Savings and Standing Taller

Athol:  I have a slight hunch that “A.F. Bannerman” is a fictional person created in the marketing department of J.P. Morgan, but the quote attributed to him is rather good….

A.F.Bannerman:  “Your savings, believe it or not, affect the way you stand, the way you walk, the tone of your voice – in short, your physical well-being and self-confidence. A man without savings is always running. He must. He must take the first job offered, or nearly so. He sits nervously on life’s chairs because any small emergency throws him into the hands of others.

Without savings, a man must be too grateful. Gratitude is a fine thing in its place. But a constant state of gratitude is a horrible place in which to live. A man with savings can walk tall. He may appraise opportunities in a relaxed way, have time for judicious estimates and not be rushed by economic necessity.

A man with savings can afford to resign from his job if his principles so dictate — and for this reason he will never need to do so. A man who can afford to quit is much more useful to his company and therefore more readily promoted. He can afford to give his company the benefit of his most candid judgments.

A man with savings can afford the wonderful privilege of being generous in family or neighborhood emergencies. He can take the level stare of any man … friend, stranger or enemy. That ability shapes his personality and character.

The ability to save has nothing to do with the size of income. Many high-income people spend it all. They are on a treadmill, darting through life like minnows.

J.P. Morgan, once advised a young broker: “Take waste out of your spending; you’ll drive the haste out of your life.”

If you do not need money for college, a home or retirement, then save for self-confidence. The state of your savings does have a lot to do with how tall you walk.”

 

Jennifer’s Amazing Thighs

So we’re on our walk, we walk a lot together, it’s just something peaceful and light exercise. Funny how enjoyable it is these days really.

Anyway…

Jennifer is a quiet, peaceful, polite, easy-going girl. Jennifer doesn’t yell across crowded rooms at people, she’s the type to walk across the room and talk to someone. So when I’m on a quiet peaceful walk, with quiet peaceful Jennifer, the last thing I expect is for her to suddenly blurt something out at 117.3 decibels.

“IT’S THIGHS!”

I don’t often reach for the “Bitch WTF you talking about?” card. But…

“Ahhhhh…. I need a little more to go on.”

“At the Taste of the Caribbean, it’s thighs!”

Okay I tried saying it nicely….

“Bitch WTF you talking about?”

“The Jamaican chicken. They use thighs! That’s why it’s always so good. Kinda crunchy skin and a little fatty and yummy. It’s thighs! They use thighs!”

Lightbulb!

O.M.G. it is thighs. That’s brilliant.

I must tell everyone.

Here’s the story. About two months back we started BJ shopping… oh… I mean we started shopping at BJ’s Wholesale. Anyway, you can get 24 chicken thighs in six pouches of four and it’s been a nice go-to meal option. I get two pieces, Jennifer gets one, eldest gets one and youngest is a fucking vegetarian because animals have faces or something fluffy bunnies like that.

Jennifer:  -_-

Anyway, I’ve always had a mental image of barbequing chicken as being a bit tricky because of the odd shapes and getting it to cook through right. So never really bothered to try. But chicken thighs… and nothing but chicken thighs… holy crap barbequing them is crazy easy and ridiculously good. Moderate but evenly sized, the skin seals the juice in pretty well. Low heat and just keep them turning as needed. If they start to get too close to each other, just pull the thighs apart and put them where you want.

I had been using a very small amount of olive oil and seasoning, but…. olive oil and open flames seems to EXTREME FIRE.

So like I was saying, just coat the thighs in a good seasoning, be brave on this step and don’t hold back. Give it a good shake of the flavor. This is barbeque not cucumber sandwiches we’re making. My favorites lately are this Asian sweet ginger, garlic and sesame seed mix. There’s a red curry blend that rocks as well.

So there we go. Cheapest part of the chicken is the best to throw on the grill. Great just as thighs or slice them off the bone for a salad or something. And full credit to Jennifer for stumbling onto this one. Usually I’m the creative foodie and she beat me to this one so naming rights are hers. I’m just proud to say that Jennifer’s Thighs are amazing, I could dive in and eat all day.

