Sexy Moves | Married Man Sex Life

Too Much Information About My Orgasms

August 3, 2012 By Athol Kay 13 Comments

**** TMI Warning ****

Times change and so can your sexuality.

In my twenties the rule I gave to Jennifer was, “Touch the penis, make the penis happy.” Meaning that if she started playing with my cock, I 100% expected a progression to orgasm. Didn’t matter how that orgasm came about, but it really had to happen or she’d be trying to sleep next to amped up horny man who wasn’t able to sleep. Beware the Cockzilla.

Plus in my twenties my balls were off limits for touching. I got zero enjoyment from any ball fondling, instead just feeling physically uncomfortable like I was experiencing a 1% strength kick in the nuts. Ass was fairly off limits too, just weird feeling, so no thanks unless you’re a doctor and I’m in your office for something specifically for ass related.

If Jennifer wanted to just use some lube and lay back while I climbed on top and had a quickie, that was a win. Athol tired. Athol sleep now…

In my thirties, the rule of “Touch the penis, make the penis happy”, remained in full effect. However my balls at some point became quite pleasurable during sex, most particularly from a very gentle tugging away from my body. Likewise having my ass played with started getting quite nice and prostate massages got me some amazing orgasms.

And still if Jennifer just wanted to lay back and let me have some fun for a quickie, two thumbs up from me.

In my forties, my balls have become something that simply have to be played with for me to get my best orgasms. They have also become receptive to slightly rougher play… I’m not talking safety concern BDSM porn rough, but Jennifer riding me reverse cowgirl and actually squeezing my balls… I think she does it gently but I don’t really know because holy crap it feels amazing and I get this deep full groin rush from it. I haven’t asked too many questions.

Ass play though for some reason has fallen away. Still do the prostate thing once in a very great while, but that’s about it. No idea why.

The most interesting thing though, is I have become highly aware of my body and emotional reaction to Jennifer based on how many days I am from last orgasming with her. The further it goes, the higher my sexual tension gets and the more romantically inclined I feel toward her. We really only discovered this by playing some edging games designed around a goal of me not cumming for several days to then cover Jennifer in a serious moneyshot. By the time I’d been bought to the brink of orgasm 2-3 times a day… for five days… I was all but deliriously in love with her. I would look at her like a cat keeping an eye on a mouse. I would become instantly, breathlessly hard from just kissing her. A ten second kiss would have me leaking pre-cum. I kid you not.

Suddenly “Touch the penis, make the penis happy” doesn’t work as a rule. Suddenly Jennifer offering to use lube and let me have a quickie isn’t appealing at all. Instead of it being loving and giving to me, it seems more and more like the dreaded Starfish position. Which really isn’t fair to Jennifer because she does cuddle and hold me and obviously likes it for what it is, she’s just not seeking an orgasm that night. It’s a sort of GFE Starfish lol.

So…

…after nearly eighteen years of marriage, we basically have dispensed with some of the old rules for a month long trial. No more touch the penis rule. No more GFE Starfish. Jennifer can edge me as often as she likes and I have enough control to let her dictate when and where the big booma goes off. I get amped up over a few days and the finale is beyond amazing compared to a day 1 romp. The caveat being that my control does have limits and if it goes on too long Cockzilla pays a visit and he’s short on conversation. And no… no stupid ass chastity devices or other bullshit, I do like splurting cum at Jennifer and she likes that too. It’s more of a timing and pacing thing now. It’s actually so wonderful to feel giddy in love again, I get this compulsion to hold her hand when we walk now.

But to myself in my twenties, what I’m doing now would have been utterly confusing to think about. I guess somehow we got… older.

