In the end I did come to a sense of peace about the question and I do have an answer. Maybe not your answer, but it is my answer.
Sorry, no sexy-time post today. Got distracted by the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy all evening. What happened was that last night I stumbled onto a youtube clip of the guide and then I spent a hour or so hunting for more of them. I’m talking about the old BBC version from the 1980’s. I started showing my eldest daughter them and she generally liked them.
Then I had the brainwave…
I completely forgot that I had the entire series on DVD!
So then we pretty much pissed away the whole night watching the entire series from start to finish. Great fun and daddy daughter time. She has the same mentally quirky sense of humor as I do. (Youngest does a nice line of physical comedy at times.) Eldest mostly happy for finally knowing where the whole “42” thing comes from.
The YouTube videos of the BBC series aren’t that great, but the recent movie does the 42 thing fair enough…
Of course all this does beg the question…
…so what is the answer to Life the Universe and Everything?
The truth is that I did think about this for many, many years. When I was religious it was conviently answered by belief in God and doing whatever it was he wanted me to do. Just as a direct supervisor he was sub-par as I made frequent requests for direction and essentially got silence in return and had no idea what he wanted apart from an out dated policy manual.
Once dumping God and the policy manual, the questions asserted themselves again. Why are we here? How did we get here? I’m hungry, where’s lunch? When will I get to put my penis in someone?
The answer to Life the Universe and Everything is life. Live life, give life, save life, create life, touch life and accept that all things come to an end and allow life to pass on with grace and dignity. Sometimes the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few; sometimes the opposite. Use your best judgment to do what you can.
The answer to Life the Universe and Everything is the universe. If the nature of the physical universe doesn’t awe you at every turn, you aren’t looking at it right. The sheer size of the universe is utterly astounding. If you ever actually get out of the city area far enough that light pollution isn’t a factor, on a clear moonless night the Milky Way becomes so visible it looks to the naked eye like a long cloud in the sky. There’s something about having 200 billion stars in each of about 100 billion galaxies that is both humbling and cures the lonliness. If we are alone, the universe is as Ellie says in the movie “Contact”, “an awful waste of space”.
The Universe is a wonderous place. Science is the study of the wonder. Seriously, how does gravity work? The earth and the moon dance about in each other’s gravity well – a real world physical force – but there is nothing but the vacuum of space between them. It’s like swinging without actually sitting on a swing. Isn’t that amazing?
The answer to Life the Universe and Everything is understanding that the answer is not everything, but something. You can’t have everything, in the first place you don’t have anywhere to put it all, and then you’ll spend so much trying to keep it all nice that you’ll never get to enjoy it all anyway. Be happy with the things you need in your own service of life. Simple, functional, beautiful items that you actually use are greater than a mountain of stuff you don’t.
The answer to Life the Universe and Everything is understanding that the answer is not everything, but someone. We all crave to be known and joined with another. We are all biological robots running relationship software in our meat computer brains. We all want to love and be in community with each other. That’s why the Internet is so addictive to such a social species.
Your time in the universe is really just a walk on improv role, a few lines and then an exit, but it is your role and no one else’s, so make of it what you will. But with a someone you can create new life together, and somehow you live on. At the end of the day, family is everything.
Ted said (answering Lainey) – I fully admit that my anger is my issue to resolve. And I don’t use it as an excuse to treat people badly. But I think you truly underestimate the anguish taking the red pill can cause. Many of the guys here have been treated badly. Some are in relationships going sour, and some like myself found this site after years of living in misery followed by divorce. I lucked out because my ex is actually a good person,and we did not split hating and resenting each other. However I am a rare case, and every other man I know got royally screwed in court during their divorce.
Now imagine one of those men coming here and learning that the reason they got screwed was because they were fed a bunch of bull from an early age. I often feel like I was setup to fail by the people I love and trusted as a child and young adult. So yeah, I have some anger to work through. I’m glad you feel a bit of empathy for men like me, but I truly don’t think you understand how traumatic all this can be.
Athol: This is an important point to discuss and I take a purposely different approach than most everywhere else in the Manosphere on this issue.
Ted is right. There are genuine reasons to feel rage about these things. There is often little reason for the rage to ever fade either. Plus I get that being happily married with a good sex life is like rubbing salt into open wounds for many.
I’ve also been told in no uncertain terms several dozen times in comments and via email that I have no idea how bad the pain is about getting divorced or having your children removed from you without just cause. A tiny handful of those one sided conversations have been quite nasty. I’ve thus avoided writing on “Men’s Rights” as much as possible. I always knew I was going to pull some hate, but I thought it would be feminists doing the screaming.
That being said, I believe mindless venting of that justifiable rage, can frequently damage the cause we seek to address.
