The MMSL Forum Basics

 

More Forum Links

Direct link to the Forum
If You Discover Your Partner on MMSL
The MMSL Forum Basics
Triage Your Relationship and the 911 ER Category
Appropriate Forum Discussion Boundaries
Glossary of Forum Terms

 

Disclaimer

The forum is a self-help arena and any/all advice should be considered unlicensed in nature. The forum or any other MMSL related material is not intended to replace the advice and instruction of your own medical, legal, marriage, or any other licensed providers. If something requires licensed professionals, use them and follow their advice.

Members accept that following any suggestions given on the forum is done by their own free will and they are responsible for the outcomes of their own actions. Members will hold MMSL and other members harmless for any negative outcomes based on following any suggestion given. Not everything works.

Members should consider the MMSL blog and forum et al, to be the advice-giving equivalent of a “worldly-wise bartender”. You’re welcome to tell us your troubles, but at the end of the day the advice is free and unsupported.

 

Positive and Productive

MMSL is an extremely insightful and innovative approach to relationships. The advice is life changing if done right, but change doesn’t happen overnight. MMSL is all about making positive structural changes to your life, rather than trying to find a few secret moves that fix everything. There is no magic wand.

The purpose of the forum is to create a safe place where you can work on yourself and your relationship along with other people who are trying the same approach. Some forum members have been running their own action plans for a few years, some a few months and there are people joining every day just starting out. Wherever you are in the process, you’re welcome.

The most important thing with the forum is that members need to stay “productive and positive” in tone with each other. No matter how stupid or evil someone has been until now, when they come here, they are seeking solutions and help. For lack of a better phrase, we are on the “same side” of the member asking for help. Which is not to say we let them off the hook for repairing the damage they may have caused, but that we don’t just chew them out and call them names.

 

It’s Not You… It’s Me

Sometimes on the forum, a member of the opposite sex will say something that just enrages you.

When that happens, please take a deep breath and ask yourself whether you are truly angry with the forum member, or if they painfully reminded you of something your spouse or ex-partner said at some point. It’s not unusual for stored up anger to come flooding out of you without realizing why that is.

 

Help the Original Poster

Always try to keep a thread on track to help the original poster of the thread. It’s easy to side track into other issues and conversations. Just start a new thread if you want to do that.

Also, bear in mind that we might not always agree with the original poster’s religious or political viewpoints, but our goal is to help them reach their goals of happiness and relationship comfort.

 

The Forum Categories

If you’re new, please do introduce yourself and tell your story so far under “Introduce Yourself”. The moderators typically read and greet each new thread in that category. Tell as much or as little as you like.

We assume that you have read The Mindful Attraction Plan as a minimum, and also having read the Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 if you are asking questions and commenting in the “Running the MAP” category. That’s not to be difficult, but to keep the conversation on point and useful.

The forum is secular, but the Faith and Spirituality category provides a place for people of faith to have a safe haven to discuss sexuality and their approach to MMSL and running the MAP.

If you accidentally hide a category and want to find it again.

Go here…

http://marriedmansexlife.vanillaforums.com/categories

On the left sidebar have them click on “all categories” in the Category Filter.

It’s about halfway down the sidebar.

That should pop all the categories back into view.

 

Private Messages

You can send private messages to other members. Please be respectful and appropriate with this tool.

You should also be aware that private messages are only as private as the security of the other person’s computer or smartphone. Any personal information you send to anyone else via private message may not end up staying as personal as you wish.

 

Reactions

At the bottom of each post are a number of reaction buttons.

Insightful, Agree, LOL and Awesome all add a +1 point to the member’s point total.

Disagree neither adds nor subtracts a point. It simply means you disagree with the comment.

Off Topic causes -1 to the member’s point total. Please only flag as such if not in the Off Topic category.

Promote is a moderator-only reaction and adds +5 to the members score.

Troll, Abuse and Spam all cause a -1 to the member’s point total. In addition, posts flagged five times as any combination of spam, abuse or trolling are dumped into a moderation holding cell. Please help by calling our attention to posts that fall into these categories.

 

Points

The points system is essentially just for fun, there are no prizes or rewards for having a high point total. However simply being aware of the commenting reactions system tends to help everyone stay positive, productive and polite. That makes for a better forum experience for everyone.

 

Flagging People

You can flag people for notification in your comments by using the @ symbol before their name.

Therefore, if you wanted to mention Serenity, @Serenity would notify her that you had mentioned her.

 

Deleting Material

If you wish to have a comment deleted please contact a moderator. Likewise, if you wish an entire thread you have started deleted, please contact us, but bear in mind the entire thread will disappear and will not be recoverable.

Your entire membership can be deleted as well, and that will effectively remove all trace of you from the forum, but will not be recoverable once deleted.

That being said, please don’t write a bunch of smack about your partner, then suddenly freak out that your forum use will be discovered and ask for it all to be deleted. You should always assume that at some point, your partner will discover your forum experience. A whole raft of deletions will be obvious and may create the appearance that you have said worse things about your partner than you have actually said.

Please bear in mind that requests to delete material or memberships may not be able to be instantly granted based on moderator availability. Moderators are not required to delete anything, nor give an explanation for why that is so.

 

Couples on the Forum

Couples are welcome on the forum, and each person needs their own account. Please don’t create a joint account, or post from each other’s account. It gets very confusing for other members to follow.

One particular risk is that couples fall into a “He Said, She Said” screaming match. When you are posting material that is about your own relationship, please have your partner read what you are posting before you hit the publish button. 90% of the hurt feelings can be resolved by a discussion before you even publish a comment. This is an excellent communication tool.

Couples on the forum should publically identify as such. This saves a great deal of miscommunication and explanation.

 

It’s About Running Your MAP

One of the more important things to remember about the forum, is that it’s not intended as a free-for-all about anything and everything. By all means have fun, chat and hangout, but ultimately the forum is intended to be a place to talk about running your MAP and getting yourself to a better place.

 

More Forum Links

Direct link to the Forum
If You Discover Your Partner on MMSL
The MMSL Forum Basics
Triage Your Relationship and the 911 ER Category
Appropriate Forum Discussion Boundaries
Glossary of Forum Terms