If you have discovered your husband or wife reading MMSL, or they told you about it, it’s probably a bit of a shock at first.
(1) It’s okay to be mad. Being mad is a completely normal reaction. What you’re experiencing, though, is more properly called the “fight or flight” response, meaning you’re not so much angry as you’re feeling threatened. MMSL covers some happy stuff and some very dark topics, so your first few glances at MMSL might truly freak you out as to what your partner is reading and planning to do.
(2) Your partner probably came to MMSL with a serious relationship concern. I don’t have some massive advertising campaign dragging in people off the street, so your partner found me by sitting down in front of the computer and starting to search for answers. The problem pre-existed them looking for MMSL. If your partner came to MMSL, don’t kid yourself, you have a serious relationship issue happening right now.
(3) Good news. Your partner went looking for a solution to the problem. Often the problem is sexual in nature and they went looking online, instead of simply searching out a more practical and immediate sexual experience with someone else. Your partner came here to research a solution and not to cheat or end things.
(4) If you’ve noticed recent positive improvements in your relationship, that may very well be related to your partner finding MMSL and applying the advice here. Your partner might also be acting more confident and self-assured. Your partner has also probably started working out and looks better too.
(5) Very often when people come looking for a solution to their relationship problem, the problem has existed for a while, but it’s the existence of a potential affair partner that brings it to a crisis point. MMSL has a very strong anti-cheating approach to working on your marriage. An affair just needlessly complicates recovering a marriage, and an affair typically implodes anyway during a divorce process. Very often MMSL readers detach themselves from potential affairs in favor of working on the marriage.
(6) The other thing that pushes relationships to a crisis point is one partner starting to give up on the marriage and starting to actively thinking about divorce. MMSL gives a plan of action to correct things. Likewise, MMSL slows down the rush to divorce and creates a plan of action to fix the relationship issue before divorce is seriously considered.
(7) Wives in particular tell their husbands about MMSL as a fair warning of impending doom. If you are such a husband, you need to take her telling you about MMSL as the first, best and potentially last warning you will ever get from her that your marriage is in serious trouble. Often husbands are stunned when what they thought was a happy marriage is shattered by divorce paperwork, or the discovery of her deep involvement with another man. Maybe 10-15% of wives give a seriously blunt statement of unhappiness to their husbands before taking dramatic action. If your wife tells you about MMSL, she’s giving you a gift.
So what to do now…
(1) You can read the MMSL blog in its entirety, starting back in January 2010, or the better option is to buy The Mindful Attraction Plan and also possibly the MMSL Primer on Amazon and get all caught up in a day or so.
(2) Start talking with your partner about how bad, the “bad” really is.
(3) Join the forum. Over 3000 helpful people are there turning things around too. Read everything your partner has written on the forum. Some of it may sting, but it’s important to read it all and learn how they really think and feel.
(4) Start working out. If you’re in bad physical shape, fitness is going to be a major thing you need to work on over the coming months.
(5) If there is any hint of your partner having an inappropriate involvement, demand that they break off all contact with the other person. That’s critical to you fixing things for yourself.
MMSL is powerful. I know that sounds like I’m tooting my own horn, but it really is genuinely powerful. I’ve seen some remarkable turnarounds in relationships, so there is hope. I have also seen some relationships end as well. MMSL tends to be a polarizing influence. Relationships get a lot better, or head toward resolution. So consider that you have a time limit to get yourself in motion.
We do better on the win column than the loss column though. A lot better.