Monogamy and Marriage 2.0 | Married Man Sex Life

Women and Conspicuous Displays of Wealth

July 8, 2012 By Athol Kay 61 Comments

Some comments from yesterdays post on the very expensive and dramatic vacation planning…

Holdingallthecards: @Jennifer: I know you work, so don’t you have your own savings account for things like weekend getaways with girlfriends or just your daughters? Time apart is healthy in a marriage (the amount varies per couple), and there is no rule that says every vacation has to be spent with a spouse (especially when they’re the homebody). Besides, if the money comes from your own savings, it’s your budget, too. The only one to say yes or no is you.

Jennifer: From the beginning of our marriage we’ve always had joint finances…I mean even if we had “separate” accounts we’re legally joined in all things financial etc. when it all comes down to it anyway. I personally would see it as divisive to have a “this is mine, this is yours” setup to our finances. We are a team, we make financial decisions as a team, we have team finances.

I prefer to spend our hard earned money on vacations as a family…sure we both like an afternoon to ourselves once in a while (the introvert thing) but I have no interest in going away without Athol. I enjoy spending time with him and our daughters, and it really wouldn’t be any fun obsessively planning a trip that I couldn’t experience with them. And realistically, the one to say yes or no is the budget…if I plan some sort of blow-a-lot-of-money weekend, whether for myself/friends or the family, that’s not responsible of me and I wouldn’t end up having fun.

Athol: We had a three year long distance relationship as our engagement and we’ve had our fill of being apart.

Otherwise if we wanted to play the game where all the money we earn belongs to us as individuals, rather than the marriage, Jennifer would have to learn to pitch a tent, and I’d have some quite lovely trips to the islands.

Well maybe not quite that dramatic lol, but you get the idea.

Beta Tester: The problem I have with vacation is there is virtually NO sex. I have 2 little cock blockers around day and night. If we go camping we have to wait till they are asleep and it is late enough so none of the other campers will hear (I bet they still do). If we go to a hotel or stay with someone, forget it. The kids are in the room or we can’t have sex in a bed that is not our own. That said there has been the rare adventure. Once in a rental minivan outside Disney. Another time on a remote beach in a northern state. Another time we did it on a couch in a basement cause ya can’t use the bed in someone else house.

I do have a question with letting her plan the vacations though. Are you giving up your Captain’s seat to the First Officer? My wife also likes to go on vacations. When I was all beta, she would take the kids and her mother on vacations without me. Since I have been running the MAP, my wife has been running fewer shit tests. This year I made the vacation plans and am making the arrangements. She will still have to do her fair share of the packing, I am just taking my command back. I have limited days off from work. I am making dam sure I get to use them how I want.

Athol: I kinda find outwitting the clockblocks fun lol. It’s actually kind of easy now that they’re older and can be sent on errands together, or can play somewhere unsupervised for a while. Eldest can drive next year, so that’s pretty much an open dunk for getting them out of our hair.

I think you perhaps misunderstand the First Officer role a little. The First Officer is meant to be completely capable of “having the bridge”. Jennifer and I share a great deal of the decision making, but I take a final responsibility for us as a family, and tend to make the final / bigger decisions. She’ll probably come back with a dozen possible options for things to do and we’ll narrow it down to the things that work out the best for everyone. As it turns out, part of our trip is work related for me, and Jennifer and the girls will be out and about a lot doing fun stuff together that I don’t have much interest in anyway.

Also Jennifer is better at finding things to do and good deals than I am, so I just let her do her thing. She is very bright ya know. I don’t micromanage her because she doesn’t need it. If she needed to be micromanaged it would be because she’s stupid and that would drive me crazy. Plus it’s not like you can fix stupid.

RedPillAwakening: I’ve never understood why my wife feels like whatever we do to spend time together doesn’t count unless it somehow drains our bank account. Suggestions I make for activities that don’t cost anything (or don’t cost much) always get shot down, without fail. Sometimes I think if she had to bust her ass to earn the money she might learn to be a lot more careful with it. I finally got us out of credit card debt after many years, but I have had to become a hard-ass just to make ends meet.

Athol: Because for most women it’s about bragging rights and assuring their place in the female pecking order. Look at the great thing my vagina got for me, much better than the thing your vagina got for you. You know why that is? It’s because my vagina is better than your vagina and don’t you forget it. Advantage me…

Women are interested in high income provider mates, and actually landing one means she is a higher Sex Rank female compared to others. Outranking other females provides social benefit for her, but it also requires a conspicuous display of wealth to communicate that effectively. She can’t just say, “Well Harold is awfully well off, but it’s all locked up in investments at the moment.” and have the other women fawn over her because it’s not terribly believable. She can however say, “Harold took me to Paris and we stayed in the Ritz and ate here and here and it was fabulous! Well let me tell you, just as I thought it was finished, he got me this amazing necklace!! He refused to tell me what he paid for it, but I called up the jewelry store he got it in and asked them how much I should insure it for! Anyway then he’s all moody because I didn’t give him a blowjob that day…”

Women want objective proof to display the value of their mate, because their value is based on it in part. It’s the same thing as husbands wanting a hot looking wife to show off to their friends. See that big titty blond on my arm? That’s right… I’m the man.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Captain and First Officer, How To Choose A Wife, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0

If You Can’t Stand The Heat, Stay Out Of The Marriage

June 22, 2012 By Athol Kay 30 Comments

The meme doing the rounds is “Marriage as Restaurant”. It started as a comment by Dalrock here, was expanded on by Anonymous Reader, Hawaiian Libertarian chimed in, as did the Wild Man Project. They are all worth a read and make a strong metaphor for Marriage 2.0.

Summarizing them all into a single loose thought, Marriage is like having dinner in a rather questionably run restaurant where bad things can happen to men, and you’re potentially better off eating outside the restaurant. As far as it goes, I agree, though I have got to wonder why no one mentioned the possibility of one guy being duped into having to pick up the check for another guy aka paternity fraud. Also I would have added in the possibility of guys ordering filet mignon and being served hamburger, yet forced to pay the full price for the filet mignon. Or simply being told chef didn’t feel like cooking, and to just drink water for the next six months. Or perhaps being very obviously served someone else’s leftovers. Or catching some dreaded disease in there from the lack of basic sanitation when dealing with various “uncooked meats.”