Jennifer: I remember the “please touch my balls” talk lol. And I have to sometimes remind myself that the “touch the penis, make the penis happy” rule doesn’t exist anymore…it’s a mindset shift for me! These are instances that illustrate the fact that things change over time, but if you don’t talk about them you’ll never know! Don’t be afraid to tell your partner that you’d like to try something you’ve never wanted to try before! Plus I kinda like having the powah to summon Cockzilla…

Filed Under: Body Agenda and Sex Rank, Sexual Health Issues, Sexy Moves

How To Figure Out What Is Wrong In Your Sex Life

July 12, 2012 By Athol Kay 33 Comments

I got asked today what I do to determine the problem area in the basic problem of a wife not wanting sex. It’s an excellent question because it will determine the way you go about solving that issue too. It’s a five step process akin to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs where you need the bottom layers to be fulfilled in order to have the upper layer’s needs sought to be met. This is also why some guys get this near instant sexual explosion of interest from their wife as soon as they find MMSL, and some guys have a couple years of grinding out the MAP to make it go together.

Step One – Rule Out Medical

This is where I ask the questions about any medications, medical issues, birth control history and her all purpose general physical health. There are plenty of medical things that can nerf sex drive and ability to function sexually. You have to address this stuff first because there’s minimal benefit from running Game on a wife that just has zero sex drive and when she masturbates can no longer physically orgasm. You’re going to run your Alpha stuff and all the serotonin overload from her anti-depressants is going to flood out her ability to respond to it. Most anti-psychotics for example work by shutting down dopamine receptors in the brain, (which is also why most people on anti-psychotics have so little motivation to do anything) and you looking crazy hot is simply not going to trigger a dopamine response in her. It’s like she’s taking 200mg of I-Don’t-Give-A-Fuck.

If the problem is a medical issue, the solution is to seek medical attention and have it addressed. You simply can’t Game your way to a great sex life if the Mirena IUD inside her has completely stopped her sex drive. That being said, the health care system is increasingly an assembly line of care through too much asked of too few doctors. So you must educate yourself as fully as possible on your critical medical needs affecting your sex life. You can’t simply book a med appointment and hope for the best. You read up and ask questions. The entire goal of running the MAP may simply be to get her to seek medical attention for her issue.

Step Two – Rule Out Structural Attraction Issues

The structural attraction stuff is something you are lacking that 90%+ of all women would find a serious stumbling block to being interested in you. I’m talking about stuff like whether or not you have/can hold a job. Whether you have a mountain of debt. Whether you are badly obese. Whether you own your own car (outside of a city like New York of course). Whether your home is in a basically safe neighborhood. Whether you have a serious illness. Basically anything that is currently a big problem in your life now, that would have be a deal breaker when she first got involved with you.

Again… these are all things that you can’t Game your way out of. If she’s laying awake at night thinking about how you don’t have a job and the debt is piling up, and you’re 150 pounds overweight, she’s simply not going to respond to your cocky and funny routines as well as she could if you were in shape and there was $5,000 in the checking account. Just not happening.

So the solution is to fix those long term structural attraction issues. This may well take a long time and require huge effort, but it’s the only way to advance into the future with any degree of success.

Step Three – Rule Out Critical Moments and Neglect

Sometimes you just really screw up and it creates a moment of such negative emotion in her that she is wounded by it. Stuff like you didn’t come to the birth of your kid. Her best friend died and you went fishing. You hit her for whatever reason. Also if you ever cheated on her and she discovers it. You humiliated her in public for something. Anything that you were to an outside observer completely out of line. Likewise extreme long term ignoring of her – whether that’s by video game addiction, long hours at work, or endless travel, doesn’t matter. You’ve ignored her emotional needs for so long that she’s shut off from you.

In this case she’s emotionally withdrawn from you and holding herself back from you. She’s got her shields set to maximum and doesn’t want you to be happy either. She is deeply emotionally uncomfortable with you.

The solution is to apologize and be genuine about it. Often the initial problem stems from a lack of Beta attention, so whatever that lack was, you have to now supply. Note I said lack. If you’re already heavy Beta, you don’t just add yet more Beta.

Step Four – Rule Out Another Man

If she’s physically healthy, everything is basically running smoothly and there’s no big soul crushing moment dampening things, but the sex is minimal, she’s mentally absent and acting strangely… odds are there is another man involved. This will always be hidden from you as best she can, so you will need to play detective and scurry out the phone records, credit card statements, phone and text logs, Internet history and even have her followed to actively rule out another man being in play.

