WordPress Update Pain and Comment Loss

Just a quick one to say that WordPress has been extremely demanding about installing version 4.0.1 to cover a security hole in earlier versions.

Unfortunately it has some sort of database error for me and it’s making page loads 12-15 seconds long. I’ve tried to go back to an earlier restore point on 12/1/14, hoping to be rid of 4.0.1, with the unfortunate side effect of removing all comments and posts since 12/1/14. Which seemed like a good idea at the time, but hasn’t removed 4.0.1 anyway. I couldn’t reinstall the 12/7/14 database back up because it had an error. So crap.

If you’ve commented in the last 5-6 days, I do apologize for their loss.

Why Being Too Beta Damages Relationship Comfort

http://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-images-beautiful-young-caucasian-woman-looking-worried-expression-image30556929One of the most important things in being in a long term relationship is creating a sense of relationship comfort. You create Relationship Comfort by being pleasant, helpful, kind, concerned, affectionate, caring and supportive. These are all Beta Trait behaviors.

Now before someone heads to the comments and starts banging the keyboard with one of those squeaky toy plastic hammers about the importance of Alpha… yes I know. Beta is typically only valued to the extent it is backed up by pre-existent impressions of Alpha Traits creating attraction.

But Alpha and Beta, Attraction and Relationship Comfort, are two completely different love systems you can tweak. Your Alpha and Beta can be high or low independent of each other. It’s not either/or.

So lets talk just about Beta stuff this time around.

A nice recap is The Five Beta Love Languages.

Taking that thought process a little further forward, I’ve noticed an interesting dynamic with the Beta stuff. The purpose of the Beta, is to create a sense of Relationship Comfort. But I’ve also seen a number of guys absolutely shot gunning Beta at their wives, and instead of the wives being supremely comfortable in the relationship, they are actually rather anxious and uncomfortable.

Then when I tell them to reduce their Beta and tone it down, their wives actually start to become more comfortable in the relationship.

So what’s happening?

It’s simple.

It’s the Law of Reciprocity kicking in. When one person does nice things for another person, it generally creates an unstated social obligation to return the favor. So when Mr. SuperBetaManDeluxe does an avalanche of nice things for Mrs. SomewhatAttracted, he’s not just doing nice things for her, he’s also creating a social obligation for her to do nice things for him. Preferably sexual nice things. Ideally to completion and swallowing.

Now this sort of thing is jumped on pretty hard as the guy creating this unspoken Covert Contract. It’s toxic and ineffective. Dude you have to stop thinking that if you mow the lawn, do the dishes, fold the laundry etc etc, that you’re automatically entitled to get laid.

What’s being missed is that often when he does all this stuff, she actually has an unspoken agreement to the validity of the Covert Contract, but she refuses to meet it because she just doesn’t want to. Or she meets the requirements of the Covert Contract with the world’s saddest sexual experience possible. All the Beta he did for her, to make her feel better, only created a huge sense of obligation in her. Which she’s started to dread.

It can get into the situation where when he does nice things for her, all she feels is a gnawing sense that she is a terrible person.

This is why with husbands struggling to attract their wives, I often find out exactly what her love language is, as soon as possible. Then when I find out what it is, I recommend cutting back the expressions of the love languages she doesn’t have.

So if her love language is Words of Affirmation, it’s fine to tell her you love her, she looks nice today, thank you for that. But then you don’t also shower her with gifts, try and spend every waking moment with her, run around like her personal service minion and rub her back while dry-humping her leg.

See how that’s all too much? It makes her feel obligated to do all that back to you. And if she’s not wildly attracted to you, she isn’t going to want to.

The potential mistake is to cut off ALL the Beta stuff and focus on upping the Alpha. All that does is switch problems. Typically it looks great for a while, then starts to destabilize.

So the paradox is, while Beta is designed to improve Relationship Comfort, over supplying it actually reduces Relationship Comfort. You still should hit her target of what she actually wants in terms of a love language, just don’t carpet bomb her with cuddles unless she’s into Physical Touch.

Or put more simply: Women are always going to be pleased to be offered their favorite dessert. They don’t want to be force fed five desserts no matter how delicious they are.

Nineteen Years Together

Not that the 16 Years post, or the 17 Years post had much to say, but the 18 Years one was a little longer.

Well…

Let’s see. This is has been the best and worst year of my life I think. I think if I called it ‘The Year of Starting, Survival, Transition and Body Building” I’d have it about right.