In short, I agree that when marriage goes wrong, it goes very wrong indeed. Which is why the only bolded statement in the Primer says…

Unless you are completely confident in your choice of wife and ability t0 maintain your relationship, I advise you not to get married at all. (Chapter 29)

…all that being said, there is a serious flaw in the “Marriage as Restaurant” metaphor. Namely, it frames the man as being a fairly passive victim of his fate. It may as well be a “Marriage as Hunger Games” metaphor, or “Marriage as a Razorblade in a Candy Apple at Halloween” metaphor. All that’s left is for the roadrunner to stick out it’s tongue at us and go “beep beep.”

What marriage is really like, is opening a restaurant with a partner. You may hope it turns out awesome, but no one gets a Michelin Star just for opening a restaurant. You earn it.

When you open a restaurant, there’s a lot to think about, because as everyone knows, quite a lot of new restaurants fail. When you start something as major as this with a partner, there’s a serious legal agreement that is entered into, and both partners bring something to the table of value. Typically that’s some combination of brains, beauty, brawn or bucks. Maybe you chef it up in the kitchen and she runs the front, but each partner has a role they need to play and if they don’t play it well, the business could simply go under. If it fails, whatever is left of the mess is divided up, but it’s not usually a net positive for either partner if that happens.

When you open a restaurant, it’s going to be a lot of work. You’re going to have good days and bad days. Someday’s it’s going to be a huge party in there and some days it’s going to seem pretty dead and you’re going to look at each and wonder why you even started a restaurant in the first place. Especially when the economy is rough and running a restaurant is harder than usual. But you keep the food fresh, the restaurant clean, the people smiling and don’t give up making a go of it… because while some restaurants fail, plenty of restaurants do pretty well and you are not without influence.

If someone else’s restaurant makes you jealous, you ask them what they do and copycat what you can. If the restaurant is struggling, blaming the hell out of each other isn’t a solution. You read up on restaurant management. If your restaurant is starting to slide downwards, you don’t just hope for the best, you seek help. If you’re in a crappy location, you pull up sticks and move.

However, you must accept that if the food you’re sending out of the kitchen is crap, the people working out front can’t save the restaurant for you. Plus the wait staff hate delivering crappy food and once they lose faith in you, it’s not long until they throw in the towel. Like it or not, the head chef is the most critical role in the restaurant.

The trouble is most guys get into the chef game like this…

When you really should be thinking about doing it like this…

So yes indeed, who you get into business with is half the battle, but the other half of the battle is you. Worst comes to worst, a top quality chef is always in demand. So keep your knives sharp.

Filed Under: How To Choose A Wife, Humor and Everything Else, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0

Everything Was Getting Better, Now She’s Suddenly Talking Divorce

June 9, 2012 By Athol Kay 51 Comments

Reader: The dynamics of my marriage have changed dramatically and your book has been at the heart of it. My MAP has not been perfect and I think I may have over reached a bit but I am finding the “D” talk to be unsettling.

Since running the MAP our sex has gone from 1X monthly to 2-3X/week for the twenty days per month she is not having her period. Those ten days per month have been a challenge as I have trouble sustaining sexy moves and beta activities when I know she is locked up any way. She feels like she has done allot to respond to me and can’t believe how my attitude suffers during the cold period. I am not pissy, but off doing my own thing. She senses it and is not getting what she usually gets from me and it gets immediately ugly.

I have done lots of manning up and she says she does not want to be dominated. She accuses me of wanting to drive us apart so I can go find some attractive 30 something and has referred many times to me dumping her. She is a wonderful, fun woman with a giant heart and I still find the same things attractive in her that brought us together. D was never my plan at all. I have been High Desire my whole life, apparently unwilling to ask for what I want, and that is no longer something I will live with.

Anyway, I am curious if you hear from your readers and have a sense for how often everything blows sky high and ends in D? We had a conversation at 4 am this week where she suggested if I can back off for a year and a half so we can get our youngest daughter off to college and we can go our separate ways then. That’s easy to say but the shit tests have been coming hard and fast since that conversation. She has gained some weight due to stress and my sex rank is solid. She has a new job which I am encouraging but I make three times what she makes.

My wife is a strong lady and been a bucking bronco on all of this. She seems to begrudgingly give me two steps forward before a step back. In MC she admitted that she chose me for different reasons than sexual attraction. I would be a good father, provider, etc… Ouch. The reason I am willing to entertain the idea of D is because that seems like no way to live.

Athol: It sounds like she’s just getting mentally geared up to be dumped, so is going to try and do it on her terms. She’s lost control of the relationship because you’re hotter than her, so she’s trying to gain control of the end of the relationship.

If she chose you because you’re a good father and provider and less sexy…. why would she divorce you if you’re still a good father and provider and more sexy? She’s just running the Hamster out loud about all that as part of the testing. Going from sex once a month to 2-3x a week means she does find you more attractive now than before. So the addition of the Alpha was working as intended. You got better, she knows you got better, the problem is she didn’t and she’s worried you’re about to move on or cheat on her.

Yes I have seen Game give a short term boost to the marriage and then fall apart. It’s usually boosted because the husband added Alpha, and then falls apart because he doesn’t re-balance it with Beta when she get nervous in the aftermath. Basically the frame you need to assert is covered here.

I would also cut the divorce talk off at the knees asap. If you can have an amicable planned divorce, that means you can work as a team during emotionally trying times… which kinda suggests you could actually have an okay marriage. I would have blown up at her verbally “WELL I DON’T WANT A DIVORCE, WHY THE $%^& DO YOU WANT TO DIVORCE ME?” Don’t insult her or call her names, just let her see your rage over the fact that she wants to end the marriage.

What she’s looking for is whether or not you have an emotional bond to her. She’s testing you by threatening to break that bond by raising the issue of divorce, so you’re meant to act like a wounded animal and react like you’re extremely pissed off and hurt. If you have a calm discussion about a potential divorce, you’re telegraphing you aren’t bonded to her. If you telegraph you aren’t bonded to her, she’s going to go all kinds of crazy testing on you because in her heart she knows you’re going to dump her and it’s far easier to leave a relationship mad than sad.

The ideal state to be in is where you as the husband have the upper hand in the relationship where your attractiveness could replace your wife with someone younger / hotter / tighter fairly easily, and she would very much struggle to replace you with a man of your quality… but she is still reassured of the relationship lasting forever (and you being faithful to her) on the combination of her basically being a good attentive wife and the depth of your emotional bonding to her.

Another great thing you can do to provide comfort that she’s not going to be dumped, is make plans for the future. Something like a vacation involving plane flights is ideal. It shows you’re thinking far ahead, with you still being a couple as part of your plans. A week in Europe if you’re American, or in America if you’re European is going to be a damn sight cheaper than a divorce.

But maybe that’s just me. Jennifer isn’t into jewelry, she’s into plane flights. But then again I’m from New Zealand, so I caused all that lol.

