Age Gaps are a Relationship Stress

There’s a fairly well known average age differential in marriages where the husband is about 2.5 years older than the wife. Humans have a mild Sexual Dimorphism with the males growing bigger and stronger than the females and full mating maturity takes a little longer for the men. The rule of thumb being the bigger the males get than the females in any species, the more important male on male violence is to win female sexual interest. Which is the only reason football exists. The girls may have no interest in watching football, but they are interested to know who is on the team.

Anyway…

Average age difference is about 2.5 years older for the men. In more MMSL related terms, the male Sex Rank takes a little longer to build and the female Sex Rank is weighed towards the younger model.

Most couples are going to clump around the average and have normal age spread between the couple between about zero and five years in favor of the husband being older than the wife. So a married 35 year-old man for example, usually has a wife aged anywhere between 30 and 35. That’s going to be a mildly positive effect on the relationship. He’s a little older and it’s easier to lead someone younger than you, so there’s a nice built in Alpha dynamic there.

I know it sounds trivial, but all the little milestones like turning 40, if the husband hits them first… there’s this tiny sliver of knowledge and experience he has over his wife. It’s just a tad easier being Captain when you’re a little ahead of your wife.

However, once you start spreading the ages apart much further than that, it starts becoming increasingly a negative factor the further you get. Whoever is the older partner, must bring a more focused game to the table to maintain the relationship interest of the younger partner.

Take for example a much older man than woman. Say a couple meets when he is age 40 and she is age 25. She cute and bubbly, he’s in shape and has some cash and game. They marry. The 40-year-old husband though, had to be able to be competitive with age 25-30 men (her normal age cohort of interest) in order to win her attention. So he’s had to bring some serious skill and likely just straight up resources to the table. In fact she probably wasn’t immediately interested in him, but he won her attention. She’s probably said, “I didn’t think I would go for an older guy, but….” and then fill in the blanks about why wonderful Mr. X is the exception to the rule.

However, Mr.X is always going to have to remain competitive with men 10-15 years younger than him, to maintain her interest in him. So when he is 55-years-old and she is 40-years-old, he’s still having to act like his competition is 40 to 45-year-old men. Which as time passes, is somewhat of a risk. If Mr. X at age 55 has a major reversal of fortune in either finances or health, he’s quite likely going to have trouble maintaining his wife’s attraction. He must always be on top of his game.

Likewise in relationships with a woman who is older than the man, similar stresses exist. If he is 30-years-old, and she is 35-years-old, her competition for his attention are 25 to 30-year-old women. Thus she must always keep herself in excellent shape, pay attention to maintaining a youthful appearance and generally be pretty pleasing in the sack.

If you’re eager to tell me a story about a hot, sexually insatiable older woman, that’s just making my point. Men barely even notice women older than themselves unless they ooze sexiness and look great for their age. 35-year-old men don’t swap stories about obese 48-year-old women who wear granny panties. A totally put together 48-year-old who swallows, is down for anal and threesomes… well maybe.

There are particular risks for the older woman though. I’m very often seeing the younger man, older woman situation develop, because the man has some sort of limitation with women at the time the relationship begins. Whether that’s just terrible skills in meeting women, some sort of childhood issue unresolved, a lack of understanding his value in the sexual marketplace, it doesn’t really matter. In short, he has a problem. The risk for the older woman is that at some point… he solves it.

So say a couple meets when he is 23-years old and she’s 30-years-old. He’s not the greatest with women, she’s got some experience and makes it easy for him. He’s kinda broke and she’s established. He’s a little lost and she grounds him. It’s all good, because she’s good for him. But if when he’s 35-years-old, his life finally clicks in place, he’s in shape, his career is going well and he learns a little game…. well he’s solved his problem… he can fairly easily pull the interest of 30 to 35 year old women… and she’s 42-years-old. In that situation, if she has any weaknesses in her game, things can unravel rather quickly.

So… what to do?

Well if you’re already in a relationship and you’re the older one… you’ve absolutely got to bring your A-game. It’s no different than any other relationship, but the margin of error is smaller. You want to be with the young hottie… you gotta keep the young hottie interested in you.

If you’re getting into a relationship with a major age spread, it isn’t an automatic ruling out, but you do need to go into it with eyes wide open. Is this something that can be sustained over the long term?

Also if you’re getting into a relationship with a major age spread, is the relationship only interesting because it’s solving a problem for you now, that you will eventually solve anyway? Thus reducing your need for your partner over time, or possibly even encouraging them to sabotage you fixing it?