I’ve pretty much spent two hours looking at my screen trying to write something profound that explains the year, but it all sounds either too whiny at the hard parts, or too much like bragging at the good ones.

That’s about all I got.

Happy Anniversary baby.

I’ll bring the Jumper Cables, but I need you to go to the store for the butter. We’re all out of that.

 

Women Wear Money as a Display of High Value

@Angela:  What does everyone think about a woman letting her hair go gray at 50? I am toying with the idea. Can this be sexy, or am I completely ruining my Sex Rank? Can’t get any opinion from my husband, I don’t know whether he doesn’t care, or what.

Athol:  Whatever it is you chose, just make it look like money was involved in it’s production.
<insert many pics of doggystyle approved older chicks with gray hair>
@Maria:  One shouldn’t forget though, that grey hair as shown in the pics above, is NOT natural. Only very few women are so lucky to have shiny, all over grey hair; most of the time it’s mottled. So all that glamorous grey hair comes out of a bottle, too. It’s actually the most high-maintenance hair color after platinum blonde.

Athol: There’s obviously things like cut and design et al for hair and clothes, but the Display of High Value for women is to be effectively “wearing money”.

@Angela:  Thanks for all the input. I went to the hair salon this morning, the long, grey roots are gone, my hair is a nice rich auburn and I feel 15 years younger. I didn’t realize how much I was hating the gray experiment till it was over.

@x1134x:  Grey hair is not near the DLV that SHORT HAIR is.  At any age. Whatever you do, don’t cut it short.
Dye as long as you can do it and it still looks natural.  If you have wrinkled face skin from age, and a young, youthful head of hair, it looks off.

@Geekengineer:  Agree x eleventy bazillion.

A couple ladies at my office recently went from “actual upper-40s with long hair” to “actual upper-40s looking like a sad 60 year old grandma with no style” overnight by chopping it off to the poofball look. One had very grey hair that ended up getting colored black (looks terrible), the other had 1/2 grey that she colored dog-poop brown (looks… well, you know).

Athol:  So there you go. Keep your hair long. Keep it looking intentional. Keep it looking like some guy shells out cash in your direction.

That’s your Display of High Value for today.

Often the Hamster is Just Filibustering.

Athol:  I thought this comment on Age Gaps are a Relationship Stress warranted it’s own post. Pay careful attention to the fact that he clearly wants the relationship to work, but there’s this underlying structural effect making it harder going than it might otherwise be. Also she appears to have genuinely helped and invested in him, so that contribution acts as something he counts as a credit in her favor.

ToyBoy:  Well… that’s … ugh…

That’s hit a couple of things on the head for me, and I don’t like it.

I’ve historically been something of a manosphere lurker – but I’ve been away for a long time.  The last few days I’ve had a heavy hankering to come and re-motivate my self improvement side (I’ve gotten a little static recently) by digging through the archives, hence my commenting on such an old post.

I’m the younger man you described in that post: 7 year age gap, though I’m in my late 20s and she in her mid 30s.  We got together a couple of years ago, and at that point I was a bit of a psychological mess: quite depressed, effectively an alcoholic, little motivation, not very good with women (though improving as a result of the red pill)…

And my partner has been incredibly helpful and supportive, and has massively contributed towards me sorting myself out.  I’m much healthier – physically and mentally – and I’ve embarked on some major career moves (starting up my own company, going back into postgrad education etc).  I’m also finally sorting out some long-needed aesthetic improvements (eg, my teeth were ruined as a result of my depressions and drinking – I’m now in the midst of straightening, whitening, capping etc).

And recently the loyalty tests have started.  It’s in a jokey way, but several times in the last month or two she’s commented that she’s excited to see my ‘new smile’, but that she hopes I don’t then use it to leave her for a younger model.

And over this same period I’ve really noticed that my sex rank is higher than I thought it was when we got together.

NOW, here’s the very important thing: I love this woman, and I want us to remain together.  I really really do.  I have no intention of cheating on her.  I’ve recently moved in with her, and I love it.  We have a very healthy and happy relationship, and the sex life is pretty good (the only slight issue is that we’re both very busy, so tend to be a bit knackered at the end of the day, so sometimes we have to wait – *gasp* – a week or so).  I genuinely want to stay with her forever.

However, I worry about my biological imperative and the future.  My sex rank has improved over the last few years, definitely.  And I’m just now getting into the late 20s / early 30s peak that I read so much about.  And I’m improving my fitness.  And my career is taking off.  And I’m noticing more and more that I get positive attention from younger women, and that I like it.