Jennifer: Hey no fair! I do like travel and it is your fault!

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Body Agenda and Sex Rank, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0, Sexy Moves, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Why The Church Wants Men To Be Betaized Care Bears

June 8, 2012 By Athol Kay 58 Comments

***Just to be 100% clear for any new readers. I am an Atheist / ex-Christian. I don’t hate Christians. In this post I am not advocating for a return to marriage or sexual laws that involve large rocks being smashed against skulls. Nor do I think most Christians do either, except perhaps for a few unusually enthusiastic ones who can’t get dates despite the sexual imbalance in the pews in favor of men. Also there’s a world of difference between consensually agreeing to a Captain and First Officer styled relationship and returning to husbands owning wives in a legal sense, yada yada yada. Also don’t do drugs, because drugs are bad, mmmkay.***

Let explain how the Church feminizes husbands. I’m going to paint with a wide brush and speak in very general tones. That way I can offend everyone with my ignorance and wiggle out of being held to a position by saying I couldn’t cover everything in a single blog post.

Back around the time of Jesus, marriage was a very one-sided arrangement in favor of men. Marriage was essentially a theological construct that framed the husband as the one in direct control of the wife to the point of de facto ownership of her. Frequently the “wives obey your husbands” and “slaves obey your masters” instructions run immediately after each other, which should send up a red flag in your head that there’s a whole lot of assumption of the status quo being just peachy happening in the minds of the writers.

Jesus’ command to “not divorce” is only directed at husbands for example, because wives couldn’t divorce their husband, both as a legal and practical matter. Oh they could probably make a dash for it and leave him, but it’s basically going to be out of the frying pan and into the fire. Not many lifestyle opportunities existed for such women other than prostitution and being very very hungry. The men owned the property and the children from the marriage.

There’s also something about having your head very publicly smashed open, slowly and clumsily, by an angry mob that puts a damper on women cheating on their husbands. Plus hubby could easily get away with an occasional beating on a disobedient or unproductive wife. Marital rape is also not a crime in this time period in that she was the husband’s property, thus you couldn’t rape your wife for the same reason you couldn’t steal your own horse.

All in all, the entire marital structure of the time is one that utterly frames the husband as dominant and the wife as submissive by default and without concern for the wishes of either party of the marriage. Though one assumes the men didn’t complain overly much. If you think of marriage in New Testament times as being similar to something the Taliban thinks is a good idea about marriage minus the burkas, you’ve about got it right.

In Game parlance, the marriage of those times creates a huge structural Alpha boost for the husband, to the point that Married Game is totally redundant. Cook me dinner, raise my children, clean my house, come over here and take your clothes off. Being Beta isn’t really a concern save bringing in an income.

Thus it is in this context that all the New Testament demands to be a lovey-dovey Care Bear toward your wife need to be taken. Reading between the lines, commands to husbands boil down to “Holy crap you guys are being assholes, would you please try and be a little nicer to your wives.” Or in other words… “Be More Beta!” It’s trying to balance out the Alpha.

Or like I say…. “If the problem is you’re too Beta, add Alpha. If the problem is you’re too Alpha, add Beta.”

So fast forward to now…

Husbands don’t own wives. It’s illegal to assault your wife. Marital rape laws are on the books. Women have the ability to own property and support themselves financially. Wives can also initiate divorce. There’s a notable lack of public stoning for adultery. Or in Game parlance, all the legal and economic structurally created Alpha that husbands used to have, has been stripped away. Zero structural Alpha…

… and all that’s left are the Sunday morning sermons to be more Beta. It’s right there in the bible. Be more Beta. Be totally Beta… and that’s where for a whole lot of Christian men, it all goes terribly wrong. They fold up like wet napkins, their wife takes over and while the marriage is likely stable, it’s not readily confused with being erotic.

All that structural Alpha is gone, gone for good and rightly so. And to be fair, the majority of evangelical Christians who do believe in the husband leading the relationship, don’t have any expectation or desire for things like husbands actually owning the wives either.

What the modern husband has to understand, is that he has to bring his own Alpha to the marriage. There’s no one else that can create the desire for your wife to willingly submit to you… but you. There’s no one else who can make her hot to drop her pants for you… but you. There’s no one else who can make her think you’re the best option she has… but you.

I’m here to help, but I can’t do it for you either.

Welcome to Hardcore gentlemen. You only get one life.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Captain and First Officer, Cheating and Infidelity, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0, Nice Guys and Betaization, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Game For Christians

May 29, 2012 By Athol Kay 78 Comments

Athol: Via email I’ve somewhat frequently been asked to write ”MMSL for Christians.” On one hand I dread the backlash for simply daring to write for Christians while wearing my Team Atheist attire (it’s suspicously like a Next Generation Star Trek Science Officer uniform). On the other hand I also know that a good percentage of my readership are Christian and experience the awkward tension of finding that MMSL “works”, but finding it morally diffcult at times as well.

My primary goal is to help everyone have a better sex life and happier marriages. If via MMSL people happen to get over the image of Atheists as enraged souless baby eaters that’s great. I’ve yet to receieve a single email saying someone deconverted because of my writings. No biggie. It’s not the goal.

Below is an email part of a back and forth with a Christian reader. He asks a lot of good questions. I have some answers to all this myself, but it’s a lot of work to frame them correctly without accidently saying something that triggers violence in the comments. Just please accept that I am taking this seriously. My own answers may not be immediate.

Anyway…. have a crack at some answers in the comments.

Reader: I am mainly concerned about how core Christian values and beliefs match up with married game and where they don’t. My real question is “What are the mismatches?” and “What do your Christian readers that are taking the red pill think about the mismatches?”

For you, the mismatches are probably not a problem, of course, because you don’t subscribe to Christian beliefs (I respect that). But I think some of your reader’s might have some problems with some things. I do. And it bothers me. I don’t want to go against my faith, but I do want a emotionally and sexually fulfilling marriage (and I wasn’t able to do it without game). So there I am. I have no choice but to ask these tough questions for myself.

Like we both have said, there is much that matches up, but here I want to list some of the mismatches that I would like to get input on.

(1) Attracting other Women

I can’t deny that it works to attract my wife, but the concept seems to go against the grain. I think most any Christian has certainly been taught against this. And even Jesus said “any man who looks at another women… is toast” paraphrased of course.