Cooking Game: Scrambled Eggs

Scrambled Eggs . Easy breakfast, quick to cook, uses leftovers, lots of protein, tasty. Let’s get started.

Here’s the formula….

Eggs + splash of milk + sprinkle of salt = The Glue Holding Everything Together

Meat + Vegetable + Cheese = The Flavor

The Glue + The Flavor = Scrambled Eggs

Here’s what makes it so quick, tasty and easy….

…use leftover meat and vegetables.

Seriously that’s it. Last night you grilled some beef and peppers and you have a leftovers of a strip of seasoned beef and peppers… that’s already full of flavor and already cooked, so all you have to do is chop it up and reheat it. It’s really just that simple. ANY meat, ANY vegetable. It’s all works just fine.

So chop your meat up and your vegetables and toss them in a pan on medium heat. Add a little butter to stop it sticking, but you’re really just warming it all up rather than anything else.

Once that’s in the pan warming, get a bowl and start cracking the eggs. I use 3 eggs per adult and 2 per kid as a rough guide. I add “a splash” of milk which I guess comes to about a 1/4 cup of milk for 7-8 eggs. Sprinkle some salt on the eggs, take a fork and mix them for about 10-15 seconds tops. Seriously, just mix them and stop, you don’t have to try and frappe the damn things. Quickly mix and pour it over the top of the meat and vegetables in the pan.

Medium heat, maybe a squeeze more.

You’re going to occasionally stir the eggs and reshuffle them in the pan. The goal here is to try and keep them moist and fluffy… working toward the goal where the entire pan of eggs comes up to temperature at the same time, rather than cooking half of them on the bottom of the pan and having runny eggs on top. It’s kinda hard to pull off exactly, but good enough is good enough.

Right before you think the eggs are done. I mean right before. That’s when you add the cheese and not before. What you want is scrambled eggs + melted cheese nestled within the scrambled eggs. If you add the cheese early though, the eggs and the cheese fused together in something that tastes… er… reasonable, but the texture is horrible.

Adding the cheese right at the end works though, don’t even worry if it’s not melted in the pan, as you pull it all off the heat and start serving it up, the heat from the eggs will melt the cheese… and the cool cheese help will stop the eggs from overcooking further. Am I amazing or what?

Got all that?

MASTERCLASS

Here’s the combination that will peel panties off.

Bacon + Fresh Baby Spinach + Feta Cheese

Bacon = The worlds most perfect food. Need I say more? Bacon always works and if it doesn’t, dump her and find a woman it will work on.

Fresh Baby Spinach = This is an uncooked vegetable, so we have to handle this one a little differently. Just add them with the eggs and cook them together. The leaves will stay “big” until they are completely cooked, when they shrink and wrinkle up. The good news is that eggs and baby spinach will complete cooking at pretty much exactly the same time.

Feta Cheese = This is the perfect scrambled egg cheese. It’s strongly flavored, comes already kibbled into small pieces and tends to stay intact in the scrambled eggs. So you get a small chunk of identifiable tasty cheese. It’s the MILF of cheeses.

HOLY CRAP AWESOME CLASS

When you get good at routine scrambled eggs… it scales up in size pretty well. Meaning it’s possible to switch out to a large casserole dish / big pot, and do two or three dozen eggs at a time for a big group of people. Just use more meat and more vegetables of course. It’s the slow warming up to temperature that’s the trick and having the entire dish suddenly cook through at once.

You can do this. Start small. Go bigger. Anyone can cook.

Stay At Home Dad Tricks… the Shoe Organizer

Shoe OrganizerWhen my girls were little we had some of these for their clothes hanging in their bedroom.

It’s a shoe organizer for an adult… but with little kids… it’s big enough for a full change of clothes.

