Her foolishness, so her job to bail herself out.
She threatens the takeaway.
Amused mastery and is otherwise non-reactive.
How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits.
Her foolishness, so her job to bail herself out.
She threatens the takeaway.
Amused mastery and is otherwise non-reactive.
When you negotiate to get something you want from someone, if they agree to grant your wish… STOP TALKING.
Seriously. Just zip your lip. You got them to agree to what you wanted, so stop trying to convince them further that you should get what you want. You already have the yes you want, so all that can happen if you keep talking to them, is you give them a reason to change their mind to a no.
You’ve already closed the deal. Stop yapping. Just let it sit.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re a kid asking to go to a party, an employee asking for a promotion, a wife asking her to husband go to the doctor, a husband asking for sex. You’re asking for something, they said yes. Don’t hear the yes and then explain that saying yes is a great deal because…
…Mike’s brother was the one that bought all the beer to the party last year and he’s not coming because he’s in jail now. So it’s cool right?
…that’s you’re the only one in the whole agency that can operate the old TPS Machine and the new ones aren’t being delivered for nine months. So you’re valuable right?
…that you’ve been talking to all your girlfriends about Mr. Droopy and they all agree that you really have to see a doctor. So you’re going right?
…that you’re tired of jerking off. In fact you did that just last night to some Japanese Tentacle Porn. But it was only $4.99 for the show, so that’s no problem right?
No you can’t go to the party. What the hell happened last year? What did Mike’s brother do to go to jail? Who is Mike anyway?!
No at this point you’re just too valuable working the old TPS machine. There’s just no way we could move you until the new ones arrive.
What do you mean to talked to everyone about that?! WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO EVERYONE? I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM, IT’S ONLY BEEN HAPPENING FOR A YEAR.
What’s Japanese Tentacle Porn? Hang on let me Google… huh… ahh. WTF IS THIS SHIT?!?!? OMG!!! YOU PAID MONEY FOR TH…. Bbbbbbrrrrooooghghghhhhh… You sick, sick bastard. Get away from me. NO. NO. NO.
If you get your yes, just stop talking.
Jennifer: Athol gave me the “what has been seen can’t be unseen” warning for Japanese Tentacle Porn. I’m not looking. I’m not looking. I’m not looking… sigh dammit…
Louis .C.K routine…
I think he somewhat overstates, but the takeaway is that women really do have a finely tuned radar as to whether or not they will ever let themselves be isolated with you. I don’t mean “at the movies on a date”, or “at a restaurant”, there’s other people in those locations. I mean really alone, alone. As in just you and her.
Men experience Approach Anxiety walking up to the girl, women experience Isolation Anxiety going off with the guy alone. It’s the same physiological process of fight or flight kicking in. Men are programmed to prep for a physical conflict with another man when they approach a girl. It’s not her he’s worried about, it’s her boyfriend / husband / thug that’s that problem.
What women worry about is the guy turning into a thug-bastard-man-bear-pig when they they finally let themselves be alone with him. As a result, they have an extremely high co-relation between being sexually attracted to someone and allowing themselves to be truly isolated with them. That way if the worst happens, at least it was with a male they found attractive i.e. high value. Please don’t take the mental leap between hearing me explain the factors at work and taking that as a mandate for violating consent.
What I’m saying is that if you’re a guy, if you’re with a woman who is actively displaying interest in being alone with you, even if it’s cloaked in some other activity that you’d really be doing together… she’s into you in a big way.
Then if she’s into you… you don’t have to try hard to be something or someone you’re not. She’s already got that mental “yes” inside her head giving you approval to escalate things further with her. So have fun, enjoy the date and make some moves on her with a crooked smile. She’s expecting you to.
I’ve always been kinda funny about music in that I “get it” about three to five years after everyone else does. I remember being a teenager and the entire world being crazy about U2. As in everyone listening to U2 and I’m like… uh-huh. U2 even came to Wellington in either the late 80′s or very early 90′s and for months before the concert I had to listen to all the pre-concert hype from all my friends. Then the concert which obviously I skipped. Then the months of post-concert cooldown. I can’t tell you how sick of U2 I was after all that.