And she is in her mid 30s, and struggles with her figure.  She’s not fat, but she’s not thin either, and once the weight is on it is unlikely to come off.  And I know that that is effecting my attraction to her already.

Example: last night I was at an event without her, where there were several early-to-mid 20s women, and it really struck me how strong their sex appeal was: the beauty of their faces, and the shape of their bodies, and how just by their existing I wanted to talk to them, to impress them, to have them like me…  and later in the evening, I’m sat in up bed with my partner, and I’m looking at a slightly less tight figure, and a slightly older face, and there’s a roll of fat, and the simple truth is that she doesn’t inspire the same automatic desire…

I’m not a fool.  I know that’s going to happen with ANYONE you have an LTR with, and how the male libido seeks variety.  BUT – I don’t like that I’m already feeling this, knowing it’s likely to get more pronounced over the next few years and beyond.

I’m not sure what the point of my comment is – probably just a chance for me to get some of that off my chest.  I find it an odd position to be in: I want this relationship to last – really, it’s bloody fantastic.  And the age gap doesn’t cause any problems that wouldn’t exist in another relationship, but perhaps it magnifies one.

A final thought: like I said, I wasn’t very good with women and probably underestimated my sex rank.  So I’ve not had much experience beyond drunk one night stands and crappy proto-relationships before this.  And there is a part of me – a part I am REALLY not proud of – that sort of resents the possibility of not properly experiencing being with some young women at some point.  Call it my inner PUA: there is a very real part of me that wants to sleep around with a variety of young women, and it’s never done it… that is the dangerous impulse.  That’s the one I have to keep down.  But it seems like more and more it’s waking up.    That worries me.  I don’t want this relationship to go sour.  And if it does I don’t want the reason to be me being horny.  But it’s always going to be there…

Gah.

Athol: So TL:DR…  Body Agenda says leave, his Literate (Higher) Self says stay. The Hamster is filibustering.

I don’t mean that to sound like I’m making fun of him. This is an all too common issue I see. Truly every single time I see a younger man / older woman pairing come to the forum, I groan knowing how hard things will be to fix and hold together.

Awkward.

What Have You Learned From The Opposite Sex?

From the forum….

“What have you learned from the opposite sex on the forum?”

@Angeline: Guys pay far more attention to clothes than I ever imagined. Long hair I already knew about. Not clothes.

At the same time, after a few seconds they are mentally removing said clothing. I always feel the urge to cover myself whenever I remember that particular comment from @Ben.

Facials are not a jokey porn scene, but the epitome of loving acceptance of a man and his essence, his sperm. Learning this caused one of the most emotional, loving events in our four year relationship. Thanks again to @Linanati’s husband for distilling tons of helpful comments down into something beautiful, and to her for sharing it.

Men really do love the little oddities and flaws that we so badly want to hide – freckles, red hair, tan skin, pale skin, that little mole you know where, pink nipples, brown nipples, large boobs, small boobs, that little birthmark on her hip.

A little peek of forbidden boob is even better than a full on flash.

Headlights – good. I will never get used to this one.

Most men love the taste and smell of a clean, healthy woman. (Telling her this is beyond hot.)

Men truly are only a whisper away from some kind of sexual thought almost 99% of the time. The biggest laugh I can get out of Cdr. Awesome is thinking of a sexual innuendo that he hasn’t.

Men really do like feeling that they are protecting you. I always thought I was being helpful by not bothering him, trying to handle stuff on my own.

@DaveBowman: Women are OK with being checked out, as long as it’s on the up and up.

Women’s sex drive is highly response-driven, unlike men’s who is always on. At least in my case.

Having to be in control is a burden many women chase, but don’t want

99% of stuff women say they want is wrong, and this is why guys think they’re so hard to figure out.

Women lie to themselves, and each other, as a matter of course. This, in fact, is how modern society was formed.
Most women don’t understand the power of lingerie.
Many women are so afraid of how they are perceived by other women, that they’d rather be unhappy all their lives than be thought negatively of
Some women try so hard to be men, that they succeed. And hate themselves for it.
@Girl4:  A woman’s enthusiasm in bed is the biggest turn on for men. (This really helped me get over a lot of my body issues)Men’s idea of dressing sexy is racier than a woman’s idea of it.@Ben: That many more women than I would have credited enjoy being dominated in bed.  And that these aren’t basket cases with poor self-esteem and daddy issues, but nice, normal, pleasant, intelligent women.