Put a complete outfit for a kid in each shoe holder. Then when they need to get dressed, they just choose a shoe cubby and take it all. The shoe holders pretty much go all the way to the floor, so even a toddler can reach at least half of them.

It’s empowering for the kid to be able to “choose”. Time saving for the parent to not to try and fish out an outfit from the mess. Just rotate the clothes down as gaps appear and put freshly laundered clothes at the top.

For us it also doubled as a cheap “toy holder” for the 23 million Pokémon my daughters acquired. It was important to collect them all.

That’s it.

Alert: Image links to Target.com but in all seriousness, we really did use these for the girls when they were little.

Now they use them for shoes.

Perhaps you would say, a plethora of shoes.

Explaining The “In Her Or On Her” Rule

Forum issue…. spent a long time triaging this case and everything went back to the husband having a porn/Internet addiction. As in we figured out the exact month everything started falling apart being when they first had cable Internet installed. Literally a bright motivated guy one month and starting to flunk out of college the next. Then over a decade of unemployment and underemployment after that. Her carrying about 80% of the income load while he stayed home and jerked off to porn. Long story short, I gave her a full and complete triage experience, she unleashed “Option A or B” on him, he went for Option A.

Which brings us to this post. One of my suggestions that was part of Option A was to adopt the “In her or on her” rule. Meaning where his semen ends up. i.e. no jerking off to porn, if he’s having an orgasm, it’s with her in some way shape or form. Don’t care where he comes, just as long as it’s with her.

Then comes the hamstring questions. What if she’s not available, or doesn’t want to? Or other reason to get around the rule. Squeaky squeak squeakum.

My response…

(1) He’s the addict, so anything he says isn’t reasonable or valid related to the addiction.

(2) He’s allowing himself to have his brain be rewired to experience her as the outlet for his sexuality.

(3) Given long enough (months) doing (2) will make his brain eroticize her to him. Just like he’s conditioned himself to particular porn to be a turn-on, now he’s conditioning himself to be turned-on by her. Yes that’s “artificial”, but it will feel completely real when it’s done.

(4) Like any form of hunger, the longer it goes between feedings, the greater his desire to be fed. So if she is unavailable (work) or unwilling (I expect somewhat rarely), all that does is make him more interested in her and more attracted to her. If he routinely masturbates without her, then he basically messes up the entire program. The orgasming without her is the entire problem.

(5) What he’ll come to learn is that 99% of eroticism lies in the feeling of being turned-on. After he orgasms, it’s over. It seems very counter intuitive I know, but he’ll actually find a more satisfying sexual experience on the other side of this process. It’s really not robbing him of anything.

(6) Without the endless dopamine chasing of the porn/Internet addiction, he’ll find greater personal focus in his life as a whole. He’ll think better. Perform better. This is a real addiction he’s been facing and it’s terribly draining on him.

(7) Monogamy isn’t exactly easy. It’s not for me. I’m a higher desire person than Jennifer, but it’s the experience of being turned-on that’s the most enjoyable thing. By a conscious focus limiting myself to her, it actually is sexually frustrating in a positive sense. Much of Oneitis is simply a biological response to sexual frustration coupled with an emotional focus on a single woman. As long as she is a basically good wife, it’s pretty freaking enjoyable.

Or in other words, the “in you or on you” rule may seem like a gimmick, and to an extent it is. But it’s also going to work to make him find her more sexually attractive and help him fall in love with her again.

And even if the process to make that happen is artificial, the feelings he’ll experience as a result of it will be real.

The caveat to all this being that she’s actually into him. She’s been a total Nice Girl slaving away supporting him and being sexually cut off by him. She wants to lay him like tile.

Jennifer:  This can also be a lot of fun for her. We don’t often skip nights but the positive change in Athol’s attention toward me is noticeable the longer it goes since the last time we had sex. It’s nice to be the focus of that level of desire. Now if a girl was mildly evil…

Dragon’s Lair: Princess Daphne Teaches Girl Game

Here’s the thing about White Knighting.