Plus for normal age distribution couples…

The way women out live men is always a concern for the endgame years. It’s no fun living alone for the last decade of your life. Mutual good health is always a priority in a marriage.

So yeah… kinda depressing to read and think about it I know, but knowing your Relationship Math can be the difference between an easy marriage and a hard one.

MMSL Causes Erectile Dysfunction… Wait. What?

Reader:  So this is going to sound like more first world sex problems, so if you don’t want to hear about it stop reading now.

Things continue to be amazing. We have had a truly epic ovulation week. We have had sex everyday for at least 8 or 9 days sometimes multiple times per day. Mrs. D has been very affectionate, flirty, horny and up for pretty much anything. I’m not going to go into all the details but suffice to say I am very satisfied.

So what is the problem? Well last night I couldn’t get it up. Actually I was able to get it up with some work, but then the baby started crying and that killed it. I just gave the Mrs. some oral and called it a night.

I’m 33 years old, I’ve experienced alcohol and drug induced ED, but this is the first time I’ve ever just not been able to get it done while being stone cold sober. Possible contributing factors that I can think of are; all that sex from the week leading up to last night including the attendant lack of sleep, a BJ to completion yesterday morning, being tired from Krav Maga class yesterday evening.

Is this just something that happens sometimes when you have this much sex? Or is it something that I should look into? I feel like Im too young to go on ED meds, and I don’t want this getting into my head and causing further problems. Any tips?

Athol:  Maybe the tale of Sooty the Guinea Pig will make you feel better…

A guinea pig called Sooty had a night to remember after escaping from his pen and tunnelling into a cage of 24 females.

He romanced each of them in turn and was yesterday the proud father of 43 offspring. Staff at Little Friend’s Farm in Pontypridd, South Wales, have now secured Sooty’s pen – and begun looking for homes for the guinea pigs. Owner Carol Feehan, 42, said: “I’m sure a lot of men will be looking at Sooty with envy.

“We knew that he had gone missing after wriggling through the bars of his cage. We looked for him everywhere but never thought of checking the pen where we keep 24 females. We did a head count and found 25 guinea pigs – Sooty was fast asleep in the corner. He was absolutely shattered. We put him back in his cage and he slept for two days.”

Anyway… It’s totally normal at that level of sexual activity to hit the wall where enough is enough.

Basically the more cum inside you waiting to come out, the hornier you are and the faster you get aroused. So after 8-9 days of endless sex… you’re basically “pulling so many buckets of water out of the well, the well is starting to run dry.”

Also after you orgasm, your dopamine drops and your prolactin level rises, and that’s a factor in shutting down your interest levels too. Basically as far as your body is concerned, you’ve blown a ton of cum into her, so she’s well and truly full of your cum, so you can take a nap now.

Anyway… relax, nothing to see here. All completely normal. Have a protein shake and keep your fluids up. Let your body recover a little.

That’s about it. You’re fine.

 

 

Porn Addict Husband Turns Wife Down For Sex

Reader:  I’ve spent over $3K on counseling (couple and separate)and read every Christian and secular marriage book and kinky sex tips website (not that I needed any) but your site has gave me more insight into what is actually happening in our relationship and how I feel and things I’m doing wrong.

So- my husband was an English teacher when we met, he didn’t graduate until he was 30yo, I had a fairly successful self employed career and was divorced with one kid. We dated for 10 months then accidentally got preg. I did not want or mean to get preg or married. We had 2 kids back to back, he was laid off from job and so I have been the only income for almost 3 years. He agreed to get a job once unemployment ran out- about 10 months ago. He’s not looking.

I know this because I put a tracker on our computer because we don’t have sex. It started out as 1 time a week and has moved to once a month. I figured early on it was because I was preg. Then I lost all the weight and initiated and told him I wanted wild crazy, loving, any kind of sex.  I have heard every excuse in the world to its me, him, kids, job, etc.  He had always looked at porn. That’s one reason I put the tracker on I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t want sex. I was never opposed to porn before, I was like that’s cool and that’s hot. Hell, I have offered 3somes for him. Anyway, he always lies about the porn, I will make it obvious that I’m taking off work and want one on one time and he will look at it before them and not be interested afterwards. This has happened countless times.