That when asked for an opinion or decision by a woman, it’s better to pick something at random (but be decisive about it) than tell her, “I don’t care, whatever you want.”  Even if you honestly don’t care. That one probably should’ve been common sense, but what can I say.  Common sense isn’t.

@Wendy: that sex means so much more than just sex to a lot of guys.  I definitely had the whole horn dog stereotype before MMSL.

@RedPillWifey:  Sex is more to men than just a way to get off.

@Neen: Men like thigh high socks.

@Shanna_Banana:  That I don’t have to change and be this perfect submissive wife. I can be my normal “bratty” self! (All in a teasing way, of course. Not BSC or mean. Ok, maybe a little mean. :)

Oh, and that men don’t really care what a woman does as her career, mostly just if she’s hot.

@AlphaBelle:  That an enthusiastic, wife-initiated BJ means so much to a man.

Ok, that an enthusiastic, wife-initiated ANYTHING means so much to a man, but BJs seem to top the list.

@Pterodacytl:  That men are attracted to a wider variety of women than Maxim would lead one to believe.

@BetaGeek:  That you can do almost everything correctly, but making a thoughtless mistake (or comment) can upend everything for hours, days, weeks, or possibly forever.  Women are both tougher and more fragile than men give them credit for.  I think women are less fragile if they receive plenty of good beta though.

@Neanderthal2000:   That the saying that no means maybe isn’t bullshit.

@Mr_Brown:  That women can see their husband as creepy.

@Fredless:  That women, for the most part, do not like their husbands to make sweet love to them.  Women prefer to be pounded through the mattress.

@Serenity:  That men hurt when rejected for sex just as women do and that I relate to a man who’s been sexually rejected by his partner more than I do to a woman who hasn’t been.

@MILF_In_Training:  Blue Pill men don’t understand that sexuality works differently for women, or in different wording, most men have absolutely no understanding of responsive desire.

@Tanooki:  That being the object of a woman’s hypergamy is more powerful than a marriage contract.

@Shibari:  That there are women who actually need or miss sex the way a man does: Getting horny just because it has been some time since the last sex. Feeling distant, cranky, distracted, going up the wall. Regarding sex as essential, not just as the icing on the cake.

@Rapunzel:  Took me awhile to get that memo but yes we can have bad beta too.

@Hamster_Free:  That feminist societal conditioning has turned many men into better wives than me.

@George:  When I’m strong she relaxes a bit.

@CMH:  A far greater understanding, accepting and embracing of how sexually wired men are. A far greater understanding, accepting and embracing of how slutty I can be. Win-win.

@ThisisJen:  That letting the man lead is better for everyone……no, I didn’t really “know” that before.

@Scarlet:  That men need for their wives to need them.

Athol: That the number one cause of female Batshit Crazy is a husband with ED.

I Got To Show My Daughters I Was #1 in Three Categories

I hate to be chattering about the new book endlessly, but I’m about falling off my chair here.

I came up with an idea to target a couple of very popular books, as in endlessly popular books and try and piggyback off them. The books had to be close to The Mindful Attraction Plan, but also a solid variance on them. “Just the same, but completely different”. I wanted it to be the sort of thing that shows up in recommendation lists on Amazon. You’ve read this, maybe you’ll like that.

I targeted The Secret and The Four Agreements. The Secret because The MAP kinda starts off like The Secret, but by the end of it you’re nowhere near the same place The Secret ends up. I targeted The Four Agreements because I really wanted to hit the “Self-Help – Personal Growth – Happiness” category and The Four Agreements has owned that for years. Anyway, deliberate keyword choices to get into the same categories as those two books. My goal was simply to get near those two books…

Slider Beating the Four Agreements

Buy on Amazon!

Slider Beating the Secret

Buy on Amazon!

SHUT. UP.

Look maybe this is just one shining hour of sales. Really I get it. But you know, this is utterly amazing to me. I just wanted to get near those two books.

So thank you all who have given me that moment. I’m so excited. This has been a hard road to here some days and a double fist pump trophy hoisting moment is special because I finally got to show my children.

The girls know I write and basically that I write about sex and marriage, but we keep it pretty walled off from them. They’re also teenagers and while all teenagers want to know that their parents love each other and have a stable relationship, they don’t want to know about the fine details of their sex life. So there’s been a fair degree of “respectful distancing” of the topic. Dad writes and helps people with their relationships, that’s what dad does.

So after four years of forum work, blogging, writing books and everything else that entails, I got to call them over and point out my book on Amazon, sitting at the #1 spot in three categories. The third one is “Energy Healing” and I have no idea why I’m in there. It’s like winning an Oscar for sound editing or something. But my daughters got to see it. Dad is less weird now. It’s hard to argue with #1 in three categories. They’re proud of me. Then they both asked if we could replace the dryer.