No one tells guys they need to do it, it’s built into their DNA. Pretty girl needs saving? We’ll be right there.

Watch this short video and tell me you don’t have a total craving to hunt for a copy of Dragon’s Lair. Must. Save. Princess. Daphne.

There’s a rather obvious assumed contract at work there. Be the hero, save the girl and you get to pop her out of her chastity bubble.

However in modern society, if a woman is rescued she doesn’t have to pony up like a fairy tale princess. If the fire department rescues a woman from a burning building, there’s minimal expectation she’ll let herself be taken doggy style in the back of the fire truck. As an aside, Engine 7 wishes to apologize.

But for men, the expectation for being a White Knight hero remains intact. If a woman is getting robbed by three men, a male passing stranger is simply meant to rush them unarmed and get shot as a distraction so she can escape with her pocketbook. Your wife will bawl her eyes out on your casket and you’ll be called a hero. Everyone will be proud.

Yeah I know, extreme examples, neither of which is likely to happen to you in your lifetime. Usually the “save me” and “here I come to save the day” is smaller and less dramatic. Here’s rent money. I’ll help you finish your report. I’ll tell them no for you. Take my car. I’ll help you move. No worries, I’ll buy dinner. Here’s something to help get you back on your feet again. I don’t mind staying here all night in case he tries to come back, I’ll just sleep on the couch with a hard-on.

So the rule is, you don’t turn yourself into a chump. You don’t spend unusual time, energy, or money on a woman who isn’t willing to put out for you. You sure as hell don’t put yourself in danger for her. Women killed chivalry by demanding equal treatment and breaking their end of the hero-gives-rescue-princess-gives-poon contract. So men have to stop White Knighting, otherwise you’re just an idiot for doing it.

But…

It’s fucking built into us.

When all is said and done, one of the things I like about being married is I can White Knight Jennifer. To be fair she’s not some dingbat endlessly getting herself in a spot of bother, but it’s really actually kinda fun to provide for her and get to play the all-purpose hero of the family. She also holds up her end of the bargain and puts out rather nicely. I don’t have a magic sword, I have a laptop. I don’t have a dragon, I have MMSL. I don’t have Princess Daphne, I have Jennifer. It’s actually really enjoyable.

When you look closely at most guys, their lives involve finding out whatever their version of the magic sword is, trying to slay their dragon and saving their girl from something. You want to know what the hottest thing about Princess Daphne is? What gives her rock solid girl game? It’s not the sexy voice, it’s not the lingerie outfit, it’s not her long blond hair, it’s not her ass, boobs, lips or legs.

She squeals and claps.

Ladies if you want your husband to act more Alpha, if you happen to notice him doing something good, try an over-the-top Princess Daphne patented Squeal and Clap routine. Watch him puff up with DNA programmed pride. I do Goofy and Groping, so why not see what a couple of seconds of Squeal and Clap gets you. I’m telling you, back in the day guys shoveled quarters into those Dragon’s Lair machines….

 

 

Was It The Booze, Or Was It The MAP?

Valmont:  So, recently started MAPing and sex has been rare (like once or twice a month) and a source of tension for two years. Her enjoyment has been sporadic to say the least (but not totally gone). I just want your views on last night.

We had a party and had parked the kids with grandparents. I’ve been MAPing, imperfectly for about a month. There’ve been signals that she’s been picking up on this but yet to have a real conversion into the bedroom. So, yeah, I was hoping for something out of a decent party with no kids to come home to.

That night, I mapped it like a mofo. I’m not normally into dress up events but, what’s that babe? you want me to grow an awesome mo? Game on. You wear that mini skirt and it’s a deal.

Get to the party and get her a drink but then make a mental note to start chatting to the other ladies there. After about 10 minutes I remembered something; how freaking charming I can be when I want to turn it on. So I turned it on. Never in a threatening way but enough that by the end of the night I had her and her best lady friends laughing, flirting, dancing, and just not leaving my side. Gold.