For me, I have to tone this down. I just talk friendly with other women whether they are old ladies, homely women, or hotties. If they show interest in me then they do, its not that I’m really after anything (or am I? I am doing it to attract my wife, so I have a motive) But the pre-selection really only happens when your wife sees somebody who is a potential threat to her show clear interest that is not just friendly. And this, by Christian standards would be inappropriate, since I am essentially soliciting the attention, even though I have no plans to act on anything. It would basically be characterized as flirting with temptation rather than just avoiding the temptation.

(2) Alpha attitude (at least parts of it)

Cocky, willingness to break the rules, being overtly sexual, indifference to female emotion. Or how about a personal favorite that my wife and I like to laugh about and you have blogged about “women love assholes”.

I think these pretty much speak for themselves as to why they go against Christian beliefs. Of course a lot of Alpha traits match up well, confidence, leadership, not being swayed easily off course match up great.

The persona of Alpha is basically bad boy on the outside, but deep down probably a good guy or at least the potential to be a good guy. The female sex drive wants to have an alpha to try and tame, but if she does tame him (hello Christian marriage in many respects), then the attractions takes a nose dive.

(3) Indifference to emotion

This is one I’d like to hit on specifically. I don’t know that you have specifically discussed “indifference” in one of your posts, but it has come up in many reader comments to your posts. This one is important to me, because this is one of the biggest things that improved my marriage. But at the same time, like some of your readers, this is frustrating too. I don’t really want to be indifferent to my wife, but she finds it very attractive. The more indifferent I am to her, the more she is all over me the way I want her to be. Women are attracted to indifference from men and I understand why, its part of the mystery, its the wondering whether or not he’s into me that gets them going. This creates the chase. Indifference also appears as confidence, because when you really don’t care what somebody else thinks, well that is pretty much confidence (or at least the appearance of it). Indifference to her emotions also sets her free to experience all her emotions without worrying about yours (this is a good thing).

The problem is indifference can’t really be “gamed” in or faked. It has to be real or she’ll she right through it. But as I begin to feel indifferent to my wife’s emotions and I see her attraction go up, its kind of worrisome that I actually feel indifferent where as I didn’t before. To quote one of your reader posts “I can’t love her as much as I want to because she will only take it from me if I won’t give it to her”. So, even with the Christian matchup question aside, this topic would make a great post.

But, the Christian matchup issue here is that indifference is pretty much the opposite of love. Hard to match that up. Isn’t it?

(4) Willingness to walk away

This is at the heart of the red pill. There really is no such thing as unconditional love in a marriage. This goes right against Christian wedding vows, for better or worse, til death do us part, yada yada.

This is a tough nut for most people in a long term Marriage. You can’t be willing to walk away?? But, we all know, if we’ve experienced the red pill that you won’t get what you want out of the marriage unless your willing to walk if you don’t get it.

“Nice Guy” put your needs first. Insist that your needs be met. Christianity would say always to put the other’s needs above your own. Yet, we all know how attracted women are to nice guys who do this religiously to their wife, “hopelessly devoted” is major turn off. But this so hard for a “nice guy” with Christian values to accept. Personally, I am way past this, but I still wish for the blue pill here “why can’t my wife be insanely attracted to me because I am “hopelessly devoted” to her? Based on the Christian values I learned growing up it should be this way.

(5) Hot Kinky Sex

This one I don’t really have a problem with but thought I would throw it in. It does present some Christian match up questions and we all know that many Christian women have hang ups about sex based on Christian teachings while growing up (my wife did for years).

The question here is what is acceptable and what isn’t. Christianity doesn’t seem to allow for anything goes in the bedroom. Lots of religions have made statements against anal, oral, etc etc. We all know that both parties in the marriage need to be comfortable with whatever is going on, but is there any basis in Christian teaching for limiting sexual behaviors in a marriage to rule out certain things? (I’m not talking about hardcore porn stuff here either, just the stuff it actually takes to get your wife sexually satisfied. If this could be done with just the missionary position and only p & v, well then that would be fine I suppose and we wouldn’t have this question).

Ok, that just a shotgun of items and I’m just throwing these things out from the hip, but these are all things I have given serious thought to as I have taken the red pill. I know that you are trying to help people have better marriages and you have helped mine. So, even though you are not a Christian, I think it would be worth hitting some of these issues for those that are. I’m assuming that you have other Christian readers taking the red pill with similar questions on their mind. Of course, maybe I’m your only Christian reader . In that case, well too bad for me. But I think you probably have a lot?

Let me know what you think.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Body Agenda and Sex Rank, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0, Nice Guys and Betaization, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Could Have, Should Have, Would Have, Didn’t.

May 24, 2012 By Athol Kay 37 Comments

A fair amount of angst in yesterday’s comments that the wife was a gold digger. In fairness, she may well be, but then again that just makes my point… women on the whole react positively to men with money. If you have a choice between having more money or less money, the more money route is the best choice by default.

The other concern in the comments was that the husband might fail and his wife leave him in the lurch. This is also quite possible and is simply the Hypergamy impulse. Women happen to be more attracted to winners than losers. Whatever it is that you do, I advise you to be a “winner” at it. Even in terribly geeky things there is a pecking order of winners and losers. If you’re in the chess club, at least be the big swinging dick in chess club that everyone fears to play.

Jennifer and I both have worked at a non-profit for what amounts to 95% of our entire careers. We’re by no means impoverished, but the reality is that I don’t think that was a wise choice for both of us to make. Yeah MMSL is a payoff stemming in no small part from my life experience, but writing a successful book is a very long shot to take. I tried making a break into higher earnings by going into real estate sales in 2006 and met the crashing housing market and to be quite blunt, failed remarkably hard. That’s failing remarkably hard despite genuinely putting in effort to make it work. Jennifer is by nature supportive, not crazily motivated by money and quite bonded to me. I failed and she stayed.

Jennifer isn’t a gold digger… but money is part and parcel of reality… so while she’s probably not a silver digger, she’s at least a copper digger. Take away medical insurance, ability to pay the mortgage, money for food and clothes for the girls, I would expect her eyes to start narrowing to slits when looking upon me. I would expect her rationalization hamster to start getting into motion. But that would only be fair wouldn’t it?

So I failed hard at real estate, and nursing was still being sort of a financial equivalent of a goal-less soccer match. Not winning or losing, but it’s boring as hell. So I started MMSL planning to win, but also knowing it might fail. Something I did not tell Jennifer before I started writing was that if it all turned into a second round of serious failure, I planned to offer her a divorce and cash her out with everything that was left. Note I said offer divorce, not threaten divorce. I don’t think she would have accepted, but you never know. I think she would have taken it as the most profound apology I could make. I don’t know if I would have been much fun to live with after that though.