Then five years later I DISCOVER U2, IT IS THE GREATEST BAND IN THE WORLD, WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME ABOUT U2?
Everyone else is like… uh-huh… where have you been?
I’ve been digging around on YouTube for all the old bands from back in the day. There’s so much music I’ve forgotten from then. Found a few bands and cranked it. Made a Pandora.com station or two and just had stuff playing in the background doing the daily routines. It’s surprisingly energizing hearing the old music in the background and…
…I’ve become like one of those old people. You know the ones, listening to jazz from the 1930′s or something.
I mean no. It’s VERY ENERGIZING and screw anyone that doesn’t like your music. It’s what you like. So crank it up. The hardest thing in the world some days is feeling positive and able to face it with a smile. The truth is it really does matter and makes a difference for you when you’re more positive. You being happier makes everyone around you a little happier. Feelings are infectious, so infect someone.
Okay, okay I admit it.
I’ve been listening to freaking Petra, but if you tell anyone I’ll fucking cut you.
Reader: This is prompted by the fact that Mother’s day is next weekend. My problem is just being done with the divorce I’m not sure how to play this or her birthday in August.
I bought a cashmere scarf for her in Scotland when I was there this year. I’m thinking that should be the Mom’s Day gift, and it would be just from me.
Of the two, the birthday seems the most problematic: I won’t necessarily celebrate anything with her and she’ll likely be partying with her group of fantastic, sycophantic friends. Add to that the data point of my bday in March, when the only thing I got from her was a “Me and the Boys” gift, which was the one thing I asked for. So I’m thinking with bday I just slide in with the boys on a gift like she did.
Athol: Okay… so I just heard “cashmere” and figured it was expensive as hell. Which means you don’t give something expensive to your ex-wife. She is probably ex-pensive enough as it is.
Recommendation… sell it on eBay.
…then just for shits and giggles, I Googled “Cashmere Scarf eBay“.
Ah… wow… holy crap.
That’s a lot of scarves for cheap.
I *think* they might be great deals.
I have no fucking idea what I’m looking at. I thought cashmere was made from rabbit fur, but these seem to be made from goats. Or something. I mean I really have no clue what I’m looking at. Cashmere could be made from the inner lining of Muppets for all I know. But they seem to look nice and for crazy cheap.
Jennifer came over and started explaining what cashmere was and labels and I kinda lost track of what she was saying in her cleavage.
Guys… What’s your secret for quirky gifts she didn’t see coming?
Girls… Whence comes your flair?
From the forum…
Kalda: Now, almost three months later, I am doing better and still making progress. The biggest improvements have been physical. I’m in the best shape of my life and maintaining 5-6 workouts a week while cutting back on the junk food. She, however, is the heaviest she has ever been.
My wife bounces between commenting on how good I look in positive ways and expressing concern I will leave her for a younger or fitter woman. I’m looking for some ideas on how to respond to the latter comments. I’ve told her I’ll support any positive health changes she wants to make when she has brought up exercise or diet, but when she talks about me leaving her I just laugh it off. Tonight she said something and laughing it off felt awkward and she seemed sad. Is there a good way to redirect those comments to flirt or keep a positive vibe between us?
Athol: This is her Loyalty Testing you.
This is actually a pretty serious thing. If she’s really starting to dread that there’s nothing she can do to keep you, she’ll give up on the relationship. So whether she starts checking out of the relationship because she’s unhaaaaaappppppy and about to Eat, Pray, Love an exit, or she starts checking out of the relationship because she thinks you’re going to dump her, doesn’t matter… she’s going to start withdrawing from you, or even start looking for someone who she can jump ship to before you pull the trigger.
