator. Of seeing all The things he used to do that he doesn’t anymore. Of having to get upset every 2.4 weeks to re motivate him and remind him that I’m serious about this. Of having to do the pull back/reward routine when I just want a really nice happy normal sex life with nightly sex. Of evaluating whether I’m hamstering or really justifiably frustrated, or expecting too much at this point.

Of feeling like I am still running things, by running my FAP and manipulating him into waking up that dang dormant Alpha side again.

I am tired.

Talk to me about my expectations and where I’m going with this. I see and feel progress, but I feel like I am spoon feeding him what I want him to say/do/be and I don’t want to do it anymore.

I want him to read and act and do because he wants to, not because I’m unhappy.

Basically I feel like a witch and like I’m making him feel like he can’t do anything right. But when I ease up, he acts like, “whew. Got that figured out.”

*sigh*

Athol:  Then stop trying to change him. Every time you “motivate him” you’re just sending him a message that he’s the most important thing in your world, he has your complete attention and is in total control of the relationship.

Change you. Make yourself as attractive as you can be, start exhibiting very mild disloyalty.

Right now your entire relationship could be summed up as….

You —-e-n-e-r-g-y—-> Him

So why would he do anything to change that situation?

Cutting that energy flow off will get his attention.

There’s no need for him to act at all Alpha, when you’re acting like his orbiter sending out a Mayday call.

If you become as attractive as you can be and start visiting the magical world of “out”, he’s going to start wondering why you’re not paying him attention and dreading that you’re paying attention to someone else. It’s only when you’re acting more Alpha is he going to need to act more Alpha around you.

Not for nothing, but the men that find MMSL on their own are always highly motivated to make change because they are deeply worried about how their relationship is going. Men simply don’t respond to “I’m unhappy”, “I’m unhaaaaaaaappy!” or “You suck! That’s why I’m so unhappy!”  They do very much respond to wives dressing up nice and spending time with other men though.

I’m not saying it’s polite to do it, I’m just saying what works.

Why Crazy Bitches Are So Good In Bed

So why are crazy bitches so hot in bed?

The probably surprising answer to most long term readers, is that crazy bitches don’t have much of a Rationalization Hamster, and that’s why they’re so hot in bed.

Confused? Let me explain…

The bits and pieces powering your sex drive, are all based in your Body Agenda. More particularly it’s based in the Limbic System which you have no conscious control over. Your Body Agenda is essentially always on, and has a fairly minimal moral compass beyond trying to ensure it’s immediate social group survives and thrives. The more thoughtful morality center is based in the more rational thinking part of the brain – the Neo-Cortex. Depending on your upbringing we all have an internal monologue voiced by some combination of Christopher Hitchens and Church Lady. (Shame on you and isn’t that special.)

So in reality, the majority of the time, the Rationalization Hamster is actually thinking up reasons to not follow our baser instincts, and thus be well behaved. So when you find out some guy has been putting the moves on your girl, it’s actually your Rationalization Hamster overriding your Body Agenda and telling you to be cool and not get into a physical dust up. That’s how you get either seriously injured or jailed, be cool dude, be cool. On a biological level though, you just want to fuck him up.

For women, the overwhelming majority of the time, their Rationalization Hamster is absolutely telling them to play it cool. Don’t be slutty, don’t have a high partner count, don’t be a stripper, don’t appear in porn, don’t wear too revealing clothing, don’t drink that, don’t drive too fast, don’t color outside the lines, be on time, be nice, smile at everyone, be home by 10, don’t fart until after you’re married.

What happens for the more naturally Beta women, is that by over-thinking things, and having too strong of a Rationalization Hamster, they can actually inhibit their sex drive and sexual performance. Don’t show outwardly that you have sexual impulses, play it safe, don’t make too much noise, orgasming too well makes you look slutty, don’t have too many moves, nice girls don’t do that, you whore that’s where poop comes out.

Crazy chicks though, simply can’t muster up the mental rigor to act as any sort of inhibition on their sex drive. If the Neo-Cortex is all whack-a-do, or periodically just switches completely off, instead of some sense of control over her sex drive, you get full force Body Agenda at work. Deep down all women love sex, but with crazy bitches there is no “deep down”, it’s all up on the surface, laid bare for all to see. Body Agenda is a fickle friend and it’s moods and interests run hot and cold from moment to moment. This is why crazy bitches are suddenly hot to trot and then absolutely not trotting anywhere but out the door.

Now when mentally normal women end up having sex, or seeking to avoid sex, their Neo-Cortex is engaged and they will come up with reasons to justify their actions. He’s my husband, we’re engaged now, I met his mother so he’s actually serious about me, if I don’t put out now I’m going to lose this really great guy. Thus when a non-crazy woman decides to cheat on her husband who is a great guy and nice to her and the kids, the rationalizations required to undo all her prior thoughts of morality and justify doing something evil, take quite a lot of mental effort. There’s almost a personality de-programming that takes place as she unpicks all the old rationalizations to be a good girl, and replaces them with ones that say cheating on her husband is okay for her in this particular circumstance. Men do the exact same things too. The Body Agenda wants to bang someone inappropriate and leans all over the Neo-Cortex to agree. Eventually the Neo-Cortex finds some BS way of agreeing with the Body Agenda. Along with the dopamine effect from exposure to the lover, this is why people in the middle of affairs have an almost total personality change.

That unpicking of the old morality codes is one of the reasons that previously “mild housewives” turn into “raging cockwhores” during an affair. The “be a good girl” rules are all intertwined with one another, once one breaks, most of them will shatter too. Pretty much any woman that’s had an affair is going to be potentially more open to much wilder sexual activity in the aftermath. It all depends on if she was caught and if so, how the morality restructuring went afterwards. Typically though, once a cheater, always a cheater… unless you can point to a very clear rebuilding of commitment and an acute sense of having done wrong.

If you want the perfect setting for the Rationalization Hamster for a Red Pill woman, it’s pretty easy to figure out. Everything and anything goes sexually inside the relationship, nothing goes outside the relationship. You can get to that setting starting from either the slutty side of the equation, or from the good girl side of the equation. But it’s not an easy or overnight route for either one though. That’s why I’ve done posts encouraging the good girls adding some bitch.

Crazy bitches though can’t ever really reform because they can’t keep a thought together for more than two seconds. They just live in a sort of endless “Running of the Bulls…”

…starring as the bull.