I know that’s horrible to think about, but I have learned to always ask the question about ruling out someone else. I am unfortunately right about this a regrettably high amount of the time. And yet again, this is not something that being cocky and funny will effectively work on. She’s not going to respond to you with high interest over some sexy moves, when the other man has her all jacked up on dopamine from illicit text messages and swapping nude photos. You must intervene firmly, swiftly and decisively.

The basic rule of thumb is that a woman torn between two men, will typically respond in the short term to the one making the strongest, most dominant and sexually aggressive play for her. This is why Nice Guy husbands who earn good money, have a nice home and generally provide her with the lap of luxury, lose out to “douchebag losers with nothing”. The Nice Guy husband begging for his wife to come home and generally being emotional about it, will loose out to a confident douchebag who just demands she cater to him. (Six months later when the glow wears off, douchebag is seen more clearly for what he is of course… then she can have serious regrets) Douchebag has a better Alpha profile and that’s what draws women in for affairs. This effect of most dominant male wins is also why cheated on husbands become physically enraged and experience an enormous desire for physical violence against the other man. Back in the Time Before Writing, that’s how Alpha dominance was figured out back then. The simple act of moving in on another man’s wife and risking violence is a sleeazy but powerful Alpha move.

Step Five – Game On

If everything else checks out, she’s likely just a bit bored and as soon as you start being goofy and groping, she’s going to light up and lap it up. Play some Sexy Moves out of the bag and you’re good to go. Alpha Beta Balance for the win.

If you have multiple areas of trouble, then you need to work on all of those areas as quickly as you can. Priority should be given to the earlier steps as much as possible and you shouldn’t expect a major sexual response until Steps One through Four are fairly well under control.

If Nothing Works

If everything checks out fine in Steps One through Four, and you’ve added Step Five and still nothing… it’s likely that you have a woman that will never experience a strong sexual interest in you. She might pop some interest in you when she ovulates, but once a month sex still means the criteria of a sexless marriage. So it’s pretty much game over. She’s just not interested in you that way. Classic signs of this is her offering an open marriage or saying you could get a girlfriend.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Body Agenda and Sex Rank, Cheating and Infidelity, Instigate Isolate and Escalate, Nice Guys and Betaization, Sexy Moves, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Is Coming On Her Breasts Beta?

July 12, 2012 By Athol Kay 39 Comments

Reader: My wife has health problems and many times can’t take sex in the traditional way. I will get her to give me a partial bj (I call it that because she doesn’t take my in her mouth entirely, just stimulates the sensitive spot with her tongue and lips) because she doesn’t want cum in her mouth. I can get her to give me a hand-job which aren’t anything to write home about. I can jack off with her posing for me or dangling her tits in my face. Or, I’ll titty f**ck her. I guess my question for you guys, is titty banging a beta activity? It feels like it is for some reason. Secondly, a male masturbation toy, is it beta to use one or to have her use one on me since her hand jobs aren’t spectacular? Any thoughts?

Athol: It depends.

Doing whatever it is you like to have happen to get your rocks off is Alpha. You’re getting a woman to please you sexually, that’s Alpha. There’s also an element of erotic humiliation from having someone come on you that many women enjoy as well. Semen is a body fluid just as saliva is, but someone drooling on your breasts or spitting on your face is very likely experienced as a negative thing. But for some women having a man come on their ass, boobs or face is experienced as erotic.

Thus our ”In you, or on you” rule in the Kay household. When I want to cum, I tell Jennifer what I want, how I want it and have it. That’s Alpha.

The flip side to that being that if Jennifer wants something too, I absolutely make sure her gets hers and goes to bed happy. That’s Beta.

It’s a common misunderstanding that being a sex god and making a woman orgasm is Alpha. It’s not, it’s Beta. It’s Beta because a male bringing a female to orgasm is triggering an oxytocin response in her, making her feel love, warmth and trusting of him. The Alpha part is there because a male using a female sexually for his own pleasure, is doing to trigger a dopamine response in her, making her feel excited and in love with his bad self. It may seem to be splitting hairs, but the distinction is important. And yes quite obviously you can both use a woman for your own pleasure and make sure she gets hers all in the same roll in the hay.

