What Have You Learned From The Opposite Sex?

From the forum….

“What have you learned from the opposite sex on the forum?”

@Angeline: Guys pay far more attention to clothes than I ever imagined. Long hair I already knew about. Not clothes.

At the same time, after a few seconds they are mentally removing said clothing. I always feel the urge to cover myself whenever I remember that particular comment from @Ben.

Facials are not a jokey porn scene, but the epitome of loving acceptance of a man and his essence, his sperm. Learning this caused one of the most emotional, loving events in our four year relationship. Thanks again to @Linanati’s husband for distilling tons of helpful comments down into something beautiful, and to her for sharing it.

Men really do love the little oddities and flaws that we so badly want to hide – freckles, red hair, tan skin, pale skin, that little mole you know where, pink nipples, brown nipples, large boobs, small boobs, that little birthmark on her hip.

A little peek of forbidden boob is even better than a full on flash.

Headlights – good. I will never get used to this one.

Most men love the taste and smell of a clean, healthy woman. (Telling her this is beyond hot.)

Men truly are only a whisper away from some kind of sexual thought almost 99% of the time. The biggest laugh I can get out of Cdr. Awesome is thinking of a sexual innuendo that he hasn’t.

Men really do like feeling that they are protecting you. I always thought I was being helpful by not bothering him, trying to handle stuff on my own.

@DaveBowman: Women are OK with being checked out, as long as it’s on the up and up.

Women’s sex drive is highly response-driven, unlike men’s who is always on. At least in my case.

Having to be in control is a burden many women chase, but don’t want

99% of stuff women say they want is wrong, and this is why guys think they’re so hard to figure out.

Women lie to themselves, and each other, as a matter of course. This, in fact, is how modern society was formed.
Most women don’t understand the power of lingerie.
Many women are so afraid of how they are perceived by other women, that they’d rather be unhappy all their lives than be thought negatively of
Some women try so hard to be men, that they succeed. And hate themselves for it.
@Girl4:  A woman’s enthusiasm in bed is the biggest turn on for men. (This really helped me get over a lot of my body issues)Men’s idea of dressing sexy is racier than a woman’s idea of it.@Ben: That many more women than I would have credited enjoy being dominated in bed.  And that these aren’t basket cases with poor self-esteem and daddy issues, but nice, normal, pleasant, intelligent women.

That when asked for an opinion or decision by a woman, it’s better to pick something at random (but be decisive about it) than tell her, “I don’t care, whatever you want.”  Even if you honestly don’t care. That one probably should’ve been common sense, but what can I say.  Common sense isn’t.

@Wendy: that sex means so much more than just sex to a lot of guys.  I definitely had the whole horn dog stereotype before MMSL.

@RedPillWifey:  Sex is more to men than just a way to get off.

@Neen: Men like thigh high socks.

@Shanna_Banana:  That I don’t have to change and be this perfect submissive wife. I can be my normal “bratty” self! (All in a teasing way, of course. Not BSC or mean. Ok, maybe a little mean. :)

Oh, and that men don’t really care what a woman does as her career, mostly just if she’s hot.

@AlphaBelle:  That an enthusiastic, wife-initiated BJ means so much to a man.

Ok, that an enthusiastic, wife-initiated ANYTHING means so much to a man, but BJs seem to top the list.

@Pterodacytl:  That men are attracted to a wider variety of women than Maxim would lead one to believe.

@BetaGeek:  That you can do almost everything correctly, but making a thoughtless mistake (or comment) can upend everything for hours, days, weeks, or possibly forever.  Women are both tougher and more fragile than men give them credit for.  I think women are less fragile if they receive plenty of good beta though.

@Neanderthal2000:   That the saying that no means maybe isn’t bullshit.

@Mr_Brown:  That women can see their husband as creepy.

@Fredless:  That women, for the most part, do not like their husbands to make sweet love to them.  Women prefer to be pounded through the mattress.