When a Blue Pill Nice Guy with a serious relationship problem comes stumbling into the Manosphere looking for answers, he comes with a pro-female mindset. After coming across variants of “All women are devious whores!” a few dozen times – something possible in the comments of a single post on some blogs – he can easily become repulsed and move on in his search for truth. Then we call him a Mangina for good measure. We do this because insults make other people listen better and consider our viewpoint.
Likewise, sympathetic women reading the same venom quickly become unsympathetic women. At some point we’re going to want some things to go to a vote and there are more women than men that can vote. Therefore we need the support of women to at least some degree.
So I see my role in the Manosphere as a diplomatic outpost. Some people start here and then explore the rest of the Manosphere. Some people start elsewhere in the Manosphere and get directed here after being jilted by what they first discover. Me being happily married, having a great sex life and generally being a quirky Vulcan makes MMSL taste like… root beer.
Just there’s no yelling in diplomacy. That’s probably a rule somewhere.
There is good in this world, and it’s worth fighting for.
There has of late been some nasty commenting happening.
I am fine with people disagreeing with me and other commenters, I like a debate as much as anyone. However I am not fine with straight up insulting and goading of anyone. As a loose rule of thumb, I consider the comments to be “taking place in my living room” and people that insult me or my friends in my living room typically find themselves muzzled and shunted out the door.
In writing MMSL, I’m trying to strike a balance between the harsh truth and genuine concern for others. Also many aspects of sexual behavior are messy, both in an ethical sense and emotional one. When people come here, they usually come because of their own mess and insulting or attacking them for having a mess is of no productive value whatsoever. As much as possible, things need to stay positive and productive.
Also please bear in mind that I am writing under my own name and have a “real life” outside of MMSL. People in our real life do read the blog and the comments. The fact that Jennifer and I are real people, with a real marriage, goes a long way toward creating the platform where people think Game et al is something that can actually make a real difference, saving marriages, families and sex lives.
Several people have been concerned in the comments of yesterdays post that if the husband leaves a marriage because the wife is Batshit Crazy, that leaves the children all alone with a Batshit Crazy mother. The thought being that the family courts are slanted toward women and against the rights of fathers. The feeling is that you have to stay in the marriage to defend the children against their mother.
These are horrible decisions to make, and to leave your children with someone you consider dangerous is going to seem badly wrong on both an intellectual and emotional level. You are absolutely not wired to abandon your children to danger.
And make no mistake, men are hardwired to be White Knights for their loved ones. If you were say faced with a lion starting to size up munching on your kids, you would very likely perform as nature intends and purposely fight a battle with the lion that you know from the get go you will lose. But from your sacrifice, your family is bought enough time to flee to safety.
Unfortunately when you are dealing with a Batshit Crazy woman armed with a Batshit Crazy family court, the person that is by far in the greatest danger is you. You can stand your ground and fight the good fight, but it can only take a Batshit Crazy wife a handful of lying phone calls to the authorities to have you mired into legal difficulties. Or even jailed. Then your sacrifice can be all for naught as your children remain with the Batshit Crazy and you won’t get to see them anyway.
All divorce is an awful experience, but you can have a properly managed legally advised divorce, or a chaotic ass-reaming by the system divorce. As emotionally wrong as it may seem, your best first move maybe moving out and filing. (Note that you usually should NOT move out and give up the house, but if she’s really dangerous to you, you may have to leave.) Before she starts calling the police on you, or trying to hit you with a hammer, you need to be hooked up with a good lawyer to advise you.
In short, if you are mired in trying to defend yourself or even worse jailed, there’s not much you can do for your children anymore. So like they say on the plane, put your own oxygen mask on first, then help your kids get theirs on.
Batshit Crazy women left unsupervised with children, always screw up somehow. Which is why your next move should be getting all the children smart phones to “stay in contact with them”. Of course the real reason is the built in video camera and the ability for the kids to upload mommy belting their brother to youtube.
I got a long reader email that has far too many identifying marks to edit, so the short version is he is trying to decide whether or not to marry his girlfriend of 2.5 years. By his account she is wife material and a good match for him. Her sex drive seems higher than his, but the main stumbling point is he’s cheated on her 3-4 times and gotten away with it already, and just can’t get past the idea of getting married and not getting a little something on the side once in a while. After all, per evolutionary psychology, that’s how men are wired. Right?
Athol: There’s not a perfect solution to choose.
You are correct that monogamy isn’t natural and that men and women are biologically wired to have a primary partner and opportunistic sex with others. However much of our modern society isn’t natural. Democracy isn’t natural, nor is capitalism, or education, the rule of law, hospitals, flushing toilets and plentiful food. (Autotuned pop music isn’t natural either, so that I guess slightly ruins the point I’m making because let’s face it, autotune is awful.)