Anyway…

Last I checked I was #1265 of all books on Kindle, so pretty amazing really. The highest the Primer ever got was about #3500. So right now the book is floating pretty high in the rankings on Amazon. Please, please, please review it right now if you’ve purchased it. It really makes a huge difference to my sales numbers.

The book is here on Amazon.

Jennifer:  The girls really were impressed…weird to see Dad on Amazon like that.  And yes, we need to replace the broken dryer before New England wintery goodness sets in.

More positive has come out of my life because of Athol’s writing than anything else I’ve read. The way he sets up his plan is simple to follow and the results I’ve had were beyond the positive results I expected. If you are ready to get your act together and don’t know where to start, this lays it all out. The funny thing is the further along you are in your MAP the more others will fall into line, your significant other, your kids, your boss, the people you are in charge of etc.. So buy this book and just get started!!!

I’m Ready, I’m Ready, I’m Ready, I’m Ready, I’m Ready

Endlessly refreshing the tracking screen showing your new books coming to you, is what enables them to arrive on time….

There’s still some left available for the fifty signed copies. Have $50, live in the US and email me at athol.kay@gmail.com.

New Book: The Mindful Attraction Plan

The first thing a current MMSL reader is going to think on looking at the cover is, “Wow that looks just like a Blue Pill fluff book. Did Athol just sell out?”

If that’s what you’re thinking, then the cover looks perfect. It’s a Red Pill book, that looks, feels and sounds like it’s Blue Pill. The overall arc of the content is Red Pill, but I just don’t announce it with trumpets and sounding pissed off at the world. There’s no rage moments, it’s not scary, it’s relaxed even. It just quietly trickles little nuggets out along the way. It’s about as close as to making the Red Pill taste like strawberries as anyone will ever get. By the time you get to the push comes to shove part of the book, it seems utterly reasonable from even a Blue Pill perspective.

Your next thought is going to be, “Hey… Mindful Attraction Plan = MAP. What happened to the MAP?”

The short answer to that it’s a way of rebranding slightly, without throwing away the MAP acronym. The longer answer involves trademark concerns and some market positioning decisions. Overall though, the Male Action Plan principles are basically unchanged in the Mindful Attraction Plan. That being said, The Mindful Attraction Plan is amazingly focused on showing you exactly how to run your MAP.

The first part of the book is a very clear description of exactly how you become more attractive as fast as possible. I cover six areas of development you need to focus on – (1) Physical Fitness and Health, (2) Money and Material Possessions, (3) Displays of High Value, (4) Building Relationship Comfort, (5) Personality and Preferences, (6) High-Energy Sex. Within each area there’s a traffic light color coded system for things you need to do. Red = Stop It, Yellow = Fix It, Green = Do It. There’s no confusion about what you should be doing to improve your attractiveness and I even cover the exact order of importance your addressing things needs to follow. The (1) to (6) order is very important for example.

The second part of the book is about taking your new attraction and leveraging that into getting what you want. You guys will of course recognize the Phases of the MAP from the Primer, but that was just a single chapter in the Primer… this is the entire eleven chapters of the second half of the book. It’s clearer, more consistent and far more seasoned in its approach and expectations. So even if the book starts off feeling light, it slowly moves to a hard edged frame that you’ll be willing to take it to an ultimatum and not flinch about it if you have to.

It’s a really, really good book. If you have some Nice Guy friend trapped in a awful relationship, this is the book that will give them hope that a positive change is both possible and reasonable.

In comparison to the Primer, The Mindful Attraction Plan as a direct focus on how to run the MAP, is always polite, explains the connections between attraction building in all areas of your life, written for both a male and female audience, expands the MAP principles to employer and social group situations, and is simple to understand and get started. Also very importantly, it’s something you can openly read without fear your spouse is going to start flipping out on you for “reading some stupid sex book and trying to control me”. It’s a cooperative approach.

In terms of content, there’s about a 20% overlap between this book and The Primer. The Primer is by no means a waste of money or pointless to read now. The Mindful Attraction Plan content has also not appeared on the blog and isn’t “reused blog posts”. It’s all written from scratch.

And table of contents and back cover to see as well.

Anyway… the call to action…

I’ve just pushed the buttons on Createspace, so it’s a few days until you’ll see it appearing on Amazon and the release date is 7/4/13 for print ($16.99) and Kindle ($9.99) and it’s 196 pages as a 6″x9″. Woo-hoo! Independence Day!