@Serenity:  That men hurt when rejected for sex just as women do and that I relate to a man who’s been sexually rejected by his partner more than I do to a woman who hasn’t been.

@MILF_In_Training:  Blue Pill men don’t understand that sexuality works differently for women, or in different wording, most men have absolutely no understanding of responsive desire.

@Tanooki:  That being the object of a woman’s hypergamy is more powerful than a marriage contract.

@Shibari:  That there are women who actually need or miss sex the way a man does: Getting horny just because it has been some time since the last sex. Feeling distant, cranky, distracted, going up the wall. Regarding sex as essential, not just as the icing on the cake.

@Rapunzel:  Took me awhile to get that memo but yes we can have bad beta too.

@Hamster_Free:  That feminist societal conditioning has turned many men into better wives than me.

@George:  When I’m strong she relaxes a bit.

@CMH:  A far greater understanding, accepting and embracing of how sexually wired men are. A far greater understanding, accepting and embracing of how slutty I can be. Win-win.

@ThisisJen:  That letting the man lead is better for everyone……no, I didn’t really “know” that before.

@Scarlet:  That men need for their wives to need them.

Athol: That the number one cause of female Batshit Crazy is a husband with ED.

I Got To Show My Daughters I Was #1 in Three Categories

I hate to be chattering about the new book endlessly, but I’m about falling off my chair here.

I came up with an idea to target a couple of very popular books, as in endlessly popular books and try and piggyback off them. The books had to be close to The Mindful Attraction Plan, but also a solid variance on them. “Just the same, but completely different”. I wanted it to be the sort of thing that shows up in recommendation lists on Amazon. You’ve read this, maybe you’ll like that.

I targeted The Secret and The Four Agreements. The Secret because The MAP kinda starts off like The Secret, but by the end of it you’re nowhere near the same place The Secret ends up. I targeted The Four Agreements because I really wanted to hit the “Self-Help – Personal Growth – Happiness” category and The Four Agreements has owned that for years. Anyway, deliberate keyword choices to get into the same categories as those two books. My goal was simply to get near those two books…

Slider Beating the Four Agreements
Buy on Amazon!
Slider Beating the Secret
Buy on Amazon!


Look maybe this is just one shining hour of sales. Really I get it. But you know, this is utterly amazing to me. I just wanted to get near those two books.

So thank you all who have given me that moment. I’m so excited. This has been a hard road to here some days and a double fist pump trophy hoisting moment is special because I finally got to show my children.

The girls know I write and basically that I write about sex and marriage, but we keep it pretty walled off from them. They’re also teenagers and while all teenagers want to know that their parents love each other and have a stable relationship, they don’t want to know about the fine details of their sex life. So there’s been a fair degree of “respectful distancing” of the topic. Dad writes and helps people with their relationships, that’s what dad does.

So after four years of forum work, blogging, writing books and everything else that entails, I got to call them over and point out my book on Amazon, sitting at the #1 spot in three categories. The third one is “Energy Healing” and I have no idea why I’m in there. It’s like winning an Oscar for sound editing or something. But my daughters got to see it. Dad is less weird now. It’s hard to argue with #1 in three categories. They’re proud of me. Then they both asked if we could replace the dryer.


Last I checked I was #1265 of all books on Kindle, so pretty amazing really. The highest the Primer ever got was about #3500. So right now the book is floating pretty high in the rankings on Amazon. Please, please, please review it right now if you’ve purchased it. It really makes a huge difference to my sales numbers.

The book is here on Amazon.

Jennifer:  The girls really were impressed…weird to see Dad on Amazon like that.  And yes, we need to replace the broken dryer before New England wintery goodness sets in.

More positive has come out of my life because of Athol’s writing than anything else I’ve read. The way he sets up his plan is simple to follow and the results I’ve had were beyond the positive results I expected. If you are ready to get your act together and don’t know where to start, this lays it all out. The funny thing is the further along you are in your MAP the more others will fall into line, your significant other, your kids, your boss, the people you are in charge of etc.. So buy this book and just get started!!!