However…

I suspect what you’re experiencing is a vague Body Agenda discontent from going a long time between vaginal sex. After about five days your standing army of sperm are all dead inside her and you’ll subconsciously want to fill her up with sperm again. For guys after about five days they experience increasing sexual anxiety to ejaculate inside their partner.

Because she’s struggling with illness, she may simply not be up for a long intercourse session, so the blowjobs and handjobs are workarounds to avoid ten minutes of being pounded on vaginally. So a work around may be an extended period of foreplay and entering her “ready to pop” and keeping it down to 10-20 seconds of intercourse. Provided she can tolerate that. You may find that relaxes you a little more.

The other issue is her poor handjob and blowjob skills. This takes a lot of patience and effort to address. You can’t simply say “You’re terrible at this” because that’s the last time you’ll get it. You can however communicate what works and what’s isn’t working. What you like her doing more than the rest. Experiment with different lubes. And if you haven’t tried her sitting on your face and jacking you off, it’s worth a try.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Body Agenda and Sex Rank, Girl Game and Sexy Wives, Sexy Moves

Sexy Move: Don’t Get Her Wet

July 1, 2012 By Athol Kay 55 Comments

If Jennifer and I are going somewhere – a mall, a restaurant, a school event, the movies - and we get there and the weather is fine, we typically find a parking place and walk in together.

But if we arrive and it’s raining, especially if it’s raining hard, I drop her off as close to the entrance as I can so she can make the quick scurry inside into the dry. After that I find a parking place, and make the longer run to shelter. Sometimes I’m drenched lol, but she’s dry. The other half of the protocol is that she typically gets in line for whatever it is we’re going to see.

This all seems quite Beta and that’s because it is. I’m making a move designed to provide comfort for her. However it’s only a very minor inconvenience for me to drop her off at the door, and it provides her with a lot of comfort. Thirty seconds of heavy rain can undo thirty minutes of hair and makeup, and you’re left looking at her wilted self.

But it’s also somewhat of an Alpha move too in that I don’t give Jennifer the option of walking through the rain. I just swing it around to the front of the building and stop the car. I’m driving the car and this is your stop lady. Out you go. Usually the girls are with us too and that turns it into a three person deployment to safety and warmth. The Captain sees the First Officer and crew to safety.

To her credit, Jennifer has always thanked me for this move, and that’s all I need. If she was bitchy about it… getting drenched is a natural consequence.

Jennifer: The hair thing is so true.

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Sexy Moves

Everything Was Getting Better, Now She’s Suddenly Talking Divorce

June 9, 2012 By Athol Kay 51 Comments

Reader: The dynamics of my marriage have changed dramatically and your book has been at the heart of it. My MAP has not been perfect and I think I may have over reached a bit but I am finding the “D” talk to be unsettling.

Since running the MAP our sex has gone from 1X monthly to 2-3X/week for the twenty days per month she is not having her period. Those ten days per month have been a challenge as I have trouble sustaining sexy moves and beta activities when I know she is locked up any way. She feels like she has done allot to respond to me and can’t believe how my attitude suffers during the cold period. I am not pissy, but off doing my own thing. She senses it and is not getting what she usually gets from me and it gets immediately ugly.

I have done lots of manning up and she says she does not want to be dominated. She accuses me of wanting to drive us apart so I can go find some attractive 30 something and has referred many times to me dumping her. She is a wonderful, fun woman with a giant heart and I still find the same things attractive in her that brought us together. D was never my plan at all. I have been High Desire my whole life, apparently unwilling to ask for what I want, and that is no longer something I will live with.

Anyway, I am curious if you hear from your readers and have a sense for how often everything blows sky high and ends in D? We had a conversation at 4 am this week where she suggested if I can back off for a year and a half so we can get our youngest daughter off to college and we can go our separate ways then. That’s easy to say but the shit tests have been coming hard and fast since that conversation. She has gained some weight due to stress and my sex rank is solid. She has a new job which I am encouraging but I make three times what she makes.

My wife is a strong lady and been a bucking bronco on all of this. She seems to begrudgingly give me two steps forward before a step back. In MC she admitted that she chose me for different reasons than sexual attraction. I would be a good father, provider, etc… Ouch. The reason I am willing to entertain the idea of D is because that seems like no way to live.