As it is, it’s all working out quite well. I won. We’re by no means rolling in dough, but we’ve made an excellent step in the right direction. Jennifer is visibly happier and less stressed about money. We’ve had a pretty great marriage and this last year has been easily the best year we’ve had together sexually. At this point I’m more excited about making more money than she is. In the end, neither one of us is particularly motivated by expensive toys and bling, I just want her to feel unstressed by money, and for me to get to do MMSL all the time and see how it all plays out over the years. I want to travel and speak and write and talk to people. I want Jennifer to work for me so we can be together for work instead of apart. The money is just a tool to get to do that.

So enough of me, let’s talk about you…

Naturally I am not advising ya’ll to quit your day jobs and just believe in the power of your dreams. I did that once going into real estate and it was a disaster. Nor am I saying everyone needs to start a blog and write a book. Based on Amazon data I’m somewhere in the top 0.5% of authors for book sales and I make a way better royalty split as a self-publisher than 80% of the books out selling mine. So I shit you not when I say trying to make a livable income from writing books is like The Hunger Games in essay form.

However, whatever it is that you do for work, you’re at a certain level of status and income. There is as you know, another tier of status and income above you. By default, women are wired to be more attracted to you if you are at that next higher tier. So the questions to ask yourself are (1) whether or not you can realistically make that step up, (2) whether the risks and effort associated with making that step up are reasonable, and most importantly (3) whether you can afford to not try and make that step up.

Stepping up to the next tier is going to take time, effort and some risk. The world seems fresh out of easy advancement, but that just makes it all the sweeter for advancing. To be sure not all women are gold diggers, some are silver diggers and some are copper. The real gold diggers give the copper ones a bad name. If a copper digger gives you the I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You speech and waves goodbye from the passenger seat of some dudes BMW, it’s fairly likely it’s more your fault than hers.

Could have, should have, would have, didn’t.

Sometimes the biggest risk you take, is to not take enough risks. Be the Captain.

Jennifer: hey…I would have stayed. And boy is he happier now that we are not so money-stressed. The truth is that he has the talent and ideas to make the switch to another career while I am stuck where I am with no hope of promotion or moving elsewhere for more money. That’s not to say I’m not happy in my job, I am…but I am at the limit of my earning potential in my current career.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Body Agenda and Sex Rank, Captain and First Officer, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

How Do You Know When It’s The Right Time To Divorce?

May 19, 2012 By Athol Kay 30 Comments

Marriages don’t usually just take a nosedive into the ground. It’s not like you hear a general alarm that a warp-core breatch is in progress and can’t be stopped, everything is about to explode and all you can do is get off the ship as fast as possible. When things are rough, there’s a roller-coaster of good days and bad days. Yesterday might have been good, but today is bad. You don’t know if tomorrow is going to be good or bad. It’s all so exhausting. Hence me getting the question quite often…

“How do you know when it’s the right time to divorce?”

The answer to that is quite simple. You’ll just know. Which of course sounds like a completely cop out answer at best, and airy-fairy nonsense suitable for a Lifetime channel movie at worst. It is however the truth.

There will come a point where you have what can only be described as something akin to a deconversion experience. You felt X, now you feel Y. They will do something, very likely something fairly minor and trivial, but you will experience an emotional change like you just went down the first drop on a roller-coaster.The final straw. This is your Body Agenda deciding enough is enough and rejecting them as a partner. Your dopamine and oxytocin/vasopressin production related to your spouse will switch off and you won’t love them anymore.

Your thoughts will run along the lines of, “Now I realize the last six months have been a pointless waste of effort. I should have filed for divorce six months ago.”

Now you may stay in the relationship, for whatever reasons you have to do so, but they will be practical reasons unrelated to wanting to be with your spouse. Once you’ve crossed this threshold, it’s really over. You aren’t going to want to have sex with them again, save for base ejaculation needs.

It is remarkably rare that those feelings would ever start up again. So plan accordingly. Likewise if your spouse has completely switched off on you, it’s unlikely that they return either.

But until you or they reach that threshold, things are bad, but they are merely bad. By which I mean, there’s still hope. Even on a bad bad day, there can still be hope. Keep trying until the end.

By which I mean you should be taking action.

Filed Under: Monogamy and Marriage 2.0, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

What To Do When You’re Torn Between Wife And Girlfriend

May 5, 2012 By Athol Kay 73 Comments

Reader: New to your site, I’ve enjoyed much of what I’ve read so far. My problem is the following.

I am 49. My wife (48) and I have been married for over twenty years. Two children (19 and 15). In the last 5 or 6 years, our sex life has gone from bad to worse to becoming virtually non-existent. Why? Work pressures. My wife’s unhappiness with her professional circumstances. Financial pressures. Diverging sex ranks (by your criteria): me up, my wife down.

Almost two years ago, I met and fell in love with another woman (35). Absolutely beautiful, and with whom sex is out of this world. We connect on every level (intellectually, physically, aesthetically) and she wants me to stay with her. I am very much in love with her, and cannot bear the thought of losing her.

Nine months ago, I suggested to my wife that we separate, saying that our relationship was no longer working. Six months ago, I told her about the other woman, and moved out (living alone).

The problem is that, despite all the above, I am still prevaricating. Some deep conflict is preventing me from going ahead with the divorce. I still am very fond of my wife, and she is intent on our remaining together, and has forgiven the “affair”. I feel little or no sexual attraction to her, but do feel a strong compassionate bond, and find myself wondering, probably naively, whether marriage counselling could help. At the same time, I know that it could never approach anything like I have with this other woman, with whom I can honestly say I’m passionately in love. (After almost two years, can it be dismissed as mere infatuation?). I also feel a strong family responsibility as father of two children.

With all of this, I have reached a deep crisis, in which I no longer know whether I am being prevented from going ahead with the divorce by (a) lack of courage, or (b) some deep love for my wife and family (despite the sexlessness of recent years, and the fact that I now also love another woman).

Any thoughts you may have on the matter would be greatly appreciated, as this indecision has brought me to a point of near desperation. Thank you.

Athol: You’re essentially doing the same thing a woman does by having a relationship with a Bad Boy and a Nice Guy at the same time. You’re getting your Alpha / dopamine fix from your lover and your Beta / oxytocin/vasopressin fix from your wife. It’s taking both of them to get you what you want. You haven’t made a decision to dump one because both women are tolerating you keeping them on the line. When one of them makes a move, you’ll decide who you want to be with.

I do sympathize with the temptation to get involved with someone else when your marriage has been less than enjoyable. You having a higher Sex Rank than your wife does make you leaving her or having an affair a higher probability outcome.