I also made a point of keeping tabs on what I was drinking. Just enough to get lucid but I paced it with soda to make keep me level.

So we get home at about 3. She’s never one for affection in public but the minute we shut the front door – bang. I’m not going to turn this into some indiscreet penthouse forum clone but I have been wracking my brain to think of anytime, ever, when we have fucked like that, and I simply can’t. It. Was. Awesome. She wanted to be taken, and how; and she was completely vocal about everything, which is so out of character but so welcome. It was like every inhibition that had built up over the years was wiped. To switch to beta, it wasn’t just fucking. It was incredibly close too. We were ecstatic afterwards.

So what’s the problem then? The next day I tried to reward this with a decent breakfast. It was then that I realized that she had hit the sauce quite a bit the night before. She was quite hungover and most embarrassed about it.

I switched to full beta mode to get us all through the day but immediately began to wonder, “ah crap, so was it just the booze?”  I know the MAP plan is send a follow up message the next day about how awesome last night was, but I knew that with a hangover she would not receive it well.  So I waited until later that night, when the fog had cleared to just drop a, “you were awesome” into conversation. I got a slightly embarrassed groan and a “I was pretty drunk.” She clearly did not want to discuss further.

My dilemma is this. My (beta) inclination is to want to sit down and say, “that was awesome, for both of us, what made it possible and how do we do it again?” But one thing I have learned is that she HATES talking about sex. Ever.

I’m really starting to get a picture of someone who intellectually has been raised with all the feminocentric programming but underneath just wants a good strong man to drag her by the hair to the cave. I think this tension causes a lot of anxiety and even shame – which corrupts not only our ability to talk like adults about sex by I also think is the big inhibitor in getting her going in the first place.

But my big question is, was it the MAP or the booze? If it’s the MAP then I just keep mapping and this sort of action should slowly become the norm. But if was just the booze…..

Athol:  Imagine a scale of 0-100 of how interested in fucking you she is. The higher the number, the more she wants it.

Let’s assume you’ve been stuck at about a 30 for ages.

A couple days back you apologized / owned your shit. +10 and you’re at 40.

You dressed up nice +10

You turned on the charm +10

You have her friend laughing and being into you +10

You got a ton of drinks into her +20

Result for that one night 90 out a 100 on her scale. Fireworks.

So was it the MAP or the booze? Well it was a bit of both.

However, over the long-term you’re going to work on the structural attraction issues, that work every single day in the background and slowly get your baseline creeping up and up. So on any given day, you don’t have to jump through a dozen hoops to make it all happen.

I mean it’s fun once in a while to spruce up and paint the town red, but gets exhausting if that’s what you have to do every single time to get laid.

On the plus side though, that one night probably got you a +2 or something to her baselines interest in you. So if before the evening she was stuck around the 40 point mark, today she’s moved up to 42. So she’s starting to thaw a little. So while the whole night was a bit of a planned charm offensive and a bit of a trick, it all went well and gave you a little boost toward your long term goal of getting her overall interest up higher.

So all in all, worth the effort. You just can’t expect tomorrow evening you’re going to get her shrieking and squealing like she’s at 90 sexual interest in you.

Always well worth getting the relationship momentum heading upwards though.

 

 

Fun Money

I’ve been touching on how important money is in recent posts….

When people imagine life changing amounts of money, they always imagine millions of dollars, but consider what just a extra $2000 can do for a relationship if you’re the husband.

You could pay for a gym membership, have several moderate nights out, buy a couple nice shirts and even have enough for a weekend getaway. All of which could thaw your relationship with your wife even further as you get the rest of your life back under control. Then because your wife is back into you again, when the douchebag at her work makes a move on her… she tells him to get lost.

When douchebag makes his move, what happens if you don’t have that extra $2000 worth of positive appearance and shared and fun together? Fun money is important. No one wants to be in a relationship where you never have any fun.

You don’t have to make a million dollars. You do have to make enough to have some fun though.