Athol: It sounds like she’s just getting mentally geared up to be dumped, so is going to try and do it on her terms. She’s lost control of the relationship because you’re hotter than her, so she’s trying to gain control of the end of the relationship.

If she chose you because you’re a good father and provider and less sexy…. why would she divorce you if you’re still a good father and provider and more sexy? She’s just running the Hamster out loud about all that as part of the testing. Going from sex once a month to 2-3x a week means she does find you more attractive now than before. So the addition of the Alpha was working as intended. You got better, she knows you got better, the problem is she didn’t and she’s worried you’re about to move on or cheat on her.

Yes I have seen Game give a short term boost to the marriage and then fall apart. It’s usually boosted because the husband added Alpha, and then falls apart because he doesn’t re-balance it with Beta when she get nervous in the aftermath. Basically the frame you need to assert is covered here.

I would also cut the divorce talk off at the knees asap. If you can have an amicable planned divorce, that means you can work as a team during emotionally trying times… which kinda suggests you could actually have an okay marriage. I would have blown up at her verbally “WELL I DON’T WANT A DIVORCE, WHY THE $%^& DO YOU WANT TO DIVORCE ME?” Don’t insult her or call her names, just let her see your rage over the fact that she wants to end the marriage.

What she’s looking for is whether or not you have an emotional bond to her. She’s testing you by threatening to break that bond by raising the issue of divorce, so you’re meant to act like a wounded animal and react like you’re extremely pissed off and hurt. If you have a calm discussion about a potential divorce, you’re telegraphing you aren’t bonded to her. If you telegraph you aren’t bonded to her, she’s going to go all kinds of crazy testing on you because in her heart she knows you’re going to dump her and it’s far easier to leave a relationship mad than sad.

The ideal state to be in is where you as the husband have the upper hand in the relationship where your attractiveness could replace your wife with someone younger / hotter / tighter fairly easily, and she would very much struggle to replace you with a man of your quality… but she is still reassured of the relationship lasting forever (and you being faithful to her) on the combination of her basically being a good attentive wife and the depth of your emotional bonding to her.

Another great thing you can do to provide comfort that she’s not going to be dumped, is make plans for the future. Something like a vacation involving plane flights is ideal. It shows you’re thinking far ahead, with you still being a couple as part of your plans. A week in Europe if you’re American, or in America if you’re European is going to be a damn sight cheaper than a divorce.

But maybe that’s just me. Jennifer isn’t into jewelry, she’s into plane flights. But then again I’m from New Zealand, so I caused all that lol.

Jennifer: Hey no fair! I do like travel and it is your fault!

Filed Under: Alpha and Beta Male Traits, Body Agenda and Sex Rank, Monogamy and Marriage 2.0, Sexy Moves, The Male Action Plan (MAP)

Pushy

June 3, 2012 By Athol Kay 32 Comments

I’ve been getting some general concern that I’m shooting myself in the foot by using politically incorrect words like “dominance” and “submission”. I’ve also reached into the grab bag of f-bombs and slang to describe the lady bits. The thought being if I just eased up a little, I would start appealing to women more.

Ahhhh…. no.

I write about the appeal of the Bad Boy tempered by the Nice Guy. Thus MMSL is written with a mix of Bad Boy and Nice Guy. As soon as I start toning it down and start trying to appeal to women by writing like a Nice Guy, my female readership will start drifting away. Slightly more than half of MMSL’s readership is female already, so consider that to be the best evidence I have.

I write about how women like rough sex (if only some of the time). Seriously now, how does one talk about hair pulling, spanking and pounding her in the sack with politically correct flowery language? Exactly… you can’t. Words like “dominance” and “submission” are loaded with erotic capital.