However that being said, I’m not really in the business of advising how to have an affair and then make the transition from dumping your wife to moving to a new woman. Right now your relationship options are both going to be problematic.

Your wife: If you return to her, you’ve created a huge drama for her to move past in addition to whatever her structural attraction issues are that she needs to solve. Plus the kids probably have some crap to deal with as well. So you’ve made her turning into the wife you want more complicated. Maybe not even possible. It’s unknown.

Your girlfriend: If you move in with her, you’ll always associate her with the pain of the loss of your family, and that’s going to put a damper on things. Plus she’s the type of girl that sleeps with a married man, so she doesn’t actually respect marriage. When she’s 45, you’ll be 59 and possibly dumped by her as too old anyway. There’s no way to tell if she’s going to be a good stepmom… the kids won’t like her much that’s for sure.

This is why when I wrote the MAP I was insistent on taking the moral high ground. You should give a fair warning and not cheat on your spouse. If you have higher Sex Rank than your partner and frame the seriousness of the situation correctly, there’s a decent chance they will respond the way you want. If they do respond, then there’s no affair drama to work through. So all their efforts are focused on before what you want them to do. But if you’ve cheated on them, then the issues of trust may never resolve. She may simply no longer be able to ever relax with you enough to be sexually free with you. It’s all simply unknown as to how she’ll react.

If she doesn’t react positively to a fair warning, then that allows you the ability to leave the relationship as something other than the bad guy. You tried your best. All you were asking for was a proper marriage relationship and she wouldn’t or couldn’t hold up her end of the agreement. It’s one thing to leave a relationship as someone who tried and was open and honest, and quite another to leave as someone caught with their pants down.

That moral high ground allows you to find a new relationship as someone that has a more positive relationship track record. You’d be getting involved with someone as a fresh start, rather than as a slowly rotting decline. You’d be getting involved with someone who isn’t taking part in an affair to be with you. If your marriage had come to an end three years ago and you’d met your girlfriend two years ago, wouldn’t your relationship with your girlfriend be in a much better place today?

So…. what to do now…. your options…

(1) Dump both women and move on. This gets you the complete fresh start.

(2) Commit to your girlfriend. My hunch is that you’re not going to do this because you haven’t already. If you do, the odds aren’t fabulous that the relationship survives. It’s not impossible, but less than ideal.

(3) Recommit to your wife. This is large part up to her willingness to let you back in and ability to fix the structural attraction issues she was having for you.

My general advice for recommitting to your wife is to hit the relationship reset switch to issue the fair warning, and proceed from that point, “As you should have done it in the first place.” And yeah, you do have to apologize for not offering her a fair warning the first time around.

(a) Apologize for your lack of leadership. (Captains face their problem head on rather than seek the easy option)

(b) Apologize for your lack of a fair warning.

(c) Express what it is you need from her that was lacking in the marriage that helped create the situation where you start an affair.

(d) Determine if your wife can actually do things to meet your needs effectively.

(e) Move back home.

(f) End the relationship with your girlfriend and go no contact.

(g) Express your grief for losing your girlfriend. (This is very counter-intuitive for the wife, but allowing you to express grief speeds up the process a great deal)

(h) Both commit to having a conscious relationship rather than letting things go unspoken and ignored between you.

(i) Both commit to improving your individual attractiveness. (She in particular needs to learn some Girl Game.)

Marriage counseling may also be extremely helpful, but a bad counselor is worse than no counselor. So if you do, take steps to find a good one and don’t just settle on the first one to return your call.

Also those points are a set. You can’t really pick and choose the ones you want. It’s all in, or all out.

Filed Under: Body Agenda and Sex Rank, Captain and First Officer, Girl Game and Sexy Wives, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Are Women Like Exotic Pets?

April 20, 2012 By Athol Kay 28 Comments

Reader: The Manosphere paints women in a pretty ugly light (by my standards), and I can’t help but think if it is really that bad, why bother at all? If my SO’s true nature is like that, what is the purpose of being with her? I already have children from my previous marriage. At this point I simply want a friend and companion to be with, but what I’m being told is that no woman will ever understand me, understand my concerns or issues, and doesn’t really want to know what makes me tick. The impression I get from them is that women are like kids at Disneyland: They love the rides, but don’t want to know how they work, and would be disappointed to find out.

In your experience, is this true? Do you find that you do not tell Jennifer some things because she doesn’t want to know? Is being the captain really about being alone with another person right beside you? I know that there is no truly equal relationship, and that’s fine. But it is a far different thing to say that my SO simply wants to ride along wherever I go, and that as long as *I* am firm in my direction she will happily tag along. I really am not looking for a passenger, I’d like a participant. But at this point I don’t know if that is possible or practical.

I get the feeling that what is described is much more like owning an exotic pet than having a mate. I am being told that it is my “job” and “duty” to “guide” her, which comes across to me an awful lot like “daddy” her. (not that being called daddy at appropriate times isn’t a good thing…) I don’t want to be responsible for her moods or actions. I’d like her to take control of that and come to me so that we can combine ideas and efforts to build something better.

Am I wishing for a pipe dream? Is the secret to relationship success really about taking the brunt of the work and letting my mate pick what she wants to do from the list of responsibilities? If so, then I feel very much like I will forever being doing far more “work” than she ever will. No, not like washing dishes or folding laundry, I mean the interpersonal inner/spiritual/soul kinda work. The stuff that builds an emotional bond. How can I emotionally bond with someone if I can’t tell her how I really think and feel? How can we support each other if we don’t understand each other? Can I ever expect her to understand on any level the dedication and work I’m putting in? How can I keep her from taking me for granted if she has NO idea what I’m doing to make things work?

Sorry, I know that’s a lot of crap in a short burst, but I know you are busy and I don’t want to take up too much of your time. As far as it goes, everything you’ve told me and written has been spot on, I just don’t like what I’ve found behind the curtain at Disneyland.

Athol: The Manosphere can be a black hole sucking in all your happiness and positive thoughts can’t escape it.

Most of the Game websites view women exactly as you say, as “exotic pets” and they give advice as such. Frankly though if women really are exotic pets, you shouldn’t mess with one at all. Eventually every animal has a bad day, and a 400 pound tiger having a bad day isn’t the same as a 10 pound cat having a bad day. Likewise if women are essentially dangerous wild animals, divorce and cheating are essentially assured unless you relentlessly manage their behavior. If that were truly the case, my advice would be to buy a Fleshlight, a ten-foot-pole and the highest quality streaming porn money can buy.

Rather than debate what they say, let me restate my thoughts.