Ok- SR I think we are fairly equal. Not sure. He’s says I’m a 10 for my age-36 an an 8 for overall. I get hit on by hot fit 20yo. And women lol. I’ve been holding on for 4 years, last 2 are killing me. I need/ want sex/love with my husband and I want him to want me. He says he doesn’t. He is very beta acting in some ways and only alpha in a passive aggressive way.  I have became alpha in my ways because who’s going to take care of things????

I also can’t trust him with $ because of gambling problem and just very irresponsible things like selling his car that I paid for for gambling debt or getting loans with no intention to pay back! I have realized that I have been extremely focused on my career and am trying to pull back and be a better beta wife in the way I talk and treat him. But I can’t live like this much longer. I haven’t had an affair  but really want to just have that release and closeness with somebody. (To be wanted) All thoughts are appreciated and I appreciate cruel bluntness :)

 

Athol:  Okay here’s the deal… you’re simply “talking to the addiction” rather than to him. Internet porn is like “rock concert loud” on the dopamine receptors in his brain and essentially deafens him to further stimulation… unless it’s also “rock concert loud”. So you offering him sex just isn’t “loud” enough to get through to him.

It’s very common for wives with porn addicted husbands to jump through all kinds of hoops trying to get his sexual attention – lingerie, toys, more porn, date nights yada yada yada… and getting still near zero response. Usually the wife gives up and then the husband just has zero impulse to break free of the porn further and it all cycles around again deeper and deeper.

The gambling and the porn use are also linked addictions. There’s sort of an addictive bubble where cutting back say on the porn, would suddenly make him want to gamble more… and cutting back on both… would make him want to do something else new and addictive. Both sex/porn and gambling are powered by dopamine and he needs crazy amounts of it to feel just normal. So there’s no easy solution where you just can talk him out of being addicted, you have to really take action and force him to make a decision to work on things.

Or in other words, you have to play things into a position where losing you is a bigger deal than losing the addiction. So you basically need to run the MAP toward an ultimatum where he dumps the addiction or you punt him. Basically right now he sounds fairly dependent on you, so a firm “Option A or B” dicussion with divorce papers on hand to sign for Option B might work very quickly. See Chapter 27 in the Primer for a run down on the approach. Porn addiction and an affair are dopamine powered so neurologically it’s not really all that different of a process you’re trying to break up.

Sounds harsh, but it’s about the only way to get there.

As a potential follow up to an Option A where he chooses to work on the marriage: I’m increasingly liking the idea of using Wellbutrin as a band-aid to get through the withdrawal phase of the addiction (and/or affair recovery for the cheating partner). The primary action being to increase dopamine and norepinephrine… thus supplying a controlled dose of what they got from the addictive behavior, without actually having to perform the addictive behavior itself. Wellbutrin also doesn’t cause sexual side effects and can even increase sexual function as well. Plus the norepinephrine can act as a kick in the pants energy boost.

Porn is an increasingly complicated issue. I personally don’t have a moral problem with it, but it does seem that there’s a crap ton of men (and women) that get addicted to internet porn. It’s all a good time until your dick starts failing to stand up straight in the presence of your wife. There is a link between excessive porn use and erectile dysfunction.

Also, come join the forum. I seem to be having a sudden influx of “Porn Widows”.  http://marriedmansexlife.vanillaforums.com/

Also http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ is an important resource.

The Talk. The Awkward, Awkward Talk.

From the forum…

WastedYouth: No way around it. it’s got to happen today. And it’s a 5 year old girl. Everything we did with or boys doesn’t seem to have any application here. They were 8 or 9. She’s only 5 and she is much more curious and tenacious with having details explained. HELP ME PLEASE! Anyone have the talk with such a little one? She crawled in bed with us this morning to snuggle and said, “How do you do sex?”. Which seems to be a much more complicated question than “What is sex?” Husband jumped up and PANCAKES! And she said, “Daddy I really want to know.”. So we ‘re eating pancakes and told her we’d talk after football. I’ve got about 5 hours to figure this out.

Athol:  Well the trick to really good pancakes, is you just have to accept that the first batch you make isn’t going to be very good. You just make enough batter so you can toss that first batch and then keep cranking them out.

Heh…

Look I know it’s weird, but if they ask, they asked… so just tell them the truth. You don’t need to go into gory detail, just stick to the basics and don’t act like you want the ground to open you up and swallow you.