Here, read this from a comment from yesterday…

For years I struggled to communicate what I wanted from my husband because I was using the wrong d$&@ word! Maybe I was just dancing around the idea when I would say ” I want you to show me who’s boss”, or “I need to feel your strength”. I have to say that I, for years, thought that I was broken for wanting this and thought that using the word dominant, in my mind, would only tell him just how broken I was, highlighting how far off I was from the ideal, independent woman. It was so lonely to want something so badly that would only prove how unworthy I was. I finally ran across takeninhand and then MMSL. That’s where I found the courage to finally tell him that I wanted to be dominated (especially in bed). I could not believe his response. He said “Well why didn’t you just say so?”. I broke down crying, telling him that I’d been trying for 20 years. Yes, I learned, word choice matters.

You can’t nice your way to primal sexuality. Women aren’t turned on by the nice, they are turned on by the edge. I’m not saying that you suddenly have to start up with the sailor talk, but if your language is falling all over itself to not offend, it’s basically neutering you. You’re a man. Say what you think. Don’t say what you think you should say.

Women are okay with a little smut. Seriously now, 50 Shades of Grey is flying off the shelves into the hands of a lot of hot and bothered women. Yeah baby. A man who can talk about sex with confidence and a little bit of an edge is telegraphing his ability to be good in bed to everyone around him. It’s an easy instigation move. It’s sexy.

For example, if you can’t even say the word “vagina” without worrying about collapsing from a panic attack, that’s pretty bad. Saying “down there” is a cop-out too. “Down there” is where you ain’t going.

So here’s the plan, I want you to out loud, strongly and firmly say the word “Pushy.” I know it sounds strange, just do it. Get used to the word and say it until it feels relaxed and casual when you say it. Pushy, Pushy, Pushy.

Say it like this lol…

Jennifer: He’s just like this in real life. Laughing to himself as he wrote the Sean Connery thing. (And yes, I do think Sean Connery is hot…I’m all for the foreign accents, baby.)

Filed Under: Instigate Isolate and Escalate, Sexy Moves

Why Does Struggling To Make A Baby Sex Suck So Much?

May 26, 2012 By Athol Kay 17 Comments

Reader: Just a thought for a potential blog post topic.

Making a baby the old fashioned way, by that I mean getting smashed and going at it like savages, is fun.

Making a baby because your wife is ovulating and the fertility clinic has pumped her full of hormones, not fun.

Been there, done that. I’m assuming a variety of your readers have been in this situation. Across the board, all of my male friends refer to “Pro-creation sex” as the most un-stimulating experience out there. The intimacy and man/woman roles are somehow missing along with the satisfaction.

Maybe you could help explain why and how to attempt to make it hot?

Just throwin’ it out there.

Athol: The issue is that it isn’t hot because it’s basically shouting that the person you’re having sex with is a poor choice of baby making due to the low fertility. Resulting babies are also more likely to be poorly fertile as well. Thus the entire display is extremely unsexy. Just having the thought in your head going around and around that “it’s hard to get her pregnant” is a mood killer in the extreme. If she was a one night stand you were never going to see again, your Body Agenda doesn’t worry about it. But if she’s your bonded partner and you’re going to spend time, effort and resources on the kid, you start getting as picky as a woman does about the genetic material being supplied from your sex partner.

When you’re doing it the old fashioned way and she’s highly fertile, it’s amazing because she’s such a great vagina to pour your semen into. Her babies are more likely to be good baby makers too. Very sexy indeed. Oh wow making babies sex with Jennifer was amazingly amazing.

Anyway, there’s no easy way to reverse it and make it hot when your Body Agenda hates the idea of it. Though if you ask around there are many stories of “We gave up trying to make it happen and just went on vacation and it happened!”

My suggestion would be plan ahead to plot when her ovulation should be, and plan for a night of sex then in a novel environment. Like a hotel room. Then separate for a few days beforehand. Someone go live somewhere else. Meet in the hotel room. Hopefully the damming up the seed turns into need and it all happens with more excitement. The separation creates a little added sperm competition boosting to the male as well. Also you can get away on a vacation and change the scenery a little.

Mostly though, don’t let her get away with being horribly unsexy as an approach. Her coming to you with a thermometer in hand, wearing sweatpants and demanding to be impregnated now, isn’t a sexual come on. Her bullying you into sex isn’t a turn on either. Tell her to go make herself look nice, wear something sexy, make it appear like she is trying to attract you. Otherwise you may as well be jerking off into a specimen cup and handing it to her.