Pinterest and Disinterest

I think we have a new first date question…

“Do you like Pinterest?” is a lot more subtle than “So…. are you Borderline Personality Disorder?”

‘Pinterest stress’ afflicts nearly half of moms, survey says.

In our exclusive TODAY Moms survey of 7,000 U.S. mothers, 42 percent said that they sometimes suffer from Pinterest stress – the worry that they’re not crafty or creative enough. Symptoms include staying up until 3 a.m. clicking through photos of exquisite hand-made birthday party favors even though you’ll end up buying yours at the dollar store, or sobbing quietly into a burnt mess of expensive ingredients that were supposed to be adorable bunny cookies for the school bake sale.

and…

Aiming for magazine- or Pinterest-worthy perfection all the time is an impossible goal for anyone, especially when you’ve got kids. And striving for perfection is a major source of stress for moms: One in four mothers told our TODAY Moms survey that the pressure they put on themselves to be perfect is a top cause of stress, and 75 percent report that the pressure they put on themselves is worse than any pressure or judgment they get from other moms. The result? Our average stress level is 8.5 out of 10, the survey says.

Anyway…

If that’s your wife, tell her to knock off the art department that only the mean girls in her head care about. Suggest she’d be better off lying on her back, letting you check in to the phallus palace and then she could take a nap.

In other news…

But that’s not all. In a press release published Tuesday, [Ashley Madison] also revealed that they typically see the highest spike in female signups on the day after Mother’s Day. In 2012, they saw a whopping 439 percent increase on that day as compared to a typical Monday.

“Mother’s Day tends to magnify the flaws, leads to questions about the choices you have made, and ultimately fosters conclusions around doing something different for yourself,” explains Ashley Madison founder and CEO Noel Biderman. “This latter choice tends to be the genesis of many women’s journey into an affair.”

So…

Maybe you could step up and burn the bunny cookies for her this weekend, or cook dinner or something. Meh it’s Mothers Day, there’s a little more expectation of Beta love. Some dinner suggestions… roast chickensides dishes.   If you’re buying her flowers… buy her a Just Add Ice Orchid. I got Jennifer one last September and it’s still alive! She loves it.

Sometimes a little extra effort saves you a ton of angst and trouble later on. You don’t want to be starting over asking questions about Pinterest as a screening tool because you couldn’t pass Loyalty Testing 101.

Just remember to keep the Alpha goodness in place. Have fun with it. Don’t skip your workout for any of this.

(Disclaimer: I have no idea what Pinterest is. I think it’s like a Special Olympics version of Facebook)

Female Isolation Anxiety

Louis .C.K routine…

I think he somewhat overstates, but the takeaway is that women really do have a finely tuned radar as to whether or not they will ever let themselves be isolated with you. I don’t mean “at the movies on a date”, or “at a restaurant”, there’s other people in those locations. I mean really alone, alone. As in just you and her.

Men experience Approach Anxiety walking up to the girl, women experience Isolation Anxiety going off with the guy alone. It’s the same physiological process of fight or flight kicking in. Men are programmed to prep for a physical conflict with another man when they approach a girl. It’s not her he’s worried about, it’s her boyfriend / husband / thug that’s that problem.

What women worry about is the guy turning into a thug-bastard-man-bear-pig when they they finally let themselves be alone with him. As a result, they have an extremely high co-relation between being sexually attracted to someone and allowing themselves to be truly isolated with them. That way if the worst happens, at least it was with a male they found attractive i.e. high value. Please don’t take the mental leap between hearing me explain the factors at work and taking that as a mandate for violating consent.

What I’m saying is that if you’re a guy, if you’re with a woman who is actively displaying interest in being alone with you, even if it’s cloaked in some other activity that you’d really be doing together… she’s into you in a big way.

Then if she’s into you… you don’t have to try hard to be something or someone you’re not. She’s already got that mental “yes” inside her head giving you approval to escalate things further with her. So have fun, enjoy the date and make some moves on her with a crooked smile. She’s expecting you to.