The boy bits go into the girl bits. There’s a decent chance that a baby will  happen. Baby grows in the mommy. Nine months later baby comes out. It’s an adult thing. Yes it seems weird now but it’s also enjoyable when you’re older. It’s fun, it’s good, it’s wonderful with the right person.

Anyway… maybe it’s just New Zealand that just rolls with it… we had a cartoon strip in syndication called “Footrot Flats” where on of the lesser characters was a sheep called Cecil. A male sheep. A male sheep with big dangling balls and yet sexual reluctance…

…I guess somehow we all figured it out quickly and easily in a farming nation. And YES I’m completely serious, that cartoon strip was in newspapers nationally.

Oh and make sure they are asking the actual “Where do babies come from?” question.  When they ask “Where did I come from?” sometimes the answer they are looking for is more mundane… like “Nebraska”.

 

Stopping Cold Turkey and Dead Duck Stupidity

Oy, twice today I’ve had psych medication drama and questioning and turned into a nurse again automatically. It’s like I’m a sleeper agent and the KGB phoned me up and said the control word or something.

Anyway…

Issue One:  If someone suddenly stops their psychiatric medication cold turkey… you should expect them to start feeling completely terrible and having behavior and mood changes. Basically if they really need the medication, it’s because they are to some degree crazy. So all that crazy is probably going to come back, plus coming off the medication so suddenly means you’re going to get… ahhh… “Crazy Blowback”.

Yeah I just made up Crazy Blowback as a term. Shit gets real here lol.

You can’t force them to take medication… well that’s not entirely true, you can force them to take medication, it’s just a “human rights violation” and after a while they wise up to why you’re giving them pieces of cheese wrapped in bacon three times a day.

What you should do is immediately inform the prescriber of the medication being stopped. They may want to see them promptly to evaluate them, or they may want you to dial 911 depending on the situation. Sometimes, depending on the medication and the dose in question, they just say, “Okay, just hold tight and observe them, it shouldn’t be that bad.” Whatever the advice is, that’s the advice and you should feel reasonably confident it’s what you should do.

Like any other situation, if they become violent, aggressive, threaten self-harm or harm of others… then 911 can be called, and/or transport them to the Emergency Room. Also in some areas you can call Mobile Crisis – normally it’s a 211 number – and you have a psych responder sent to the house to evaluate them, which if you have it is often the best option.

Issue Two:  You decided they didn’t need their psychatric medication… and you flushed it all down the toilet.

This is called you being a total dumbass at best, and abusively cruel at worst.

Oh actually that’s not true…

If you happen to destory your spouse’s controlled medication – and plenty of psychaitric medications are controlled substances – that’s you performing a criminal act. When your spouse calls their doctor up to get more of the medication, they aren’t going to be able to get any more of it… at least not without throwing you under the bus… which frankly they have every right to do. After that it’s up to the doctor / pharmacist / police as to how it all plays out. Stressful, huh? Want an Ativan?

So yeah… not expecting to hear back from that guy…

And for the record, I am extremely hesitant to feel comfortable about anyone being on psych meds. I think they are way over prescribed, but some people really do need them and like a rollercoaster, you need to wait until the ride comes to a full and complete stop before popping the seatbelt and trying to get off the ride. Being on the meds is always the lesser of two evils.

Carry on.

Vasectomy Killed Her Sexual Interest

Vasectomy ghost story just added to the comments on Vasectomy Causing Loss Of Wife’s Sexual Interest?

Julie:  I’m in my forties and I have had about 5 different partners, from my early 20′s until recently that have had a vasectomy. SEX IS MASSIVELY DIFFERENT with a man who has had a vasectomy and I would never be in a long term relationship with anyone with one for that simple reason.

It doesn’t matter how gorgeous he is, how aching the chemistry is between us, or how deeply the feelings of emotional love run between us. Hands down, my vagina feels an absence of spark, of feral-ness, of hit-that-mark urgency from him that is all part of the delicate dance of banging with an undercurrent to get pregnant while not actually wanting to get pregnant. It’s a game of sorts and the more virile the man is – meaning he has sperm and can get you pregnant – the more hot the components are between us for sex. Take away that driving force, that risk even subconsciously and you have little more than an animated dildo attached to a man.

I don’t care how many people will bash me for this, but I honestly thought it was me with my first partner. We had an amazing sex life and he was the love of my life [in my twenties]. We actually chose to go and get a vasectomy together because our sex life was deep and he was afraid of pregnancy. The love was deeper as we went on but the feeling, the intensity of sex greatly diminished. We had other issues so I attributed this to those other areas. my next partner was someone I had dated a few years earlier and we were very hot. In the years since I had seen him, he had gotten a vasectomy. Again, a noticeable lack of the spark that once pulled us together.