However, if you have $50 and want a signed copy early, email me at athol.kay@gmail.com. (United States addresses only please) I’m only doing this for fifty copies though. I’m crazy busy with other secret stuff and Jennifer seriously hates standing in line at the post office.

Was It The Booze, Or Was It The MAP?

Valmont:  So, recently started MAPing and sex has been rare (like once or twice a month) and a source of tension for two years. Her enjoyment has been sporadic to say the least (but not totally gone). I just want your views on last night.

We had a party and had parked the kids with grandparents. I’ve been MAPing, imperfectly for about a month. There’ve been signals that she’s been picking up on this but yet to have a real conversion into the bedroom. So, yeah, I was hoping for something out of a decent party with no kids to come home to.

That night, I mapped it like a mofo. I’m not normally into dress up events but, what’s that babe? you want me to grow an awesome mo? Game on. You wear that mini skirt and it’s a deal.

Get to the party and get her a drink but then make a mental note to start chatting to the other ladies there. After about 10 minutes I remembered something; how freaking charming I can be when I want to turn it on. So I turned it on. Never in a threatening way but enough that by the end of the night I had her and her best lady friends laughing, flirting, dancing, and just not leaving my side. Gold.

I also made a point of keeping tabs on what I was drinking. Just enough to get lucid but I paced it with soda to make keep me level.

So we get home at about 3. She’s never one for affection in public but the minute we shut the front door – bang. I’m not going to turn this into some indiscreet penthouse forum clone but I have been wracking my brain to think of anytime, ever, when we have fucked like that, and I simply can’t. It. Was. Awesome. She wanted to be taken, and how; and she was completely vocal about everything, which is so out of character but so welcome. It was like every inhibition that had built up over the years was wiped. To switch to beta, it wasn’t just fucking. It was incredibly close too. We were ecstatic afterwards.

So what’s the problem then? The next day I tried to reward this with a decent breakfast. It was then that I realized that she had hit the sauce quite a bit the night before. She was quite hungover and most embarrassed about it.

I switched to full beta mode to get us all through the day but immediately began to wonder, “ah crap, so was it just the booze?”  I know the MAP plan is send a follow up message the next day about how awesome last night was, but I knew that with a hangover she would not receive it well.  So I waited until later that night, when the fog had cleared to just drop a, “you were awesome” into conversation. I got a slightly embarrassed groan and a “I was pretty drunk.” She clearly did not want to discuss further.

My dilemma is this. My (beta) inclination is to want to sit down and say, “that was awesome, for both of us, what made it possible and how do we do it again?” But one thing I have learned is that she HATES talking about sex. Ever.

I’m really starting to get a picture of someone who intellectually has been raised with all the feminocentric programming but underneath just wants a good strong man to drag her by the hair to the cave. I think this tension causes a lot of anxiety and even shame – which corrupts not only our ability to talk like adults about sex by I also think is the big inhibitor in getting her going in the first place.

But my big question is, was it the MAP or the booze? If it’s the MAP then I just keep mapping and this sort of action should slowly become the norm. But if was just the booze…..

Athol:  Imagine a scale of 0-100 of how interested in fucking you she is. The higher the number, the more she wants it.

Let’s assume you’ve been stuck at about a 30 for ages.

A couple days back you apologized / owned your shit. +10 and you’re at 40.

You dressed up nice +10

You turned on the charm +10

You have her friend laughing and being into you +10

You got a ton of drinks into her +20

Result for that one night 90 out a 100 on her scale. Fireworks.

So was it the MAP or the booze? Well it was a bit of both.

However, over the long-term you’re going to work on the structural attraction issues, that work every single day in the background and slowly get your baseline creeping up and up. So on any given day, you don’t have to jump through a dozen hoops to make it all happen.

I mean it’s fun once in a while to spruce up and paint the town red, but gets exhausting if that’s what you have to do every single time to get laid.

On the plus side though, that one night probably got you a +2 or something to her baselines interest in you. So if before the evening she was stuck around the 40 point mark, today she’s moved up to 42. So she’s starting to thaw a little. So while the whole night was a bit of a planned charm offensive and a bit of a trick, it all went well and gave you a little boost toward your long term goal of getting her overall interest up higher.

So all in all, worth the effort. You just can’t expect tomorrow evening you’re going to get her shrieking and squealing like she’s at 90 sexual interest in you.

Always well worth getting the relationship momentum heading upwards though.