New Book: The Mindful Attraction Plan

The first thing a current MMSL reader is going to think on looking at the cover is, “Wow that looks just like a Blue Pill fluff book. Did Athol just sell out?”

If that’s what you’re thinking, then the cover looks perfect. It’s a Red Pill book, that looks, feels and sounds like it’s Blue Pill. The overall arc of the content is Red Pill, but I just don’t announce it with trumpets and sounding pissed off at the world. There’s no rage moments, it’s not scary, it’s relaxed even. It just quietly trickles little nuggets out along the way. It’s about as close as to making the Red Pill taste like strawberries as anyone will ever get. By the time you get to the push comes to shove part of the book, it seems utterly reasonable from even a Blue Pill perspective.

Your next thought is going to be, “Hey… Mindful Attraction Plan = MAP. What happened to the MAP?”

The short answer to that it’s a way of rebranding slightly, without throwing away the MAP acronym. The longer answer involves trademark concerns and some market positioning decisions. Overall though, the Male Action Plan principles are basically unchanged in the Mindful Attraction Plan. That being said, The Mindful Attraction Plan is amazingly focused on showing you exactly how to run your MAP.

The first part of the book is a very clear description of exactly how you become more attractive as fast as possible. I cover six areas of development you need to focus on – (1) Physical Fitness and Health, (2) Money and Material Possessions, (3) Displays of High Value, (4) Building Relationship Comfort, (5) Personality and Preferences, (6) High-Energy Sex. Within each area there’s a traffic light color coded system for things you need to do. Red = Stop It, Yellow = Fix It, Green = Do It. There’s no confusion about what you should be doing to improve your attractiveness and I even cover the exact order of importance your addressing things needs to follow. The (1) to (6) order is very important for example.

The second part of the book is about taking your new attraction and leveraging that into getting what you want. You guys will of course recognize the Phases of the MAP from the Primer, but that was just a single chapter in the Primer… this is the entire eleven chapters of the second half of the book. It’s clearer, more consistent and far more seasoned in its approach and expectations. So even if the book starts off feeling light, it slowly moves to a hard edged frame that you’ll be willing to take it to an ultimatum and not flinch about it if you have to.

It’s a really, really good book. If you have some Nice Guy friend trapped in a awful relationship, this is the book that will give them hope that a positive change is both possible and reasonable.

In comparison to the Primer, The Mindful Attraction Plan as a direct focus on how to run the MAP, is always polite, explains the connections between attraction building in all areas of your life, written for both a male and female audience, expands the MAP principles to employer and social group situations, and is simple to understand and get started. Also very importantly, it’s something you can openly read without fear your spouse is going to start flipping out on you for “reading some stupid sex book and trying to control me”. It’s a cooperative approach.

In terms of content, there’s about a 20% overlap between this book and The Primer. The Primer is by no means a waste of money or pointless to read now. The Mindful Attraction Plan content has also not appeared on the blog and isn’t “reused blog posts”. It’s all written from scratch.

And table of contents and back cover to see as well.

Anyway… the call to action…

I’ve just pushed the buttons on Createspace, so it’s a few days until you’ll see it appearing on Amazon and the release date is 7/4/13 for print ($16.99) and Kindle ($9.99) and it’s 196 pages as a 6″x9″. Woo-hoo! Independence Day!

However, if you have $50 and want a signed copy early, email me at athol.kay@gmail.com. (United States addresses only please) I’m only doing this for fifty copies though. I’m crazy busy with other secret stuff and Jennifer seriously hates standing in line at the post office.

Was It The Booze, Or Was It The MAP?

Valmont:  So, recently started MAPing and sex has been rare (like once or twice a month) and a source of tension for two years. Her enjoyment has been sporadic to say the least (but not totally gone). I just want your views on last night.