In fact you might be a sizzling 9 and her a 7 and she might move sideways to some guy who is just 7 himself to avoid the pain of you smashing her to the ground.
You trying to laugh it off is the exact wrong thing to do, because to her, this is a really unfunny situation. When you laugh, she experiences it as you laughing at her predicament. She’s looking for loyalty and your emotional involvement with her, instead you’re displaying high value and detachment from her.
This is why the pure Alpha approach utterly fails in long term relationships. You can pretty much set your watch on a six month timer for pure Alpha to just blow it all up.
You do two things to pass this test.
(1) State clearly what your standards are for her behavior as a wife. Stuff like her sexual interest in you, appearance, general work ethic. Make them all reasonably high standards, but by no means impossible. Something that she would have to apply herself to get done, but not kill herself to consistently do in reality.
(2) Say that as long as she does (1), she never need fear you leaving her, or cheating on her. If she does right by you, you will do right by her. You need to say this with complete conviction and emotional content. You can also say that you know you could find someone else if you had to, but you want it to be her.
What this amounts to is an all purpose, “There is no X until Y” variant. X is the (2) and the Y is the (1).
This all sounds horribly manipulative I know, but what it sums down to for her is this….
(A) She’s with a guy hotter than her.
(B) He demands her best of her.
(C) He’s loyal to her.
Which all in all doesn’t sound like a bad arrangement. The trick for the guy pulling this off though is this…
…there is no trick. You have to believe it and commit to it, to sell it. What you’re saying is that if someone hotter than your wife comes along and makes a play for you, you’ll just enjoy it as compliment and that’s as far as it goes.
Anyway… Steel Panther video time… kinda like this, just bring it down a couple of notches.
…okay so not very much like Steel Panther. My bad.
Matt266: So @Athol_Kay talks about Shrek, Donkey Princess Fiona Plan in the book. One thing I don’t understand is he says that Jennifer gets Princess Fiona preference, fine. But then he goes on to say, if I rescue the princess I bang the princess. Isn’t this a covert contract? ie. if I do this for wife then she gives me sex.
Please set me straight, just trying to learn!
Athol: Okay… so the original Shrek-Fiona-Donkey post is here. The TL:DR version being, I’m framing myself as Shrek, and making the women in my life fall in either the Princess Fiona or Donkey categories. I willingly do a lot of nice stuff for a Princess Fiona, but we also have an intense sexual connection, and Donkeys I don’t have a sexual relationship with… and they are their own beasts of burden.
Jennifer is the only woman in my life on the Princess Fiona Plan. I’d usually make some kind of joke about her frowning on other women or something after saying something like that, but it actually felt oddly peaceful to say that. Huh.
A covert contract would be where you decided to do a whole bunch of nice stuff for a woman, and then had an unstated expectation of sexual payment for services rendered. Typically sexual payment doesn’t happen anyway and then you get mad because you did all this stuff and didn’t get paid… which isn’t fair! Meanwhile she thinks it isn’t fair that you suddenly sprung your cock into the mix like a bill collector.
What I’m doing with Shrek-Fiona-Donkey is making an overt contract. Jennifer and I both understand and agree to the arrangement. I do X and I get Y. She gives Y and she gets X. It’s a fair exchange.
A covert contract is like when you stop at a red light and some homeless guy with a bucket and sponge starts washing your windshield, then holds out his hand for money.
An overt contract is like when you go to the car wash and pay for a car wash.
So the point of Princess Fiona vs. Donkey is to clarify in your mind, what your relationship is.
(1) A sexual relationship in which you’re all in.
(2) A non-sexual relationship in which you’re not assuming any special services.
I just clear it up ahead of time what it is going to be. There’s no point wasting your entire Saturday helping a girl you’re interested in, only to discover she has no interest in you beyond your labor assistance. If you’re going to end up masturbating no matter what… well you may as well just enjoy Saturday doing what you want to do.
Robert Downey Jr at a press conference in France for the upcoming Iron Man 3 movie.