Both men and women have biological drives toward a primary pair bond and opportunistic sex. Both men and women have modern socialization, education and intellect. Both men and women have access to technology that can gain some degree of control over sexual outcomes. Both men and women have rationalization hamsters.

Most importantly, both men and women can have either an unconscious relationship, or a conscious relationship. By unconscious relationship, I mean they simply go along through life believing that all their feelings and thoughts are something that they have no control over or ever hope to understand. If they are horny, it’s because they are horny. If they are in love, it’s because they are in love. If they are happy, it’s because they are happy.

The conscious relationship however acknowledges that we have a ton of hormones and neurotransmitters following ancient programming telling us how to think and feel. If we are horny, it’s because of testosterone surging through our veins. If we are in love, it’s because of dopamine. If we are happy, it’s because our needs are being meet and we are enjoying things. Because we are conscious of these things, we can also exert some conscious control over them by our actions. We can actually adapt and outwit our own biology to some extent. We can understand that we’re designed for a primary pair bond and also opportunistic sex, and be able to pull off monogamy by having regular sex together, and also some highly irregular high intensity sex together. One hits the oxytocin response, the other hits the dopamine one. Thus fooled, our bodies relax and tell us we’re happy.

What most of the Manosphere advises assumes that the male is conscious (“Takes the Red Pill”) and the female is unconscious. What I generally seem to find happening with MMSL is both men and women become conscious. My hunch is about 25-35% of my readership are couples. Sometimes the husband finds MMSL first, sometimes the wife does.

The Captain and First Officer model of marriage is ideally a “both conscious” model of functioning. It acknowledges both the biological drives of male dominance and female hypergamy and harnesses them for their erotic potential within the marriage. But at the same time it acknowledges that this is a free will choice to create a hierarchical dyad, and while inside the relationship is male dominance and female submission, outside the relationship is an open playing field. Within the marriage I lead Jennifer, outside of the relationship I am a male nurse and when a female doctor writes an order… I follow it. Outside the relationship Jennifer complies with males that are in positions of social dominance over her, but she doesn’t have sex with them.

Jennifer is my best friend. I’ve told her things about myself that no one else knows. I’m her lover and I consciously choose to attract her. She’s also my lover and I’ve consciously told her things to do that attract me. Also because this is the way sexuality works, I’ve told her quite firmly that she will do X Y and Z to attract me or she will face undesired outcomes.

If your SO is conscious and self-aware, I think there’s plenty of hope for a genuinely deep friendship along with the nuts and bolts of having to keep up the basic opposite sex attractiveness. Wife selection is absolutely critical though. Some women believe they are exotic animals, and they should be avoided. You can’t make a tiger into a house cat. Personally I find Jennifer to be a wonderful pet, after all, who doesn’t love an affectionate pussy that likes jumping into your lap.

Filed Under: Captain and First Officer, Girl Game and Sexy Wives, How To Choose A Wife, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0

Walkaway Wife Is Friendly and Likes Cash

April 7, 2012 By Athol Kay 18 Comments

Reader: Hey Athol, I’m a long time reader, and I’ve emailed you before, but never for advice. I was hoping you could take a few minutes and give me your perspective on something.

I had the type of marriage that made me wonder how you knew me so well when I read your book. 100% beta, and she pretty much walked all over me and took it all for granted. I spent years doing everything I could to make her happy, and she never was. I couldn’t figure out what to do for years, but I had bad enough oneitis that leaving was never even considered. We even moved across the country because things got so bad at one point that we thought a giant change would help.

Well, it turns out she was cheating on me most of the time. To my knowledge, she never slept with anybody, but there was flirting, then there was dirty texts, then pictures, then skype sessions, etc. At one point there was physical contact with somebody, but she said it never escalated to sex. I don’t know if I believe her. And I knew about some of this at the time, but too put it bluntly, I was too much of a pussy to confront her.

Toward the end of it all, she flew back to California to visit her family. She ended up being gone for a couple of months, and during that time communication got more and more scarce, until she was responding to texts with single acronyms, and telling me she couldn’t talk, citing reasons like, “I’m driving right now.”, “I’m too tired right now”, or “My phone is about to die, I need to charge it before we can talk.” Being the paranoid fellow that I am and knowing that she was acting extremely out of character, I started looking for cheating. I found texts, pictures, and phone calls that lasted for several hours that happened before and after every time her “phone was about to die”.

I wanted to fix things, and ended up finding your book. I read it in a day, and it was enlightening. Armed with that knowledge, I might have been able to make things better, but then I discovered that her online flirting had turned into an emotional affair, and there were “I love you” texts and pictures, as well as pictures of her as a kid, and other things you wouldn’t share with somebody when you were just looking for a quick and fun flirty type of thing.

I decided to finally confront her, and wrote her a letter. She told me about everything before I could give it to her, though. We talked, and we decided to separate. We thought we could do our own things for a while, and in a few months or a couple of years, decide what to do.

We’re both young, and we were only together for 4 years (married for 2). I still care about her, and wanted her to be able to survive and take care of herself, so I agreed to give her alimony. We agreed on an amount that is more than she would get at a low wage job, but doesn’t hurt me much, and I would continue to pay her part of the phone bill until the contract expired in two years. We also both wanted to keep being friends, since we were so close. It was a couple of months before she was able to physically leave the house, and by then we had both started dating other people.

That was about six months ago. As time went on, I became happier in my new life, and started going through a lot of personality changes. I immediately added a ton of alpha to my personality (or maybe it was there and just neutered by my oneitis and overall conditioning in the relationship from early on.) I got a wonderful new job. I met a girl who is so compatible with me in every way it’s insane, the relationship has been amazing and we’re both extremely happy. Not to mention I get laid at least daily. (She also reads your blog, and we’re both happy to know so much about the internal dynamics of our own relationship).

I decided I definitely want a divorce, I’m just saving the money to hire a lawyer. From when me and my soon-to-be-ex-wife talked about it, it wont be contested, which makes things easier. We agreed on the alimony, which I am already giving her, and there is no savings, property, or children. I told her I wanted the divorce a few months ago, and she was okay with that.

(There’s an actual need for perspective coming up, I just needed to give you the back story first. It’s an usual situation when a couple is this friendly after splitting up, so I thought the context was necessary.)

A couple of months, ago, she called me and told me she misses me. That she wants me back even though she knows she can’t have me. She told me that she doesn’t want the divorce anymore. I told her that I still wanted it, and that she can’t have me. She started calling me more and texting me just to talk casually, and I realized that being friends with her is more difficult than I thought. Eventually, I figured out that it’s just not healthy for me to be friends with her, even though that’s what we had wanted when we first decided to split up. I stopped responding to her emails and texts most of the time, and she asked me why I wasn’t responding to her anymore. So I told her that it’s difficult for me to be friends with her, and I can’t talk to her much like she wants.