We had a party and had parked the kids with grandparents. I’ve been MAPing, imperfectly for about a month. There’ve been signals that she’s been picking up on this but yet to have a real conversion into the bedroom. So, yeah, I was hoping for something out of a decent party with no kids to come home to.

That night, I mapped it like a mofo. I’m not normally into dress up events but, what’s that babe? you want me to grow an awesome mo? Game on. You wear that mini skirt and it’s a deal.

Get to the party and get her a drink but then make a mental note to start chatting to the other ladies there. After about 10 minutes I remembered something; how freaking charming I can be when I want to turn it on. So I turned it on. Never in a threatening way but enough that by the end of the night I had her and her best lady friends laughing, flirting, dancing, and just not leaving my side. Gold.

I also made a point of keeping tabs on what I was drinking. Just enough to get lucid but I paced it with soda to make keep me level.

So we get home at about 3. She’s never one for affection in public but the minute we shut the front door – bang. I’m not going to turn this into some indiscreet penthouse forum clone but I have been wracking my brain to think of anytime, ever, when we have fucked like that, and I simply can’t. It. Was. Awesome. She wanted to be taken, and how; and she was completely vocal about everything, which is so out of character but so welcome. It was like every inhibition that had built up over the years was wiped. To switch to beta, it wasn’t just fucking. It was incredibly close too. We were ecstatic afterwards.

So what’s the problem then? The next day I tried to reward this with a decent breakfast. It was then that I realized that she had hit the sauce quite a bit the night before. She was quite hungover and most embarrassed about it.

I switched to full beta mode to get us all through the day but immediately began to wonder, “ah crap, so was it just the booze?”  I know the MAP plan is send a follow up message the next day about how awesome last night was, but I knew that with a hangover she would not receive it well.  So I waited until later that night, when the fog had cleared to just drop a, “you were awesome” into conversation. I got a slightly embarrassed groan and a “I was pretty drunk.” She clearly did not want to discuss further.

My dilemma is this. My (beta) inclination is to want to sit down and say, “that was awesome, for both of us, what made it possible and how do we do it again?” But one thing I have learned is that she HATES talking about sex. Ever.

I’m really starting to get a picture of someone who intellectually has been raised with all the feminocentric programming but underneath just wants a good strong man to drag her by the hair to the cave. I think this tension causes a lot of anxiety and even shame – which corrupts not only our ability to talk like adults about sex by I also think is the big inhibitor in getting her going in the first place.

But my big question is, was it the MAP or the booze? If it’s the MAP then I just keep mapping and this sort of action should slowly become the norm. But if was just the booze…..

Athol:  Imagine a scale of 0-100 of how interested in fucking you she is. The higher the number, the more she wants it.

Let’s assume you’ve been stuck at about a 30 for ages.

A couple days back you apologized / owned your shit. +10 and you’re at 40.

You dressed up nice +10

You turned on the charm +10

You have her friend laughing and being into you +10

You got a ton of drinks into her +20

Result for that one night 90 out a 100 on her scale. Fireworks.

So was it the MAP or the booze? Well it was a bit of both.

However, over the long-term you’re going to work on the structural attraction issues, that work every single day in the background and slowly get your baseline creeping up and up. So on any given day, you don’t have to jump through a dozen hoops to make it all happen.

I mean it’s fun once in a while to spruce up and paint the town red, but gets exhausting if that’s what you have to do every single time to get laid.

On the plus side though, that one night probably got you a +2 or something to her baselines interest in you. So if before the evening she was stuck around the 40 point mark, today she’s moved up to 42. So she’s starting to thaw a little. So while the whole night was a bit of a planned charm offensive and a bit of a trick, it all went well and gave you a little boost toward your long term goal of getting her overall interest up higher.

So all in all, worth the effort. You just can’t expect tomorrow evening you’re going to get her shrieking and squealing like she’s at 90 sexual interest in you.

Always well worth getting the relationship momentum heading upwards though.