During the press conference he’s upstaged by Gwyneth Paltrow who actually speaks good French… thus allowing her to become the focal point of the interview as many questions went through her and she answered for the both of them.
…thus all anyone will remember from a half-hour interview.
(1) RDJ doesn’t care what anyone thinks, (2) He got the blond chick laughing and blushing, and (3) going to jail gives you more street cred than an Academy Award.
Though I do warn you… you try this, it’s really got to be funny.
More of a dating thing, but here we go…
Digging around the ye olde Spice Girls videos for an earlier post, came across this gem. I love the song itself, but the lyrics are practically instructions on how to game a girl.
Don’t get too emotional and gushy with her. She doesn’t want to feel you’re more emotional about the situation than she is, but she does want to know you have a sense of commitment to her.
So don’t say you love her.
Just say you’ll be there.
By not making the love commitment via talk, but showing a love commitment via actions, her hamster will get up to speed trying to figure you out, while her Body Agenda will notice that you are there and adjust accordingly. At some point her hamster will ask for a sedative and blurt out she loves you as a Loyalty Test. Then you can follow through with the more emotional stuff.
It’s a freakin’ brillant line.
With babies, playing peek-a-boo is a classic game. It both delights them and teaches them an important cognitive skill. Just because you can’t see something, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
Mommy is there and then mommy is gone… and peek-a-boo! Mommy is right back! Yay! And mommy is gone again… peek-a-boo! OMG she’s back! Wow. And she’s gone again… peek-a-boo! Oh this is hysterical, mommy you’re a wizardly genius! Dinner and a show.
Once the kids get mobile, the game gets a little more serious. Because mommy can completely disappear from one room, and be in another room. Which is fine for a minute or two, because there’s just something about this squeaky toy hammer that enthralls me. It causes no injury whatsoever, but my brother Thomas seems enraged by it hitting him. Why is that?
OMG it’s been a full three minutes. Where’s mommy? Something terrible must have happened to her. She’s not in the kitchen. She’s not in the bedroom. Shit. Mommy…. She’s not in the bathroom either… oh! Oh! There’s mommy! She’s in the laundry. Hi mommy. Watcha doin’? Hi. What’s all this stuff? Can I help? Hi. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. Oh mommy your kisses are magical! Anyway, there’s something in my pants I need you to attend to.
Fast forward say thirty odd years….
OMG it’s been a full three minutes. Where’s wifey? Something terrible must have happened to her. She’s not in the kitchen. She’s not in the bedroom. Shit. Wifey…. She’s not in the bathroom either… oh! Oh! There’s wifey! She’s in the laundry. Hi wifey. Watcha doin’? Hi. What’s all this stuff? Can I help? Hi. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. Oh wifey your kisses are magical! Anyway, there’s something in my pants I need you to attend to.
So stop it. Stop chasing your wife through the house like a toddler. She’ll be right back. Just because you can’t see her, doesn’t mean she doesn’t exist.
STOP IT. JUST DON’T DO IT.
Sure if you hear some sort of cascading crash and her anguished cries for help… go check on that. Likewise if more than half an hour has elapsed… it’s fine to lay eyes on her. Just don’t chase her through the house.
This is how your wife experiences endlessly seeking her out…
You are not goddamn Barney the Dinosaur. Not every single incidental passing in the hallway needs to involve cuddly-wuddly hug, kisses and gushing demands of verbal commitment.
STOP IT. JUST DON’T DO IT. IT MAKES HER VAGINA SEAL ITSELF SHUT.
If you’ve been running about your house like Virginity Pledge Care Bear and need a good rule of thumb for displays of affection to get yourself under better control, use the ye olde Roissy Golden Ratio approach. For every three instances of her initiating the display of affection, you should initiate two times.
Ideally your two times should involve things like kissing the back of her neck, lightly dry humping her ass, deep kisses where you lightly touch her face or gently pull her hair.
I need a palate cleanser.