And not for nothing, when women ovulate they tend to like a far more Alpha approach in the bedroom. Giving her entire control of the sex that night isn’t going to make for good sex and likely decreases her chances of actually getting pregnant. Pull her hair a little and tap that ass well enough to make her not care if she actually got pregnant or not. Leave her stumbling incoherently out of bed for one ice pack, two Aleve and three pages in her diary.

Filed Under: Instigate Isolate and Escalate, Sexual Health Issues, Sexy Moves

When You Can’t Think Of Ways She Can Sexually Please You

May 17, 2012 By Athol Kay 51 Comments

This reader is single, but it’s a great question.

Reader: I’ve had a hot streak lately and enjoyed the sexual acquaintance of a girl or two. Swell, but an issue I’m running into is a woman asking in flagrante, “what do you like?”

On occasion I’ll thunder “grab my ass” or simply move her into a new position. Sometimes I answer in baritone, “I like making you horny.”

But overall I don’t really have a good “oh GOD please do that” list in my head. I’m a meat and asparagus kind of guy, I like heavy P-in-V sex, the prone cowgirl position and making a woman orgasm. Much of my sexual diversity is in the foreplay/runup: massaging, hair pulling, licking/biting, tying her to the bed. I know plenty of things to do to her, but I’m a bit thin on what I can have done to me. I took pretty well to a dominant sexual oeuvre once I learned about it, so I’m wondering if I just need a shot of ideas – where can I find some?

On a related note, I came to realize a little while back that this sort of exchange is the exact same paradigm as the “what do you want for dinner” issue that drives women out of their minds. This is a woman asking me to be in charge, in fact submitting to me in wanting to please me. If I flake on the opportunity I’m depriving them of what they want to do, which is whatever I want to do (within reason, obviously).

Athol: Hiya, you have the dynamic that’s happening completely right. They are asking for a way to please you and it probably doesn’t matter what you ask them to do for you, just as long as you ask them to do something. So you may as well ask them to do something you like.

There’s probably a ton of books out there about “How To Make Love To Your Man So His Toes Curl Up And He Ejaculates Three Yards.” Maybe some of them have ideas for you.

Also if you’re normal P-in-V type, you might like being edged. Have her do stuff to you to get you very near orgasm several times during the session. The easy way to do that is to switch off between getting her off and edging you close, then rinse and repeat. Once you’ve had that happen a couple rounds, I can assure you the final time where you orgasm is intense. Plus you can go really over the top with the full Manbearpig-sexual-force-of-nature finishing move.

Seriously, go Manbearpig on her…

… if she’s into you, she wants you to turn into a hormone driven animal on top of her, just on the edge of out of control. You creature of the night you. She wants to be the moon and you to be the werewolf.

Or you can always go the easy route and have her call you “Sir.” Or whatever way you prefer her to verbalize that she is submitting to you. That way the vanilla P-in-V you like continues, you add the requirement/request she admit to liking being dominated sexually by you.

Jennifer: I finished editing your post sir…. :-)

Filed Under: Captain and First Officer, Girl Game and Sexy Wives, Sexy Moves

Pull My Hair

May 13, 2012 By Athol Kay 23 Comments

Reader: Athol, I need help letting my husband know that I would like to try some hotter/more Alpha sex. I am attracted to him and we have a good sex life, but sometimes it is too “nice.” He has your book, but that message hasn’t taken hold. I don’t want to seem to be criticizing him in any way. How can I introduce this idea?

Athol: The problem is that he’s likely so ingrained as a Nice Guy that while he mentally may understand you might like that sort of sex… he doesn’t believe it.

You’ve probably tried talking about it, so now is the time to try action. It’s one thing to say “I’d like to try that in bed some time.” and another thing in the middle of having sex to say “Pull my hair!” and look like you’re really into the idea of having your hair pulled. You can also do that sort of thing by text. Just say what you want to happen that night.

You can also go to an adult store and come back with something suitable to tie you up or swat your ass or whatever.

Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and say what you want in the middle of sex.

Filed Under: Girl Game and Sexy Wives, Sexy Moves