It would be years later when I would have another partner who had one, I was in my thirties then and again, assumed I didn’t know what I was talking about. The same thing, the sex just wasn’t the same as it was with someone who didn’t have a vasectomy. I too, was excited at the prospect of limitless sex without worry of pregnancy until it became noticeable that I actually wasn’t drawn to have limitless sex with my partner. It just wasn’t the same.

Now, I’m in my 40′s and in the last 5 years have dated several men who had vasectomies and had not told me. I could tell right away. It’s a shame really and I think that any man should seriously consider this element before diving off the deep end and cutting out the cro-magnon drive we’re all wired with to have sex to begin with. As for me, I personally am not willing to give up my primal love of a man who is intact and with the driving force of sperm and the risk. My body knows the difference between the two and I’ve made my choice.

Athol:  Again, just to be clear, as far as I can tell, there’s been zero research on the effect of vasectomy on marriage outcomes and relationship happiness. All we’ve got is stories such as these to go on. All I’ve got is a hunch that all is not always right with the Big V.

Julie does however touch on a point that I’ve thought as well. Some women, despite saying they don’t want to get pregnant, and really not wanting to get pregnant… need that little bit of added stress to sexually respond to him. I’d imagine it’s the difference between having a loaded gun and an unloaded gun pointed at you, when you know the gun is unloaded. The loaded gun is going to create a far greater response in your body… you’re heart rate will kick up and you’ll move into a flight or fight state. An unloaded gun will only be mildly concerning.

However some people are so stressed out by the mere sight of a gun, that knowing it’s unloaded is the only thing that makes even having it around tolerable. Likewise some women are so freaked out by the idea of one more kid, that their sex drive shuts down rather than risk another. Knowing he’s been snipped would likely be an improvement in overall stress and sexual functioning for her.

What we really need is some sort of study where women rate male dating profiles on attractiveness, where the sole difference is whether they have a vasectomy or not.

Anyway, if you’re going to do it, research the hell out of it. It is for me however something where I’d rather stop having sex than have someone chop bits of my sexual anatomy up. Not for nothing, but I also use my balls and dick for things other than fucking.

 

What Energizes You Is Alpha

Working on your attractiveness / marriage / weight / business / finances / whatever it is that you’re up to…

…isn’t a sprint.

It’s a marathon.

It’s going to take a long time to get from here to there, and sometimes you have to stop whipping yourself to get there as fast as you can. Yeah a little taste of the whip is great to get you going, but after a while it’s nothing more than pain and blood loss.

Breathe. Take a day off, do something fun. All your crap will still be here tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow. Sometimes you gotta rest and recover.

One of the most attractive things to have is a high energy level. So after a certain point of effort, you actually stop making it better and start making it worse.

Half the reason I suggest exercise is so important is because it increases your energy level.

So what energizes you?

Anyway…

…$5 says that thing that energizes you is part of your Alpha.

 

Does Wanting To Have Sex With Other People Go Away?

Serenity:  Let me ask you this since we’re being all open and honest and all…I know you’ve said that even though you love your wife, you’re still sometimes attracted to other women. Do you think that can ever change?  I still have to fight that in myself. Is it possible to ever be so much in love with your spouse that you’re no longer attracted to others? It’s tiring sometimes to always have to shut your mind down.

Athol:  Understanding how the three love systems work is helpful here.

(1)  The basic “oh she’s hot” testosterone sex drive will never go away. A nice rack is a nice rack is a nice rack. Velly Nice. This one simply can’t be helped as long as you have testosterone and a pulse. I check out other women all the time. Not in a creepy hands doing something under my raincoat sort of way, more in a sort of a dirty anthropologist way. So if you happen to catch me checking you out, please just relax, the photos are for science.

(2)  The pair bonding oxytocin/vasopressin system between Jennifer and myself is very strong. I can totally appreciate a stunning girl and have no impulse to live with her whatsoever. I really like Jennifer and she’s someone I trust and never want to hurt… non-consensually. Actually back up a little… I can totally appreciate a stunning girl and have no impulse to be her friend or trust her. Some of that is simply being 42 instead of 22 I think, but a lot is just being bonded to Jennifer. After having an orgasm with Jennifer I pretty much have an automatic nap that I have no control over, just the vasopressin pathways with a deep groove in my head.