Guess what? She started calling more. I kept ignoring her. I thought I was clear on the phone, but she didn’t get it. A few days ago, she moved back here. She said she was moving back here to be with a boyfriend she had while she was here, and she’s living with him right now.

We had a couple pets, and I still have them. I told her in the beginning of all this that she could take them as soon as she has a stable place to live where she can keep them. I am also holding on to her stuff in a storage unit I have in my building until she has a stable place to live and can come claim her things.

She sent me an email a few days ago after getting back into town asking if she can arrange a time to come over and see the animals again. I sent her a very clear letter saying that it wasn’t healthy for me to talk to her socially or see her anymore, and that she should see the animals when she came to pick up her things and was here anyway, but other than that I did not want her to come over.

Yesterday, she sent me the following email (the first one that was not friendly, by the way):

“Its kinda fucked up that you won’t let me come and see our animals unless I’m coming to get some of my shit. I don’t hav anywhere for that stuff yet. I need to buy myself some storage drawers for the clothes I do have. You hae to remember that these are my pets too and I want to see them. Its like having kids right now. We don’t have a custody agreement but what if we had kids and I wouldn’t let you come see them unless you were coming to grab some of your stuff? It would be frusterating for you too….I can’t come until I have that other money from you anyways…but still…you’re keeping my kids away from me” [sic]

Even thought it’s not really in my nature, I’m finally starting to get mad. I’ve done nothing but help her, even after a marriage where we had sex only every couple of months, she didn’t contribute to the household or the relationship at all (basically a bored SAHM without any actual kids, who didn’t actually do any housework – yeah, it was bad), and then cheated on me. I’m still helping her with alimony, even though there is no court decision yet because we haven’t filed paperwork. Plus, for what she is costing me in alimony, I could probably hire a lawyer to take this to court so she doesn’t get alimony at all. I have enough evidence of her cheating on me, and I have evidence that I tried to help her work and go to school during the marriage. Everybody I know thinks I am being way more nice to her than I need to be in the first place, and she’s just as ungrateful now as she was while we were married.

It’s only recently that I’ve started seeing the bigger picture here. Her calling me more, moving back here, and trying to bully me with anger like she used to are all some sort of mixture of wanting me back and batshit crazy.

I’m not exactly sure what to do about this last email. Having gotten mad at it, part of me wants to email back angrily and tell her that she should be happy I’m giving her anything at all and not fucking her over in court, seeing as how without the money I’m giving her I would have plenty of cash for a lawyer and she would be lacking rent money. At the moment, I haven’t responded, and plan to ignore her unless she emails me more. More than anything, I just want her to go away. I still want to give her alimony to help her get her life on track, I just don’t want to talk to her anymore. And I don’t want to see her. And if she does contest the divorce, I’ll just make her fight for alimony in court and use that money to pay a lawyer. I just want her to live her life and leave mine alone, and I can see that weather she realizes what she’s doing or not, it looks like she’s trying to get closer to me and hang on as much as she can.

What’s your take on the matter?

P.S. Thank you for reading the essay of my marriage. If you respond to this, I will by another copy of your book lol. And feel free to post this one if you want; I wonder if parts of it might benefit your other readers. “Cheating wife trying to get closer to her husband after he starts cutting her out of his life” probably applies to more men than just me.

Athol: Hiya, as you know, there’s nothing to salvage in this marriage because she has abandoned it. Her return of interest in you is simply to attempt to get you to continue to provide for her. Nothing more. There’s no reasonable hope at all you could ever let her back home and not have a repeat of the same behavior. It’s over.

To be blunt, she’s not your friend. You’re giving her cash for her doing absolutely nothing. You may as well be paying protection money to the Mafia for all the difference it makes. I’ve heard those sharply dressed gentlemen can be very agreeable and accommodating with their friends that pay them money on a regular basis for doing nothing.

You need to speak to a lawyer immediately. I’m absolutely not kidding about this at all. For now don’t do anything different with your wife until you seek legal advice and get the divorce process started.

My strong hunch is that as soon as you start “fighting back” and cutting off the “alimony” and forcing the issue with her stuff, she’s going to make an aggressive move of some sort toward you. It may be actual violence or property destruction, but will more likely be serious verbal harassment. The most dangerous thing she can be driven to do though is immediately get pregnant. If she gets pregnant to anyone…. you’re the husband and on the hook for child support as a sort of default setting. So there’s simply no time to waste on that account. Guido and Fat Tony swinging by to clear up your “little misunderstanding” is probably going to be less expensive than her getting pregnant while you’re still married to her.

Incidentally she absolutely intends to try and have sex with you on the “pet visit” and you’ve been right to avoid that. That’s just opening yourself up to all sorts of potential nastiness coming around and biting you in the ass.

So the next move you make with her needs to be her getting the divorce papers, and then following through with all the stuff your lawyer recommends for dealing with the “alimony”, the pets and her stuff.

Having said all that…

….you already knew that was the right answer, didn’t you.

The problem is that actually following through on it seems not very nice. The reason it doesn’t seem very nice… is because it isn’t very nice. But it’s certainly just. Look, she had all of your support and love and she abandoned it. If someone gets out of a car and announces “I don’t want this crappy car anymore” and walks away from the car… you don’t start pushing the car behind them in case they change their mind. (You just remove the stereo and tires and get what you can for them.)

In addition, you now have a new girl in your life. So lets review the Shrek, Princess Fiona and Donkey arrangement shall we.

You’re Shrek.

Your wife is acting like a very bad tempered Donkey… and you’re PAYING HER to do so. So you’re treating her like a Princess Fiona.

Your new love interest sounds great and is laying you like tile. So she’s acting like a Princess Fiona and watching you send resources out of the relationship for no good reason. So to at least some extent, you’re treating your girlfriend like a Donkey.

Obviously that’s all messed up. And seeing your girlfriend actually reads MMSL… she’s going be doing the double fist pump woo-hoo in the air thing about now. You’re welcome baby… you are very welcome.

Your wife wanted pretty badly to be on the Donkey Plan, so actually put her on the Donkey Plan… stop giving a rat’s ass about her and let her be her own beast of burden.

And thanks for buying the books, much appreciated. Plus seeing you’re getting divorced soon, it’s kinda like they are 50% off.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Cheating and Infidelity, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0, Nice Guys and Betaization