So I’m horny and happy, and that’s all good. The potential trouble of the (1) system is handled by frequent sex and the (2) system. Being laid like tile really helps. I’ve had a couple of blindingly obvious offers for sex in the last few years (“oh nurse, can I show you something in private, I just want to know if it’s okay… how does THAT look?”) and turning them down was actually pretty easy, especially the guys.

My trouble… and likely your trouble too, comes from the third love system…

(3)  Most couples have a higher desire person and a lower desire person. That’s simply in comparison to each other though, in our relationship, Jennifer is the low desire spouse, really only wanting sex for her own pleasure 5-6 times a week. If she was with a guy that only wanted sex 2-3 times a week, she’d be the high desire spouse.

So anyway, I’m the high desire spouse, and that desire is not just a sexual desire thing, but also an overall need for stimulation and attention. It’s a need for dopamine. Mix in my ADHD and I’m pretty much… pretty much…. okay fuck it I’ll say it, I’m the Crazy Bitch in the relationship.

Jennifer: Lmao, I would like to point out that he said it, I didn’t.

Anyway… I do get bored and understimulated and that’s where I go astray and get into trouble. It’s so easy for me to start chatting and flirting and BAM! I’m starting to emotionally engage with someone and I can feel myself starting to line up a set of crosshairs on them. I’m much, much better at recognizing when I’m doing it and breaking things off nowdays though. Awareness of what is happening on a dopamine level is really helpful in breaking things off. Whoever I’m talking to is simply not my soulmate or a special snowflake, they just emotionally feel that way. In reality she’s just some pleasant, attractive, interested in me woman, and everything in my head is lighting up on cue. Attraction isn’t controllable. But breaking it off early is. I’ve actually done really really well with this the last year.

The other half of the fix is understanding that it’s just a need for stimulation, there’s nothing whatsoever wrong with the relationship, me being bored doesn’t mean Jennifer sucks as a wife. Well she does suck the other way, but you know what I meant. It means I can just ask for stimulation from Jennifer. “Help I’m starting to feel nutty, I need X Y or Z tonight.”  I used to meet that whole dopamine thing via World of Warcraft as a form of self-medication.  Now I write the blog, swoop in to help marital crises yada yada, and ask for particularly intense sex acts.

I’ve given Jennifer near total information on what turns me on emotionally and sexually. Hell you guys can just read the blog and you’ll figure out 90% of what turns me on. It’s really not rocket science or mind reading to push my buttons. There are things that she can do that pull my attention onto her. If you ever hear that we divorce it will totally be Jennifer’s fault for not following the handy 57 page guide to my personal kink. RTFM.

What was the question again?

Oh. No, it doesn’t all vanish. Not if you’re basically high libido and have a pulse. But that doesn’t mean you’re eyeing the exit or standing at the window whimpering to be let out. All it is, is a need for stimulation that you have to pay attention to. I also get that it’s an effort to try and shut your mind down about other people sometimes, but the solution is to ask for help from your partner and clue them into what to do. You just need to have the conversation about “this is asking for help and working on our marriage” as opposed to “I’m threatening to cheat on you”.  It’s completely possible to manage it forever… and have some amazing sexual experiences together “managing it.”

Jennifer:  All true. Athol is fun to live with… tiring lol, but fun.

Wheat is Evil. (Wheat. What?)

So anyway, life had been crazy getting ready for the Army seminar thing and I hardly exercised at all the last month, with the exception of walking twice a day. Deadline crunching just consumes me like you wouldn’t believe. But overall I’ve stuck fairly well to the Paleo diet with the exception of travel. Oh and the odd handful of corn chips… and for some reason I had to have Black Raspberry ice cream and got through a half gallon of that somewhere along the way.

So anyway… about five weeks, mostly just walking as exercise, adhering fairly well to Paleo eating.

Nine pound weight loss. All fat, no muscle loss.

So…

I’ll try not to become a True Believer(TM) on ya’ll, but it really seems to be working for me.

Anyway, short video on the evils of wheat. I believe you get a 30 second ad I can’t remove before the video.

Kids are finally back in school, so I’ll get back to the exercise more properly soon enough. Finally have the house to myself during the day and can figure out a routine.

/sigh of contentment

Jennifer: Yeah, I was not convinced about the Paleo thing at first…but the whole no processed food thing just makes sense.  Just being aware of what I eat (almost said what I put in my mouth…nudge nudge wink wink) makes a difference…more veggies, fruits and meat, less processed junk.  I mean really, if it’s so processed they had to add vitamins and minerals back into the food, that’s a bad sign, right?

The Male Chastity Low Testosterone Workaround

Cut and paste inspiration from the forum…

Serenity: Like many women on the Forum, I’m here because my husband is low T and low sex drive, complicated by the usual ED and PE issues that low T can cause. This issue has complicated our marriage for the last 5-6 years, with increasing severity until back in May, I finally issued an ultimatum. That (finally!) caught my husband’s attention enough that he was willing to try to work on the problem.   Here’s his e-mail to Athol: (I got his permission to post this.)

Like all the other low T guys on the forum I need some advice. My T levels are very low, on thyroid and supplemental T along with DHEA. Still my sex drive is low, my wife has a high sex rank. I need some advice on how to increase my sex drive? Is there some insight that you can help me with, maybe some techniques that can help until my T levels rise? Once we have sex, it takes me about a week to build up to have it again. This is putting a real strain on our marriage and I am so lucky that she has not found someone else to fulfill her needs. She is awesome and has put up with a lot (or in this case little) for quite sometime. We were having sex 3 times a week but then I was unable and it turned into a week before we did again. I am putting her through a roller coaster of not knowing if we will have sex or not.  My wife writes on the forum and we both read it every night. She introduced it to me and I have to say that I was amazed how many other people are having this issue. We are going through the Primer together.

Here’s Athol’s Response:

Athol:  Two ideas.  (1) Lie side by side and have you finger her to orgasm. While you’re doing that, have her holding your penis and gently stroking it, without worrying about trying to get you off or anything. By the time she comes to orgasm, see how you’re doing in the penis department. That combination of sensation for you, her excitement, and the distraction from you “trying to get hard” is often effective.   (2)  You don’t have to orgasm every time you have sex together. That should help your interest build from session to session rather than bottom out after having an orgasm yourself. Any given night could be more about pleasuring her, than trying to get you off. You might still only come to orgasm once a week or whatever, but she’s going to get more sexual attention and pleasure through the week.   Neither is a perfect solution, but workarounds that might help. I hope it works for you both.

Ya’ll, *Life Changing*.  We’ve been trying this for about 2 weeks now and it is an amazing transformation for us. For the first time in years, I’m in love with my husband.  I forgot how good that feels!!  I don’t feel angry with him all the time. He is actually pursuing me, especially by the 3th or 4th night of us fooling around with no orgasm for him. He can’t keep his hands off me, and I walk through my day smiling.    We’re still experimenting with how many nights before he orgasms to see what’s optimal for us. Another interesting side effect is that in trying not to orgasm, he’s learning to control his ejaculation better. (Before, he was so quick, PIV was over almost before I started enjoying it.) Now he can go for a super long time (with pauses when he gets too close).   The best part is that it has taken all the pressure off him. He doesn’t feel like he *has* to be hard, and funnily enough he’s a lot harder. Most of all, I think he’s finally started enjoying his sexuality again, after years of feeling like a loser. It definitely boosts his ego to have me whimpering and at his mercy night after night.  lol If you try this, I’d love to hear your results.  Thinking maybe we can all share different techniques that work. Athol Kay you rock !!

Athol:  I think the work around is simple enough to not need more explanation. It’s actually a variant on the standard male chastity play without all the extra mind games and nasty bits of plastic padlocked to your penis. (Newsflash to people with nasty bits of plastic padlocked to your penis: If your erection hurts inside it, that’s bad. If your erection used to hurt inside it, but doesn’t hurt anymore, that’s really bad. Stop being a dumbass and injuring your penis.)

Anyway… I think it’s potentially going to get him through the psychological re-building confidence stage after having gone to the doctors and actually gotten testosterone supplementation. Best case scenario we hear back in a few months that hubby doesn’t need the workaround… though Serenity seems to be really enjoying it and might not like to stop lol. So attention hubby: If she comes at you with a nasty bit of plastic, don’t let her padlock it to your penis. 

And of course… if you suspect low testosterone in yourself or your husband, the first port of call is labwork with your primary doctor. Also have a peek at Peak Testosterone. It’s a fairly good resource to start with and totally free. I don’t agree with the low-fat / vegetarian stuff though.

All in all though, it’s a big win and basically instantly too. You’re welcome.